30s TTC: Club BESHicana, drinks are free and we're hungry like the WOOFL! The MSDP continues...

[Scorpette]

Come on in, collect the Grolsch bottle tops for your DM shoes at the door

We're going all-out 80s for the continuation of the Mass Summer Diffment Project: John Hughes films playing back-to-back and on BESH FM, DJ ChoCho will be playing our all-time 80s faves, from New Romantics to Synth to Goth to Hair Metal to Pop and back again (no Fields of The Nephilim, mind). Our bartenders and waiters are Ducky from Pretty in Pink, Ralph Macchio (the Karate Kid) and Corey Haim (back from the dead especially for us) and unlike most of the real 80s, we actually get to booze!

Here's hoping the authentic 80s vibe will trick our bodies into thinking we've got the ovaries of teenagers!

(Not to mention tricking them into being super skinny and able to eat whatever we want and staying that way!)

There's plenty of Babycham and Ice Magic to pour over ice-cream in the Pit and Metal Mickey will bring them to the wretched at the click of a finger.

So whaddya waiting for? Slip on the ra-ra skirts, slap on the blue eyeliner and let's get winning those baybeez! Last one in the pool's a psycho hose beast!

OK, I know my friend was 18 & in de-nile unaware she was diffed until until 5 months gone but during that time she:

1. got very drunk to celebrate her 18th birthday;
2. took very strong painkillers to get over hangover;
3. got very drunk to celebrate my 18th birthday;
4. took very strong painkillers to get over hangover;
5. got very drunk on our joint 18th birthday party which was at a slightly later date;
6. took very .......you get the picture;
7. went to Alton Towers & went on rollercoaster after rollercoaster;
8. flew to Spain & ate tapas, including soft cheese & pate.

Her son, (my beloved god-son) is now approaching 20 & has just finished & passed his first year at Uni.

Disclaimers:

1. She lead a healthier lifestyle once she knew she was updiffed, & again with her further 2 diffments;

1. I continue to menkal despite I reckon really having to give it some welly to induce babyfail on yourself;

1. I'm sitting here with a headache afraid to take anything, just in case.

(Despite drinking a bottle of wine on Fri).

Ah, a life of contradictions.

Lozza that made me giggle. I need to join the headache-nurofen-menkul club - mine is bloody pounding. Pounding I tells you. I shall shortly be adding some Sudafed to the cocktail as well.

Hugs to Lyra. Putting it baldly about your Pops like that must be very difficult indeed.

Apparently BabyRam (I like that one) has woken up and is wriggling like a loon! Clearly he is made of stern stuff. It's such a relief, I can tell you. BIL has been quietly going insane with worry because it's only been a few months since his own brother's baby was born very prematurely and died .

Now I must have a sleep. I'm seeing double. But I've got sssssoooooo much work to do and sssssssooooooo many bills to pay

It is too hot to be pounding the flesh of strangers today. I am sweating so much I won't need any oils soon.....

You can take paracetamol, if that helps any? I'm a bit weird in that paracetamol actually works better than nurofen for me but I know most people think it's rubbish stuff... this conversation has made me realise I've been smearing ibuprofen gel on my wrist like there's no tomorrow to get me through a day of clients with a sprained wrist, even accidently ingested some earlier when I licked my fingers after eating a biscuit without realising and I swear my tongue went a bit numb for a couple of minutes!! lol. Anyway. Nothing will have implanted in my barren wasteland womb yet even if one of the intrepid Chinese warriors HAS managed to charm my billy-no-mates-loner eggs into a tryst, which seems unlikely at best.

Ugh. Back to the sweating and pounding. And you thought the swi was over, fnah fnah...

Lyra, I wouldn't worry too much about a couple of aspirin. And as long as you only smoke crack every other day, then it'll be reet (as we say around here). Gawd, I can't tell you how much I hope it's your month this time around. I think we need some action we do when we're wishing/hoping/praying someone wins when they're near to the end of their cycle, like how we pace and light candles when things are looking dire. P'raps knitting some bootees or summat?

AuntieRie, am overjoyed to hear that little Rocky BabyRam is up and at 'em. Poor old BIL - can you sneak him a few bear hugs from us lot? We often overlook how hard men take things cos they do the whole strong silent type thing (I caught TYF having a leedle sniffle last night cos he knew it was babyfail time again, but all he'd done in my presence is cuddle and kiss me and keep being really positive and upbeat. I heart him so fiercely).

Talking of Babyfail, of which I am experiencing no. 12 , here's a question for yehs: What is worse than babyfail?

Answer: when you discover that this Friday will be your last day in your current job on the same day you experience babyfail

Just found out on Facefuck - not even in person, even though Bossfriend is one of my oldest and closest RL pals! - that things behind the scenes have been far worse than she's let on, the bailiffs have been round and the business will cease to exist as of this Saturday.

Although am shitting it about cashola and getting a new job (despite my moans, it is v cushty working for and with a mate), I actually feel quite relived and free. I have felt like it's time to move on since Xmas, so am not too boohoo. And formulating plan of action/sorting out CV/online job hunting will give me lots to do whilst staying with the ILs, so that's a plus.

My mellowness about it all doesn't mean, however, that I don't require, nay, demand, hot buzwam action ASAP

Scorps ! That's SHIT!

Mmmmm, salty!

That's right, bitches, jiggle for me!

Dear Universe,

WOULD YOU CUT SCORPETTE A FUCKING BREAK ALREADY?!?!?!!

Yours Sincerely,

Headbanger
(Aged 30 1/2)

Am I too late?

Hello! I'm new here , wonder if it's OK to join! Not sure if there's etiquette I should follow, but am 35 (and 11/12ths!) and TTC baby #2 - been trying since September and (having previously thought I was uber-fertile) been disappointed at the lack of results.

Even given up taking Folic Acid, but wonder if I should restart again and if anyone has any wonderful little tips I've missed out on thus far!!!

One poly-cystic ovary suspected - no proof of ovulation but it's suspected from normal hormone levels in blood (but never got a post-ovulatory sample) - hoping for some inspiration or at least some others to share the 'oh shit' moment that I believe you call babyfail!

I won't be happy till every single set of puppies have jiggled for my delectation, so you're not too late, Poostains

Ooooooooooooooh yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! You've still gorrit, Pol!

Fanks HB - if I was the Universe, I wouldn't want to mess wiv you

Greetings, Squishy! Find our BESHtionnaire, complete it and present for our perving delectation

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')
   Yes, with tonic and lemon or lime (counts as one of the 5 a day, yes>!)

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?
   Hmm, a cradle snatching cougar-wannabe - he's 14 months younger! But previous couple to him were also a bit younger!

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
   a) weewee
   b) poopoo
   c) foofoo
   d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

Defintely C (although I know some who have had baybee made after using poopoo hole!!)

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you: a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway. b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

Um, neither really, not many friends are baybee makers (or are really TTC and getting nowhere)

5. Is R2D2: a) an adorable robot from Star Wars. b) the source of all evil.

Definitely a!

6. what colour are your walls?
   Which ones?! Variety of pink, orange, cream, blue - we're a colourful house!

7. Number of pets?
   One cat

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?
   Eddie Izzard

9. Lesbian crush?
   Maura Tierney

10. What are your views on camping?
    Not a fan, unless it's in luxury

11. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
    i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
    ii) Over 100 quid
    iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

This year? £10 at the beginning of the year, only used one of them but was having an 8 week cycle - have been really well behaved with not pre-empting it and waiting for signs of babyfail!

How did I do?!??! Not v. interesting!

Finding out your job's over via Facebook????????? Fuck me. My poor lovely Scorps. You sound though as though you are having a thoroughly admirable attitude towards the whole thing and we're very proud of you. Aren't we BESHes?

Ooooh, that's my own little recruit I believe. Now, now, girls, be gentle (ish) to the young one.

Still feeling sick. Menkul or what?

Scorp that is shit on a stick. But good that you seem to be thinking of the positives of job situation.

Wilkommen, Bienenue, Welcome Squishy. Glucklich zu sehen, je suis enchante, 'appy to see you.

I like you solely because you're 35 like me. Though obviously that won't be the only reason I like you. Oh you know what I mean

I like your wall colours. There isn't enough colour in people's houses I think. And Eddie Izzard is a thoroughly reasonable crush. Anyone who can run a million miles a week for charity is top crush material.

Poor you Scorpette, you can have my job if you want? Pay is ok, not too difficult though very depressing subject matter but if you like the morbid, gritty, miserable side of peoples lives it might suit you? Interested? No? Why ever not?

Hi Squishy - welcome, am also trying to produce number two (a 2nd child, not a poo) since July/August last year with nothing but a couple of miscarriages to show for my efforts. Hoping you don't have much longer to wait.

Aries so glad your nephew is ok.

Thanks for your sympathies yesterday youse lot, I am feeling a bit better today and the ERPC this afternoon was nowhere near as bad as the one in January, which makes me think the local anesthetic couldn't have worked properly last time as I screamed out in pain then but didn't really feel much more than general discomfort today. Anyway, although sad and disappointed, I'm relieved it's all over because the last 4 weeks have been hellish. I'm actually quite looking forward to TTC again , although I'm sure that enthusiasm won't last past first babyfail... I'm off on holiday on Thursday for a couple of weeks so ta ta BESHies!

Oh, my poor Twinks My candle has been lit and I have been thinking of you today (even if all my self-indulgence today would make it not appear that way!). You're being so strong and brave; I really admire you. A holiday sounds just the thing (even if you can just relax and cry and so on).

And yes, I do like the morbid and gritty sides to people's lives (pessimistic misanthrope and nosy bugger extraordinaire!) so... gizza job? (What do you do, or would it be too revealing about yourself to go into detail?).

Gentle bearhugs to you >

Hugs and violence to Scorp and Twinks.

You waaahn it, you gaaht it, baby!

Ta, ta TwinksTheBrave. Have a wonderful holiday.

I am PMS-ing, I know I am.

Thanks for the warm welcome

Twinks, sorry to hear your news and also the job situation Scorps.

Have a good rest Twinks. Hope you return all bright eyed and bushy tailed. I hope that's not a crass thing to say. Where are you going?