Reaching out for help here: I have long term anxiety and depression, either one can be severe on a normal day. And yet I've been relatively OK with covid so far. The anxiety caused me to notice it and prepare to some extent really early, which was probably a positive. But then a few days ago my mood began to drop.
Now I'm in a really dark place. And actually I don't know if this is really specific to Covid in which case maybe it's the wrong board to post on. I have no friends and virtually no support at any time so it's not about social contact, I don't think, or not being able to go out because I'm already very isolated, in life.
But this time I'm alone with a primary aged child, and trying to work remotely. I feel like I can't do anything right. All my child wants to do is go on the ipad, they will be on it 6, 7 hours and I feel guilty for that, I feel horrible letting them, though we do some lessons each day they will ask for it constantly and it's easier to give in. I worry about what it's doing to their brain. I can't keep up with work and end up outside conversations trying to figure out what's happened after virtual meetings, and end up with colleagues irritated with me, my boss snapped at me this morning because I asked questions trying to work out my role in something. I'm getting up early to try and work in the small hours and playing catch up later on and not getting it right. The house and garden have gone to sh*t. I was trying to get into a routine with everything and trying to do some exercise last weekend but since my mood dropped I've just eaten junk and self criticising for that. I just feel Inferior, inept. I have to be here for my child but I have such a dark negative train of thought. We are safe and well and I should be grateful but my mind is just shouting at me, about how I have no value and noone would miss me, I'm more of a burden than a help to anyone.
I know it will pass, it always does but I'm struggling to cope today.