Dads banned from maternity wards, scans and NICU

[HatRack]

Thoughts? It's like warping back to the 50s.

“ I think people need to look at the bigger picture, yes it is upsetting my DH wont be there but surely you can see it's the right thing to do.”

All the women due to give birth around now (and I know lots as I am 39 weeks myself) are absolutely looking at the wider picture. They get it, it’s necessary. At the same time they are scared and getting their heads around a completely different birth environment to the one that was available to them when they fell pregnant. Having both those feelings at the same time is normal, and ok, and humans are complicated and can deal with these feelings at the same time. Surely you can see that too?

Interesting that dads are seen as dispensable outside of their financial capacities

Oh get overself this is just nonsense.

My eldest was born early 90s, not 50s. Fathers often but not always attended the single scan, certainly were not expected at appointments and if you were giving birth in hospital quite a few did not attend the delivery.

The idea that you cannot bond with a baby unless you attend its antenatal appts and hang around the hospital post birth is pretty insulting to adoptive parents as well as ridiculous.

Maybe babies will bond better with their mothers and settle into feeding more easily if there are not strange men wandering around the post natal ward. No shortage of problems reported on that particular issue.

Women are also being released home even quicker than usual at the moment so in many cases we are talking about hours or a couple of days. If your ability to build a bond is destroyed by that then you have bigger problems to worry about.

Having both those feelings at the same time is normal, and ok

Yes I agree. Amongst my DCs' friends and my junior staff there are half a dozen babies due in the next couple of months. They all feel that ambivalence, none of them are whinging about mens rights being insufficiently prioritised.

Maybe babies will bond better with their mothers and settle into feeding more easily if there are not strange men wandering around the post natal ward. No shortage of problems reported on that particular issue.

Really, are men causing in the natal word causing problems for the women there? I can't imagine this must happen, but I've never heard of any specific cases.

Really, are men causing in the natal word causing problems for the women there?

Go hunting for old threads on this, the experiences recounted (and there are so MANY of them) are horrendous.

Captskippy
As I said above, spend 7 weeks on a maternity ward and men/extra people on the ward at night would be the tipping point of it being slightly bearable to horrendous

There are so many threads about people wanting men banned from the postnatal wards.

Marieo
It's not about banning men from maternity wards, just limiting time for visitors

Does anyone know if partners aren't allowed into post natal (which is understandable of course) what happens when mum & baby are discharged in terms of carrying baby & bags etc out?
Does mum have to bring our baby to partner in the car then come back for the rest if you can't carry everything in one go?
Bit hard if you've had a c section too.

@MsMiaWallace my local hospital, they have to come to the local entrance to the hospital, buzz the maternity unit and staff bring you, baby and stuff out

The midwives help you bring baby and bags down to father (or other family member / friend) waiting with car seat at the entrance. I know several women who have had c-sections under these conditions and this is what has happened.

On my way to my antenatal appointment Friday I saw a notice that said only one parent allowed per day, per child in the nicu ward. That made me feel sad, imagine having to negotiate with your husband who gets to see your new baby. Some babies stay there for months! But it is there to protect babies but sad nevertheless.

Really, are men causing in the natal word causing problems for the women there?

Yes sufficient problems for midwives to be campaigning for a policy which centres women and their babies and fits men around that rather than making their wishes the top priority. They wanted such radical solutions as clearly defined times when partners were free to be on the ward and times when women could be sure of privacy.

What are your thoughts on the midwife who lost her life to Coronavirus yesterday? That question is aimed at posters on the thread who think they have the right to their partner joining them for scans and on the ward? That twice the risk for a midwife.

I was so relieved. I am trying to avoid coming into contact with as many people as I possibly can. Women are encouraged to go home straight from delivery if possible but if not, the day after. Those that need to stay beyond day 1 need a consultant review.

Any chance this extends to c sections? Asking for a friend 😬

And thank you. We do really appreciate you and all you're doing. I'm ok with partner not coming - just want to get home ASAP.

The midwives help you bring baby and bags down to father (or other family member / friend) waiting with car seat at the entrance. I know several women who have had c-sections under these conditions and this is what has happened.

Thank you for explaining this. I was actually worrying about how this would work as they wanted to see the car seat last time and my partner will have our toddler with him.

"HatRack Interesting that dads are seen as dispensable outside of their financial capacities. I'm no MRA, but if I were male I'd be hurt at how easy dads are deleted from family life."

People are being prevented from being with their dying loved ones who have COVID

That's not because anyone thought it's unimportant to hold your family member's hand when they die.

In a pandemic, reducing the risk of infection overrides all previous rights and expectations

Yes sufficient problems for midwives to be campaigning for a policy which centres women and their babies and fits men around that rather than making their wishes the top priority
I don't think its men that particularly want to be on the wards overnight , from the posts on MN morevthe woman who think they cant cope without them

DianaT1969 Absolutely no need to be like that at all. Women are perfectly capable of understanding that things have changed to protect HCPs, other patients, and themselves, and feel for the families of HCPs who have lost their lives, whilst also finding it difficult that they are not permitted any kind of direct family support during stressful medical appointments and after (what has previously been considered) the huge emotional and physical upheaval that is giving birth. There is enough empathy to go around, surely?

Irving - I think it's more black and white than that. I could quote comments by women further up the thread, but you read them too. Midwives are putting their lives on the line in coming in to work to deliver babies. Exceptional times.

@Hatrack - you were very concerned with the rights of dad and baby to bond. Do you still feel that way, or did posters on here change your mind?

As far as I'm aware there are no maternity units in the UK currently not allowing one birth partner. They mostly cannot attend scans, can't stay overnight etc (but please correct if I'm wrong)

I work for the NHS and the difficulty is that everyone thinks their case is special.
They need to visit their sister on the ward because she's lonely. Someone else needs to accompany dad to the care home because he's anxious. Someone else needs to attend their wife's scan because he may not bond. Someone else has to drive to a further maternity unit because their facilities are better.

Everyone's special case is massively important to them and their wellbeing but if we allowed each one the wards and outpatients would just be like normal and the risk of Covid (and the fallout from staff shortages) would be greater.

If they let visitors into maternity units as normal there will be less midwives to work in the coming weeks. They're short staffed enough as it is (and a midwife died from Covid this week). That's without considering the health of the mothers and babies.

DianaT1969 The OP was goading and not posting in good faith, there is no point trying to engage. I think you could have more sympathy for women who are scared. I know many women who are due to give birth imminently, or who have just given birth, as I am 39 weeks myself. All are frightened, all have had their support network reduced beyond all recognition, all are grateful for the risks taken by medical staff to ensure our safety and that of our babies. It is to be expected that there is some mental adjustment to new ways of doing things. Finding it hard is not selfish or inconsiderate or ungrateful - it just is. Your black and white thinking suggests that you can’t accept that people have complicated feelings and that is ok.

Sounds sensible to me.

I work for the NHS and the difficulty is that everyone thinks their case is special.

Yes, because people are people - we’re not robots or statistics. As everyone knows, giving birth can be a very traumatic time and not having any support network afterwards makes it a millions times more difficult.

I don’t think visitors should be allowed to troop in and out, but the thought of my baby being seriously ill and having to deal with that alone, following a difficult birth in a busy hospital is extremely frightening and intimidating.

As I say, my baby has developed complications in the later stages and attending meetings with consultants by myself has been immensely difficult. I’ve been in a state of shock and have been so upset and flustered that I’ve struggled to process everything. It would have been so much easier if I’d had DH by my side.

It’s especially hard because of the lack of information and communication - I’ve spent days googling the different diagnoses I’ve received and have found a lot more information online than I was given at hospital.

As I said, my mental health has been completely shot to bits over this, but what does that matter now.