Why can't people say how rubbish this is?

[jakeyboy1]

I am finding it hard, really hard.

What is making it worse for me is everyone saying how lucky we are, how great they are doing, it's not that bad etc.

Why????

It's horrendous. My work has never been busier. I have two kids who want me constantly and can't concentrate on anything I give them for more than five minutes. I end up being a horrible shouty mum trying to get work done and keep them happy.

Husband has them for about 2 hours in the middle of the day if he can otherwise it's generally down to me.

Fed up of cooking, cleaning and work.

I know we are lucky we have our health and a nice house I know that and don't want to be chastised for this. But it's shit really shit and people pretending it isn't eg on work conference calls "I'm great using it as a great chance to read loads of books" just piss me right off. If I had the chance to read it would be a bloody miracle.

I have spent most of this weekend in tears and everyone saying everything is "fine" just makes me feel worse. Why aren't I fine?

Some people are having an easier time. Some people are having a harder time. Neither fact changes what it's like to be you living your life.

Some people find fake positivity helpful. Some people genuinely feel positive. Some people are too scared to face how they really feel and hide behind the positivity. Some people can't cope with other people's fear/despair. Some people are trying to convince themselves. Some people have been trained to talk in "focus on the positives" terms by mental health services and can't switch it off. Some people are drowning but don't want to be judged/blamed/attacked for saying so.

And plenty of people need to be able to say "this is really shit" and be allowed to feel and express that before there's any space for other feelings.

In my experience fear and despair (etc) don't dissipate if you paint a mask over the top, but they can if you deal with them honestly.

I hate it too Op, I'm also wfh with 2 children, although they aee year 7 and 12 so they are being very good about their school work (for now at least!) I can't see my fiance of 5 years because he is still working and also wants to stay near to his elderly mum who has dementia, and as for the house... I too am lucky to have a nice house and garden, but the Monica in me is too house proud and now we are all home all the while i feel the house needs constantly cleaning!!! I'm knackered, missing my parents, missing my fiance, and just want this over!

I think it is rubbish for many people on many different levels.

I also think some people like to 'show' an image of a perfect life on social media so just because some share a snapshot of a day... well the rest of their time might be pants and so try not to take it that by struggling you are in the minority.

Some people may really be loving it though and that's great.

The impact on mental health is different for everyone and we all have different lifestyles/worries/circumstances/finances etc etc so we all are very different.

It is tough so don't be so hard on yourself and try not to compare yourself to others xx

I'm pretty sure Im getting over Covid which is annoying me as I've felt crap since lock down began. Work and kids balance is tricky but I am lucky with work, a garden.

But, as usual, those of us with MH issues are collateral damage, proving that when it really comes down to it, society doesn't give a shiny shit about us

When having to choose between someone's mental health and sometime else's right to actually survive and not be killed by a horrible disease, I will always prioritise life.

It's okay not to be okay OP. This is a shit situation. Maybe other people are pretending to save face.

It sounds very difficult

but also sounds like your DH does fewer hours childcare than you do

• which may be OK if he must - not just chooses to - work more hours

Organise a schedule so that you both have the same number of hours downtime,
i.e. hours not working, childcare or housework

When I speak to people at work I say I'm fine, grateful for my garden, etc. I'm really not fine though.

I so agree with you, no one else seems that bothered by the lockdown but I think it's awful!! I'm a single working mum with a tiny flat and no garden. All I keep reading is how well people are doing, how everyone is coming together blah de blah!!

Yes true I would say I am fine at work as well. I am not sharing personal stuff at work.

We both still work and now 5 kids at home. I usually do my uni work in the day as I work evenings but that is impossible with the kids home. It's just chaos.

I cried my eyes out yesterday think everything got to me, trying to make Easter great for my little girl and not being able to see my mum in her dementia home. Sooner it's over the better.

Honestly I think a lot of people are aware of how fortunate they are compared to others so don't want to complain. Doesn't mean we're not finding it hard though.

We don't have kids, are both able to work from home with our usual paychecks and have a garden so compared to most we are living the life of Riley and I would never mention anything to colleagues. However we've had IVF cancelled, I'm worried sick about family who have lost jobs or have businesses likely to go under and my Mum has most likely got Covid and is very unwell at home 100s of miles from me. None of that is something I feel comfortable sharing with work people so I imagine they think I'm coping just fine.

I agree OP, it’s shit, and it’s ok to think that. We are not all having a marvelous time! I’m wfh, doing 12 hour days, 2 children, Our family income has dropped dramatically and we won’t get any government support except I can now claim child benefit! Whoop whoop.

I'm starting to really hate this now so much I miss my parents my brother my friends.

I miss going out on nice nature walks or trips to the sea side when we have lovely weather like this

I miss being able to browse in local shops or just pop to local supermarket whenever you needed to without blasted queues

I feel for my DCs 3yrs today his birthday stuck in doors not being able to see family friends to celebrate it and having had a lovely birthday treat cancelled because of this virus and 1yrs old DD and yes I suppose we are lucky we have a garden thankfully but it's not massive and we can only walk around the streets for our exercise the parks closed I'm just dreading the government extending this for another 3-4 weeks because I think I will have a mental break down or I'll snap and end up breaking the lockdown rules myself after complying to them this far I'm angry too angry at the situation we are all in and I suppose our government is just as much to blame as the Chinese government for all this
Sorry op rant over 🥺

I agree with you OP, it is hard and frankly today I am having a shit day as we are both back at work tomorrow.

Even though my four kids have been great, it's been pants both working 10 hours a day whilst trying to keep them happy, motivated, not in thr xbox, fed, house cleaned, cook and shop. The fiedt week was OK but as the weeks go by it is getting harder and harder.

Now that the holidays are not even looking realistic, I can't bear the thought of carrying on like this without an end.

I do get irked when people keep asking me whether I am learning a new hobby or enjoying more time at hime/with the family or send me recipes, I know they mean we'll but they truly don't understand the life we are living now.

On top of this, there are no guarantees either of us will get to keep our jobs, so the lloming feeling that we might end up destitute makes it even harder.

Having said all of this, I do try and out on a brave face for the kids and get in with it, but I have had some really bad days.

Absolutely agree with you OP. It is fucking shit, I am bored and miserable and anxious and my depression is returning. Complaining seems to trigger useless responses from people about how it could be worse if me or my family were ill. Yes, it could be a lot worse and I am grateful for what I have but this is a nightmare too - I feel locked up for a crime which I didn't commit. I don't want to learn a fucking language or paint flowers or bake banana bread or all these things which people are doing to make them 'happy' in quarantine - I want to be able to see my friends and elderly parents and go to the cinema and walk somewhere which isn't my local park and for my teenagers to have their freedom back, etc etc. But I can't seem to say that because the Lockdown Happy Police suddenly pop up.

I've nothing helpful to say but all my sympathy for you

It is shit. We are warm and safe and healthy but it is shit. I am sick of pretending to be happy, sick of looking for the positives in a blue sky or a fucking daffodil. I'm stressed and anxious and fed up and lonely and I don't know when it is going to end.
You are not alone op

Ps so happy I found this thread today!

It’s ok. Up days and down days. I live alone so had to get used to my own company still going out to work ad in nhs, si that’s my social people interaction. I have been told to work from home 2 days a week, which is hard (part of backroom planning for the crisis) . This would of been my dream before lockdown, more productive, but hard to concentrate without office buzz. Also having to keep a portion of the house and myself presentable for video calls. 😂.

So far my house has never been so clean. Tried on every piece of clothing in my wardrobe to purge. Now lots of bags waiting for the charity shop. Talk to my neighbours over the wall. Lots of video chats and virtual dinner with friends. But doesn’t make up for actual physical touch.

I was getting annoyed with posts on SM with people occupying their time happily with family and adapting well. Friends who have moved in together to cope. Wondering if I should of done that. But a few people have now admitted they are struggling, so pictures are not really the truth. Especially those that moved in.

It’s rubbish, but we have no choice and hopefully it will end soon.

My DH is pulling his weight he's getting up at 5am to do work so that he can have a couple of hours off later with them.

He's not pulling his weight though, is he? He takes responsibility for the kids for a couple of hours while you cover the rest of the day. That's shite and really unfair.

We are both working full time from home with young kids. We each have half a day where we get to hide away upstairs in peace, and the other half where we're working at the kitchen table as much as we can whilst on childcare duty. Why can't you do something like that?

You need your DH to step up, that's the only way to make this situation better. Mine is generally pretty useless on the domestic front, but lockdown seems to have made him realise how much work there is to do in the home to keep it running and I can see he's making an effort. Yours needs to as well.

Yes, I don't doubt he's working very hard, but by the sound of things he's getting to do his work uninterrupted, because he has them two hours then you're doing it the rest of the time. Whereas you're having to do most of yours whilst also being in charge of the kids. If he had them more, it would be easier for you.

How old are your children OP? Are you on facebook? One of the best things I’ve done is stop going on there as I was hating seeing all the ‘happy’ families doing easter crafts, and having so much fun.
Our house there have been arguments every day. We have been trying to work and do school work with dc’s, one of whom wants to do it all the time and the other who has to be dragged to the table
and practically sat on to do it. How are we meant to do this whilst also working? My job has got much busier since this started and I have felt so stressed.
Also my DF is in a care home and we think he has had the virus but thankfully seems to be recovering. But that first week was hell thinking we were going to lose him.
I’m in the vulnerable group and am supposed to be shielding so that has made me anxious as I’m worried about what will happen when DH goes back to work and DC’s to school. DH is so positive about everything and we had a big bust up the other day as I felt he didn’t understand why I’m feeling so low.
DC’s are getting fed up now and youngest wants us to do stuff with her 24/7! Feel like I can’t escape and end up snapping at her.

So yes I agree with you totally that it is hard and shit. I’m trying to think of ways to make it slightly better as it’s going to go on for a while yet. Maybe we could all share things that might help others in similar situations. Like I said the first thing I would do is come off facebook if you haven’t already.

The shit part for me is that I have a stressful full time job. I am avoiding all the twats on Facebook posting about their home school adventures oblivious to people who have to work!

Having actually enjoyed the bank holiday weekend I am thinking about how to make work less stressful. I have a terrible terrible boss and I am sick of carrying them. I have a suspicion my internet is going to start breaking now and then. Feel like I owe it to myself and my family to do something about the pressure because my boss could but won't.