Why can't people say how rubbish this is?

[jakeyboy1]

I am finding it hard, really hard.

What is making it worse for me is everyone saying how lucky we are, how great they are doing, it's not that bad etc.

Why????

It's horrendous. My work has never been busier. I have two kids who want me constantly and can't concentrate on anything I give them for more than five minutes. I end up being a horrible shouty mum trying to get work done and keep them happy.

Husband has them for about 2 hours in the middle of the day if he can otherwise it's generally down to me.

Fed up of cooking, cleaning and work.

I know we are lucky we have our health and a nice house I know that and don't want to be chastised for this. But it's shit really shit and people pretending it isn't eg on work conference calls "I'm great using it as a great chance to read loads of books" just piss me right off. If I had the chance to read it would be a bloody miracle.

I have spent most of this weekend in tears and everyone saying everything is "fine" just makes me feel worse. Why aren't I fine?

It’s really fucking shit and I hate it. I’ve unfollowed loads of people who seem to be revelling in it. All though I am sceptical on how many people are really enjoying this as I know one of the most prolific posters on my facebook is in serious financial crises could possibly lose her house but is posting away telling the world how fantastic this slower pace is, her and her husband have reconnected and the kids are growing cabbages ...

So pleased to see others are finding this lockdown difficult and admitting it. I just want it to end so I can shopping without the queues and the nosey shoppers looking at the wine and chocolate in my trolley! Can’t wait to get my life back to normal, hopefully soon. Take care everyone .

It is just shit. Two small children, and we're both non-healthcare key workers and our nursery shut up shop for all children at the beginning of the lockdown. We're evenly split, have a good sized house and a good garden and back onto a small suburban park with trees and ducks. So we've a good domestic setup and secure jobs, so practically I'm aware and very grateful that we have it better than most. And believe me, I'm incredibly grateful for what I have.

I'm still fucking miserable. Work is busy and managers aren't quite listening when I say I'm struggling, my kids are bouncing off the walls and are bored and cranky, the eldest is sad and misses his nursery friends, I've got nothing left to give, husband and I are slowly sliding into misery, house is chaos, and to top it off I had a relative die whose funeral I obviously couldn't go to due to the new rules and I can't be there for the rest of my family. This is without even considering the statistical likelihood that I'll see at least another family member buried before the year is out (figuratively speaking, because of the rules).
I miss my family, friends and even colleagues. I kiss giving my kids a good life like we had before.

Thank you for the thread. If I have to listen to someone else talk about just going for a good walk/run/cycle and how good they feel and how they're loving the slower pace of life, I might scream.

TW....

My friends know I'm struggling. But if you were one of my team members on a teleconference you'd be hearing a cheery upbeat message about making sure you get some sunlight, exercise, read a book, keep talking to colleagues etc. I'm hardly going to advocate self harming during their lunchbreak, which is how I'm staying upright.

My life is much easier now during the lockdown and I don't feel bad about admitting it. I used to spend 3 hrs a day and £250 a month on commuting, was always tired, never had time to cook or take a proper rest, barely saw my children during the week. I am WFH now, have my family around all the time, I sleep enough, I read, I run outside every day, I enjoy good weather. The things around the pandemic are horrible but I will not lie and say that I am struggling.

Having spoken to colleagues, it seems that some of us are much busier than usual, while others have much more free time, and it feels very unfair. Having said that, DH and I both work part time, and we have one child who needs a fair amount of attention, but not overwhelming.

However friends both work full time, at the moment they are working from home. They have two (young) children who are much harder work than ours. One works 6am - noon, and the other noon - 6pm , then they both work in the evenings to ensure that the children are safe (and have meals etc.). They are (unsurprisingly) exhausted. OP, if your life looks similar, it is, frankly, crap, and I hope it doesn't go on much longer.

I'm with you OP.

The bad stuff (exh, money etc) is still ticking along as it was but all the good things (a wee coffee at a sunny cafe, playdate with friends, a holiday, a potter about the shops, the odd party) all gone.

It's fucking shite.

Some people can't say how shit it is because for some it genuinely isn't . ! Should they lie to you if you ask ?

A combination of different circumstances and different outlooks make for vastly opposing views on the situation. Humanity is not 'one size fits all'.

If you have children that need schooling /entertainment
If you are wfh on full pay
If you need to work because you are a key worker.
Furloughed on 80%
Your business has had to close and you need to apply for grants
You have lost your job and having to rely on benefits
You /loved has had the virus
Loved one has died from the virus.

All of these possibilities will lead you to have a better or worse experience.

Add that together with your normal mental attitude. Are you someone who is generally quite anxious or are you fairly optimistic? Are you the sort of person to roll their sleeves up and try to make the most of a situation or does the situation overwhelm you to such a degree that you feel paralysed. ?

Of course an optimistic, go for it kinda person , working full time or furloughed on 80% , with self reliant kids a supportive loving partner and no health issues . - no longer having to commute 3 hours a day - is going to find this tantamount to a long holiday and enjoy it. It is not reasonable NOT to expect that.

Whereas someone who is naturally anxious, reduced to living on benefits, with a difficult relationship, needy kids and health issues - is going to feel the polar opposite.

However it is not cool for those who are finding it fine, even enjoyable, to be so smug as not to appreciate that many are not happy and of course - worst of all, many are dying.

It is shit for me. I’ve been ill for two weeks. Getting better but it’s been horrendous. It’s shit because:

1. so many people have died and still will
2. I miss seeing my mum
3. I’d like to choose whether I commute or not
4. I’d like my DS to have had the chance to take his GCSEs
5. I’d like DS and DD to still be able to go on school trips and summer camps.
6. I wish I could have gone to all the gigs and nights out I had planned
7. I want to be booking holidays - I want to see the world, not revel in how great my small part of England is
8. Too many people have died
9. the emotional fallout from all this will be enormous and far reaching and won’t be solved with a good old Blitz spirit knees up

So yes, I do think it’s shit, even though I’ve done crosswords, jigsaws, slowed down, reconnected etc etc.

@emmagainno3
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I often think it’s people who don’t want to help at all so can’t hear it (this is before Covid) and it’s a way of shutting down conversations which is really hard.

I think you may have nailed it.

My boss is all telling us how lucky we are to work for such a great company (we've had pay cuts but to protect us apparently, I get it but I don't need it rammed at me). It's like you can't question or comment on anything without being made out to not understand the bigger picture, which I'm sure we all do as much as anyone can.

I’m lucky, retired with husband Whois lovely, nice house and garden. No financial problems and can find stuff to do, but hating this as am constantly worrying about food as finding it hard to get deliveries and husband is vulnerable but not on list. Miss hugging my children and gc. Most of all hate feeling scared of loved ones getting the virus, just want to wake up in the morning without that weight of dread.already know one person who died in same age group, keep wondering who next. It’s dreadful and I can’t see how it will end.

I agree OP, it sucks. I’m comparatively privileged - comfortable home, small garden, no money or health worries, OH working from home and helping out with DD where he can... but I’m still hating every moment of lockdown.

DD is 2 and super clingy. She can’t amuse herself for longer than 5 minutes and wants to do whatever I’m doing. Each day is a relentless whirl of crafting/baking/garden activities that distract her for maybe 20 minutes, then take at least that time again to tidy up. She doesn’t sleep until around 9pm, after which DP and I frantically run around tidying, cleaning, cooking/eating dinner and planning the following day. The experience is simultaneously incredibly dull and super stressful; I’m permanently exhausted and there is zero down time. All my friends with small children feel the same - there is much whinging going on on various WhatsApp groups at the moment! Some have the added stress of attempting to home school while ‘working’.

The most frustrating thing is that without DD I’d be having a whale of a time - as an introvert I’d happily potter about reading, cooking and gardening for a couple of months - it’s the total lack of time and headspace that is making it all so difficult.

Oh and there’s also the frustration of needing stuff to distract DD but not being able to get hold of paint/paper/bubbles/garden toys online because everyone else is panic buying them too (and feeling guilty every time you order anything ‘non-essential’ because of the key workers having to deliver them). DP and I had decided to keep toys to a minimum as we have a small house, can’t cope with clutter and wanted DD to be active and have ‘experiences’ instead - look where that got us!

The difference in experience between those that work part-time / don't have kids / have a non-working spouse / live in a big house with a garden and those (like us and you) who have none of these things is very very stark atm.

The childfree, part-timers are all relaxed and doing productive things with their 'free' time: baking, reading, gardening, exercise etc. whereas DH and I are running round like blue-arsed flies trying to keep on top of schoolwork / exercise / non-screen activities for 2 children, keep the (small) apartment liveable, keep on top of our own work etc.

It is shit, don't feel you have to keep up appearances. It's hard not to get a bit PA though when people yak on about how easy they are finding it. My boss keeps nagging me not to work weekends, evenings, public holidays - but TBH those are the only times I can get away from children / domestic / household stuff to get on with any of my own work. Unsurprisingly, he has no young children, and is living in a lovely big country house.

Utter and total shit op
I don’t have to work from home but am a nurse so work In a ward iwth covid and have my kids when my ex is at work, so on my own otherwise. Friends work in school and are at home with their kids not working and saying I should be enjoying this?
People posting nonsense Tik tok videos I don’t know am utterly fed up today and some stupid mothers from school have let their kids ln their WhatsApp and made a group with all the boys spamming shit for last hour I’ve removed myself but just can’t be bothered anymore. It’s fine if you’re eh home safe and don’t have to go out to work but I’m just anxious about catching this and bringing it home to my kids. Soz rant over but no one is saying it isn’t shit am sick of the sight of my horrible shit hole of a house too

Yep, it’s utterly shite.

Juggling two toddlers, two jobs and not being able to leave the house combined with anxiety over the bloody virus is hellish. Yes we are very lucky to have jobs and a garden, but the relentless ‘look on the bright side’ platitudes are becoming tedious.

OP, we can fully appreciate that others have it worse than us while still finding it incredibly difficult ourselves. Being prone to anxiety doesn’t help (for me) and nor does the open- endedness of it all. There doesn’t seem to be any workable exit strategy and that makes it all the more difficult to deal with.

It’s a bit like the Hunger Games here. Nice enough surroundings, but full of hidden fear and uncertainty.

I get it OP. My work is full on at the best of times but is made even more difficult by this situation (social services). I still go into work by-weekly on a rotation which is a huge strain on my husband who is trying to work from home while on the brink of being laid off. On my weeks to work from home I am expected to be regular hours no exceptions and my phone never stops ringing. It's terribly unfair on my primary school aged children that we have so little time for them Monday to Friday and I feel ragged, saddened and exhausted by the whole thing.

Massively irritated too that everyone thinks wfh must mean lots of flexibility and relaxed hours and somehow equate to free time. Not the case for everyone I assure you!

'People' are very welcome to say how rubbish it is. It is rubbish for many people to a greater or lesser extent. But it is a fairly normal existence for me, so is therefore not rubbish - I'm not going to pretend it is. Everyone's circumstances and capacity to cope with them are different.

Jakey boy, I love hearing you say this:

"So many people on work conference calls all being so upbeat and positive. I know it may be their way of coping but it just makes me feel inadequate"

I am sooooo with you. I think people want to help so there is no ill intent but the relentless positivity forced onto us by some is really damaging to some people.

Though if people are genuinely finding positives that's fine too. As long as there's space to acknowledge that for some of us it's just a shit show.

Isn't it to do with the British stiff upper lip - people are expected to be cheerful rather than all doom and gloom (even if they feel like ot onside)?

But some people just aren’t finding it that hard, for whatever reason. We’re all dealing with varying circumstances, some more difficult than others. Do you want others to pretend to be miserable just to make you feel better?

Pinkblueberry, nobody wants anyone to pretend to be miserable. I'm not miserable most of the time, but I'm not happy with the situation we have now found ourselves in and find it difficult for many reasons.

People who are relentlessly positive mean well, but often it can grate on those of us who don't feel so great because it can feel like a lack of empathy.

By all means be positive, I do have days when I feel reasonably positive, but with a nagging worry about my family members constantly at the back of my mind. People who don't feel so positive or who are anxious for whatever reason also need to be acknowledged and understood.

Re the conference calls I feel a huge obligation to my team to try and keep positive.

Many of them have relocated from elsewhere in the country/world, so they’re living away from family, some of them alone. All of them used to having a very naice lifestyle and some struggling a little with the isolation.

Firstly I want to reassure them that their jobs have longevity and they’ll be looked after but also I’m a conscious that I’m not trying to juggle three primary DC without childcare or bored of staring at the same four walls day in day out with no one.

So I wouldn’t dream of whinging even though I’m finding it relentless.

It’s Rubbish Op. I agree. I’m at the end of my tolerance levels with it now.