I don’t think I can do this

[Stupidanduseless]

If I happen to die now - at home - I won’t get a funeral I know, but presumably someone would still be about to take me away?
I don’t think I can do this for another 6/12 months. I just don’t. I’m not in a great relationship and I’m now entirely isolated from everyone who would usually help me. I’m feeling so panicky, I feel like I’m in prison, I know everyone is. I will need medication in the next couple of weeks, and I’m too scared to get it. Not if the virus, I’m scared of being stopped by the police. The rules frighten me. It’s insulin I need. I’ve been using as little as possible to try and stretch it out but I will definitely need some before lockdown is over, in which case I will die anyway?
I don’t think I can do this.

Has your husband been feeding you rubbish that it’s scary out there?

I think it’s far scarier in your house. I’m wondering how you can access help. If you go into the pharmacy, can you persuade him to stay outside and you get someone inside to alert the police? You need out of this.

OP you're considered vulnerable if you have diabetes and can register here for help.

I understand that you can't talk on the phone right now, that's ok as there are email and chat facilities available to you. It sounds like you're in an abusive relationship and you need to reach out for advice and support.

Deep breaths OP.

I don't know where in the UK you are but here is available support. They all have ways of contacting them either via email, text or live chat:

England

National Domestic Abuse Helpline – 0808 2000 247 or www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/Contact-us

The Mix, free information and support for under 25s in the UK – 0808 808 4994 ·

Women’s Aid – including Live Chat, email, the Survivors Forum and local services: www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/

Northern Ireland

The 24 hr Domestic and Sexual Abuse helpline is open to women and men affected by domestic abuse or violence. This free telephone service is available 24 hours a day, 365 days a year:
Phone: 0808 802 1414 (Freephone) · Email: [email protected]
Local services: www.womensaidni.org/get-help/local-groups/

Scotland

Scotland’s 24hr Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline: 0800 027 1234 or www.sdafmh.org.uk/

Wales

The Live Fear Free helpline provides advice, support and referrals 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year to anyone affected by violence against women, domestic abuse or sexual violence in Wales. You can contact the Live Fear Free Helpline on:
Telephone: 0808 80 10 800 · Live Chat Service: gov.wales/live-fear-free
Text: 078600 77 333
Email: [email protected]
Local services: www.welshwomensaid.org.uk/information-and-support/find-your-local-service/

You ARE allowed out to collect medication as that is counted as essential. Please stop limiting what you eat and taking your insulin as you'll make yourself more susceptible.

There is a support thread here where you can get advice and talk while in lock down with an abuser.

Please check out Facebook and look on your council website for local community groups who are supporting the community.

Here is some information from Mind on mental wellbeing.

There are refuges available should things get worse OP and please dial 999 if you feel threatened or you believe things will become violent.

Do you think you misunderstood the text from gp? I got one from mine saying not to order medication early and to order once we had a weeks worth of meds left.

You can go out to get medication police are only stopping groups of more than 2 they should not bother you.

You can get essential medicine (that you normally take) without a prescription easily, if its your normal pharmacy. Did so earlier this week.

Also in a complete emergency any pharmacist would get you your medication, although they would have to verify your claims first (have also done this in the past).

My pharmacy only allows one person in at a time, so you could speak to them in private if you were accompanied as only you could enter.

You could even quickly pass a small note over the counter. Or ask if they have any 'Facemask 19' in stock - it's possible they would have heard this story:

www.euroweeklynews.com/2020/03/27/victims-of-domestic-abuse-can-ask-for-help-in-pharmacies-across-spains-malaga-by-using-this-special-code/

It just seems so difficult to be able to get it. I suppose I’ve been spoiled by just ordering it and it being there. There’s no way even of knowing if the prescription is ready without going down although I suppose if I left it a week after ordering it it might be? I just don’t want to cause a hassle and I’m so tired, it all feels too much.

I’ve stopped going for exercise - I was until last Monday.

But the system is no different now, just may take a day or two longer. How far is the chemist?

But the system is no different now, just may take a day or two longer. Their or gp webpage may give advice on timing. How far is the chemist?

You say in another thread you have a friend who is a matron. Can they help?

@Stupidanduseless you need to snap out of this lethargy OP because you're doing damage to yourself and making yourself more susceptible to the virus.

Go to the chemist tomorrow and sort this out, you need to look after yourself.

OP it's no hassle and no bother. That's why people needing medicine can go out and get prescriptions and whatever else is necessary. It's their job to ensure vulnerable people have access to at least basic meds. You have the right to those meds, and to use any means necessary to get them. You need those meds. You deserve them.

Start by ordering them . Small steps.

Is your husband telling you will be arrested if you leave the house?

Cover your tracks online, make sure you use incognito browsers and try to make contact with women’s aid or any of the other charities listed above.

You’re going to be ok, you’re not going to be arrested for getting medication or exercising. Both are perfectly normal, and allowed reasons for being outside of your home.

my electronic prescription repeats have gone through with no problems, i collect meds fortnightly (well, a friend is doing this for me at the moment as i am immunosuppressed).

have you ordered your meds OP? once you have, the system is working like always. it might take the prescriber an extra day to issue, but there shouldn’t be any huge delays.

on monday, you should try and call your local pharmacy and ask for help. you cannot keep restricting your insulin, it’s not good for your health.

i know these are scary times. but you will not be arrested for going out to collect medication. it seems from your posts that there’s a lot more going on, and i’m so sorry things are shit. but, you need to prioritise your health. if your partner tries to stop you doing this, you need to think seriously about calling the police.

just take all this one day at a time. but please, make your medication your priority. you are neither stupid nor useless. you need to stay well.

I’m not eating very much, which means I don’t need as much insulin. That’s how I’m reducing it. It’s come down by about a third. I could aim for half if I allow my sugars to run slightly high

Please don't do this. As a Type 1, you must know the risks of running high blood sugar? Surely your doctor will prescribe a repeat prescription of insulin for you? I can imagine how stressful this is for you, but please try to stay calm. This won't continue like this indefinitely. I am sorry to hear you are feeling so stressed

OP I can’t add much to the excellent advice you have already received. I’ll just say I work as part of an NHS pharmacy team in London which has turned itself round 100% to ensure vulnerable patients get the prescriptions they need now. You just need to reach out to your local pharmacy and they will be able to help. As for the other issue, I hope you will be able to get out when you feel strong enough.

Dear stupidanduseless(your not btw- pls think about changing your username).
you could register with pharmacy 2U and order your insulin online and they mail it to you, (www.pharmacy2u.co.uk).
i was in an abusive marriage/relationship like yourself and it plays tricks with your mental health, things like gas lighting, silent treatments, raging at you, walking on eggshells, scare mongering, monitoring you, accusing you of things you would never do. eventually you start to believe your a bad person, or mentally unstable because they gaslight you, telling you what to think and feel etc. sounds like your very depressed/ anxious, worried about trigggering his controlling behaviour and putting your welfare last.
if you have a brother or sister to call, i would do that, even if you dont get on that well with them, tell them how serious the situation is and face the fear of getting help for yourself. if no brothers or sisters, a good old friend you lost touch with, a cousin, an aunty, uncle, even a neighbour. you must try and trust that they will listen and believe you and get help, you may think its not that bad and try and persuade yourself not to bother anyone, but please do. i begged my mum to let me live with them, my ex husband had me convinced my family didnt care about me ( all lies) and i believed it. after i left him, was a huge shock of relief and anger I let myself be treated so badly by him and his lies. you must get out of this situation but u need an action plan so contact womens aid pls.

It isn’t difficult. My husband collected mine it was about three days later than expected as I tried to collect it. He said there was a queue outside, everyone was keeping the 2 m distance and only one person was allowed at a time. Our local online newspaper makes it quite clear that you can go out in your car for shopping or prescriptions. This is a message from the police. They are not ogres you would just tell them you are collecting medication as someone said up thread it would wise to take the box.
Have you tried ringing your surgery? Although appointments have been cancelled you can speak to a GP or nurse.

Diabetes is hard enough - the reason you are feeling like you do is because you are not eating enough (or taking enough insulin to handle what you are eating etc) You mentally need to move and for health purposes need exercise - this will also help with the diabetes. The police are not everywhere - there are not extras suddenly. And you have 2 valid reasons 1. exercise 2 essential medical reason. I think you also need to speak to the GP myself and see if there is something else ging on - you shouldn't be so tired - it could be due to anxiety but that also needs to be addressed. You are important and we value you, you are worth going to the chemist and GP for. Your husband is abusing you dreadfully, and even in these times you are entitled to leave there will be places to go and people to help. I have a friend who is 18 months into trying to leave someone like your husband and she is getting lots of help still even now

Please put yourself first and continue to do so.

You sound like you’re either feeling depressed or messing with the insulin is affecting you physically.
You order as normal.
It’ll be there as normal.
Take it as normal.

plus I won’t need to check my sugars as frequently so the test strips will last longer as well

Please, please don't reduce the amount you are testing your sugars. How will you be able to effectively control your sugar if you don't check it regularly? It sounds like you are in a very difficult relationship, but you know better than anyone how important it is to maintain control over your insulin and sugar. What would help you? The police most certainly won't arrest a Type 1 diabetic for getting her medication. You are obviously feeling very anxious, is your partner increasing your anxiety?

OP I’m also wondering if you misunderstood the text, or if perhaps they sent it to everyone in error.

I would check with GP again and if you can’t get any response, try the pharmacy again, if still no response then email your local MP.

@Stupidanduseless where are you? I’m happy to collect your prescription and drop it off if you’re near me. I can chat on PM too if you want.

Dear stupidanduseless, sounds like coercive control, its against the law for any partner or DH to treat there spouse in such a manner. www.healthline.com/health/coercive-control

here is online help to read when you feel up to it. well done for messaging on here, inspite of high anxiety.
www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/coercive-control/

Just to say - if you are living under Sharia law at home - I think it makes exceptions for these sort of circumstance. I know how strong Muslim women are - if this is you. Go to doctor's surgery on Monday if they do not answer the phone. Tell them you need the prescription urgently. Ask them to have it emailed to a pharmacy that can deliver to you. Otherwise I think you can also use prescriptions for the online pharmacies. Any problems ask the surgery for help. Good luck!

OP there is an NHS app where you can order medication.