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Friend cancelled because she's scared of catching coronavirus..aibu to be annoyed?

387 replies

lindseyvvt · 11/03/2020 23:07

Saturday night we are going to a concert in Newcastle (well we were meant to be )
We've paid for train (over £100 each ) and hotel (£150 split) and £80 ticket each.
Tonight she text saying she isn't coming as she is scared incase she catches coronavirus.
So I have nobody to go with and we only reserved hotel so I will have to pay £150 for that.
Aibu to be Annoyed?
I told her to get a grip,and was she planning on not going out till after this has gone.

OP posts:
AuldAlliance · 12/03/2020 00:21

ILL85
We don't know yet. But it looks highly likely that the gvmt strategy is wrong on several levels. One that is clearly in that category is the refusal to limit travel to affected areas in time.
France has the 5th highest number of cases worldwide (although some places like Russia are probably not being entirely transparent and oddly enough there is no data for N. Korea...). It's behind Italy in chronology of transmission, so is about to enter the eye of the storm in coming days/weeks.
Macron is making a statement tomorrow evening: might be worth waiting to see what he says, while bearing in mind that he has clearly decided not to disrupt the municipal elections on Sunday.
So check again on Monday. But really, is it worth it??
www.worldometers.info/coronavirus/#countries

OldUnit · 12/03/2020 00:22

Your attitude beggars belief OP.

Educate yourself. Angry

PennyNotSoWise · 12/03/2020 00:23

Such selfish bullshit. People with attitudes like yours are gonna be the massive problem in all of this.

ddl1 · 12/03/2020 00:23

I don't think she's unreasonable - things have got worse, or at least the dangers are better-known, and some people are advising others to avoid big events until things are clearer or the virus stops spreading to the same extent. She may have relatives who are older or in poor health; in any case it's up to her what risks she wants to take, for her own sake or others. I do think, however, that she should cover the cost.

Marchitectmummy · 12/03/2020 00:29

Don't think your friends reaction is unusual, have you not noticed social places becoming quieter, roads quietening? People, businesses and some of the local governments are battening down the hatches. 3 authorities we deal with now have a zero external meeting policy. Tomorrow the government are expected to take new measures.

managedmis · 12/03/2020 00:30

Madness

Crafting1Queen · 12/03/2020 00:32
Biscuit
somanydevices · 12/03/2020 00:33

Read this and tell me she's overreacting. If we follow the same trajectory as Italy, we're two weeks off this. Only Italian hospitals are better resourced that ours.

This is the English translation of a post of an ICU physician in Bergamo, Italy, Dr. Daniele Macchini.

"After much thought about whether and what to write about what is happening to us, I felt that silence was not responsible.

I will therefore try to convey to people far from our reality what we are living in Bergamo in these days of Covid-19 pandemic. I understand the need not to create panic, but when the message of the dangerousness of what is happening does not reach people I shudder.

I myself watched with some amazement the reorganization of the entire hospital in the past week, when our current enemy was still in the shadows: the wards slowly "emptied", elective activitieswere interrupted, intensive care were freed up to create as many beds as possible.

All this rapid transformation brought an atmosphere of silence and surreal emptiness to the corridors of the hospital that we did not yet understand, waiting for a war that was yet to begin and that many (including me) were not so sure would ever come with such ferocity.

I still remember my night call a week ago when I was waiting for the results of a swab. When I think about it, my anxiety over one possible case seems almost ridiculous and unjustified, now that I've seen what's happening. Well, the situation now is dramatic to say the least.

The war has literally exploded and battles are uninterrupted day and night. But now that need for beds has arrived in all its drama. One after the other the departments that had been emptied fill up at an impressive pace.

The boards with the names of the patients, of different colours depending on the operating unit, are now all red and instead of surgery you see the diagnosis, which is always the damned same: bilateral interstitial pneumonia.

Now, explain to me which flu virus causes such a rapid drama. [post continues comparing covid19 to flu]. And while there are still people who boast of not being afraid by ignoring directions, protesting because their normal routine is"temporarily" put in crisis, the epidemiological disaster is taking place. And there are no more surgeons, urologists, orthopedists, we are only doctors who suddenly become part of a single team to face this tsunami that has overwhelmed us.

Cases are multiplying, we arrive at a rate of 15-20 admissions per day all for the same reason. The results of the swabs now come one after the other: positive, positive, positive. Suddenly the E.R. is collapsing. Reasons for the access is always the same: fever and breathing difficulties, fever and cough, respiratory failure. Radiology reports always the same: bilateral interstitial pneumonia, bilateral interstitial pneumonia, bilateral interstitial pneumonia. All to be hospitalized.

Someone already to be intubated and go to intensive care. For others it's too late... Every ventilator becomes like gold: those in operating theatres that have now suspended their non-urgent activity become intensive care places that did not exist before. The staff is exhausted. I saw the tiredness on faces that didn't know what it was despite the already exhausting workloads they had. I saw a solidarity of all of us, who never failed to go to our internist colleagues to ask "what can I do for you now?"

Doctors who move beds and transfer patients, who administer therapies instead of nurses. Nurses with tears in their eyes because we can't save everyone, and the vital parameters of several patients at the same time reveal an already marked destiny.

There are no more shifts, no more hours. Social life is suspended for us. We no longer see our families for fear of infecting them. Some of us have already become infected despite the protocols.

Some of our colleagues who are infected also have infected relatives and some of their relatives are already struggling between life and death. So be patient, you can't go to the theatre, museums or the gym. Try to have pity on the myriad of old people you could exterminate.

We just try to make ourselves useful. You should do the same: we influence the life and death of a few dozen people. You with yours, many more. Please share this message. We must spread the word to prevent what is happening here from happening all over Italy."

I finish by saying that I really don't understand this war on panic. The only reason I see is mask shortages, but there's no mask on sale anymore. We don't have a lot of studies, but is it panic really worse than neglect and carelessness during an epidemic of this sort?

www.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=3295440637137311&id=100000142209308

tenredthings · 12/03/2020 00:34

Look at this article and see why social distancing is needed to save lives. The government is under reacting and it will cost many lives.

medium.com/@tomaspueyo/coronavirus-act-today-or-people-will-die-f4d3d9cd99ca

h3av3n · 12/03/2020 00:35

Avoiding large crowds makes sense though, there's a reason so many events have been cancelled. Her health is more important than your leisure activities...

Durgasarrow · 12/03/2020 00:36

Having just left Italy, I've seen this virus move very, very fast. She's not wrong. But she should pay her share.

pantsforhats · 12/03/2020 00:42

£80 for The Script?!

user1494182820 · 12/03/2020 00:43

Haha, YADBU to risk your health and that of others around you to go to a Script concert Grin

nonicknameseemsavailable · 12/03/2020 00:43

I have just been to the theatre tonight and have tickets to go again tomorrow! (typical the 2 things I want to see are the same week). I went tonight and would plan to go tomorrow too unless some sudden change but my area currently have 1 case and it isn't in my town so I am not too concerned plus it isn't a big capacity thing, just a small local theatre.

I think she is perfectly within her rights not to go and I have to say if it was a big event then I would probably feel the same as her. However I do think she needs to make sure you are only paying your half and she needs to cover the costs she agreed to

rosiejaune · 12/03/2020 00:45

Everyone is going to be exposed to it at some point. The actions taken by various governments are to slow the spread (which minimises the impact in public health terms), not stop it entirely. We're past that.

So she is BU to try to avoid it to such an extent; it will be circulating for the rest of her life anyway. And she is also BU if she isn't paying you for your lost money.

Freezingold · 12/03/2020 00:49

France is really creeping up isn’t it.

I think government could help people by telling us how to interpret the numbers. The numbers of cases is not the true number. Because if testing restrictions, and people not knowing that they have it. And then there is the time lag. And then there is exponential growth.

If you don’t understand the above you can’t make an informed decision about risk, or tell others if you don’t understand yourself.

Much of this is also not will I get it, but will I be responsible for passing it on? We have to get into that mind set.

Freezingold · 12/03/2020 00:54

@rosiejaune it’s not a case of ‘will I get it as a fit healthy young woman’. Many people will be exposed to it. However many will then pass it on to more vulnerable people - who will not have been exposed otherwise. That is key.

It needs to be managed. And avoided. Many countries like Singwpore are actively avoiding it and being praised by the World Health Organisation. Why? Because it seriously affects a significant amount of people and some will die, 10x more than flu.

exexpat · 12/03/2020 00:59

The issue is also not just how many people will get coronavirus and die, but also how many coronavirus patients will be taking up hospital resources that would normally be dealing with other critically ill people.

If ICUs or whole hospitals are overwhelmed with coronavirus patients, it means that people with heart attacks and strokes and cancer and meningitis etc are going to die who would have survived under normal circumstances, just because hospitals will not be able to cope with all the seriously ill patients at once.

If we can slow the progress of the epidemic down by people reducing their social contacts (eg by avoiding concerts) and therefore reducing transmissions, hospitals will be better able to cope with the lower numbers of patients at any one time.

Fr0g · 12/03/2020 01:01

A friend of mine has cancelled coming to stay in a couple of weeks - no major financial implications though' Her lungs are compromised because of cancer a few years ago, so was actually quite relieved.
Would have felt dreadful if she'd come to stay and bocome ill - yet felt a bit awkward about calling her to confirm that she did still want to come.

I think it's for individuals to make own judgements about what level of risk they consider acceptable, but she is wrong to leave you out of pocket though,

ChillinInMyBacta · 12/03/2020 01:03

Asked for this to be moved to the dedicated Coronavirus Topic thread.

WhatTiggersDoBest · 12/03/2020 01:23
  1. YABU to not put this in the coronavirus topic.
  2. YABU because she could have underlying health issues you aren't aware of which might make her high risk, or she could be in regular contact with someone who is immunosuppressed or elderly through work, friends, family or helping out a neighbour regularly that you don't know about.
  3. YABU to be outright mean to her about a valid fear that's got lots of people emptying the shelves of supermarkets for loo roll and hand gel.
  4. YABU to think you can dictate how someone else spends their time just because their priorities and worries are not important to you.
  5. YABU not to care about your friend's anxieties.
  6. But she should still pay her half and not leave you out of pocket.
Frownette · 12/03/2020 01:38

Just heard tom hanks has got it. Anyway over to other board.

ChillinInMyBacta · 12/03/2020 01:44

Oh by the way the entire USA NBA season has been cancelled 15 minutes ago as Rudy Gobert of the Utah Jazz has tested positive for COVID-19.

2tired2function · 12/03/2020 01:45

I also really struggled to take corona virus seriously - I'm young and healthy and it feels crazy to get so worked up BUT a friend in public health really put it in perspective - 1. it's not really about protecting young, healthy people, it's about minimising exposure for older folks and folks with underlying conditions because there is no vaccine or treatment for the disease. 2. If 30% of the people over 70 get it in the UK and 10% are hospitalized (conservative numbers given trajectory in places like Italy), hospitals will be completely overwhelmed and folks needing care for things like childbirth will have a hard time getting what they need. A ton of people still might not die, but life will be really difficult for a lot of people.

I don't think your friend is unreasonable for not going but agree that she should have to pay the costs. But we should all think about limiting social contact now, to stop the virus spreading before we end up in a situation like Italy, where dr's are having to make really tough decisions about who to treat because of the caseload. If you also pulled out, she would have to split it surely.

theflushedzebra · 12/03/2020 01:47

Your friend is sensible, OP. YABU.

Tom Hank has indeed reportedly got it.

It's at the exponential spread stage now - everyone should be socially distancing themselves as far as possible. And it may mean you miss a few social events.