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Original poster

In despair over older relatives

185 replies

Blueceramic · 17/03/2020 08:55

Just off the phone with parents trying to get them to take the advice to avoid social contact as much as possible seriously, was met with the response that they don't want to stop living their life and that they are still fit and young ( both are pushing 70 with underlying health issues). Other older relatives much the same, apparently they are immune and I'm overreacting Sad

OP posts:
Blackforesthotchoc · 17/03/2020 09:00

I've had the same with my parents. Going on various coach holidays that cant possibly be cancelled - between them, diabetes, heart problems (including a bypass years ago), hypertension, over 70s. I've tried but they think it's a bit of a joke.

Rosehip10 · 17/03/2020 09:07

Have to say many over 70s are showing their selfishness. Even if they don't mind getting it, they are much more likey to need hospital care upto and including ITU.

I guess the person who has a serious accident (car crash say) or needs emergency surgery relating to their pregnancy but can't due to selfish over 70s filling the hospital will think their actions are great Hmm

Original poster
Blueceramic · 17/03/2020 09:11

Everyone seems to think the advice doesn't apply to them.

I appreciate that its really hard for older people on their own looking at 12 weeks isolation but we're in such a serious situation we all need to act responsibly.

OP posts:
Writersblock2 · 17/03/2020 09:13

Same with mine, and they gave serious respiratory issues. I’ve given up at this point.

Helenj1977 · 17/03/2020 09:14

I've been in years this morning. My 65 mum works in a busy shop. She's not vulnerable but I'm still terrified x

RhodaCamel · 17/03/2020 09:14

Yesterday the radio was full of over 70’s saying they are not going to avoid going out etc. This is such a selfish attitude if they all go against this advise and then all come down with the virus it is going to put the NHS under such strain, it will not cope. It will also put all the frontline NHS workers at risk. Obviously if you are older and on your own this is a problem (I know this as I look after a 90 year old and she is beside herself at the thought of a lockdown) but surely for many a few months spent reading, doing crafts, listening to music and sitting in the garden isn’t such hardship.
My parents are 78 and 76, mum has Alzheimer’s, a heart condition and a blood disorder so not great and dad doesn’t cope well with that but he also has hugh blood pressure so is also at risk. They says it’s not going to be great but are more than happy to lock down for a while. At least we have summer on the horizon so they can potter in the garden.

EmeraldsAtDawn · 17/03/2020 09:15

For some people, a change in their reality takes a little while to process and really sink in. I wonder if that is playing a role here?

My own grandmother is 91 and will comply with isolation but is not happy about it. In her mind she may only have a short time left (not that there is anything pressing wrong with her) and sees little point in spending the time she does have all alone. She's a rule follower so she will do it, but I can see how others might be tempted not to.

InMySpareTime · 17/03/2020 09:18

DM (late 60s) won't stop getting the bus even though they have a car, because dad (70s with comorbidities) still wants to go to the pub with her.
She won't stop visiting my 97YO DNan either (on the bus & train obvs), and doesn't wash her hands enough.
I'm worried my DM will infect DNan and DDad through her obstinacy and selfishness.
I'm hundreds of miles away and can't stop her doing what she wants, but it's frustrating!

Mrsjayy · 17/03/2020 09:19

Are you my Sister ? I was talking to her about this , they are so bloody minded it is so frustrating they refuse to stop "living their live" because Boris said Confused

Original poster
Blueceramic · 17/03/2020 09:20

I think a lockdown will need to be enforced otherwise people won't comply. I actually do believe Boris didn't want to do that but it looks inevitable.

OP posts:
unlimiteddilutingjuice · 17/03/2020 09:20

Yep, I hear you.
Mine have just been visiting. They've been all round the city sightseeing.
They didn't understand why we would want to keep them away from DS who had a dry cough and a temperature.
They didn't understand why DS couldn't come to the soft play or McDonalds or why we would keep even keep him off school- much less his sister.
They were confused that I've started working from home.
They kept saying "I think everyone's really over reacting"
They invited us to visit a caravn park with them in May!
DH's parents, in their wisdom, flew out to Murcia a week ago and are now locked down.

puppymouse · 17/03/2020 09:20

Exactly the same issue here. My DF is even emotionally blackmailing me about my DM being round the corner from us and saying it's unfair that I don't want him to travel up 100 miles to see us Confused

Rosehip10 · 17/03/2020 09:22

The way people seem to be approaching this (of all ages) we are rapidly heading to a macron style lock down. The gov will be able to say "we gave you the self-discipline option"

Mrsjayy · 17/03/2020 09:24

I understand the friustration nobody wants to be at home but they have to be sensible about it, I am seeing them later on and I will see what is what they even refused a lift to the supermarket because it wasn't their usual day and they like getting the bus early !

Mrsjayy · 17/03/2020 09:28

My parents are not elderly but hitting 70 my stepdad was a miner is chest is terrible he can hardly catch a breath somedays

ThanksForAllTheFish · 17/03/2020 09:29

DH’s uncle is in his 70’s with health issues and mostly taking it seriously. He thinks he is putting us out as we have said we will do his weekly shop for him. He does live at the other end of the city and it is a pain driving to his area due to a million roundabouts and lots of steep hills but we honestly don’t mind. It’s important to keep him safe.

I don’t think he’s totally convinced yet but I can see he’s starting to accept the face he will pretty much be isolated for 3 months. We have already arranged his daily paper to be deliver to stop him feeling the need to go to the local shop for him. Also set up and showed him how to use Skype so he can video chat with family members on his iPad.

My concern now is if we need to isolate he will be forced to go out for food as not really anyone else available to go for him.

WhereverIMayRoam · 17/03/2020 09:31

It’s frustrating I know but if it helps at all I can tell you that here in Ireland people definitely started to take it much more seriously once they could actually see changes around them. So for example pubs, schools and crèches have closed and loads of events are cancelled, these things really seem to have focused the minds of my own and friends/colleagues older parents.

It’s hard for people to contemplate changing their normal lives overnight and the UK reaction was a little bit “carry on as usual except lock up the 70 year olds” so I can understand why so many older people may have seen it as a bit ott. They’re not on their own judging by some of the Coronavirus threads!

As they see change forced all around them I think the majority will be sensible. For every one person phoning in to a radio show to mouth off you’ll have 10 more quietly putting plans in place to isolate!

DirtyDripSpout · 17/03/2020 09:33

My DM is 75. She refuses to stop going to Church and using public transport. She also goes to the shops daily as she has paranoia. We are at a loss as she won't keep food in the house nor will she accept anyone going shopping for her. She believes that other people will poison her food and therefore she HAS to go to the shops. She also thinks that the virus doesn't apply to her as she is only just 75 - she has always never accepted growing older.

I'm really at a loss what to do....

tigerbear · 17/03/2020 09:37

Same! My whole family are in denial, I think!
It’s so frustrating.
My brother has just called as he’s had a massive argument with our Dad, who seems to think it’s fine to go over to his friends house, pop to the post office to renew his fishing licence, go out fishing, etc
Dad is 73 with COPD
He says it’s not right that he’s expected to stay in the house all day FFS! 😬

Mrsjayy · 17/03/2020 09:38

That sounds stressful Dirtydripsprout there is really nothing you can do but keep an eye on her and her MH, hopefully you have real life support becsuse that sounds hard.Flowers

SnoozyLou · 17/03/2020 09:43

My dad is like this. My mum is taking it seriously but I don't think he will, and he's the one with health conditions.

I think what they don't realise, aside from it could happen to them, is that while they may feel fit and healthy now, and in all likelihood would survive, but it could leave them with lung disease and ruin their quality of life.

Porcupineinwaiting · 17/03/2020 09:43

Just had a long discussion with my mum about whether the prospect of severe illness and possible death for her and certain death for my father, was worth playing rummycubs or going to cafes for. I think by the end of it I'd got her convinced but give it 2 days before she just needs to "quickly pop to the shop". Grrr Angry

daisypond · 17/03/2020 09:43

Is there any guidance from the churches? My mum can’t get it into her head that she shouldn’t go to church, never mind not doing the teas afterwards. She thought they were doing well by not offering biscuits.

Doyoumind · 17/03/2020 09:47

The truth is that when they end up in hospital it won't be that they are taking unnecessary beds and equipment from others, they won't get the bed or equipment because they won't be priority. If they don't understand that, they have a death wish.

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