DS won't even wash his hands

[stormykettles]

DS who is 22 has COVID almost definitely. He has loss of smell, extreme tiredness and a cough. He has been in bed all day, just got up and is making stuff in the kitchen. He is refusing to wash his hands. I'm already annoyed because he went to the gym all last week despite knowing he was coming down with it. I've got a massive week at work and am asthmatic.

He sounds like a selfish (insert expletive here). I don't have any symptoms and I have respect enough for my mum to adhere social distancing, if I was in the house with her and I was symptomatic I would be doing everything in my power to keep her safe. He sounds pretty grim to be honest, I would let him know how you feel. Don't let him put you at risk and then talk to you like crap, honestly. Wtf.

Wash everything he touched with soapy water. I’m glad he’s seeing sense now.

@Iloveicedtea I stand by it. This isn’t just him leaving his bedroom a little bit untidy, this is him actively having symptoms of potentially fatal COVID-19 and refusing to wash his hands to protect anyone, let alone his asthmatic mother... just think about that.

And he’s 22!

feel for you, but I'm also confused about him being adopted relevant in this?

Because they have a tricky relationship that is presumably linked?

And as for some of you, I know this is AIBU and everyone's on edge, but some of you need to read the OP's posts and rein it in a bit.

@billy1966
I totally agree with this post.
This is what we are up against
Badly brought up badly schooled spoilt selfish 'me' generation who have been mollycoddled through life with no proper discipline and think it's fine to behave like that. With his OWN MOTHER suffering from ASTHMA.
He is a CUNT.
We have reaped what we have sown.
I wish it was the other way around and the young were targeted with this illness. This is the only chance we had.

@stormykettles
Throw the cunt out.

YANBU, how hard is it to wash his hands? Is there something 'wrong' with him?

Koshkat I don't think the OP was excusing her DS's behaviour because he's adopted, but it can be a contributing factor. I have 2 adopted DDs (11 next Saturday and 8) but whereas DD1 has serious attachment issues and SEN as a result of a bump on her head at 6 weeks old (in foster care), DD2 is NT and doesn't have her older sister's problems. (They're birth sisters.)

The OP's DS reminds me of my DD1 (not the hand washing, she's careful about that) but because she often refuses to cooperate. She's very young for her age emotionally.

This must be very hard for you, OP, and it must be hard for your DS, too. He will be afraid of you catching COVID-19 from him, as he knows you're at risk. I've been unwell with it myself and I was very bad last weekend, which really scared my DDs. Because they know that people have died from it. I have reassured them that I'm not in a high risk group, though I do have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome).

I'm not excusing your DS, his behaviour has been appalling, but I can see how it might have come about. His reply to your text message is encouraging and hopefully he will act on it.

TheSheepofWallStreet That's true. My DH has asthma and so far he hasn't caught this. He hasn't been off work with a bad cold for 6 years now. I'm more vulnerable than he is. So you may well be okay, OP. That doesn't help you with your DS, from what you've now shared, it sounds like he's probably miffed at not being able to go overseas and is taking his frustration out on you.

When this is over kick him out. As an adult he needs to grow up and maybe daul on his own. That might teach him a lesson. You can't always be there to save them. For now antibacterial everything he touches and keep away from him as much as possible. The last of respect and regard he has for you is really quite sad

*fail

*lack of. I really should have re-read my post.

YANBU, how hard is it to wash his hands? Is there something 'wrong' with him?
Only that he's clearly a selfish and stupid pillock!!

In the long term he will be ok.
don't be so sure about that Darwin was not wrong!

@Sceptre86 I agree, sadly. The hard thing for adoptive parents is that we've been trained to see our DC as victims of their past and to see everything as not being their fault.

It actually does them no favours, as it doesn't train them to take responsibility for their actions. Once they leave home and live adult lives, people won't allow them to blame everything on their past. My DD1 tries to blame everything on the fact that she was 'born different' but I never accept that as an excuse.

It also makes someone like me resentful, though I try not to let it show. Because I had an abusive childhood but it's never occurred to me to use that an excuse when I get things wrong. Because I know that I have a choice and I can only really blame myself when I make the wrong ones.

Do you have a shed he can stay in for two weeks?

No point shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted.

You have almost certainly been exposed before he had symptoms

Corona or not how did he get to that age and having the manners of an alley cat with handwashing

@Linabe....its not language I have ever used IRL, and it certainly gives me no pleasure....but the fact is I have family, a niece married to an Italian SH doctor, and 2 family members that are thoracic and respiratory surgeons. It's a shit show out there....a real fxxking shit show..

No testing is masking the true reality...

My 4 children are not moving from our home.

My husband is now working from home....

The death rates are 70/30 ..against men....no explanation why....

This is hugely serious.

I'm finally through the menopause and the low level stress involved and now this.....selfishly this pisses me off as my menopause was 8 bloody years.

I'm like most mother's....in that, I believe a bit of bloody space from each other, sports, activities etc.....helps us all get on with each other and work out our stresses via sport etc...

My children are being really great so far...we are blessed with space.....but the thought that this could go on for months....extended by fxxking stupidity etc...is stressing me out.

I have no words to describe how scared, really, really scared, the medics are...who have to go into work, who have NO choice......

Fxxking shame on anyone who is working against them in this....and make NO mistake...they are acting against the common good...

Sorry but a 22yr old should really know better. I would throw the fucker out if my son showed that much contempt for me.

for you

He is a piece of shit. An ignorant, arrogant, entitled and selfish piece of shit.
Mumsnetters really don't like their children much.

Most of us love our children but we don't always like them. I think those were the perfect words to describe a grown man who chooses to behave in such a dangerous, selfish way.