In despair over older relatives

[Blueceramic]

Just off the phone with parents trying to get them to take the advice to avoid social contact as much as possible seriously, was met with the response that they don't want to stop living their life and that they are still fit and young ( both are pushing 70 with underlying health issues). Other older relatives much the same, apparently they are immune and I'm overreacting

I will say though that all the people I know over seventy or with underlying conditons are taking this really seriously and facing up to things really admirably.

It’s hard because most over 70s are retired, they don’t have the pressing financial and practical commitments that younger people have, and it’s difficult when your own age group’s concerns are about work, finances, child care, and then to have to worry about your parents on top of that because they won’t make a few changes or a few sacrifices, putting themselves and other people at risk for the sake of a trip to church or the garden centre.

If this goes on long term then yes, it will be psychologically hard and I have great sympathy for elderlies who live alone, in particular. But it’s barely started and they can’t cope?!

Some retired people do seem to lose the ability to prioritise.

My mum, 70 and with high blood pressure, seems to be coming round to the idea now. Until a couple of days ago, she was laughing at the whole thing and insisting on going to the theatre, wandering round Manchester, and getting busy trains. She's normally the most anxious person in the world so it's hugely frustrating to see her laughing at one thing that is actually worth stressing over, and ignoring measures that are being put in place specifically to protect people like her.

Is barely started and they can't cope
When (or if) we get to the 'people are dropping like flies' stage most people will go into a different mode and be more aware of the need to make changes etc...imo

Also, when you know people who are on lockdown like a friend who is valiantly trying to entertain two toddlers, staying away from anything like toddler groups or parks, while the elderly who have no such responsibilities just carry on regardless, it seems a bit unfair really.

I'm on a messageboard elsewhere where people in their 70s and 80s are screaming about ageism and being locked in their homes and wanting to know why they're being picked on for such cruel punishment. And yes, always 'We got through the war, we'll get through this' from those born post-war and unable to remember the end of sweet rationing (1954 I think). No amount of pointing out that statistics aren't ageist and that this is not only for their own good but for the greater good seems to get through. They still think life will go on as normal because they insist it does. I've always held older people in high esteem. My mum and aunts and uncles really did live through the war and have the photos to prove it, and it traumatised and shaped them. I can't tell you how much respect for boomers I've lost in the last week.

UY but as it has 14 days to show symptoms, it might be too late...

NiteFlights I take your point, we’re the same re work, childcare and so on but the problem is they’re not just being asked to make a few changes or a few sacrifices they are being told to stay in their homes for months while every other age group carries on as normal (so far).

I know advice is changing and updating day by day but the judgement and finger pointing started as soon as it was reported they would be asked. I saw a poster on another thread comment that she’d brought her dc to a garden centre at the weekend and there were over 70s there. She said that if they weren’t self isolating why should she care about them but they hadn’t been told to stay in their homes at that point and be fair - garden centres are kinda oldies “turf” really (no offence intended) so they probably thought it was somewhere relatively safe to go. It’s not like they’d piled into a wacky warehouse!

If older people are to completely isolate for months then resources need to be put in place and signposted right now. It’s not ok to just dictate it and then blame them because they can’t do it or don’t understand why.

Orange
Yep thems the breaks...😳

In an Italian city, obituaries fill the newspaper, but survivors mourn alone

Try showing them that.

My ILs snd parents are fit, well and in their 80s. They are being careful but not staying in the house. Play golf but don't go in the clubhouse sort of thing.

With many many friends suffering slow degeneration and indignity from dementia and Parkinson's, they are more accepting of death. They're scared, but more for the loss of friends and family than fearing their own demise,

@SnoozyLou
I think what they don't realise, aside from it could happen to them, is that while they may feel fit and healthy now, and in all likelihood would survive, but it could leave them with lung disease and ruin their quality of life.
This is so true. We don't know what the long-term effect will be for older people. This is what scares me.

Eeyore - that wouldn’t concern any of the elderly people I know.

Cathy - yes, def a better way to go that how many of us will end up. Just really want a “do not treat” official option, seems much more responsible.

Yup my DM blame the media for it and 'it's all hyped up'. Been on phone to Dsis this morning- both worried about them. What can we do?

My parents are just over 70 and neither have any underlying health issues, so do feel it's unfair they are included purely based on their age, my Dad goes cycling everyday so believes he is probably fitter than some people 10 years younger than him.

They are starting to accept the fact they will need to follow the advice.

I agree @WhereverIMayRoam. I am very cynical about this government (due to their own actions!)

I believe that as the majority of infections in this age group/underlying heath conditions group will require significant medical interventions, the government will use the "well we told you not to go out and risk it" line to get away (for want of a better word) with denying treatment and minimising pressure on the NHS which they have already decimated. Judging by the majority of comments on this thread this will work very successfully for them.

There is also an element of this governments favourite tactic of making people fight amongst themselves rather than looking at the government's actions (see also, people judging benefit claimants in the style of "they say they have a bad back and they get a free car" whilst paying much attention to the fact they have implemented terrible cuts and fucked over disabled people awfully).

I don't believe for one minute their intentions are 100% altruistic to protect vulnerable people and this is based on their previous track record as per the above example.

Also see their failure to act in actually closing pubs etc to reduce the insurance liabilities from this. Wishy washy advice of "avoid" will translate into "well you went against medical advice" and deny treatment to people who haven't educated themselves enough to realise the severity of the situation (not helped by the governments lack lustre, wishy washy, conflicting advice). Which will no doubt change based on the public reaction.

They have also been very successful in having their tactics reported as "changing in the light of recent developments" rather than "U turn prompted by the public reaction/the realisation we have actually fucked up quite badly here".

I'm reading thus whilst DH is on the phone to MIL, 85 and with a host of underlying health conditions who is obstinately saying that nobody has said that by law she has to stay in, so she'll decide whether or not to go out.

My husband is despairing. His mum went to an event yesterday with 100 people and is going to her sports club today. He is so relaxed and calm but he lost his temper with her yesterday as she keeps saying it is fine and if she gets ill she can just go to hospital and be cared for. It is so hard as she lives alone and I can't imagine being locked away for months, but she won't listen when we say Italy isn't ventilating over 65. My mum thankfully is isolating due to her health problems and my dad can't go out much anyway

My Inlaws are in their 70s too with various conditions including diabetes and heart problems and fil has respiratory problems too. They are staying in but I worry for them because they live with bil’s family and they have young kids who are still attending school

I am 70, and I love to go out every day, it's good for my mental health. But even better for my mental health is knowing that I'm doing all I possibly can to protect myself, my husband, and the general public. I have plans to sort out my house and little garden. I have a spare room that is a tip because it's not so easy for me to get stuff into the loft. I expect to end up with bags of stuff packed up ready for the charity shop for when I'm allowed out. I will not be going to shops cafes pubs restaurants etc. My neighbour has offered to get shopping if I need it, but my freezer is full and I can manage for a while.
I get so angry with the people who will not be sensible and follow guidelines.

My mum 82 years and just recovering from a severe flu at Christmas responded to my pleas tostock up and then stay in with ' the supermarkets will be open here not like where you live and I will go mad if I don't get out . Sigh!

(I'm not saying I think elderly and underlying condition people should be out and about, of course they shouldn't, and I am one of the above!)

I take issue with the way the government have handled, and are handling this. The lack of clarity and firm direction as well as having the evidence to see this coming weeks ago, but not acting to shore up the infrastructure eg supplies of food and drink to vulnerable people.

It's a right fuck up.

“ She's normally the most anxious person in the world so it's hugely frustrating to see her laughing at one thing that is actually worth stressing over, and ignoring measures that are being put in place specifically to protect people like her.”

That’s like me. But if you don’t fear death but fear economic catastrophe, that’s where you’ll be now.

I don’t want to survive this and find we’re all queuing for a £10 loaf of bread in future.

Actually feels easier now the lockdown is here in France. You can only go out for very restricted reasons and you have to carry a paper saying why you are out. If it isn't a justified reason (food shopping, medical appointment, work, care of elderly) then you get fined. The entire lunchtime news is being devoted to explaining it all very carefully.

The problem is, some people will read about what's going on in Italy and want to batten down the hatches. Others don't want to know, so just switch off, thinking it couldn't possibly happen here. In the meantime, keeping calm and carrying on (which they were emphatically told to do 5 minutes ago), it's being a transmitted. No one knows they have it until a week or 2 later, by which point masses of people have it, but there's bugger all to be done at that point.

I'm pregnant. I've taken my son out of nursery. DP still has to work but only sees around 5 people. Just doing is hat we can. My mums scared, then you've got my dad "popping to the shops", eating in the car and not bothering to wash his hands.