In despair over older relatives

[Blueceramic]

Just off the phone with parents trying to get them to take the advice to avoid social contact as much as possible seriously, was met with the response that they don't want to stop living their life and that they are still fit and young ( both are pushing 70 with underlying health issues). Other older relatives much the same, apparently they are immune and I'm overreacting

I'm having a similar issue. DF and stepmum are being really sensible and are self-isolating. They've set up online grocery ordering and my DB who lives close by is keeping them well stocked until their first order comes (he's leaving items on the doorstep and keeping 2m away).

DM though is being a nightmare. She's 71 and has no underlying conditions, doesn't think the advice applies to her, doesn't want to stop seeing her friends, going shopping, getting her hair done, etc. TBH, she has a miserable marriage and getting out of the house keeps her sane, so I do understand, but my stepdad, who is 78 and has a heart problem is really upset and worried. I've been tasked with 'talking to her' (again) this afternoon. sigh

This morning I was in nearby town, which has a large elderly population. I thought it would be dead after the advice went out yesterday, so imagine my surprise to see the High Street bustling with elderly people! I was shocked and not a little horrified. They didn't bat an eyelid or try to keep their distance from one another. I can see us all being confined to our homes pretty quickly. People simply aren't taking this seriously

I’m an only child and confided in my mum (69) that I was worried I could loose my gran (95) and her to this virus in a dark moment. And she looked at me like this it was so weird. She couldn’t even comprehend that her ancient mother might be at risk! She has been on 8 international flights since January and get annoyed at people sanitising all the time.

In fairness, it's not just older people. There are shitloads of threads about I'm still going to the hairdresser and I'm still going to the pub as I want to support my local businesses

I mention to my mum that she shouldn’t really be going to have her hair done was met with “it’s ok love Tarquin (changed name for hairdresser) is over 70 too I’m fine with him 🤬

@SjogrensCVQuestion And the classic: "I will still be going on holiday, right?".

I just want to point out, I don't think it's particular to any one generation. It is exasperating though.

My parents changed their tune when they saw news footage of a woman in Spain (who looked younger than them) sitting outside a hospital with no ventilators left gasping for air with tears in her eyes as her husband had just died. I think people will change their minds once they see this kind of stuff on the news. It's a hard balance to strike between getting people to take it seriously and causing mass panic.

And I agree it's not just the over 70s, many younger people are not taking it seriously at all and will be spreading it all over the place. It's incredibly selfish.

My parents are thankfully being sensible, Dm is going to stay with her younger sister and df will stay in but has teenaged children himself which is a bit complicated but both careful. MIL on other hand doesn’t get it and thinks she’s fine as long as they don’t leave their town as they don’t have many foreigners.

I think, old or young, there are some things they have in common - ignorance/denial/wilful stupidity.

I'm not as unsympathetic as I sound. I'm in the vulnerable group myself and I understand the reluctance especially along the lines of getting out of the house once a day is a highlight in a boring life...I also understand there is sometimes a genuine necessity if your shop is cancelled and you have no food in.

(Watch Boris say "you should have planned for that" while we all sigh about the irony...)

I’m having a similar issue with my parents. Not over 70 but fall under the compromised immune system category. Both can’t stop working And neither have the option of work from home.

They invited me out for lunch today and gave me a cat bum face when I said no. It’s their anniversary this week and they want to go to London for a meal, cinema and shopping. When I pointed out the rules of essential things only I got an eye roll, a dirty look and a grunt of “That’s for the over 70s only”

I genuinely think they won’t speak to me again if I don’t show my face at their house for their anniversary or for Mother’s Day.

Do you know your anecdata of your own family and acquaintances ignoring advice does not justify condemning a whole generation as some of you are doing. If your parents/in-laws whatever are being irresponsible that is on their heads.
I am 73, have mild angina and fairly fit otherwise. I have been having food deliveries (mainly because I hate food shopping in supermarket scrums)
Because I live on my own I have made the conscious effort to self-isolate for the last 2 weeks (confess I went to the garden centre at 9 am to pick up 2 bags of compost and came straight home and washed my hands thoroughly ). I have cancelled my holidays for the next 3 months and am avoiding public transport.

Believe me - there are many of us doing exactly the same thing. I will save money by avoiding shops as I am on a limited income although I will miss my days out in the UK
The dog will be walked at 5.30-6.00 am to avoid any close contacts with fellow humans.

If your relatives have not grasped the seriousness of the situation that will I hope come clear to them over the next few weeks. I hate the thought that this request for us older people to be sensible might have to be enforced harshly.

This is going to be me, very shortly - my Dad returns from a holiday (that he bloody well shouldn't have been on, although to be fair, it's to somewhere with less of a CV issue than the UK at the moment) later this week. He has already indicated he doesn't intend to pay any attention to social distancing or self-isolation guidelines, despite being in his 70s and asthmatic.

It's not like he's an idiot - he's one of the cleverest people I know. But there won't be any chance of persuading him. It's terrifying.

We've got one relative who is saying it's different for them, as they have to look after the grandchildren. They do the school run everyday because the parents work and rely on them. We said the parents will have to cope and find another way around this. He is very obstinate, the big worry is his wife has a lung disease and he has unstable hypertension.

I don't think there's anything else we can do but if anything happens to either of them......

I think the problem is partly that an attitude of get out there and live your life, and don't fret about things that might go wrong, makes sense a lot of the time and even more so the older you are.

Maybe something to try is talking about how this is a temporary emergency. Having a 'carpe diem, live life while you can' attitude is pointless if you're then going to walk out into traffic on your way out to the golf course, and that's what ignoring the virus risk means you're doing.

It's awful to say but the sooner some of these places people are keen to keep going to as normal close (for now), the better.

I must have the only sensible parents in the uk! They will still walk the dog but keep distance from others, food shopping on line, and minimal family contact. To be honest they are still living their lives. Maybe it's the approach that needs to change and focus on small changes such as avoiding public transport, busy places and residential trips.

I certainly don't support legal impdeaments to movement.

I’m really proud of my grandparents at the moment. Both in their 80s and my Grandpa has COPD, Grandma has heart issues. They haven’t been out since last week and don’t intend to. My Dad is leaving groceries on their doorstep and they are trying to keep themselves busy even though they are finding it tough.

However we all know that they are really lucky to be able to do this. They are both retired with good pensions and their own home so no money worries and have family prepared to help out. Not all over 70s have this option, unfortunately.

I think that maybe some people are taking a few days to process it and to get some supplies etc, but the trouble is thousands of them will be infected in the meantime. Over the next one to four weeks we will be seeing the serious cases resulting from this initial denial and non compliance.

Yep, my 81 year old mother (diabetes, heart problems, recurrent bronchitis) is insisting on doing her own shopping, despite my setting her up with an online account. She went to the supermarket this weekend then rang me to complain about how busy it was. I give up.

MIL on other hand doesn’t get it and thinks she’s fine as long as they don’t leave their town as they don’t have many foreigners.

😂

My OH is one. I'm screwed then!

Daisypond This is the latest advice:

www.churchofengland.org/more/media-centre/coronavirus-covid-19-guidance-churches

At Sunday’s services, the chairs were spread at least 1m apart and there were no handshakes or tactile greetings. They have changed Communion: only bread, no wine (definitely no shared chalice) and no handshake during the Peace.

Actually feels easier now the lockdown is here in France. You can only go out for very restricted reasons and you have to carry a paper saying why you are out. If it isn't a justified reason (food shopping, medical appointment, work, care of elderly) then you get fined. The entire lunchtime news is being devoted to explaining it all very carefully.

Who gives you the paper? What does it say? How does it prove what you're doing or where you're going? I don't get it?

My DM is exactly the same, still planning going to all her weekly clubs, even though she's over 70 with health problems. I can't understand it. I'm being very careful, have DC who is high risk.

So it's sweeping generalisations, now is it? Blame the elderly.

My grandad has been home more because he's been falling over, so I'm hoping that he will stay in. But he's very stubborn and we are all a long way away.

I told my mum I was worried about him and she said that he's going to do what he's going to do. He's 86.