Daughter 24 wants to come home

[AinJD]

DD loves London but is working from her little room in a shared house currently as office is closed - life so different from normal and says she just wants to come home (to North Yorkshire) where she can have more space and will feel somehow safer with family. DH reluctantly (is it essential?) said he’ll fetch her tomorrow if she’s sure she wants to be here till the end of the lockdown. He will go there and back, no interactions with anyone but her. We all feel guilty already at going against the spirit of the guidance, but she’s taken care to walk everywhere for the past two weeks, is not ill and will self-isolate in her room here for seven days on arrival. It is probably not essential but feels natural for her to want to be here with us and of course we don’t really in our hearts want to say no. We almost wish there was a form to fill in for this mission!

Coachman - not just 'supplies'. These were essential supplies apparently.... I wonder what on earth they could be?

Maybe mum and dad couldn't get a Sainsbury's slot?

Aloealoealoealoe - oh no. I'm so very sorry to hear that.

aloealoealoealoe
So sorry.

I’m so sorry aloe. It’s a very tough time to lose someone.

aloealoealoealoe I'm truly sorry. What an awful thing to go through at this difficult time.

Most of the young people who "live" in London, still "reside" at their parents home address. They come home for GP appointments, have all their bank and insurances based from their "home". London living is transitional, and few actually choose to base their lives from there

Mine don't. They live in London. Their Doctor, dentist, work and paperwork is all up there.

Aloe I'm so sorry.

@TemoraryUsername fucking love your biscuit bullet points.

This does suck but everyone needs to do it.

My parents live less than a mile from me and I hate keeping away from them with the DC who they miss like mad. But my father is in his 70s and has a heart condition. He also has dementia which at the moment is extremely hard work for mother and I wish I could help more.

But if we cause them to get ill it helps no one. :(

Aloealoealoealoe

I'm so so sorry to read this...

We had a new visitor to our house on Saturday. We asked Mil ti come and stay. We had to sit until the weekend as we'd been in isolation until then as DD had a cough a fortnight before.

MIL was home alone.
She is in her 70s though fairly healthy and well.
But FIL is seriously ill in hospital with lung cancer. She was originally able to visit once a day for an hour but that stopped over a week ago. We've been told it is now terminal. He's been tested for CV-9 twice now but its negative. But now he's been in contact with someone so his move to the hospice is on hold. Even when there its unlikely she'll be able to visit. MIL hadn't seen him in that time, last she saw him he had just had a negative result back.

If he passes whilst this is going on we won't be able to see him. At the moment MIL, dh and his brother will be able to attend a small funeral. i don't know if I or teen DD will be allowed.

I just know we couldn't risk her being hime alone for such a lengthy time with the risk of that happening. Not a chance.

There is absolutely no way I wasn't going to invite her to stay with us.

We were not at risk as we'd not been in contact with anyone for a fortnight. She wasn't a risk to us either as the only person she'd seen over a week ago was her husband who was negative.

It may not be essential travel to some but it was definitely the right thing to do for our family.

Aloealoealoealoe

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. This is a dreadful time to lose someone.

Given 19 year old Emily Owen committed suicide a few days ago after fears of being 'stuck inside', I can't judge parents who want their young adult kids home with them and who would otherwise be alone.

Mental health is important too.

I speak as someone who hasn't left the house in 2 weeks 3 days.

*Given 19 year old Emily Owen committed suicide a few days ago after fears of being 'stuck inside', I can't judge parents who want their young adult kids home with them and who would otherwise be alone.
*
The op's dd was not alone. She was in a house share with 2 others.

@Medievalist but it doesn't follow that she is happy there or supported. And what if the 2 others leave as well?

Surely it would be better for us to find resources to support people’s mental health during lockdown, instead of encouraging people to break the lock down, and risk spreading this disease, @SharonasCorona?

And what if the 2 others leave as well?

Hopefully it's unlikely that 3 people in the same house would be willing to flout the new rules. By your reasoning everyone should be able to travel to be with the people they want to be with at the current time, whatever the reason, in case staying put damages their mental health.

There are people elsewhere going from supermarket to supermarket looking for garlic bread - these are the people who don't get it.

I'm not encouraging anyone to break deadlock. I haven't been out of the house in 2 weeks and 3 days. My mum is elderly and lonely but I haven't seen her because I am scared of losing her as she is a chronic asthmatic who needs a nebuliser for days when she has a cold.

However, I can still understand why someone would want their young adult child home with them. This is going to go on for months.

However, I can still understand why someone would want their young adult child home with them.

Believe me, so can I. I have 3, aged 21-25. All 200 miles away from me. I could make a case for the impact this is having on my mental health. But I wouldn't presume to make myself a special case.

Well, I guess if you are 'lucky', as I am - DD2 wfh for last fortnight but redundant as of tomorrow, DD1 home from French Alps for last 12 days and if not clear at least asymptomatic, although now unemployed, it's quite easy to be totally respectful of govt guidelines, as indeed we have been.

But but but...

DD2's boyf needs to go back to his uni flat to collect his stuff, or else he'll have to pay 3rd term rent, despite having no access to uni.

Is that essential or not?

I would say that's essential. Some unis are being quite shitty about the halls-rent situation, I hear. Some refusing refunds at all, some demanding these quick removals (and it's hardly likely that they are going to be able to re-let the rooms, so don't really see the point )

I would say that's essential

you'd be wrong

I would totally get my stuff from uni. A term of rent halls cost me £1400 in 2000.

No way would I forsake a term’s rent to appease strangers.

If you husband is spending hours in the car with her then they both need to isolate away from you. If she does have it now without realising, he will easily pick it up from her on the journey home.

I'd go with essential. See if you see any adult MNers who've just moved house paying two or three months of rent on their previous place instead of fetching their belongings.

Hint: they won't do it.

I'm in your daughter's position, and my parents kept trying to convince me to spend the lockdown with them. I literally had to argue with them to stop being so stupid. I understand it's out of care and love, but it's also stupid.

It's completely against government advice. As much as I'd love to NOT spend 3 months with no one I know, the alternative is me potentially making a family member or someone else seriously ill. Your DD only leaving to go to a supermarket is a big risk. We're in London, there's far more people walking about with it here than anywhere else.

And unfortunately, actions like this (I'm sure you're far from being the only one) means people like me who are following the guidance are going to be stuck alone for longer because the epidemic will be more significant due to the actions of others.