I don’t think I can do this

[Stupidanduseless]

If I happen to die now - at home - I won’t get a funeral I know, but presumably someone would still be about to take me away?
I don’t think I can do this for another 6/12 months. I just don’t. I’m not in a great relationship and I’m now entirely isolated from everyone who would usually help me. I’m feeling so panicky, I feel like I’m in prison, I know everyone is. I will need medication in the next couple of weeks, and I’m too scared to get it. Not if the virus, I’m scared of being stopped by the police. The rules frighten me. It’s insulin I need. I’ve been using as little as possible to try and stretch it out but I will definitely need some before lockdown is over, in which case I will die anyway?
I don’t think I can do this.

Could you send your h out for food than call for help?

It is so hard even if everything is fine at home. I'm in the S. I'll help.

Hi,

Your post is very sad...I admit I haven't read all the replies, but you've had some really good advice.
The insulin situation needs rectifying, you must get some more.

I work for a domestic abuse charity....while we are no longer in the office we are working from home and very much in contact with the women we were working with before lockdown. We also have women in safe houses.
Please contact your local domestic abuse service...you should be able to contact them via phone, Facebook, email etc...they will help you.

If you feel that you are in immediate danger dial 999 the police are very aware that the lockdown situation is likely to make already hard/dangerous relationships even more hard/dangerous
If you believe you can't speak when you dial 999 you can press 55 the call handler will know you are in an abusive relationship & ask appropriate questions requiring one word answers. However they can't trace the call if you're calling from a mobile.

Please take care of yourself x

OP,
It sounds like your sugars might be affecting your mood? If you are running persistently low blood sugar that can make you feel depressed and lethargic. That's one reason you absolutely must keep testing your sugar levels. Lots of people on here are giving you great advice, it's awful that you feel so low and it seems like your partner is deliberately making you feel anxious.

Do you have dc? Who would look put for them if you had a diabetic episode if you restrict your meds and diet?

I've pm'd you.

OP, I got my life-preserving meds from the pharmacy just like normal. I ordered online as normal, gave Boots a few extra days to make sure they had everything so I didn’t have to make two visits, then collected it like normal. Boots also do a delivery service.

As others have said, the police most definitely aren’t going to stop you. They’re going to be supportive of you getting your crucial medication. That’s a fact.

I’m so sorry your DH is messing with you. I know what it’s like. It wears you down, and you feel paralysed by everything. Please seek help and support for this. X

You can do this. You’re not stupid and useless. Not one tiny bit. XX

The police will be concerned with partygoers or teenagers being rebellious etc, and would only want to help you - especially if you told them you were low on insulin and you needed help - please don't think otherwise. It is ok to go out for a walk, it is fine, not like you are imagining. Take the right amount of insulin, take a walk but keep 2m distance, it will make you feel better. Everyone will agree you need the right amount of prescribed medication.

@Stupidanduseless where abouts are you my love?
Sorry if you've said but you've worried me so much as you sound like me 20 years ago, not allowed support/phone calls without permission, sweetheart you can get through this with help.
I'm in Reading, so if you're near me please let me know and I will help.

OP, I'm not up to date on the best way of getting medication dispensed, but you've had a lot of great advice on here about how to order/get it.

I do know how it feels to look at the months ahead and struggle with the idea of them. I managed by breaking it down into shorter term goals and taking one step at a time.

Your next step is to get help and that needs to happen now. Only you know whether that means a call to the police (if you're feeling you're in danger at home or being prevented from leaving to get medication) or else using one of the many methods suggested to make sure that you get your medication (and medical help if your diabetes has become poorly controlled) as fast as is possible.

There were times when I sincerely felt like it was hopeless, but I'm so grateful now that I managed to take those next steps.

PM me if you need help- I'd like to know that you're okay.

I hope you take up people on advice and/or help OP.