In despair over older relatives

[Blueceramic]

Just off the phone with parents trying to get them to take the advice to avoid social contact as much as possible seriously, was met with the response that they don't want to stop living their life and that they are still fit and young ( both are pushing 70 with underlying health issues). Other older relatives much the same, apparently they are immune and I'm overreacting

Yes my mum likes a "pop to the shops" sigh

Is your mum Catholic @daisypond? I think the Pope has excused the over 65s from mass til further notice.

My DM is in her late eighties and just expects to carry on as normal. She gets through enormous quantities of toilet rolls each week (goodness knows what she does with them) and can't understand why I am unable to buy any more. It's my fault obviously.

I get the "I died for you in the war" lecture on a daily basis. She is quite accepting that her life is limited but refuses to compromise to make things easier for other people.

Yep my mum "we're perfectly fit and healthy" errr...

Maybe send them the link to the 3 wise men protocol
www.independent.co.uk/news/health/coronavirus-uk-deaths-nhs-intensive-care-flu-wise-men-protocol-a9361916.html

Some people still don't realise the gravity of the situation.

Really disappointing to hear this kind of thing. It’s as though people are almost proud of saying they will ignore the advice. I agree it is selfish and shortsighted.
I am in this category and already isolating as are others I know. Staying home cancelling clubs and meetings is not fun, but to be honest there is little else we can do to help. So many kind, younger people are offering their time and support on social media etc their efforts will be wasted if others are behaving selfishly.

Send them this link. Theres every useful summary table near the bottom

www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-guidance-on-social-distancing-and-for-vulnerable-people/guidance-on-social-distancing-for-everyone-in-the-uk-and-protecting-older-people-and-vulnerable-adults

@crazydiamond222 would love to send my dad that link, but he doesn’t have email and can’t text.
Maybe that’s part of the problem - some, not all - people in the over 70’s category, may not have as much access to ‘constant’ news and media and info. I’m online pretty much all day, reading everything there is on this thing, but people of my parents generation are only seeing the tip of the iceberg.

Might change their tune when their friends start dropping like flies?
( of course it'll be too late then)

I just wish everyone would take a bit more social responsibility. My gran says she doesn’t care if she gets it because at her age, anything child I’ll her off (she’s 95).

Yeah that’s fine Gran and I get that, but you will NOT be helping if you catch it and spread it around before you get symptoms, if you get gravely ill and need hospital treatment and start to overload the system. You say you ‘could die at any time’ but I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t be declining medical treatment if you did get the virus and got ill.

I appreciate you don’t want to stay at home but it’s not just about you, it’s about everyone and doing their bit to keep the community safe. I have young DC and we are staying home from everything that’s not essential as we don’t want to risk catching it/spreading it around

I do think a lot have the attitude of "well, if that's how I go, so be it", but what if you don't "go"? What if you survive, but with a terrible quality of life?

Mine are taking it very seriously (63 and 67 with asthma and COPD); they have been socially distancing for weeks already. I am worried about their worry, my mum is making herself ill with it, but I am glad they're not being demented eejits like so many I hear about.

If they were taking the "no one will stop me living my life" approach I would be aggressive with them, tbh, and ask them why they feel entitled to be part of spreading an illness and increasing pressure on a health system that will crash if it becomes overloaded.

One set of my Grandparents are extreme introverts, didn't take much convincing from me at all (I'm a Microbiologist and although they don't always understand what I do, they know I'm damn good at my job).

The other set? Sigh. They don't "believe" in Science and it's like slamming my head into a brick wall.

My aunt (65 but in vulnerable categories) in regard to self isolating: “surely they don’t mean not going out at all? Me: “Yes. Yes they do”. If that is what is recommended for the next 12 weeks for the elderly and vulnerable (which seems certain), she’s going to have significant issues understanding it means not going out at all.

She has some excuse as she has learning difficulties but even so. Also, her church (mainly pensioners, many in ill health) is apparently still having their weekday get togethers. Hopefully that will stop after yesterday’s announcement before someone Typhoid Mary’s the entire congregation.

I also can't believe the selfishness I'm witnessing. I appreciate it's daunting shutting yourself away but if older people don't do it they aren't just taking risks with their own lives. Who wants to be the medic with 5 seriously ill people in front of them having to decide which gets a ventilator? I can't imagine the emotional toll that's going to take. Why would anyone put others through that if they didn't have to? Let alone risk spreading it around to those more vulnerable than themselves. I do think in the next month as we get many more deaths it will shock people into complying. I hope so, anyway.

“Is your mum Catholic @daisypond?“
No. Church of England. I’ve been looking on their main website to see if there are any new updates from yesterday.

@Talia99 Boris was saying you can go for a walk.

But if you say that to my dad, that walk will include a trip to Lidl, a trip to B&Q, "oh and I've just got to pop there"...

Maybe that’s part of the problem - some, not all - people in the over 70’s category, may not have as much access to ‘constant’ news and media and info. I’m online pretty much all day, reading everything there is on this thing, but people of my parents generation are only seeing the tip of the iceberg

I definitely think that’s a big part of it tigerbear. I know the other side of it is there’s a lot of shite on social media but yes, for people who still only get a daily newspaper or only watch the 6 o’clock news it’s easier to see it as something more “removed” from them. It’s why I say seeing the changes around them, in their own towns and villages, makes a difference.

It’s all very well recommending that people avoid pubs etc but that’s still interpreted as an optional extra precaution and not just by the elderly. If pubs, restaurants and clubs are actually closed then a) it takes away the option and b) hammers the reality home in the minds of people who are in denial or just aren’t processing the gravity of the situation.

I’ve heard from a few friends here in Ireland that churches being closed was what did it for some of their elderly relatives!

My mum is being obedient! She may be the only one of her friends who survives, all the others are going about their normal lives. Even the ones with colds. It's really not sinking in.

@SnoozyLou exactly what mine will do too.
I think the advice from BJ is too open to interpretation. We should have total house arrest, not half arsed measures, otherwise there’s no point.
Everyone will bend the rules to suit them.

My mum (70) and her partner don’t live together, so I asked her which house they’ll choose to stay at for the duration so they won’t be apart. Her answer: ‘oh we’ll just drive between the two, it’ll be fine if we’re in the car’. She has a shared garden, shared entrance to her house, shared driveway onto a public street, it’s not just going straight from door to car...

Blitz spirit. My FIL is 85 and refusing to leave the office. Fucking idiot. He will die.

@WhereverIMayRoam yes, until ‘they’ eg BJ and co say ‘total lockdown’ instead of optional staying in, can still go for walks etc, it’s just not going to happen effectively.

Mine are stillHappy to continue eating out at restaurants even though I have stopped doing so in pet to protect them!

I think my mum is a bit warier (sp) I gave her hand sanitizer last week said use it out and about but my Step dad pfft !

I’ve basically told my 84 year old dad that he’s on his own then. He merrily said that if he gets it, I’ll have to come up and look after him. Not a chance, I’m pregnant with young children. I know it sounds harsh but he won’t listen at all.

My parents in law are early 70s and have no plans on leaving the house. The only stick in the ointment is FIl 94 year old mother who is carrying on as normal and expecting him to accompany her on days out and shopping trips. She won’t listen either. MIL has hit the fucking roof.

My SIL isn’t happy as PIL have told her they will no longer be having her children everyday and most weekends - although she was taking the piss with that anyway and should have sorted her own childcare out years ago.