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Original poster

Daughter 24 wants to come home

762 replies

AinJD · 28/03/2020 20:55

DD loves London but is working from her little room in a shared house currently as office is closed - life so different from normal and says she just wants to come home (to North Yorkshire) where she can have more space and will feel somehow safer with family. DH reluctantly (is it essential?) said he’ll fetch her tomorrow if she’s sure she wants to be here till the end of the lockdown. He will go there and back, no interactions with anyone but her. We all feel guilty already at going against the spirit of the guidance, but she’s taken care to walk everywhere for the past two weeks, is not ill and will self-isolate in her room here for seven days on arrival. It is probably not essential but feels natural for her to want to be here with us and of course we don’t really in our hearts want to say no. We almost wish there was a form to fill in for this mission!

OP posts:
yoloPenguinsEatfish · 28/03/2020 21:49

skin just buy her a ticket, they've split, she can't stay and needs her mum xx worry about everything else later.

JanewaysBun · 28/03/2020 21:50

My mum offered for me and DH/kids to come back but I declined as I don't want to make my DPs ill

If I was single 20s young parents I would probably want to go home

IDSNeighbour · 28/03/2020 21:50

Skinidin - she can't travel the length of the country on a train for a non essential journey!

I think this thread shows that parents feel way too much guilt for not doing what their adult children want to.

As an adult child - we're over 21, we understand the difference between want and need, we understand risk and can accept sensible, reasoned decisions. We won't hate you for not breaking government guidance and keeping yourselves safe. You're much more vulnerable than us. Seriously!

But yes, lockdown is still fucking lonely and it still sucks

RudieSmithy · 28/03/2020 21:51

I am self isolating for 14 days and planning to go home to my parents after that time. I live alone.

bigchris · 28/03/2020 21:51

I agree with @Camopetals

Where would the country be if everyone tried to escape London

She's 24, not at boarding school

Your dh could have an accident on he way there or back causing more strain on the nhs which is why the government tells us necessary travel only

langdale2016 · 28/03/2020 21:51

Absolutely 100% go get her xxxx

Bluetrews25 · 28/03/2020 21:51

People moving causes the disease to spread. That's why it's essential journeys only. I have a son the same age in London, in a shared house. He is staying there. They are the rules. So what would happen if we all went to pick our adult DCs up from London and bring them home?
Of course I miss him, I'd love to have him home, but he has to stay put. It 's not just me he'd be risking by coming home, it's everyone at the service station where we'd have to stop and everyone they meet, and everyone I meet etc etc.
What happened in Italy when everyone left the disease hotspots and went to the coast? And Spain? Yes, let's do it with London, too!
I work for the NHS is case you can't tell. Hmm
I cannot believe all the PPs saying to go and get her! Yet on other threads they pile on to criticise an OP wanting to swerve the rules!

Highlandcathedral · 28/03/2020 21:51

It’s another get her from me. Our son came home to North Yorkshire from the midlands last week, he is a key worker (supermarket logistics) and my main concern was that he would end up unwell and on his own far from home.

As it is he has set up office in the kitchen, and generally it is lovely to have him home (he’s been away a lot of the time since he went to university 7 years ago)

Although we are getting through a lot of food!

Skinidin · 28/03/2020 21:52

Will she be able to travel all that way on the train?

Won't she be questioned? I will make her undress in our garage and put her in isolation when she gets here.

Husband has Parkinson's but we do have quite a big house. I know I spound selfish but I'm desperate to get her back!

DowntownAbby · 28/03/2020 21:52

Why ask?

No one on MN gives a shit about the instructions.

They did last week when they were all whipping themselves into a frenzy about how we should be locked down, but once it came they didn't want to know - rules are for other people, etc.

Crack on OP. Get this fucking virus spread about nicely. Great.

FFS.

yoloPenguinsEatfish · 28/03/2020 21:53

There's obviously a complete split between the mums and the adult children on this thread!

As a mum of adults, with both now at home: it makes us all feel much better, we'll deal with what we have to when we have to.

DDs would no doubt prefer to be elsewhere, but they have a roof over their head, which considering that DD1 had to come back from France when the ski resorts closed last Weds, and DD2 is redundant as of Tuesday night coming, seems to be quite a good option.

YgritteSnow · 28/03/2020 21:53

I simply cannot imagine a situation where I would prefer my (adult) children to be self-isolating in some grotty flat share/bedsit when they could be at home... but I think by MN standards I am possibly a complete softy.

Well I am too Smile. It's not just MN though. I think there's a lot of parents like this out there. My own parents were very hard on us when we were teenagers and young adults then very resentful when we didn't want to have much to do with them once we could support ourselves. I think this kind of harsh, suck it up parenting has a big impact on your relationship with them as adults when they don't have to depend on you anymore. I remember very clearly how unwanted and how much of a nuisance my parents made me feel and it definitely weakened our bond.

mumsiedarlingrevolta · 28/03/2020 21:54

I wouldn't be able to not go and get her

Me neither.

Be scrupulous about her quarantine and yours.

diddl · 28/03/2020 21:55

Why has it taken her so long to decide this?

Of course she should stay put!

IDSNeighbour · 28/03/2020 21:55

There's obviously a complete split between the mums and the adult children on this thread!

Which is actually kind of nice I suppose because it shows that the mums care more about their children than themselves and the children care more about their mums than themselves.

But I think the mums are forgetting about the rest of their country in their overwhelming concern for their children and are therefore wrong!

StripyOrangeCat · 28/03/2020 21:55

Get her, mine drove home.

StripyOrangeCat · 28/03/2020 21:56

It’s hell but hey ho LOL 🤣🤣🤣

Perihelion · 28/03/2020 21:57

Skinidin the trains are still running, but with a reduced timetable.

Jourdain11 · 28/03/2020 21:57

Yeah, it might have been better to make this decision a week or so back - but to be fair, I think you don't know what social distancing feels like till you've done it!

OP, I don't mean this at all unkindly, but are you sure you won't drive each other nuts if she comes to you?

LittleDragonGirl · 28/03/2020 21:58

I'd get her.
Honestly I want to be staying with my parents (early 50s) and if it wasnt for thr fact we have a cat and they have dogs we would stay with them until all this is over (pretty sure my DH would be happy to stay there too atm).
Honestly miss them so much and everything going on makes me feel like a small child again just wanting my mum Blush

But we will just keep on going until we come out of this the other side. Have gradually been stocking up on food over the past 4 weeks (one or two extra meals per week in the freezer) so when it hits it peak we can literally not open the door for a few weeks if necessary.
But even so I still miss my parents, used to stay with them at least once a month and I'm very close to my mam.
So I totally get why your daughter would want to come home right now, and honestly I dont think anyone would begrudge you for picking her up.

Monstermissy36 · 28/03/2020 22:00

My ds 23 lives 25 min walk from mine and I still asked if he wanted to be home... he didn't he said no way but as a mum I'd like my children altogether, I don't care how old they are!!

I'm used to him being away as he was hours away for uni but it's different times atm!

jinxpixie · 28/03/2020 22:00

FFS what is different to this situation than all the MNs slagging off people leaving London to go to their second homes.

No it is not the right thing to do and you know it hence why you asked on here.

I have a 24 year DS paramedic son in London who would love to escape back home to Mum but he is abiding by the new legislation to save others.

I wouldn't be able to not go and get her you just have to man up like the rest of us.

Frosty26827 · 28/03/2020 22:01

You’re asking on here? She’s your child, no matter how old she is. Go get her.

bigchris · 28/03/2020 22:01

@Bluetrews25 exactly ! My 23 year old nephew is the same, Still in London, he could go back to his parents in the Midlands but he's abiding by the government advice

Op listen to someone on the front line

NoSauce · 28/03/2020 22:03

WTF. A poster was ripped to bits the other day for asking if she could walk her twice a day in a field where there was nobody around now most of you are saying yes to this?!