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Covid

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Original poster

Daughter 24 wants to come home

762 replies

AinJD · 28/03/2020 20:55

DD loves London but is working from her little room in a shared house currently as office is closed - life so different from normal and says she just wants to come home (to North Yorkshire) where she can have more space and will feel somehow safer with family. DH reluctantly (is it essential?) said he’ll fetch her tomorrow if she’s sure she wants to be here till the end of the lockdown. He will go there and back, no interactions with anyone but her. We all feel guilty already at going against the spirit of the guidance, but she’s taken care to walk everywhere for the past two weeks, is not ill and will self-isolate in her room here for seven days on arrival. It is probably not essential but feels natural for her to want to be here with us and of course we don’t really in our hearts want to say no. We almost wish there was a form to fill in for this mission!

OP posts:

diddl · 28/03/2020 22:04

How long before lockdown did she start to work from home?

Honestly, there was so much notice that this would happen.

People are nitpicking about people in rural areas going out more than once but then, "oh yeah, drive hundreds of miles to fetch someone who doesn't live with you to now live with you"

Bonkers!

Haveitheright · 28/03/2020 22:04

DH reluctantly (is it essential?) said he’ll fetch her tomorrow if she’s sure she wants to be here till the end of the lockdown.

So, as he is sitting in close contact in the car with her is he going to self isolate for 14 days also? Are you- just to make sure nothing is spread in your area fromDD? If so then absolutely go and get your daughter.

diddl · 28/03/2020 22:05

And no, of course it isn't essential!

bigchris · 28/03/2020 22:06

As a mum of adults, with both now at home: it makes us all feel much better, we'll deal with what we have to when we have to.

Incredibly selfish , what about the reasons for essential journeys ? But as long as you and yours are ok who gives a fuck

midnightstar66 · 28/03/2020 22:06

Yes get her, having families together where possible is essential in my eyes atm.

DowntownAbby · 28/03/2020 22:07

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Haffdonga · 28/03/2020 22:07

DS came home (just before the lockdown). from his shared student house. To me it was the responsible decision because if he'd stayed and got ill A, he wouldn't have enough food or supplies to last a 2 week quarantine (not enough storage or freezer space) so would have had to go out often to shop; B, he wouldn't have been able isolate himself in shared bathroom, kitchen etc; C, flatmates could go home and he wouldn't have had anyone to look after him if he got seriously ill.

Sometimes you have to do what is the least worst thing to follow the spirit of the guidelines. Get her.

Poppyfields21 · 28/03/2020 22:07

I’d get her but both her AND husband would have to isolate (2.5+ h in car with her plenty for him to be infected!)

bigbluebus · 28/03/2020 22:08

We had this same discussion with DS yesterday. DH said he would set off to collect him today if he really wanted to come home but as there are police check points all over the place he couldn't guarantee he would actually get to him. After much discussion DS decided that he would stay where he is for now. He had an email from his Uni on Thursday (along with all the other students and staff) telling everyone that advice had been sought from the government and that everyone has to stay where they are until the curfew is lifted. If he had been desperately unhappy or scared we wouldn't have hesitated to go and rescue him. We just have to hope that he doesn't get ill whilst he's so far away. But unlike your DD OP, our DS is not in a hot spot like London - in fact he is in the lowest area in the country for Covid 19 cases at the moment.

It all seems daft that people are going out to the supermarket or work and that some are still flying back into the country and yet we can't supposedly bring our own children back home. But what we have to remember is that these restrictions are in place to try and flatten the curve and in no way are they thinking that the spread will stop completely.

bigchris · 28/03/2020 22:09

@midnightstar66 i guess none of your family work in the nhs then

Jourdain11 · 28/03/2020 22:09

Can she sit in the back of the car, not close to him?

Camopetals · 28/03/2020 22:09

OP can you explain to us why your daughter's comfort is more important than the life-saving lockdown strategy, which has been put in place to mitigate against the most serious public health emergency any of us has ever known?

Why is your family more important than the millions, literally millions of others, who have also been pushed into hardship?

Sorry but you disgust me.

AnyOldSpartabix · 28/03/2020 22:10

I have a 24 year DS paramedic son in London who would love to escape back home to Mum but he is abiding by the new legislation to save others.

Presumably he’s still needed at work though. The situation isn’t the same.

Both my young adult children came home. They both said the atmosphere in their shared housing had become desperately tense and I feared, both for their mental health, and for what would happen if they became unwell and nobody would look after them.

It is a bit late, OP, but like most people in this thread, I would bring her home, so long as she stays properly inquarantine once she’s arrived. And yes, not in the spirit of the rules, but I would never turn my children away if they were in need.

DowntownAbby · 28/03/2020 22:10

@Haffdonga

Sometimes you have to do what is the least worst thing to follow the spirit of the guidelines. Get her.

'Follow the spirit of the guidelines'

By that you mean 'completely ignore them'?

diddl · 28/03/2020 22:10

"and yet we can't supposedly bring our own children back home"

Not now no-because there has already been plenty of time to do it!

RichardMarxisinnocent · 28/03/2020 22:10

Please please don't do this. It is not essential travel and risks spreading the virus. You may be able to reduce the risk but you can't remove it completely. I agree with the PP who said it is selfish and reckless. I am another adult daughter not a parent, and I live alone as do many people - there are plenty of us who won't have anyone to look after us if we get ill, but we aren't all travelling across the country so as not to be alone.

I am also a non frontline NHS worker. Please listen to my frontline colleagues and do the right thing and let your daughter stay at home and stay at home yourselves.

bigchris · 28/03/2020 22:11

in fact he is in the lowest area in the country for Covid 19 cases at the moment

One of the reasons is probably that people aren't going to pick up their kids

InvisibleWomenMustBeRead · 28/03/2020 22:11

I'd get her 100%, no hesitation, then all go into total lockdown for 14 days (so make sure to get food in first).

Potkettlexx · 28/03/2020 22:12

@Littledragongirl

So I totally get why your daughter would want to come home right now, and honestly I dont think anyone would begrudge you for picking her up.

😳 for real??? I’m pretty sure if the dad was stopped by the police and he told them his plans they would have something to say about it!! Not in a positive way

liann81 · 28/03/2020 22:13

If it was my daughter I would be getting in my car and drive all night all night if needed.

Myimaginarypenguinhasfleas · 28/03/2020 22:13

Skinidin buy a ticket for your daughter and get her home. It's not ideal, but it's a single journey. Every time people go to the shops for food they risk catching or spreading the virus.

DH and I have been very strict about self isolating, we are following the rules meticulously, but think you're entirely reasonable to want your daughter home under the circumstances you describe.

eaglejulesk · 28/03/2020 22:13

No you can't lots of people want to be elsewhere but can't

This. She isn't a child, she decided to stay originally, she can't suddenly decide she doesn't like it and can come home because life is so different from normal!! What if everyone decided they wanted to go somewhere else? Why do people think the rules apply to others, but not to them? What part of "lock-down" do you not understand?

Soontobe60 · 28/03/2020 22:13

I'd get her too.

furrypesto · 28/03/2020 22:15

What the hell? So I told my mother she couldn't come and get me from London yesterday (even though I am disabled and have now isolated for 14 days and my support systems have fallen away due to coronavirus) because of the government guidance and the overwhelming opinion on mumsnet that anyone who even thinks of going against the instructions is causing the deaths of thousands but now suddenly it's ok??! Of all the ways this thread could have gone I really couldn't have predicted this.....

Surely the point of government guidance is that it for EVERYONE to take on board, not for people to pick and choose

bigchris · 28/03/2020 22:16

@Jourdain11 its not just about that , its about if something happened on the jounrey , more for nhs staff to do

Plus he might need petrol , they might break down, they might need to use the motorway services

Stay at home, save lives etc

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