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Original poster

Daughter 24 wants to come home

762 replies

AinJD · 28/03/2020 20:55

DD loves London but is working from her little room in a shared house currently as office is closed - life so different from normal and says she just wants to come home (to North Yorkshire) where she can have more space and will feel somehow safer with family. DH reluctantly (is it essential?) said he’ll fetch her tomorrow if she’s sure she wants to be here till the end of the lockdown. He will go there and back, no interactions with anyone but her. We all feel guilty already at going against the spirit of the guidance, but she’s taken care to walk everywhere for the past two weeks, is not ill and will self-isolate in her room here for seven days on arrival. It is probably not essential but feels natural for her to want to be here with us and of course we don’t really in our hearts want to say no. We almost wish there was a form to fill in for this mission!

OP posts:
Lockheart · 28/03/2020 21:33

Speaking from the POV of your daughter (I am also working from home in my room in a shared house in London, whilst my parents live in the countryside), I would not go and get her.

I would dearly love to go home. I would have more space to work from and could go for walks in the fields with the dogs. I would usually go home anyway in the spring for a couple of long weekends and even without everything else happening I still miss it.

But I will not go. My parents have made it clear that I and my brother are welcome, and that they'd drive to come and get us too if we asked, but why would I risk spreading anything to a different area of the country? Why would I risk giving it to my parents?

London is fine. The shops aren't full but they have enough food. In my area, the vast majority of people seem to be observing the correct social distancing rules. Working from home in my room is not ideal (I have a tiny desk and the chair is not that comfortable!), but I will manage.

There is no reason for me to go home, other than the fact I'd quite like to be in the countryside with my family. That alone is not good enough reason for me to risk spreading anything. It sounds to me like your daughter is in much the same position as I am.

Redwinestillfine · 28/03/2020 21:33

Absolutely get her

safariboot · 28/03/2020 21:35

She's an adult. Her home is where she is now. For her to travel to yours is contrary to government guidance. Unless her home is actually unsafe, she should stay put.

SpeckledyHen · 28/03/2020 21:35

Fill the tank and go .

Waitinginthewings · 28/03/2020 21:36

No. I wouldn't get her. I'd call her/ skype regularly. Send money if needed. Even pay for her to move into a house on her own near to where she is now (if I could afford it.).

raskolnikova · 28/03/2020 21:36

It's interesting that everyone else on the thread would go and get her and everyone else on the thread has children. I suppose I'm the only one in the daughter position rather than the mother position and maybe parental instinct overrides rules/the most sensible option. But I still don't think you should go.

I don't think OP should get her either really, I live close to North Yorkshire and I'm not sure I like the thought of families going to collect their London relatives and bringing them up here - and I myself have relatives in London. Isn't the incubation period up to 14 days as well - so she could self-isolate for a week in her room but still be carrying it Confused

Jourdain11 · 28/03/2020 21:36

I honestly think this is okay. You're taking minimal risks with yourselves and her and unlikely to infect those around you. Just go for it, and try not to feel too guilty!

Sunnyhopefulness · 28/03/2020 21:36

Go and get her - I know of a couple of similar situations where grown up children have moved home

Marieo · 28/03/2020 21:37

I would go and get her, she is willing to self isolate when she gets back and if you take reasonable precautions as well just in case. I wouldnt be surprised if London was subject to greater restrictions than the rest of the country soon, I would want to be with my family, especially as no one knows how long this will go on for. I would before you don't have the choice and restrictions are tightened.

Potkettlexx · 28/03/2020 21:37

@Lockheart

**Speaking from the POV of your daughter (I am also working from home in my room in a shared house in London, whilst my parents live in the countryside), I would not go and get her.

I would dearly love to go home. I would have more space to work from and could go for walks in the fields with the dogs. I would usually go home anyway in the spring for a couple of long weekends and even without everything else happening I still miss it.

But I will not go. My parents have made it clear that I and my brother are welcome, and that they'd drive to come and get us too if we asked, but why would I risk spreading anything to a different area of the country? Why would I risk giving it to my parents?

London is fine. The shops aren't full but they have enough food. In my area, the vast majority of people seem to be observing the correct social distancing rules. Working from home in my room is not ideal (I have a tiny desk and the chair is not that comfortable!), but I will manage.

There is no reason for me to go home, other than the fact I'd quite like to be in the countryside with my family. That alone is not good enough reason for me to risk spreading anything. It sounds to me like your daughter is in much the same position as I am.**

This 👏

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 28/03/2020 21:37

Go get her then all self isolate. Most of the shared accommodation houses we clean for are now empty because they've all gone home to their families

Milliways · 28/03/2020 21:37

My DS came home a few days before lockdown and his gf joined us the night of lockdown as she cannot work in her shared house and cannot go to her parents. Both work in London and now from our house.
Considering people are still flying in from abroad on rescue flights, a rescue trip to Collect your children seems reasonable.
My worry is that DS would get ill in London and be entirely alone in his high rise flat. At least here weep have space for them all to have own rooms or a separate bathroom if one gets ill, and they can now access a garden etc.

twinnywinny14 · 28/03/2020 21:37

If no one in your house has high risk health problems then I would go and get her. She should self isolate for 14days not 7 as that’s time it will take for any symptoms to come out x

kateandme · 28/03/2020 21:38

go.but she must self quarentine.she might n not be ill but she could be showing no symptoms.they will come out in the next few weeks if not a month.so if she could do longer even i would.
i dont believe lockdown will be 3 weeks either judging by how we are being and what other countries have been like.and it if gets tighter still you willl not be able to go.

YgritteSnow · 28/03/2020 21:38

I'd go and get her without question.

Bookoffacts · 28/03/2020 21:38

Go and get your daughter

YgritteSnow · 28/03/2020 21:40

I would add that turning up now rather than 7 days ago was poor planning on her part and the risk that she had placed on you and your dh

She probably wouldn't want to come home if you're the kind of parent that felt they had to say this Hmm

User721 · 28/03/2020 21:42

I would get her.
Though if she does have corona then she may pass it on to your dh by being in the car together.

Sosounhappy · 28/03/2020 21:43

Why not ring the police or the government and ask their advise you know the answer is no!

yoloPenguinsEatfish · 28/03/2020 21:44

She probably wouldn't want to come home if you're the kind of parent that felt they had to say this

YES Ygritte. I simply cannot imagine a situation where I would prefer my (adult) children to be self-isolating in some grotty flat share/bedsit when they could be at home... but I think by MN standards I am possibly a complete softy.

Original poster
AinJD · 28/03/2020 21:46

I’m new to this and overwhelmed by so much response. It’s the whole stupid head-heart thing - husband was ready to say no for all the reasons given but when she actually called said yes making it clear she could call and change her mind before 8 am tomorrow. She’s been nowhere but the park and corner shop for over a week, the same as her two flatmates. None of them is ill. That’s the thing that swayed him.

OP posts:
Skinidin · 28/03/2020 21:46

I am in a similar position. My daughter (also 24) went with her BF to his mother's house in Ipswich. I live in Dundee.

They have been self isolating in a converted garage there. Ever since she got there she has wanted to come home but BF has been guilt tripping her to stay. Now they have effectively split up and she is desperate to come home.

She has no money and I am beside myself. I can't drive there for a number of reasons and I am wondering if there is any way at all she can come home on the train. I can buy her ticket.
Any suggestions gratefully received - I am feeling pretty desperate tbh.

Salene · 28/03/2020 21:46

I wouldn't hesitate at all about getting my kids, go and get her x

Lockheart · 28/03/2020 21:47

I can't speak for the OP's daughter @yoloPenguinsEatfish, but my house share is quite nice and not grotty. Just because you share a flat or a house doesn't mean it's a dump. And I share my house with 6 other people - it's not a luxury one by any stretch!

Camopetals · 28/03/2020 21:48

It's outrageously selfish and reckless of her to think she can leave London, contrary to Government advice, at this late stage.

She's a grown adult, she needs to bunker down in the place where she has chosen to make her home like the rest of us (I say that as a young professional also living in London who could easily hotfoot it back up North.. But I absolutely wouldn't do that as my needs don't trump a public health emergency).