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Original poster

Son won't stay in

172 replies

Kimpeach22 · 03/04/2020 21:50

Any advice I have a 15 year old son that just won't stay at home. I have a husband with medical problems and a 8 year old with a rare genetic condition.

When we first went into lock down he was willing to stay at home then since Friday he's been dissappearing every day.
I have spoke to the police and they said I have to parent my own child but how do I parent a child that refuses to do any thing I ask.
He attends a pupil referral unit and they have told me to ring the police every time he goes. I just don't know what to do.

Any advice

Kim

OP posts:
JorisBonson · 03/04/2020 21:53

Lock the door and hide the keys.

Where is he going?

EachDubh · 03/04/2020 22:01

Where is he going and why? Every behaviour has a reason.
When you find out you are better prepared to deal with him. Is he going out to try to stop himself being scared, to feel lile he has control over his life when so much is being taken away?
Have you laid out the reality of what his behaviour can do to your family? E. G. Financial - fines, health - he could be responsible for causing the death of your husband. Yes, this seems harsh, but it is also reality just now. Perhaps offer him a choice, if he can't make safe choices then staying seperate from the rest of the family is a way to keep you safe. Perhaps clear a space from front or back door and he can access this area only. Maybe if he were to see that you would do this may help to change hia mindset.
However before any laying down the law you need to talk and find out what's going on, how how is feeling and how does he think he can keep your husband safe?
All the best.

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow · 03/04/2020 22:01

He's the child, you're the adult. Lock the doors and take the keys. Don't bother the police, they have enough to do, it's your job to control your child.

Original poster
Kimpeach22 · 03/04/2020 22:03

Thats my plan for tomorrow but the risk is I could get in trouble for imprisonment apparently told by police. At the point which I don't care.
Hes got a girlfriend they both went missing on Sunday for 7 hours police was looking for them. I spoke to her mother and she said she wouldn't be letting her out on her own any more but split parenting she at her dads till Sunday this week.

Seriously stressed out with him

OP posts:
Stacey21x · 03/04/2020 22:04

Nope. Lock him in or lock him out. His choice 🤷🏼‍♀️

Jinx2020 · 03/04/2020 22:06

Why are you asking school/the police how to parent your child?!!! Pupil referral unit or otherwise you are the adult/parent. Take charge!! Give boundaries.

Explain why it's important to ptam home, show him the news and devastation in other countries and how we are on that same projection. Tell him how selfish it is to go out.

Failing cooperation with that lock the doors!

We all need to stay home.

ssd · 03/04/2020 22:07

My ds has just gone out a walk by himself. Like he's done for 2 weeks. Not seen friends or girlfriend. Bored stiff. And lonely.
But he's not stupid enough to go against the current rules.
Sort him out. He's a selfish idiot. People like him make me sooooo angry.

Jinx2020 · 03/04/2020 22:08

Just thinking are you worried his behaviour will become aggressive towards you as this might change advice.

pocketem · 03/04/2020 22:08

I have spoke to the police and they said I have to parent my own child

Lol why would you call the police?

The advice they gave you was apt. You are the parent. Stop relying on police or pupil referral units to discipline your son for you

pasbeaucoupdegendarme · 03/04/2020 22:11

Tell him it’s not an option, it’s not advice, it is an instruction.

I’m certain the police won’t be wanting to charge you for imprisonment.

Hannah021 · 03/04/2020 22:12

I'd love to say, if he leaves, dont let him back, but you cant neglect a child, nor can you imprison him!
Give him to social services. Nasty unappreciative kids

Original poster
Kimpeach22 · 03/04/2020 22:12

Tried locking him out police said I have parental responsibility and have to make sure he's safe by finding some one else to have him or by him coming back. Family can't or won't have him. Husbands mother is 82 and lives 30 miles away. My dads had him last year for a week but he got in trouble with the police over carrying a knike so his girlfriend said he wasn't allowed to stop there again.
He becomes aggressive towards his dad so I try to keep them apart.

OP posts:
peanutbutterandbananas · 03/04/2020 22:14

Poor you! This is so stressful. I would try talking to him or give him a consequence for staying out, such as cutting his allowance or turning off the internet. It is so hard with him at that age! He must feel bereft without his freedom and was probably just getting independent. Let him know you see that. He doesn't get the consequences of his actions. There's never anything wrong with reaching out to authorities for support, well done you. And good luck x

Original poster
Kimpeach22 · 03/04/2020 22:17

I spoke to the police because if they talk to him he might listen. The school having been ringing to check on him and just giving advice

OP posts:
IncognitoIsMyFavouriteWord · 03/04/2020 22:17

You have let him get like this.

Take charge, take control and keeping your son in during a lockdown is not imprisonment for goodness sake.

If he gets violent call the police but do not let him out until they arrive.

JorisBonson · 03/04/2020 22:18

The police have more than enough on their hands right now.

It's up to you to take control of this situation. You are the parent.

reasonswhyimdifferent · 03/04/2020 22:18

I’d honestly just lock the door in this situation.

inflam · 03/04/2020 22:19

I have spoke to the police and they said I have to parent my own child

No shit Hmm

Why are you not letting him out? He is allowed to go for a walk/run. Maybe if you don't hold the reins so tightly he won't be trying to bolt.

Hes got a girlfriend they both went missing on Sunday for 7 hours police was looking for them.

For goodness sake. Like the police don't have enough to do.

Elieza · 03/04/2020 22:23

Remind him if he inadvertently brings home this killer virus and you ‘old people’ (sorry, just how the young ones see it) catch the virus and die then he will get taken to a kids home or borstal where he will have a shit time with no WiFi. Show him the story about a 13 year old who died.

Original poster
Kimpeach22 · 03/04/2020 22:24

When lock down first started he was doing some school work watching netflix while texting and talking to her all day. I have took the Internet off him but he won't give me the phone just says no. I have tried talking to him about how serious this virus is but he just thinks it won't happen

OP posts:
Wehttam · 03/04/2020 22:26

OP he sounds like a horror. Not sure what to suggest, I’d be inclined to lock him out of the house. A bad energy you don’t need in your life right now, try to purge him from the home so you protect the others.

Samtsirch · 03/04/2020 22:28

I do feel for you OP, but you say he goes missing every day, which suggests he does return every day.
That is allowed at the moment.
Are you able to be more specific about your concerns for your son ?

inflam · 03/04/2020 22:31

When lock down first started he was doing some school work watching netflix while texting and talking to her all day. I have took the Internet off him

Why did you take the internet away? Sounds totally fine to be doing this?

Original poster
Kimpeach22 · 03/04/2020 22:34

Inflam you have no idea he 15 and 15 stone at 6ft he towers over me and my husband. I have to parent a child who thinks he's a adult and can do what ever he wants there is no rules for him.

Yeah let him out for a walk for 7 hours like Sunday am I suppose to be stupid.

Today he headbutted my 12 year old son for speaking to him.
Hes been in a lot of trouble over the last few year fighting with adult pulling a knife at a 8 year old. Getting kicked out of school for a Stanley knife incident at school and telling the head teacher to f**k off.
There is no limits with him and I am struggling now even more then before

OP posts:
DandyPenguin · 03/04/2020 22:35

Tried locking him out

So you've tried locking him OUT, but haven't yet tried locking him IN?

As it's the holidays, can you 'compromise' by letting him be on the internet a lot during the day as you'd previously restricted that? Not ideal obviously, but you're struggling with him and it's better he's inside on the internet - within parental settings on - than outside doing who knows what.