Why can't people say how rubbish this is?

[jakeyboy1]

I am finding it hard, really hard.

What is making it worse for me is everyone saying how lucky we are, how great they are doing, it's not that bad etc.

Why????

It's horrendous. My work has never been busier. I have two kids who want me constantly and can't concentrate on anything I give them for more than five minutes. I end up being a horrible shouty mum trying to get work done and keep them happy.

Husband has them for about 2 hours in the middle of the day if he can otherwise it's generally down to me.

Fed up of cooking, cleaning and work.

I know we are lucky we have our health and a nice house I know that and don't want to be chastised for this. But it's shit really shit and people pretending it isn't eg on work conference calls "I'm great using it as a great chance to read loads of books" just piss me right off. If I had the chance to read it would be a bloody miracle.

I have spent most of this weekend in tears and everyone saying everything is "fine" just makes me feel worse. Why aren't I fine?

Please DO say it. It is frankly shit and you're allowed to say it.

"There's always someone worse off than you so you can't complain'" seems to be the general ethos of many mumsnetters which is absolute bullshit as that means no one can actually ever complain about anything.

Put up and shut up - back to the 50's and making it easy for us, individually and collectively, to be mistreated.

It's shit.

Agree - it's great for people who can relax whilst being paid most of their wages. For people who still have to try to work from home with numerous distractions life has become doubly difficult and stressful. I am full of anxiety feeling responsible for the whole family and trying to keep dh safe ( high risk). Can't get online supermarket delivery, trying to shop as safely as possible for four hungry teenagers knowing that every trip out the house could result in me basically bringing back a virus that could kill my dh. All the things dh normally helps with like shopping, dog walking etc he can no longer do as he can't leave the house. Also trying to look after elderly dad who cannot leave the house either and needs shopping doing etc. It's shit and my anxiety is through the roof.

it is a roller coaster, one week it seems manageable, the next not.

If you can accept that yes it is shit, really shit, but not optional, you can make the most of it some days.

People are all on different stages of the roller coaster. This week i am up. I can't remember last week at all and thought it was 6th April yesterday.

Give yourself a break. Do what you can. Sometimes good enough is ok.

I’m on the general covid 19 chat on tattle life and it’s amazingly supportive, if you’re struggling you’re allowed to struggle, it’s not always easy to say “I should be thankful because I’m not xxxx”

I agree it is shit op it really really is. Even prisoners get a release date!

You aren’t alone in your feelings though and after the initial lockdown buzz I think the “novelty” is wearing off.

I had a chat with a very sensible and law abiding mate yesterday who said she was so beyond it she didn’t care and was thinking of breaking lockdown rules and visiting some other friends.

I’m not sure she will do it but the lack of clarity and uncertainty is certainly messing with her normally very sensible head.

I lost my job last week.

We are financially ok so now I can look forward to teaching dd1 and entertaining dd2 without stress of juggling work.

But this is not the case for lots of people so I know how 'lucky' I am.

That's why you'd hear me say it's not too bad. But that's against how bad it could be.

Overall though, Covid 19 is fucking horrendous and I'm so weary of what this new world may look like after lockdown.

@WineOrWhine are you and your DH both working whilst juggling childcare for two young children?

OP lots of people are struggling. It’s not a reflection on you, more the resources and support you have available to you.

I’m sorry you’re finding it tough, try scaling back your expectations: less food cooking, carve out twenty mins for a walk, stop ironing. Whatever small changes you can make to feel better.

And stop listening to the people that are learning a new language/ leaving to make extravagant meals / redecorating their house. They’re obviously in a different position to you.

Agree it is shite. My DH and I are also in industries where things are bad and because he is in finance, it's harder on me than it should be. I've found routine helps. I'm also trying to ignore 20 somethings on conference calls saying how great it is that they are using the time to learn Mandarin and this and that and blah blah. Fuck off.

I hear you op. I’ve had to give up my job (totally impossible to do from home with three young dcs), I’m self employed but was doing really well last year and it was growing etc. I have spent years looking after my wonderful dcs and really glad to have spent that time with them but I’ve also been extremely sleep deprived, burnt out etc.
This was a huge turning point for me to have all dcs in preschool and school, I finally had time to showe in peace, rest , work and still saw lots of loads of my dcs.
Now I’m back at home 6 days a week solo as my dh has to work flat out at the moment and can’t wfh. I’m exhausted and back to being totally burnt out.
I know it’s unreasonable of me etc but omfg I’m so sick of hearing people go on about how it’s a time to chill and reflect and get back to all those Hobbies, my youngest is 2....
We are also in a rented (and v cheap which reflects in how crap it is) place as our house was in the middle of a long-awaited, much planned for extension that’s now on hold. We have no garden here and no internet. We are down loads of money. It’s totally shit. Like come on! I’m surrounded by family who hate hearing anything negative ever re kids (even before this I could never talk about how chronically sleep deprived I was or how I suffered with pnd) , all I get it platitudes of how lucky I am (I honestly know I am ) and how plp have it what worse in the slums etc (which is obvs true)
I often think it’s people who don’t want to help at all so can’t hear it (this is before Covid) and it’s a way of shutting down conversations which is really hard. I don’t moan all the time, in fact I never do to my family as I obviously can’t talk to them about things etc. I think as a result I bottle things up now or present a really different picture to how it is. I have sent pictures of my dcs doing art, baking and playing but so much time is spent breaking up fights , still waking with my two year old at night and being isolated and lonely but I really feel a pressure to say “everything is wonderful “.
I know other plp are having a really tough time too and I know some plp are finding it great. From what I read on here the best majority of those who like it tend to have no kids, older kids etc.

Sorry typos , one eye on a toddler

It is shit. We were supposed to be going on holiday today. Instead I had to close my business and try and answer my DD’s questions about when she’ll see her friends again.
Looking after the kids falls to me as I’m not working and DH is. It’s hard to see any positives right now.
But what I do know is I am safe. My children are well. And we can pay the mortgage this month.
Chin up.

Stuck in a room with DP in a flatshare in zone 2, constant noise from the road outside, absolutely zero alone time apart from 10 minutes a day when he's in the show. Constant banging and complaining from other flatmates. I'm going completely insane. People living in flats should get special treatment and let outside for 2 hours a day instead of one, or something like that

For so many, it's really extra shit because they're married to (or not even that, partnered with) sexist men who aren't pulling their weight and this whole crisis is showing it up. It's really not okay and not on for the majority of hte childcare, lifework and domestic drudge to be done by one person when both are working FT.

TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead posted:

"For some people it is really hard, probably for the majority...

I am all for a positive attitude and counting blessings, but people need a bit of self awareness or they become “let-them-eat-cake” advocates..."

Nicely put, @TheHumansAreDefinitelyDead

OP, that all sounds really difficult. Is there any way you and your DH can talk things through quietly, once the DC are in bed, to try to find a better way through this period? It sounds like you could use some extra help from him, if he is able to give it.

I couldn’t have done this (WFH) whilst entertaining and educating the DC when they were younger (primary school age or toddlers) and I only work pt.
But actually now ours are teens year 10 and year 11 its actually easily doable and quite pleasant so it maybe depends in how old your DC are, how busy your work is, how flexible your job is and how flexible your employers are.
I do worry about their mental health but they are lucky they have ipads and phones as do their friends.
My DC are both keeping up with schoolwork and friends online (x box, facetime etc etc).
We play the odd game of cards, board game, go for a walk, watch a film and speak to grandparents and cousins on the phone and on Whatsapp. We entertain ourselves with reading, watching TV, theatre, long walks and virtual exercise. I also enjoyed a virtual coffee morning with friends and a virtual night in/out with friends, mindfulness breathing.

OP and others who are struggling could you not reduce your hours, work more flexibly or ask to be furloughed?

I'm finding it shit. Sick of being told to enjoy a "slower pace of life." I like a busy life. I'm furloughed and I'm concerned about my job security, plus I'm stuck in a flat with no outdoor space and DS is fed up.

@GreyGardens88 that sounds hideous. I would lose my mind if I was stuck in such a small space with one person for any length of time.

It is absolutely shit!

I know I am lucky to be at home and not having to go out. I have asthma so am trying to distance myself as much as possible, which means I'm only leaving the house once a week, because for me getting the disease will be horrendous and I don't want to risk it.

That said, I am mostly home alone. DH is working so I am alone all day every day, then he comes home, falls asleep, has dinner then catches up on the news before it's bedtime again.

It is very lonely.

The kids are key workers and are both working more hours than normal, though neither of them live at home, I haven't seen them since January. Technology is fabulous, but it's not the same as being together.

I am grateful believe me, bit I am fed up of putting on a brave face.

You are not the only one

My manager asked how much more work I could take on before heading off for the weekend 'on her allotment'

She is single, lives alone and has no children

I have two kids , a husband who is working from home as well as my job!

I have taken a few days off, well at home with truculent teens before it all starts again

It might not be great for everyone, it could also be a question of perspective. I’d rather this than be dead. As simple as that. And I’d rather this than economic depression which is very likely what we will have to deal with before the end of year. So it can and it will be worse.
I have to say I avoid all chat about how are you coping during work calls precisely because of this.
I reckon lots of people try to make themselves feel better by listing the positives. It is a coping mechanism.
Kids are hard work anyway and it would be great to be able to concentrate on them 100% but life isn’t like that. And at present this isn’t life as we know it. Maybe at the core of it, you feel bad for having to ignore you children a little bit. But otherwise you wouldn’t be able to work and earn money to look after them.
I wouldn’t say it’s shit yet, but easy it ain’t.
We just all have to pull through the best we can for the sake of our children. You are not alone but I wanted to say I am sorry it is so hard at present.

I'm quite enjoying it but I am repeatedly saying things like, thank god the children aren't young, thank goodness our jobs aren't affected, imagine how awful it would be if you were single and could see no one or if you're stuck in the house with someone you hate. DH remarked yesterday that we've been together 24/7 for three weeks and haven't had a row. That's because we have literally no stress, if I was feeling under pressure not to "let the kids down" with home schooling and we had financial worries, things would be very different, I know that.

I do feel very fortunate atm and I don't think my being miserable would help anyone but I am very aware that it's not good for everyone. Of course you can say it's shit if that's how it is for you.

It’s tough here too. I’m a priest in a busy place and I’m having loads of work / pastoral calls, I’m out taking funerals and hearing bad news about people daily. DH is a key worker out working every day. I have both primary and secondary age dc all ‘schooling’ from home and it’s bloody hard, emotionally and physically. Have some and a

I have no small children anymore as mine are all virtually grown up (youngest is almost 18), but I still find it hard.

I'm glad to see a thread where the lockdown police haven't (yet) popped up to tell us all to give our heads a massive wobble and go to isolate ourselves in a darkened room with only a little bit of bread and water.

It is OK to not be OK. More people are struggling than will openly admit it.

We all understand why this is necessary for now. We all appreciate and support our key workers who are putting themselves at risk and doing such a wonderful job keeping infrastructure oiled and people looked after.

I still mourn the hopefully temporary loss of our freedoms and I will make every effort to never take them so for granted again when they return.

I am also anxious about my elderly parents who are in the shielded category, and who live several hours drive from me anyway. This is the time of year I would usually be visiting them but it can't happen for now. Despite almost daily phone calls, and them sounding chipper and upbeat for now, I can't help worrying about when (if??) I will see them again. I have to stop myself thinking too far along those lines or I will go mad.

I also dislike the state that we seem to have got into of curtain twitchers snitching on their neighbours for perceived breaches of their perceptions of the roolz.

Nor can I feel comfortable with the fact that people can now be fined or even arrested now for just sunbathing in parks or sitting on park benches. I understand why it is necessary (for now), but I will never like it and would never even consider reporting anyone else to the police for it. I hate the fact that apparently some others WOULD and even seem to LIKE reporting these "incidents."

It's absolutely hideous.
BTW don't believers everything you here in conference calls. My DH is on them constantly all day, he is all positive and enjoying this. BUT he has probably just shouted at us all to be quite because he is on an important call. Our children are bored and playing up.
I'm a front line keyworker now working nights and home schooling all day. I'm short tempered as exhausted and work is hugely stressful now our house is a mess and the stress level here is through the roof. We are the lucky ones we have a decent sized house a garden and live rurally and still have jobs ( I have never been so in demand sadly) but we are struggling so my heart bleeds for families stuck in city flats with children dealing with this rubbish.
It can't last forever but trust me you are not alone feeling rubbish.

It is shit abs you are allowed to say that.
However, I think your life would much easier if your DH stepped up and contributed more.