Why can't people say how rubbish this is?

[jakeyboy1]

I am finding it hard, really hard.

What is making it worse for me is everyone saying how lucky we are, how great they are doing, it's not that bad etc.

Why????

It's horrendous. My work has never been busier. I have two kids who want me constantly and can't concentrate on anything I give them for more than five minutes. I end up being a horrible shouty mum trying to get work done and keep them happy.

Husband has them for about 2 hours in the middle of the day if he can otherwise it's generally down to me.

Fed up of cooking, cleaning and work.

I know we are lucky we have our health and a nice house I know that and don't want to be chastised for this. But it's shit really shit and people pretending it isn't eg on work conference calls "I'm great using it as a great chance to read loads of books" just piss me right off. If I had the chance to read it would be a bloody miracle.

I have spent most of this weekend in tears and everyone saying everything is "fine" just makes me feel worse. Why aren't I fine?

Thank God for this thread, actually seriously I felt quite desperate and was so glad to see it.

So many of my friends are child free and this is fine normally, but is kicking my arse currently. I'm a single parent and my self employed home based work has EXPLODED since the pandemic so I am dealing with higher workloads than I've ever had, DCs Dad is self isolating as he's at risk so DC with me full time. I'm so tired and so crushingly lonely. I go days without speaking to an adult in person. If I try and Zoom with friends they all want to be upbeat and silly while i just want to sit and cry and have someone understand how hard this is. Lots of them have nice gardens or part time jobs/jobs they are on leave from while I have almost no garden space and so can't even stop and sunbathe etc.

I am on my knees and if another friend tells me to take it easy or that they have been to another free zoom skill workshop I'm going to scream.
One of my friendships is already on its last legs because the person is question is one of those glib, impossibly positive people who can't sit and be still for a moment and always has to be having fun or talking to someone but about quite shallow inconsequential things. The lack of empathy coupled with that during this pandemic has just killed all feelings of warmth towards this friend and I don't think the relationship is going to survive this time.

I am SO LONELY and fed up. I love my friends but the majority are doing my head in, or are just contentedly pottering and have gone quiet. Most have no idea what my life is like.
Thank you for this thread.

But it's shit really shit and people pretending it isn't

Not sure this is fair. Why assume everyone is pretending? DH and I are in similar circumstances WFH and juggling looking after DS. Week one was an eye opener and a bloody hard slog, but since then we've got into a better routine and are doing really well. Yes, it'll be nice when things are back to "normal" e.g. not having to waste my weekend time queueing at the supermarket because we can never get a home delivery slot, when it never used to be an issue, but apart from that I can genuinely say we are "fine". Better than fine some of the time 🤷🏼‍♀️

I'm sorry it's shit for you OP, there'll be plenty of people in both better and worse situations than yours. None of us can do any more than make the best of things right now. It's ok not to feel ok though

It really doesn't sound like there is a fair division of work in your home OP.

I suspect if your DH did a bit more of the grunt work, you wouldn't be so stressed

But it's shit really shit and people pretending it isn't eg on work conference calls "I'm great using it as a great chance to read loads of books" just piss me right off. If I had the chance to read it would be a bloody miracle.

I don’t know what makes you think they’re pretending. They probably mean what they say - they’re enjoying catching up on reading. You’re not enjoying yourself that’s fair enough and it’s ok to say it. Plenty of other people will feel the same as you do, but plenty also don’t. Everyone has different circumstances making life easier or more difficult right now. You sound like you think everyone is feeling like you but is lying about it - that’s not the case though. I’m sorry to tell you that I’m doing great OP, for reasons I won’t bore you with. That’s the truth. If I was miserable I would happily say so, but I’m not. And I’m not going to lie and say otherwise for anyone else’s benefit. Sorry if my lack of sadness and despair offends you somehow

I’m saying it’s good / ok / occasionally beeen great because that is my reality. I’m probably as bored as you of people moaning about how hard it is .

I could have written your post, OP. It's weirdly comforting to read PPs saying similar. We can theorise about what your DH could maybe do more of to give you back probably 1 hour out of your packed day - but the reality is he's having a shitter too.
No offense meant to anyone enjoying lockdown (more power to you, I'm very jealous!) but in the spirit of letting it all out - I am so sick of seeing FB and Insta posts depicting an actual holiday, chill time/'me' time etc, while I'm stuck WFH full time, being woken up early, feeling bad for ignoring my demanding pre-schoolers all day, perpetually tidying up, cooking (as does DH).
Everything I want to buy online to entertain them seems to be sold out, and I feel like a dick for considering a trip to the Range for some new toys/games (I haven't done this).
I have parents missing them like crazy who'd give us a whole weekend off babysitting if we were prepared to break the rules - but we're being good and riding it out 24-7 with no end in sight so far.
Outwardly I always feel obliged to say "oh it could be worse" etc, and I know others are struggling for their own reasons so I don't complain in RL (honest!) - but truthfully it's been relentless, I'm struggling massively and I can't fucking wait for it to end. Rant over! That felt good!!!!

People are having wildly different reactions to and experiences of all this.

It's a hugely stressful combination to have very busy full time wfh job plus kids aged 6 and under. I can't imagine that anyone who is genuinely v busy w work and has young kids is enjoying this. So OP you are allowed to be extremely pissed off and stressed. What you are doing is v hard.
Like others have suggested the only thing I could suggest to ease it would be a regular and equal division of the working day between you and husband, so that you are not trying to work and parent at the same time, all of the time. Why not trial it for a week and see if it is manageable?
Or, if finances allow, could one of you offer to go PT for a period (it wd be worth earning less to get some time back I promise you).

I agree OP. The “sunshine and rainbows” gang are really pissing me off. If I see one more trite poem on Facebook about how wonderful it is to be locked in your house with two young kids and a husband who’s trying desperately to save the business he’s worked his arse off for since 2014 then I’ll scream.
End lockdown now for the healthy and young!!!

It's all relative for different people. I am furloughed. My child is older. I have a nice garden. I'm not struggling. This is a good time for me (despite my health anxiety but this isn't about that). I am so fortunate. I hate friends kid wrangling and working with no gardens. It's bad for you and I feel for you. It's not bad for everyone.

Have friends not hate friends!

I admit I'm mostly enjoying lockdown and not finding it shit, but I don't need to worry about finances or risk so I'm in an incredibly privileged position.

I think your main issue is you're not sharing your work day with your husband. Why don't you swap for a few days, you wake at 5 to work and then mind thenkids for a couple of hours for him to work and then he does dinner too. See if your division of time still feels fair after you've tried the swap.

Thanks for all the comments and whilst I'm sad so many of you are having a shit time it gives me some reassurance I'm not alone so to you all. X