Dads banned from maternity wards, scans and NICU

[HatRack]

Thoughts? It's like warping back to the 50s.

I'm so glad I gave birth before all this 'I MUST have my man spend the night with me 24/7'. The ward was busy enough during visiting hours.

God, me too. I felt like I was losing my mind as it was, if the number of people and their attendant noise/smell in the room had doubled I would probably have jumped out of the window.

If one good thing comes out of this I hope we permanently ban men from staying overnight on postnatal and bring back more sensible visiting hours. Postnatal women shouldn't have to choose between going without having their stitches checked and having to be intimately examined in a room full of strange men.

Seriously men, not everything in life is going to center you.

My first 2 babies the wards had 2 visiting times a day. With my 4th it was constant and I hated it. Peoples family in 24/7!

It’s fine for men to not be on ward if there were enough nurses to help women who have had a difficult labour/ c section etc.....and I’m saying that as someone who didn’t have their husband stay overnight, but I recognise I was fortunate enough to have a smooth labour and only have to stay in 1 night

There are some awful posts on this thread.

I'm pregnant ATM, as are several of my friends.

I'm worried for a friend due to have her first before the restrictions lift, and how she'll cope on the wards by herself if she has a complicated delivery.

I'm worried for my friend who is due her 20 week scan next week. As she says herself, meh, it's not a big deal for her husband to miss it - so long as it's good news...

I'll be having an ELCS after an emcs last time. I know how heavily I depended on DH for fetching and carrying in the first few hours. The care was phenomenal when he was kicked out for the night, but I'm worried that this time staffing pressures will mean that won't be the case, especially during the daytime, and that I'll delay my recovery by doing too much.

Odds are we'll all be fine. But honestly, dads leaving from delivery/recovery and not being allowed back until home time seems like a recipe for increased PND across the population of birthing women, especially when added on top of the stress we are all facing ATM.

And yes, I know it's necessary. I'm not saying the steps shouldn't be taken. And I know it's not just maternity, my dad in in hospital ATM for non covid reasons, no visitors, mum dropping off clean clothes at reception. It is indeed shit for everyone.

But that doesn't mean I have to be happy about it. I have my concerns and they are entirely valid.

(But no, they aren't about the men's feelings.)

The impact of inadequate bonding...

get over yourself. most women give birth without partner esp in a with subsequent children. you sound like a drama queen.

I’m going in for my section on Friday. For now, my hubby is allowed in for the actual surgery. However I’m full prepared that this may change to him not being allowed in at all.

I was scared and upset first - which I do think anyone is entitled to feel: you can still be disappointed about how you imagined your birth to be. It’s not a crime, it’s not bratty: especially for FTM’s, I can imagine how scary this is for them as they’ve never been through this before - so they are already super anxious then have to deal with this on top of it.

However I have gotten used to the idea (maybe a little quicker as this is my second baby), and of course 100% understand why things must happen this way. It is what it is and ultimately it’s 1-3 days in hospital for most of us that we will get through.

I just don’t think it’s fair to make someone feel bad for...feeling bad.

We are all dealing with the pandemic and some have more to deal with/feel impacted by it in other ways, and I think in real life, if the OP was your friend you wouldn’t speak so harshly to her but would offer some constructive support and more gentle words.

It’s amazing how in these times when people talk about community and people coming together, there are some really nasty people on here.

Hear, hear Temporaryname123. I agree with everything you, Mindy and Ivinghoe have said.

Be kind people!

I think the other thing to think about is if for instance your midwife has coronavirus and doesn’t yet realise it then the more the father is there then the more chance of both parents catching it. The last thing you want when you have a newborn to care for is both parents being poorly.

I assume if you’re not a first time Mum and have other kids at home then Dad can’t come to the hospital anyway? Because being told we can’t mix households so how could I have a family member look after DC so that DH could come with me to the hospital? Can anyone advise please.

My understanding pink is that family members are allowed care for other DC if they're willing, under the provision of providing care. Obviously up to each family to decide for themselves whether it's an acceptable risk.

@MindyStClaire Thank you

I cannot think further than people are actually dying without family there.

Scans are medical appointments and it is time people started remembering it is not a bonding experience, but to check on the health of the baby

I didn’t think people were concerned about dads missing appointments
The appointments have never been for dads
I think it’s worrying about them missing the birth
I could be wrong.

In the two times I’ve been pregnant in the last 3 years it’s always been the case that midwife antenatal appointments are for the women.
People have then booked privately for additional scans if they then wanted them (I never did as 3D scans look awful to me)

I’m due to give birth any day now myself and fully support (and am glad for) the current restrictions. I do understand the concerns about women’s mental health, particularly in cases where there have been bad news at scans and when expecting stressful births, but I think that the lives of the midwives have to come first.

It’s all well and good for women to say ‘oh but my partner has been isolating with me’ but how can the midwives guarantee that? No-one can prove their partner has, and the midwives shouldn’t be having to take that risk based on expecting honesty from people. It’s enough of a risk to the midwives having partners be there during labour, allowing them on post-natal ward adds to that risk. And any partner that has even been to do essential food or medicine shopping isn’t self-isolating, their distancing, meaning they could still be asymptomatic and pass the virus on.

And what about the risk to the other women and babies on the post-natal ward? I don’t want to have to be relying on other women and their partners being truthful about their symptoms or whether they’re actually self-isolating.

And yes, men in induction and post-natal wards can be disruptive at the best of times. When I had DD I had a week long induction. I hardly got any sleep due to men thinking it was fine to watch Netflix and phone family to give updates at all hours of the morning. And on the post-natal ward I had my curtain pushed aside several time by partners and visitors of the other women when trying to establish breastfeeding. Visiting of both partners and family should definitely be limited at all times. People who want exceptions to be made for them should ask to pay for a private room.

I don’t think private rooms are available to pay for right now as they are reserved for infected mothers now

Scans are medical appointments and it is time people started remembering it is not a bonding experience, but to check on the health of the baby.

That's exactly it, and that's why some people are unhappy at women having to go alone. Not because of bonding, but because not everyone gets good news at that scan, and there's often no warning of bad news coming. I never would have imagined facing that without DH sitting there holding my hand, but now some women will have to, and then pick up the phone, tell their husband the bad news and then drive themselves home.

Again, not saying it's wrong that these decisions have been taken. Just that it places women in some very difficult positions none of us would have foreseen a few months ago.

Pink I believe that would fall under providing care or assistance so would be okay. My mums coming to look after little one whilst I’m in labour.

@GinUnicorn Thank you, I hope so. Have been looking online but can’t seem to find out for definite. Because obviously DH could be there to look after them so it’s not essential?

I’d say a birth partner is essential for mental health.

RCOG agree with that and have said there will be an increase in PND and other mental health problems in new mothers due to COVID restrictions

I’d say a birth partner is essential for mental health.

It really isn't. I've done it twice alone, once accidentally and once on purpose and both times it made no difference whatsoever. I had PND when I had all the support in the world, it doesn't discriminate.

Please put this in proportion. Of course its lovely to have dads involved but even more lovely to have live babies, Scans are a relatively new luxury. Women can and do give birth without a birth partner. In the circumstances yo need to get your priorities right. It would be the same in a war

It is sadder that people are dying without their loved ones present, dying NOW. Be thankful the health of your baby is being prioritised

Luckily birth partners are allowed in the majority of trusts as the experts realise our need for them. It might not be important for everyone’s mental heath but many women would be terrified to give birth alone so some empathy might be nice.

Yes people have managed without them - it’s not race to win the martyr olympics. Luckily the midwifes association recognised the importance of birth partners and is advocating for keeping them.

Postnatal and scan restrictions whilst sad are obviously totally understandable and necessary. Sending to all those feeling anxious.