Daughter 24 wants to come home

[AinJD]

DD loves London but is working from her little room in a shared house currently as office is closed - life so different from normal and says she just wants to come home (to North Yorkshire) where she can have more space and will feel somehow safer with family. DH reluctantly (is it essential?) said he’ll fetch her tomorrow if she’s sure she wants to be here till the end of the lockdown. He will go there and back, no interactions with anyone but her. We all feel guilty already at going against the spirit of the guidance, but she’s taken care to walk everywhere for the past two weeks, is not ill and will self-isolate in her room here for seven days on arrival. It is probably not essential but feels natural for her to want to be here with us and of course we don’t really in our hearts want to say no. We almost wish there was a form to fill in for this mission!

As others have said coachman. But this stopped being just about the op and her dd ages ago.

she has been careful

Inappropriatefemale. What leads you to this conclusion? All you know is what the OP wrote. And what she did write was that her daughter had been to the park and the corner shop. Also, she shares a house with two others and I’d lay a bet that the three of them have not isolated from each other in their shared house over the past couple of weeks.

So your interpretation of being careful actually means nothing of the sort does it?

I’ve already explained, check previous page.

This thread has made me realise that sadly, you could explain a hundred times in very simple language but that still wouldn’t get through to the terminally thick.

In case people still think rules should be flouted (as 'it's mainly old people affected' which I've seen elsewhere, not this thread), the first baby has died of Covid19 in the US:
www.livescience.com/us-infant-dies-coronavirus.html

The reality is we are potentially secret assassins to each other. It's not intentional, but unless everyone in the country is tested and we know for certain the virus hasn't mutated and you can't catch it twice (not going to happen btw) we are all a risk to each other. Hence the guidelines; and no you can't interpret them to suit your own means.

Wonder if everyone who is asymptomatic on this thread was tested and realised how many people they'd interacted with non-essentially, how would you feel then.

I agree Downton I'm looking at MN in a different light to be honest. I thought that the majority of MNers were like minded and cared for others, had a collective responsibility etc.
I had no idea the sense of entitlement, selfishly do what I want and sod everyone else had permeated MN

North Yorkshire does not want any virus she may carry She must self quarantine strictly when she gets back, as must your husband if he fetches her. No mixing with other family members and certainly no going outside the house.

That’s if your husband is allowed to fetch her, he may very well encounter road blocks - his journey is not essential.

@Roussette you have echoed my thoughts. I really had no idea that there were so many entitled people here who believe the rules don't apply to them, that they are somehow more special than everyone else. The total disregard for anyone else other than their own family is staggering.

Taking a step back from it, I’m leaning towards the view that it just hasn’t sunk in for people yet and they’re still in a pre-corona mindset where your own preferences and needs are most important.

The only problem with this is by the time it does sink in tremendous damage will be done.

I hate the way that ‘mental health’ is being bandied about as an excuse to do what you like on these threads. People have very real mental health issues and they are being trivialised every time a poster uses the catch-all of mental health as a reason to flout the rules. Not every episode of being a bit upset because you can’t do just as you please can be classified under mental health.

This.

Re mental health.... I dont know whether it is being trivialised actually. I suppose you can only go by your own experience of your nearest and dearest's mental health to decide whether this is a valid decision or not.

For me, I would absolutely support the OP's decision, both on the grounds of my DD's mental health and my own. Maybe that makes me selfish, but it also means preventing potential long term MH damage which could be very expensive for the NHS, and also that it is unlikely to be able to access help in the short term at least anyway.

I have various family members/friends who work in MH and they are in absolute despair at the moment due to the overall stress on the services.

I don't know what it hsn't sunk in... endless Government adverts (when was the last time we had those??) and you only have to google what's going on in the world...look at Spain and Italy, and then read about the virus and how it spreads. Look at death tolls, and how everyone (scientists, chief Medical officers etc) ALL say the best way to help yourself and others is to only make essential journeys (work, pick up prescriptions, food)

It must be head in the sand and not wanting to listen. Maybe when we reach Italy's figures nearly 11,000 sadly died, perhaps then people will listen

Maybe that makes me selfish, but it also means preventing potential long term MH damage which could be very expensive for the NHS

The point is that someone else, with a much broader scope and wider understanding than you, took that decision and decided that it was better in terms of overall outcomes that someone like your daughter stayed put in the short term.

So yes, it would be a selfish decision. You’d be going against official advice. All the ‘exceptions to the rule’ add up and before you know it, the UK’s in the same position as Italy. Tough as it is, that’s the reality.

I suspect DD and parents who are taking the risk to bring her into their home would also be the kind of people who’d feel entitled to priority treatment and ventilators should, God forbid, the worst happen.

I suppose roussette it is possibly due to the tangential death risk. Because cancer patients are not getting their ops/chemo, pregnant women not getting their check ups etc, let alone the fear of having to give birth alone.

So, when it is all over (hopefully) all countries will have to analyse what they did right and what they did wrong.

I think its quite understandable that individuals make their own decisions, based on their own risk assessments, which they can only make in terms of their own circumstances.

I have various family members/friends who work in MH and they are in absolute despair at the moment due to the overall stress on the services.

I know, it’s appalling.

But if you do the sums, taking no measures to halt the spread of this virus in the U.K. results in an estimated death total of more than 2 million (that’s based on 80% infection rate and 4% mortality rate).

What impact would those numbers of dead, a collapsing health service and bodies piling up on the streets have on people’s mental health do you think?

That’s the alternative.

I think its quite understandable that individuals make their own decisions, based on their own risk assessments, which they can only make in terms of their own circumstances.

I think that’s what happened in Italy. I wonder how they view it now?

I think its quite understandable that individuals make their own decisions, based on their own risk assessments, which they can only make in terms of their own circumstances

I get what you're saying but as I said upthread, if everyone decided to do what the OP wants to do... that's huge numbers criss crossing the country to go back to their family home, and it just cannot happen. It would have to be a real emergency for me to think it's OK anyway...

The problem is if you are contracted, even if you resign now you will have to work notice. There is no exemption from working with acute covid patients except on medical sign off. That could include mental health but Zi wouldn't think unless you have existing MH diagnosis that a potential problem would be reason enough. So then it comes down to just not wanting to do it - the only thing you have as options would be either going off sick with ' stress' or requesting virtual work with no patient contact due to you feel you wouldn't cope.
Speak with your line manager and see what they say.

but it also means preventing potential long term MH damage which could be very expensive for the NHS,

As I said, it may be convenient to frame it like this in order to justify your actions, to yourself and to others. It doesn’t follow that everyone who is missing their loved ones, fed up with lockdown or can’t live their lives as they would ultimately wish to (all of us) are going to descend into a mental health crisis. Mostly we just remain sad, fed-up, pissed-off. And yes, I do think it trivialises the very real issues that some are facing when the world and it’s dog are claiming ‘mental health’.

No exemption in our hospital for junior docs that should have said .

Oops sorry ha my comments belong on the thread about the nurse wanting to resign !!!

Individual decisions, based on people’s own risk assessments, focusing on their own circumstances are totally counterproductive right now.

You don’t have the data, the modelling experts, the understanding of how this virus spreads. You don’t have sight of what everyone else is doing at the same time as you.

We need to act as a collective, for the collective good and that means following official advice, no exceptions.