Daughter 24 wants to come home

[AinJD]

DD loves London but is working from her little room in a shared house currently as office is closed - life so different from normal and says she just wants to come home (to North Yorkshire) where she can have more space and will feel somehow safer with family. DH reluctantly (is it essential?) said he’ll fetch her tomorrow if she’s sure she wants to be here till the end of the lockdown. He will go there and back, no interactions with anyone but her. We all feel guilty already at going against the spirit of the guidance, but she’s taken care to walk everywhere for the past two weeks, is not ill and will self-isolate in her room here for seven days on arrival. It is probably not essential but feels natural for her to want to be here with us and of course we don’t really in our hearts want to say no. We almost wish there was a form to fill in for this mission!

WTF. A poster was ripped to bits the other day for asking if she could walk her twice a day in a field where there was nobody around now most of you are saying yes to this?!

I know. It’s fucking bizarre isn’t it? 🤷‍♀️

I would get her, no question.

It’s a horrible, scary time and your daughter wants to be home while responsibly self isolating. I would definitely get her and the whole house can then self-isolate for two weeks. My parents are vulnerable otherwise I’d have happily moved them in with me.

So she's going to isolate for 7 days when she arrives. What if she's one of the cases with a 14-day incubation period? What if she's one of the asymptomatic carriers? Is your DH also going to isolate after spending 4+ hours in a car with her? And isolate from you? Or are you going to isolate as well? By which I don't mean staying in apart from when you go out to exercise or need to pop to the shops, I mean staying IN full stop.

She is an adult, not a child. Mid-20s, not a teenager. She's presumably been living away from home for six years or so. She isn't completely alone; she has flat mates for company. She lives in London. She's been going out to the corner shop. She lives in a shared house and her flatmates have also been going out. Maybe she's not got it; maybe she has. London has a high and rapidly rising infection rate. Yorkshire and the Humber has the lowest rate in England. Read up about the history of Eyam and do not bring the plague north.

The rules are there for a reason. They specifically state that you must not mix with people from other households even if they are close family. The rules haven't been made for fun. They are there to save lives. You and your precious snowflake are not exceptions.

FFS so sick of everyone thinking the rules apply to everyone else but not them.

I live in North Yorkshire. In the flats next to me are 3 grown up children- 2 of whom I have not seen for at least 10 years- they must be late 20s. I assume they have all come home from London- our street must have at least 20 extra people.

Not sure what I think- I was surprised that suddenly our road has lots of 20 odds here. There are many more people than Christmas.

@furrypesto I would of said your mum coming to collect you was an essential trip and would of said do it.

I think, if you can shop for food/meds, walk the dog, go to work (with the very wide definition of key worker), drop your child at school for childcare rather than actual education, picking up your adult child for ongoing safety is ok.

Of course, if your adult child is a paramedic/nurse/doctor/hospital porter in a hotspot they probably wont want to come 'home' anyway.

But if you are potentially reducing the risk for the NHS by bringing someone away from an existing hotspot in order to self quarantine (and by using a car and not public transport) then it seems ok to me.

Our spineless, pathetic middle classes are going to undo the heroic efforts of our nurses, cleaners, carers, hospital porters and other front line workers.

There are no words strong enough to convey my contempt for you all.

No, it’s against the terms of the lockdown.

All of the I’d go get her and trudge frozen tundras naked while pursued by rabid dogs to do so posters are the reason it’s spreading so quickly.

Re road blocks, are these in operation? How does it all work? I will need to pick up my 18yo DD in a few days. Do I carry some sort of ID for if I'm stopped?

My 25 year old son (PhD student) lives in Edinburgh. He is working from home and he and his partner have mixed with no-one in at least a fortnight. She went home to the US today. He will be driving home to us on Monday. If he could not get home independently we would be driving to collect him.
Go get your daughter. This situation is too grim to be on your own miles away from the people who love you.

She's 24!! Unless she has an underlying health or mental health issue leave her where she is and keep up daily FaceTime etc.

If you do end up getting her then pay at the pump and wear gloves. Then isolate your family for 14 days with people dropping off supplies to your doorstep. She's living in London so has a chance of having the virus.

@Camopetals - well said!! The govt might as well say "carry on as normal" as that is what so many people seem to think they can do. Even in these times people can't seem to apply something as necessary as resilience - I fear for you all! (and thank God I don't live in the UK)

I’ve just reread all the posts and seen that the daughter hasn’t in fact isolated all week but has been to the park and the corner shop. Well, that’s all grand isn’t it? Even more risk. And I bet she hasn’t been isolating from her housemates all week either.

OP. You do realise that your husband will need to isolate too when he gets back? As he too will have been to the corner shop and the park via your daughter.

I’d get her but the responses on here go against threads where men want to get their children and the wife doesn’t. I’d like to know the difference between children and step children.

This lockdowns not going to work. People aren’t actually locking down.

Well it's definitely a risk to you because if she's a carrier you're going to be in a car together for hours and she won't be able to get more than two metres away from you.

cannot believe all the PPs saying to go and get her! Yet on other threads they pile on to criticise an OP wanting to swerve the rules!

This!

Wow. Your DD is an adult - at 24 not even a very young adult. She’s not first year of university.

Fine, lockdown in a small London flat probably isn’t much fun, and yes, coming home to mum & dad feels like the comforting option - and as parents you want everyone together.

But you really, really shouldn’t.

It’s 100% no different to the holiday home thread (I won’t stop anywhere, we’ll see no one etc).

Don’t want to start another thread but what is the hive mind on this
Dc in final year of med school, told ten days ago by their med school to all go home and do interim medical jobs near their homes.
Uni has now backtracked and said they all “must” take interim jobs in their original deanery ( ie where their uni is) as soon as listed by GMC, probably next week.
It is 3.5 hours from where we live, I want to drive him, less risk of contamination than on public transport and he brought all his stuff home so has nothing there and will not have time ( nor a car, nor money) to go shopping for duvets etc as they start work for the NHS straight away.
Drive or not?

My 25 year old son (PhD student) lives in Edinburgh. He is working from home and he and his partner have mixed with no-one in at least a fortnight. She went home to the US today. He will be driving home to us on Monday. If he could not get home independently we would be driving to collect him.
Go get your daughter. This situation is too grim to be on your own miles away from the people who love you

Why?? He's 25 and it's his home. Why on earth would he drive to you and risk passing something on to you or anyone else he meets on the way. Or picking up something on his journey. It's crazy (and way outside the 'rules').

Everyone is away from people they love right now. Millions of us are away from everyone we love. And it's horrible. But it's not going to kill us (severe mental or physical health issues aside and would count as an emergency). The virus might!

Go and get her. It’s your decision as a family because no one else is at risk from your dp collection her in the car and returning straight home. I wish I could go to my mum’s right now.

This situation is too grim to be on your own miles away from the people who love you

And it’ll be even more fucking grim if you ridiculous lot don’t start adhering to the lockdown. You could be the cause of people being apart from their loved ones for good. Ignorant fools.

I actually think that what is quite clear is that we either have lockdown or we don't, and at the moment we dont have clear guidelines.

One person's essential journey is seen as totally irrelevant by the next person. Everyone has reasons both ways.

So if the govt really wants to stop transmission they have to be absolutely clear about what is and isnt allowed.

Wanting to pick up your adult child doesnt make you a 'disgusting person' as someone said upthread, it makes you someone who is considering the least worst option at this point in time.

DO NOT GO AND GET HER.
The rules apply to everyone , not to everyone except you.
So irresponsible, putting lives at risk.