Dads banned from maternity wards, scans and NICU

[HatRack]

Thoughts? It's like warping back to the 50s.

The baby has to be alive to have the chance to bond

Blunt but true. Less people means less chance of infection.

I don't think there will be issues of bonding personally as mum and baby are generally released the following day, even post c section. For DC2 onwards dads don't typically hang around in the hospital all day anyway, they tend to leave after dinner time the day of the birth then come back the following day to collect. I do however understand that some dads play a key role in supporting the woman post birth in terms of lifting and passing baby etc. I hope the care of women will improve on account of there being no one else there for them to rely on.

I would have really struggled with this this first time round (traumatic birth, EMCS then a 4 day stay in hospital for various reasons). My mental health was absolutely shot afterwards.

However, I'm preparing for it when I have my ELCS in about 6 weeks time. I'm just hoping that this time it goes smoothly so we can get home asap. Another stay in hospital, with no support, would really damage me. I totally get why it needs done, but that doesn't take away from the fact I've spent this entire pregnancy worried and had just got my birth plan sorted with a midwife who helps mums deal with traumatic births and the aftermath.

It's got nothing to do with being male. I'm sure the same rules apply to lesbian couples.

It's got nothing to do with being male. I'm sure the same rules apply to lesbian couples

Nailed it.

Honestly if any partner was to argue this I would wonder! I can guarantee my DH would suck it up, having been in NICU for months generally working and unable to visit it sure didn’t stop their bond when she was released.

It’s about saving lives, leave the emotions behind.

its not long ago we had threads moaning about dads on the ward getting in the way/new mums not having privacy after labour!

Get a grip.

Some cancer patients aren't receiving treatment, seriously ill patients are having vital appointments cancelled and frontline staff are dying from continuous exposure, but your birth experience should be the exception to the rules?

On the plus side at least it prevents the relatively new self centred custom to have male partners on wards overnight.

I think most people can understand why though.
Hospitals are no go zones at the moment. they dont need people there who dont need to be.
I haven't seen my dear nan for nearly a month as she is in a nursing home and they lockdowned pretty early and stopped visits. She has severe Alzheimer's and i dont know when i will see her again!

A colleague had her baby on Tuesday, he had Edward syndrome (which they were obviously aware of), they had been told as he was unlikely to survive the birth my colleague and her husband could stay in their side room with him as long as they wanted. This changed during the labour and they told them during the labour that her husband would need to leave an hour after the birth. Their son died two hours after birth, she was refused the special cool crib you can have to spend more time with your baby and they moved her onto the main ward where she was surrounded by healthy babies. They won’t recover from that.

There’s infection control, then there’s plain cruelty.

@SimonJT i got tears in my eyes. Thats an awful way for your friend and her partner to be treated! They could've stuck them in a side room

I have two missed miscarriages diagnosed at scan appointments so would absolutely hate going for a scan without my partners support as would be a complete wreck but I understand why it has to happen.

At the moment at the hospital I work in woman can have one birth partner with them for the birth and I believe they are trying to discharge mums and babies as quick as possible following the birth as long as birth are well.

No it's not ideal but they are trying their best to protect woman and babies.

@SimonJT that is unacceptable, I am so sorry for your colleague, that's disgraceful. It must be even harder not being able to see family etc or do 'normal' things that might have brought comfort. Cripes. Puts it into perspective.

Men are dispensable from scans & in post natal wards as they are not the patient.

Not seeing a scan or being in hospital for the day afterwards will not make a difference to bonding whatsoever. Lots of fathers are in the military or work away and have no trouble bonding with their children.

I'm not sure how I feel about dads being unable to visit if a baby is in nicu long term.

@SimonJT I really think in that case, the father should have been allowed to stay. There needs to be flexibility for cases where the baby is not expected to survive long.

I understand the logic and support it.

I’m due a scan in two weeks. I’m quite certain that the scan will confirm that I’m no longer pregnant (I just haven’t been able to face going in to a&e for an epu referral in the current climate, but I had all the symptoms of a MC). I’d love my husband or a friend with me on the day, but I understand why it can’t happen.

Personally I'd be more concerned at the prospect of giving birth in a "pop up" birth centre in a hotel, staffed by retired and student midwives.

www.theguardian.com/society/2020/apr/01/nhs-urged-to-turn-hotels-into-birth-centres-during-coronavirus-crisis

Men are allowed in for labour atm. That's the same for any birth partner. If people are dying with no one to hold their hand i dont think giving birth without a birthing partner would be the end of the world.

I have several friends due to give birth over the next few months and all of them are shit scared at the idea they might have to do it alone. Giving birth is the most physically traumatic thing most women ever go through, especially if they're doing it for the first time.

Sooooo glad that we can put all that to one side and focus on the real victims here - men and their need to be centered in everything all the fucking time. This isn't about men being disposible. This isn't about men being deleted from family life. This isn't about men and their hurty hurty feelings. This. Isn't. About. Men. Is it sad that they can't be more involved right now? Yes, but given the, I don't know, global pandemic sweeping the world, I think I'll continue to reserve my concern for the women who will actually be giving birth under these horrible circumstances.

I'm no MRA but...

Sure you bloody aren't

It's awful but in a world where people can't go to work, see their mother or non-cohabiting partner, leave the house except in exceptional circumstances and where hospitals are risky places under enormous pressure, it would be outrageous if it were allowed.

A midwife has recently died from Covid 19 at my local hospital. Need I say more.

I hope not back to the 50s. Infant mortality was around 24/1000 births then compared to 3/1000 births in 2016. It has risen in past three years but hopefully will never reach level of the 1950s again.
Similarly, maternal death rate has dropped to about a fifth of what it was in the 1950s.

Better live mothers and babies than a father at a scan. Personal experience (and that of friends) tells me there is no risk to bonding just because father’s aren’t at scans, antenatal appointments or on the postnatal ward. It wasn’t the norm to have father’s attending anything but the delivery when mine were born. They have an excellent relationship with their devoted (and somewhat indulgent) father.

The answer is to go home as soon as possible after the birth. In hours, if it’s a normal delivery. Women are generally much stronger than they think they can be; most will be fine. I am sure there’ll be adaptations and individual consideration where there are serious concerns.

You are being ridiculous, OP!

Let’s all let pregnant ladies partners in so we don’t hurt any feelings. Sod keeping vulnerable babies and mothers alive, hey?!

HatRack Interesting that dads are seen as dispensable outside of their financial capacities. I'm no MRA, but if I were male I'd be hurt at how easy dads are deleted from family life. Many studies have highlighted the importance of bonding in the first few days and weeks of life.

🤔We are in the midst of a world wide pandemic or did you post on the wrong thread?

What man would put his hurt feelings in front of reducing the risk to his partner, child and medical staff?

Surely a good dad would make sure he bonds with the child as soon as they come home.

I had a c section on Wednesday and my husband was allowed in whilst being prepped, for the birth and in recovery. He had to leave once we went on the post natal ward.

Yes, far from ideal in a perfect world but things are shitty just now. He would much rather have been there on the ward afterwards but we both fully accept that ut had to be this way for the safety of all concerned. And actually, the post natal experience was much nicer this time as it was so quiet and peaceful without a constant stream of visitors. I was able to establish breast feeding easier and felt much less awkward about my post operative state with just other women on the ward!