30s TTC Inc: Rolling out BESH practice across our flagship monthly diffment projects - Blue Sky thinking for a paradigm shift vis-a-vis droids and wooden spoons.

[Muser]

We're getting serious this time BESHies. Welcome to the Palace, where the emphasis is on sophistication. Cast your eyes over the plush carpet, admire the oh-so-carefully worn leather armchairs with sidetables and little green lamps. We have the Bonds of the ages as barstaff, waiting to serve martinis and the finest champagne.

To your left you'll see the Pit, which hopefully we won't be needing much. To your right the Cave of Gloom, and straight ahead we have our special space for the 2WOOFL. You'll find beanbags and gym balls there, the walls have been specially painted to allow you to write your symptoms up and wipe them off if they disappear. It's all the rage for Blue Sky thinking these days. And there are donuts and coffee to keep you going as you try to shift that paradigm.

Come on, which one of use has forgotten to wield your wooden spoon wand towards Briz? Gin, clamber up on Auntie Scorp's knees, because I'm going to rock you gently, stroke your hair and murmur reassuring words. I wish I could be there in person to do it for real.

Keep reminding yourself that peeps can have quite severe bleeding and it not mean the worse - Sk8rBoi, for example and also my Gran, who bled v badly on and off for first 3 months of pregnancy with my Mum (she thought she was having period after period and that it was early menopause). I know you said pls no reassurances of this sort, but they are FACTS. Shitty, scary facts, but ultimately positive ones. Am massive hypocrite, cos I would be a hot mess of tears, snot and screeching in your position. Can't believe you're having to deal with work too We love you and will never stop hoping, wishing and praying for you. NEVER

PS Hello Newbs

Casserole - have been lurking a wee while, yes! I've been eager to join but thought that if I started posting six months away from TTC you would all think I was proper mental. Which I sort of am. My mum had what you would call a poor obstetric history so I'm already convinced I've somehow inherited whatever was wrong with her (because they didn't bother investigating repeat miscarriages back in the day). I also have a crappy LP and wonky hormones. I have slightly elevated testosterone - and all its delightful symptoms - but no PCOS. And don't get me started on my nearly-husband's ishoos which may or may not affect conception but he's too scared to see a Dr about.

So yeah, I'm terrified that I won't be able to conceive, and if I do, I'll miscarry. Often. I've been scared of this since LONG before getting pregnant was an option.

Phrases like "babydust" make me retch. You will never hear me utter those words

Gin, don't be silly, you have enough to be thinking about at the moment. I hope the bleeding eases and it turns out to be just one of those things, but I know you probably don't want to hear anything that trite.

Candle now lit north of the border to extend the line.

Thanks Cass, and don't worry I wasn't feeling ignored. Frustrating receptionists are way down the list of stuff people round here are having to deal with. Hope Mr Stew's results are good.

Hmm. The receptionist couldn't (wouldn't?) give him them over the phone so he is waiting to the duty doctor to ring him back.

Not the most promising start as she managed to give me mine the other day - which, at the bottom of all the numbers just said "normal - no action needed". So presumably there's no such line on his....

We'll wait and see. 2 of our close friends just got diffed despite his sperm apparently being too low even for ivf to be considered viable, so you never know what's around the corner for you. And it only takes one of the little blighters, for shizzle's sake. And we've managed it once before...

I've never worked out any rhyme or reason to how they deal with giving out results over the phone, so it may not be anything to worry about (easy to say I know, but not so easy to not think the worst). Hope the call is returned soon.

Don't forget Berwhale,Cass*! TNB's sperm count was sooooo low that we were going to have to do ICSI. And now I am diffed.

*Berwhale the Avenger. Aka BOC.

Just back from Hycosy. Was feckin horrendous, but more of that later. For now, just lighting a Northern England candle to provide link in chain from Midlands to Scotland. I'm afraid it's a tealight but it definitely counts. Love you, Gin.

Horrendous hurty, lyrabird? You ok?

My candle is also lit here in the Midlands (is Jelly Belly strawberry cheesecake scented one, if that's okay).

Yes hurty Drom. Then pukey/fainty.

Have just told HO what's going on with you Gin, he wanted to light a candle for you too, so we've got two going here.

Yowch Lyra, that doesn't sound good. Am so glad HO was there with you.

Poor Lyra. Poor Gin.

Would light a candle, but fear office would consider it a fire hazard. Office has no imagination.

I find the idea of a chain of candles across the country for Gin's BOC massively hopeful.

lyra you just made me cry at my desk. In a good way, if that makes any sense. I love you lot, and knowing that you are doing that for me means so much.

and sorry bout the hurty lovelylyra

Awww, poor Lyra I hope the hurty has gone now and also hope you're being waited on hand and foot now. Did you get told the results there and then or have to wait? We're here if and when you need to share

Welcome Slowshow you truly are a menkul if you have already been stalking the BESH palace for 6 months...fuck me, there will be a few nervous BESHes gripping their 'Queen of the Menty' crowns a little tighter now that you have arrived

However, I am sure that you will diff immediately once you start, to howls of indignance from the long term, institutionalised palace goers. Good luck!

Lyra that sounds ghastly. I'm so sorry.

Jizz results are in and it was good news, apparently -
Concentration 23 million/millilitre (apparently this is pretty good)
Total sample 115 million sperm (yuk)
Vol good
62% motility - 62% were moving, with 42% moving rapidly ? apparently this is excellent? (better if the fuckers would run towards my EGGS, but whatevva)
Only less rosy one was morphology ? 6% normal. Which sounds bloody rubbish to me but apparently is within the low normal range - normal is apparently 6% and less than 5% is into fertility problems apparently.

So yeah. Another hurdle crossed/jumped/whatever. So now we've got an appointment to go back to the GP to get referred onto the fertility clinic. And on it goes.

Sorry. On morphology normal is 15%.

6% is classed as the low end of the normal range.

Well that's good news Cass...sorry to be too lazy to trawl through past fred...how long you TTC and how OLD are you, BESHster?

You are sick, DJChoCho. Spin us another choon on BESH FM, woman.

PS Wasp's nest is best Pets answer e-vah

By the way, today I learnt that there is no calorific advantage to buying a pack of healthy breakfast bars as an alternative to one's morning croissant IF you eat the whole pack of bars in one day.

Gah, didn't refresh page! That comment was in reference to your insta-diff slyness

And well done on Cap'n stewpot's jizz facts, Cass Sounds pretty normal (good) to me.

Orchid this is quite helpful for info

glad the news is good Cass. Sounds like the sperm producing mechanisms aren't ever very good at morphology, 15% seems very low to be normal (if you see what I mean). It's a good job there are so many of the things.