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So confused re FIL - handhold please?

233 replies

EchoLocation · 28/03/2020 16:24

Sorry this is long...

Ten days ago my FIL (75, lives alone 50 miles away from us, very active and healthy) came down with coronavirus symptoms. He didn't call DH until day 4 and we encouraged him to call 111; by then he wasn't eating and did not sound good.
A doctor came out early on day 5 and prescribed antibiotics for a chest infection. FIL thought he had also tested for COVID-19.
Day 6 he felt a bit better and ate something.
Day 7 he felt awful again and didn't get out of bed. We called 111 but there was a mix up and we were promised a call back which never happened. At this point we were waiting for the COVID test to be negative so DH could go and look after him - we then found out FIL had been confused about this and he hadn't been tested after all.
Day 8 he seemed confused, didn't know what day of the week it was or what was going on. My DH called 111 who sent an ambulance and he was taken in.
We eventually got though to A&E who told us he was being admitted but couldn't give us any details but said he "probably has coronavirus".
Day 9 we managed to speak to FIL on his mobile and he seemed ok. A nurse on the ward said they were still waiting for results of tests, inc for COVID-19. From what I gather, he is on a general geriatic ward so this is worrying itself.

Anyway today, day 10, DH called the ward. The results are still not back but the nurse has said FIL has spiked another fever, he has fluid on his lungs and basically we need to prepare ourselves for the worst. She even said he has signed to say he doesn't want respiratory support if it's required.
The really confusing part is DH then spoke to FIL on the phone and he sounded ok-ish?? He said he's got no trouble breathing, just feels weak and shaky, he was grumpy about his uncomfortable hospital bed and kept saying he couldn't wait to get home. He certainly does not sound like he's a death's door, but then we are not medically trained. Do people tend to go down hill very quickly in these circumstances?
We are really aware of how much pressure the staff at the hospital must be at the moment so don't want to keep ringing but we are just so confused and don't feel like we have any answers. It is SO hard not being able to go to him. We just don't know what to do with ourselves, we keep swinging between feeling like it can't be that bad and fearing the worst.
Has anyone been through similar? Any advice?
Sorry if this is garbled, I can't think straight atm.

OP posts:
EchoLocation · 28/03/2020 17:59

Anyone? Please Smile

OP posts:
RedDiamond · 28/03/2020 18:06

I am not medically trained but I did not want you to think that no one was reading your thread and I hope someone medically trained will come along soon and tell you what they know. Flowers

Dreamersandwishers · 28/03/2020 18:13

I am also not medically trained, but also wanted to express my sympathy for you & your family. 💐

hm246 · 28/03/2020 18:14

I do not have any advice but bumping for you. Flowers

sueelleker · 28/03/2020 18:18

I'd check that they haven't got him mixed up with another patient.

EchoLocation · 28/03/2020 18:19

Thank you so much for replying, I really appreciate it. I don't know why I posted really, it's not like anyone can give me an answer. We just feel so lost :(

OP posts:
EchoLocation · 28/03/2020 18:20

She was stood talking to him at the end of our conversation on the phone and said his name so it was definitely him unfortunately.

OP posts:
googlepoodle · 28/03/2020 18:21

Ask if you can speak with the consultant doctor or his junior after they have next looked at your FIL.

EchoLocation · 28/03/2020 18:28

It's a struggle to get anyone on the phone but we will try, thank you, much appreciated.

OP posts:
BonnesVacances · 28/03/2020 18:32

I think it sounds like your FIL is looking on the bright side and minimising how bad he feels. However he's in the right place and has the best chance of recovering.

It must be incredibly difficult for families being unable to visit loved ones in hospital. I'm sorry you're going through this. Thanks

EchoLocation · 28/03/2020 22:59

Thank you Bonnes Flowers

His doctor called a couple of hours ago to say that he has deteriorated and has been put on oxygen. They still haven't received the test results but are treating it as a case of COVID-19. They cannot get his temperature under control.

They are expecting him to deteriorate further tomorrow and then my DH can go to say goodbye :(

I can't believe that two weeks ago he was proudly saying that he would rather die than isolate and that he had had "good innings" - a healthy 75 year old. Now he is leaving behind a heartbroken son, DIL and grandkids. And potentially infecting our household too when my DH gets home. I'm getting way ahead of myself. I'm angry. And sad. It's not his fault. This is so fucking horrible.

Thank you for listening Flowers

OP posts:
SamSeabornforPresident · 28/03/2020 23:32

Oh Echo, I'm so sorry. Thanks

CuppaZa · 28/03/2020 23:47

Sorry OP Flowers

Sunshinesky1981 · 28/03/2020 23:51

Oh Echo, I'm so sorry for you and your family Flowers

Weenurse · 28/03/2020 23:55

So sorry 💐

Babyroobs · 28/03/2020 23:55

Sorry to hear what you are going through. Can't believe it's taking so long to get people tested. I understand it most likely won't change the management of his condition. I can't imagine the awfulness of knowing how poorly he is and not being able to go to him.

notapizzaeater · 28/03/2020 23:56

I'm so sorry, hope he picks up and it isn't the end 😭

Hoggleludo · 28/03/2020 23:59

Hugs. Pm me if you need a rant. Or chat. Or a friend xx

Roostersmum2 · 29/03/2020 00:02

I'm sorry OP, this is heartbreaking to read so I can't imagine how your family must be feeling.

I'm compelled to ask, given that you said he was confused and didn't know what day it was, would he even have capacity to sign away his right to respiratory support under those circumstances?

Again, I'm so sorry Flowers

EchoLocation · 29/03/2020 00:32

Thank you so much everyone, your support is very much appreciated.

@roostersmum2 that is a very good question. Tbh it is in line with what he has previously said about life support, etc. He has always said when it's his time, it's his time. I'm cross with him about it tbh, it feels so premature :( But then we have never seen eye to eye on anything! God I love the daft bugger.

OP posts:
UYScuti · 29/03/2020 00:44

I'm so sorry💐
you must be so shocked💐
please take care of yourself
❤️🙏

Roostersmum2 · 29/03/2020 00:47

It's gut wrenching isn't it, I'm trying to imagine what I'd be thinking right now if it were my DM. My gut tells me I would be trying to overrule the signing away her right to ventilation on the basis she (in your case he) was evidently confused due to being very unwell therefore lacks capacity.

But then on the other hand if that is something he has always said and stood by then would it be fair to try to override his wishes. What an impossible situation.

Don't lose hope just yet. Covid19 is unpredictable by nature and while people can decline rapidly, the same can be said for turning a corner.

Keep us updated if you feel able to.

Will be thinking of you, your DH and of course your dear FIL

2018SoFarSoGreat · 29/03/2020 02:09

@EchoLocation that's so hard. I am sorry for you all. Sending strength and Thanks

Inkpaperstars · 29/03/2020 02:13

So sorry Echo, hoping he pulls round and you get better news tomorrow.

ThelmaDinkley · 29/03/2020 02:16

So sorry to read this. Horrible illness. Sending love to you all Flowers

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