Breaking the lockdown rules

[Pleasenocorona2020]

Me and my boyfriend live separately. We miss each other and this not seeing each other is driving us crazy. We don’t want to move In Together just yet. He wants to carry on the relationship as normal by coming to stay at mine but I’m sceptical because he is still going out to work. I work from home so have minimal contact with the world but he’s a risk as he works. Are we being silly to visit each other as normal?

celan, my sympathy and support extends to you as well, it extends to anybody suffering because of this. That doesn't mean that I think it wise (for your own sake as well!) to post about 'breaking the rules'.

Mumsnet isn't a particularly safe space to ask questions either, not if you value your serenity. Up is down and down is up right now...

Moving in is different. If you live together:

• You're reducing unnecessary journeys
• Shopping for one household - less chance of exposure overall than if trying to manage two households

TBH though, given you can effectively self-isolate and he's frontline, I find it pretty odd he thinks this is a good idea. Several frontline workers I know are doing their best to isolate from loved ones at home when they already share a household because they don't want to put them at risk.

Hell, I'm in a relationship that isn't in great shape (not abusive) but we've both agreed to stay put, support each other and work together through this because it's the best course of action now we're in lockdown. Even if we ultimately split, neither of us wants to put the other at risk OP. You're DP either doesn't get it or cares more about what he gets from seeing you than the risk to your health. That would concern me.

This is the thread I was talking about, Mascotte, it made me feel that my emotions were understandable even though I've done my best to ignore them and pretend all is well, all the time. Sometimes it just isn't.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3868290-Is-it-just-or-us-anyone-elses-emotions-all-over-the-place

I'm making sure that I get dressed and made-up every day, that's my normal and I'm not comfortable deviating from it. Looks a bit weird doing a workout but, it floats my boat... :)

Tell your boyfriend to stop being a selfish fuck!

Two young nhs nurses and countless others have died today because fuckwits like him can’t follow the rules!

You're not special, why would you think the rules don't apply to you?

I absolutely fucking despair.
You should be ashamed of yourself for even considering this.

Where's the OP?

Thanks @LyingWitchInTheWardrobe that resonates!

If only I had work it would help so much.

Always makeup and “done” here too .. if that goes I know I’m fucked 😂

Thank you, @LyingWitchInTheWardrobe That's very kind of you, and makes a nice change from some of the vitriol doing the rounds on here when so many people are struggling at the moment.

I was on the other thread you mentioned, but under a different name (I didn't dare post on this thread under my usual name - not least as my MH is too fragile to have people pile in and 'advanced search' my other posts).

I would actually be seriously put off someone who thinks like this. Has he explained why he thinks the rules don’t apply to him?

@SunshineCake.... I’m here. Just wanted some advice but deep down know what I need to do!!

That was what I was getting at, celan. We can't know enough to make a proper assessment so that best you can do is do what you truly believe to be right and only you can know that for yourself. I don't name-change but I think you were absolutely right to.

We all make micro-decisions for ourselves every minute of every day and we make justifications for those which is why we can live with them - even the vitriols do it, I'm sure. The rules are a blunt instrument and, talking of defying them, is a red rag to a bull every.single.time.

This isn't a safe place for questions about what to do and anybody struggling at the moment would be best off asking RL people, not here. If I were charitable, I'd say it's because posters are so scared but actually, I think it's because very many of the 'I despair' posters are in 'alright jack' situations themselves and want to dictate the minutiae that the government hasn't seen fit to do. They are, I suspect, the Brexit posters and I've seen quite a few posts from some strongly suggesting that it is the 'leavers' who are flouting the rules. That's the mentality here at the moment and is best avoided. I dip in and out (mostly out).

Ignore the 'storm-troopers', if Boris needs them, I'm sure he'll know where to find them.

Mascotte, I hear you. Perfume is also an essential for me, it lifts my mood instantly.

I haven't gone so far as to do my own waxing, I'm not that brave. I'll wait until my salon is open again and the restrictions are lifted - and thank my lucky stars to have fine, blonde hair.

@LyinWitch I’ve stopped talking to people irl as they just say, oh you’ll feel better soon, paint a rainbow type shit 😃

Mascotte, I understand that, cliche central, isn't it? Even when I have a conference call with work everybody just parades platitudes. I can't stand it so I go straight in with my update and then shut up... not another peep will they get from me. I won't be painting any rainbows either!

I've set myself targets for doing more burpees so that when I can have another session with my trainer again, he won't be forced to cough-laugh at my pitiful efforts.

To be honest, my downtime/sanity is listening to music and watching series box sets on my phone... I love Foyle's War, Jonathan Creek - and Ultimate Force. Whenever I have a bit of time for myself, that's what I do, I'm not very chatty in real life.

Firstly, sorry for my string of normal rather than MN emojis. It was the quickest way of posting a (rather long string) of face palm emojis.

I had just finished watching the news, with an amazing doctor from Gwent, who was very rationally talking about the fact that family could not be with those in their final moments. He was talking about how he wanted to try to make it possible, but restrictions (rightly so) made it hard and he tried to get across how he, or someone on his team, would always make sure that a patient would have their hand held in their final moments.

The easiest thing we can all do is to stay home as much as possible. All of us have varying reasons why it’s really blooming hard. But watching that doctor speak really hit home.

This may seem extreme, but please - picture the person/people you love most - then imagine you can’t be there to comfort them. Yup, sounds dramatic and OTT, but this could happen.

Don’t try to bend the rules to suit you. But also don’t stop having fun moments - if you’re a family living together then have a blooming BBQ this weekend, go for a safe family walk etc. Just please don’t decide to drive miles to local beauty spots - that is not needed!

I got to the bottom of page 2.

I hope you weren't in earnest, OP. I hope you were just on a (very successful) wind up mission.

Of course it's against the rules as you know. What you might not have known is that mumsnetters don't like to tell you this without the now obligatory insults and rage. It's an emotive topic.

This isn't a forum for advice or empathy right now. Censure, disgust and ridicule? Sure.

@UntamedWisteria it’s not just her if she goes out or works too is it? She catches it from him and passes it on therefore infecting others

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe I thought your last post was spot on. I completely agree with your analysis of most 'bend/break the rules' Leavers people. I think I am more a broken person who was kind of glued together until this happened. It turns out it was more Pritt stick than Superglue.

Anne Summers is still delivering OP
HTH

Wow. How insensitive. What is it with some of you thinking that just because some don't live with their boyfriends and missing them that all they want is the sex. The op never even mentioned that. She's missing her boyfriend, and their relationship is no less important than people who live together! Seriously shut up.
She never said she was going to break the rules, seemed to me she was looking to get some back up on her thoughts she already had!

Op, your feelings are totally valid, it's so bloody hard, I'm in the same boat, we can't see each other, we both have kids so moving in wasn't an option. It's so tough. But it will be over, it's not forever. Stay strong.