Dads banned from maternity wards, scans and NICU

[HatRack]

Thoughts? It's like warping back to the 50s.

How does it work if you have a scan and it’s bad news?

They’re just trying to halve the number of people attending......for obvious reasons it has to be the dad that goes. The mother is kind of vital.

Yes bonding is important but rather more important is trying to make sure the virus doesn’t take hold in an environment like a NICU where undoubtedly there would be a high percentage of deaths. And also to protect the staff because if a load of midwives, paed doctors and nurses and obstetricians are off sick or die again that’s going To have major implications for care.

Hopefully most men rather than being hurt will be grown adults who understand and fully appreciate the nhs trying to protect their loved ones.

It’s a shit situation. I’m a high risk pregnancy and my baby has developed complications in the final trimester. I’ve had to take in some really difficult news from doctors and consultants on my own with no DH there for support. My mental health and anxiety is suffering majorly and I’ve been in tears for several days because I’m not coping at all.

There was a widespread discussion in this country about how mental health is a big priority and oh so important - well, it is until it’s not.

No doubt some Mumsnetter will be along to dismiss my concerns as nothing in a minute, despite the fact that I’m on the verge of a breakdown.

@Woman31

I'm due my 12 week scan soon, DH & DS will be waiting in the car for me so at least if it's bad news I won't be travelling home alone.

How does it work if you have a scan and it’s bad news?

You’re left to deal with the fallout on your own is how it works. Taking in all the information alone without your partner there to give you support. It’s horrendous.

Yeah I've had a few bad news appointments in week or two before son was born. All had to be done alone. Even the chats where I was given option to terminate at 35 weeks.

I think it's a wonderful side effect that for a short time at least women can recover from childbirth, bond with their baby and feel safer during their most vulnerable time without having to deal with a load of strange men around.

I think it's a wonderful side effect that for a short time at least women can recover from childbirth, bond with their baby and feel safer during their most vulnerable time

Oh yes, I’m really looking forward to being on the postnatal ward following what is likely to be a difficult birth on my own, dealing with a new baby who could also have complications. Midwives are rushed off their feet at the best of times - it’s going to be worse than ever with no family or DH to help.

peasoup8 maybe you could attempt to put yourself in other people's shoes instead of only seeing things from your perspective?

@pinkyredrose likewise!

The OP is shit stirring, and fathers have plenty of opportunity to bond with their baby if they just muck in as they should at home.

But please other posters don’t make out it’s easy for women under these circumstances to adjust to the changes. The fact is that elements of birth that have been considered basic provisions for women in order to safeguard their mental and physical health are no longer guaranteed, and that is scary to come to terms with, even knowing that it makes sense when we are in a pandemic situation. All the midwives I have encountered have been empathetic about this, and sad that they cannot offer the usual range of options to women giving birth. And not only is the birth environment very different to what many would have expected when they fell pregnant, but women do not have access to their family support network and community support as they would normally. That is hard. I know the prevailing MN attitude at the moment is that anyone who doesn’t just take each restriction in their stride is a feeble weakling, but actually a bit of sympathy at what is a scary time is the kind thing to do.

What about the mental health of the loved one left behind by the virus, knowing their loved one died alone without them there due to restrictions? The more it spreads, the more people whose mental health is adversely affected by the horrific deaths of their loved ones and their not being able to have even held their hands as they passed, or had a funeral with all their loved ones there.

Thanks @IvinghoeBeacon for your thoughtful and kind post.

peasoup8
Having spend 7 weeks on a prenatal/postnatal ward the worst thing that could have happened was men/partners being able to stay on the ward overnight.
I had pre eclampsia from 32 weeks, induced at 38 weeks which took 3 days, 24 hour labour ending in theatre because ventuese failed and forceps was next step ready for an emergency CS. DH was there from 3am in morning until about 12 that night, he went home to sleep. He was exhausted as he had visited me every night but 1 for the preceding 6 weeks. Its selfish and necessary for men to be on the wards overnight.

Spent another 4 days in hospital . DH and DS have bonded fine (he is 24 now) He missed the first scan as well as the car broke down on his way home to pick me up

Dads are not banned. It's one parent at a time in my hospital. The swap must be done outside though.

I don't think babies bonding will be much affected by dad's not being around for a day or two.
Most dad's impost natal do very little bonding unless it's with their mobile phones.

Christ, it’s amazing how suddenly 80% of the female population has given birth alone when threads like these are started.

Fathers are still allowed in hospital during active labour and I doubt they will stop this as there will then be a lot of women possibly struggling with PND and PTSD from complicated births because of it. Which in turn then needs more healthcare and generally isn’t very nice for the mother or baby. More than likely to allow less strain on the MWs and not actually for the parents involved.

It doesn’t make much sense to me where parents have been isolating together since both would then pose the same risk. It’s understandable if the birthing partner has been living separately or has been going out to work as normal as that poses a higher risk.

I’m highly intrigued about what they plan to do with the babies of mothers who test positive for the virus before or at the point of birth. Keep them in hospital away from the parents? Not allow mother’s into the hospital to give birth? A clear cut plan needs to be put in place and adhered to at every hospital so others don’t feel they have been given different or unfair treatment

I am due to give birth in the next week or so. I don’t actually agree with visitors (inc fathers) overnight on postnatal wards. But shaming women for struggling to adjust to new expectations around the birth environment is not helpful.

At least you had your DH there for some of the time @bruffin. Anyone giving birth at my hospital now will have nobody on the postnatal ward.

Many studies have highlighted the importance of bonding in the first few days and weeks of life

Can you cite one please?

A baby needs to form a bond with a caregiver who will provide the essentials, i.e. Food, shelter, stimulation and nurture. This does not have to be an actual parent! It's truly amazing how many billions of babies have very managed to grow up into healthy, well balanced adults over the past millennia without needing a gazillion people present at the birth, or without the father having skin to skin contact within minutes of delivery. It's impossible to complete clinical trials on the efficacy of having a father present at a birth and the impact on the ongoing emotional development of the baby because to carry out such experiments would be immoral. It's not like you can give the baby a placebo to replace the father🤷🏼‍♀️

We have come to expect being able to have our partners present at birth, so if they can't for whatever reason, we feel hard done by and this can affect our mental wellbeing. Because we didn't get what we expected. In societies where partners are still not expected to be present, I suspect such feelings of disappointment don't exist.

TheArchSorcererofContwaraburg It is entirely possible to feel for more than one group of people.

My hope is that the mental health of pregnant and postnatal women during this period will be considered just as much as the mental health of other groups, once the immediate crisis is past. Because many groups of people have had their support networks ripped away and there should be recognition that some repair work may be needed.

Anyone giving birth at my hospital now will have nobody on the postnatal ward.
They dont keep you more than they have to , how long are you expecting to be in, he will be with you at the birth and a little time afterward.

Wellsaid soontobe60

In societies where partners are still not expected to be present, I suspect such feelings of disappointment don't exist.

We’re not one of those societies, so your point is irrelevant. It’s like those posters who talk about how women in the 1950s gave birth without their partners. Hello - time has moved on!

Also, I wonder how many people posting disparaging remarks on this thread, effectively telling scared mums to be to “woman up” are actually pregnant and going through this shitshow themselves right now? Because if you’re not then you have no idea how hard it is.

@HatRack - I'm a 60s baby, born by c-Section. In my mum's case, as I was a first baby, she was rushed to hospital as it was an emergency. My dad was taken by a policeman to the hospital as they thought mum and I would die. He couldn't go into the operating theatre - as DH did when our DS was born. Mum had a general anaesthetic so dad had to wait to see both of us.

Mum stayed in hospital for 10 days as was the norm then. Dad visited at visiting time only - no-one was allowed to stay on the ward at any other point.

My dad was my hero. If I had one person in the world I could talk to it was my dad. Bonding comes from the people concerned, not how you're born.

If it's a stark choice between becoming ill and having a few hours (or days) when you don't see your other half, is it really a problem?

As for the post about handling bad news from scans. My mum had to have a nurse help her sign the sheet to say she accepted the risks of a c-section. They couldn't wait for dad to arrive - mum was dying. She coped, she had to. It's not great or ideal but it's the way it is at the moment.

*It doesn’t make much sense to me where parents have been isolating together since both would then pose the same risk. It’s understandable if the birthing partner has been living separately or has been going out to work as normal as that poses a higher risk.

I’m highly intrigued about what they plan to do with the babies of mothers who test positive for the virus before or at the point of birth. Keep them in hospital away from the parents? Not allow mother’s into the hospital to give birth? A clear cut plan needs to be put in place and adhered to at every hospital so others don’t feel they have been given different or unfair treatment*

My friend has just given birth. She was in hospital for 3 days as her waters broke a month early, but went into labour. Her husband didn't go in with her, he had to drop her off with a midwife at reception. Once it was decided that she was in labour and would deliver, the hospital phoned her husband to join her directly in the delivery room. He left once she was sent back to the post natal ward and baby went into SCBU for 24 hours. They stayed in for 3 days. Dad didn't visit, and he picked them up at reception (having dropped off the car seat the evening before).
It wasn't great, she found it very difficult not seeing her DH but she's more than happy to have a healthy baby.
At no point was she tested as she had been self isolating and had no symptoms.
She said mums who showed symptoms were in a completely separate ward and delivery suite.