Breaking the lockdown rules

[Pleasenocorona2020]

Me and my boyfriend live separately. We miss each other and this not seeing each other is driving us crazy. We don’t want to move In Together just yet. He wants to carry on the relationship as normal by coming to stay at mine but I’m sceptical because he is still going out to work. I work from home so have minimal contact with the world but he’s a risk as he works. Are we being silly to visit each other as normal?

Yes you are. We all have people who we miss and if your relationship can survive this, it can survive most things. I would love the opportunity to be able to stay at home and am currently travelling to work and back and that is it. I am a key worker who is sadly at risk due to my clients flouting the rules

But it would be ok if @celan and her partner lived together? That’s the bit I don’t get really

I don’t see what the issue is. I’ve just been to the supermarket and was near the checkout person who’s meet about 300 people over their 6 hour shift?

Btw, he isn't self-isolating as such. He just can't be bothered to go out, and sees no need for us both to go shopping if I can do it on my own.

In fact, if I weren't seeing him at all, he would have to go out. As another fit and healthy adult, there would be no reason for him to take up delivery slots etc when he lives more or less next door to a grocery shop.

So we would both in fact be exposed to outside risk that way, and there would be an increased risk of one of us contracting CV (or something else) and passing it on to healthcare workers or my DC. As things stand, only one of us is.

A member of my family is doing just this. Driving between her own and her partners house. It's not good!

As a frontline nurse with medical colleagues dying from Covid 19 yes, you are being selfish. We are putting our lives on the line to save people please help us.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe poor mental health isn’t “feeling a bit sad”. I appreciate on this site just now that mental health is a sign of weakness requiring that we pull ourselves together and remember Ann a Frank, but that’s not how it works.

I’m keeping the rules. But treading a precarious line to keep going.

Every physical social connection is a chance for the virus to spread. If you were both isolated and working from home, realistically that risk is the same as being in the same household. Him working with other people exposes him, and therefore you to the risks of each of his colleagues and their households. How strong that risk is depends on his job, proximity to other people and how much at risk his colleagues are put at from their households.
There are workers in high risk occupations actively distancing themselves from immediate family to cut that risk down to their household.

Is the risk really worth it?

Yes, that's true Sally and Ink. However, exactly the same would be true if he moved in with me or the DC and I moved in with him. The risk is exactly the same.

And if lots of people all did that then we would never get this bloody virus under some sort of control. Why don’t I go down and move in with my daughter and family or my friend or whoever ? Because the more people who do this, the more people are put at risk.

We aren’t being ask to pick up a gun, put on a uniform, go to another country and fight for our country. This is inconvenient and unpleasant and financially worrying but staying away from people you don’t live with is not the biggest sacrifice in the world. It has to be done.

Mascotte, Don't assume that other posters are alien to mental health conditions or that they haven't experienced them either. The UK is going to see a sharp rise, I think.

I don't agree with the Anne Frank schtick either. I think that people whose mental health is sliding should seek medical help for it, not post about breaking the rules where they're likely to be - as you put it - lynched.

I was referring to celan in the last post, Mascotte, not you. I'm sorry that you're also suffering.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe that’s fair, I’m just sick of the oh, it’s just sit in your sofa crap, I don’t really see how it’s different to living with someone, and I’ve got meds fir pure panic but suffer from complex ptsd so it’s not that simple. I’ve been keeping the rules, but feel it’s unfair when yiu gave a serous long term partner but don’t live with them because of dc, but are otherwise observing the rules religiously.

@Jaggerypokery I was quoting the Chief Medical Officer, who suggested couples should move in together. I wasn't suggesting that all non-cohabiting couples should do so. If I thought that way, I would have done it.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe I am sorry that your sympathy for MH problems extends to some people and not others. If you have yourself experienced them, I sympathise.

Apologies for mad typos 😳

No, you're not being silly - you're being irresponsible and selfish to consider doing that.

I have not seen it actually mentioned here but I've read having sex with someone who is ''out and about'' when you are self isolating is about one of the most dangerous thing you can do - does not compare with going to supermarket or visiting someone.

@celan @Mascotte

I could see my friend, then, because it's no greater risk than if we were housemates?

OP - it's hard on everyone at the moment. It's hard on me who is trying to hold down a full-time job and home school, it is hard on my FIL who lives on his own 300 miles away, it is hard on my parents who cannot get a bloody internet shopping slot and are vulnerable.

Grow up and stay home like the rest of us ...

celan yes I understand that the CMO has said to moving in with a partner is ok. But if you don’t move in with them then you shouldn’t see them. That’s how the rule seems to me. So either to move in together for the duration of lockdown or stay apart for the duration but not go back and forth.

We do people think their needs outweigh other's needs? Imagine if we all just went to meet our partners. I'm in the same boat, miss my partner but am abiding by the rules. This will not stop anytime soon unless everyone follows the rule. It's also a fineable offence.

it is hard on my parents who cannot get a bloody internet shopping slot and are vulnerable.

If they're over 70, they should be able to get a slot with Sainsbury's. Do they have an account with them? If not, perhaps they or you could contact Sainsbury's? As I understand it, Sainsbury's and others were given a list of vulnerable people, and have created special delivery slots for them.

Anne Summers is still delivering OP
HTH

That sounds really tough, Mascotte. Somebody posted this link the other day and I found it really helpful - commonsense really but quite a few things I hadn't thought much about:

www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-hampshire-52085862/coronavirus-submarine-captain-s-advice-on-social-isolation

I can't really speak of being alone because I'm not but surprisingly, even though my husband is at home, we're both doing work stuff and it's strangely isolating even though we're 'together'. I think the point I wanted to make then was that I've changed - I was forever out, my job has obviously been a huge part of my life and I've only just come to that realisation. I'm not suffering with my mental health at the moment but I can see how easy it could be to slide.

I can also see how distressing it must be to really live on your own and I hope that there will be support and practical advise for people in the OP's and celan's situation - and yours, Mascotte. You're bang on the money that there isn't nearly enough currently.

bottlenose so many people seem to find themselves the exception to the rule like my neighbour who as we speak has her nephew round for a film and a sleepover. A guy across the road (who has since died of CV) was carted off in an ambulance a week ago by paramedics in PPE. She saw that happen so she knows it’s very real and very dangerous yet clearly doesn’t see that she can or should take responsibility for the health of others. I’m normally a very calm, easy going sort but I’ve been fuming all evening,

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe thanks, I read that. The whole alone in isolation thing is hugely triggering, I also have had a hell of a fortnight with new horrible things by the day, and am very much struggling. Though abiding by the rules...