30s TTC Inc: Rolling out BESH practice across our flagship monthly diffment projects - Blue Sky thinking for a paradigm shift vis-a-vis droids and wooden spoons.

[Muser]

We're getting serious this time BESHies. Welcome to the Palace, where the emphasis is on sophistication. Cast your eyes over the plush carpet, admire the oh-so-carefully worn leather armchairs with sidetables and little green lamps. We have the Bonds of the ages as barstaff, waiting to serve martinis and the finest champagne.

To your left you'll see the Pit, which hopefully we won't be needing much. To your right the Cave of Gloom, and straight ahead we have our special space for the 2WOOFL. You'll find beanbags and gym balls there, the walls have been specially painted to allow you to write your symptoms up and wipe them off if they disappear. It's all the rage for Blue Sky thinking these days. And there are donuts and coffee to keep you going as you try to shift that paradigm.

Ooooh, more fresh meat!!

Hello newbies. There are some of us allowed in who come from further north so orchid you may be OK.

I just phoned the GP to try and make an appointment, had something mumbled at me about 'busy' and then put onto hold music. So I listened to the same bit of the 4 seasons (I think) about 5 times and gave up. So I now have no idea whether what I really need to do is phone first thing in the morning to actually get an appointment, or whether their receptionists are just uncommunicative.

Giiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!! Absofuckinglutely Bloody Brilliant News! So good I am using inappropiate upper case. Go BabyGin.

ssmmmooooooooooooooooooches

Good luck lyra

Love to all BESHs and welcome to new meat.

orchid I am a ginger Jock living in the Midlands and have always been made to feel welcome here

Welcome ladies. I have to say, with all due respect to Bess that at the rate of diffment round here at the moment I couldn't care less if you find the questionaire!

I am so happy for the differs, truly. But I am also starting to feel like I did when almost all my friends got married and I hadn't even had a snog in aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaages

I have got Work to do today. What's up with that ??? Is Sick And Wrong.

Muse Twinkle Ginster am so happy happy happy that all your scans have been good. Long may that continue.

1) Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

'Yes'

2) Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

Cradle snatching cougar. My nearly-husband is less than two years older than me, but it feels like more than that. He doesn't even remember Willo The Wisp!

3) Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use:
a) weewee
b) poopoo
c) foofoo
d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

e) All of the above. Desperate times...

4) Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you:
a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway.
b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

I would bellow "POAS!" every time. I have no bleedin' patience.

5) Is R2D2:
a) an adorable robot from Star Wars.
b) the source of all evil.

He's a bleeping metal bastard. Check me and my BESH terminology out! I have learned a great deal...

6) what colour are your walls?

Antique linen. And bare plaster in the hallway that we haven't been arsed to paint. Six months and counting...

7) Number of pets?

Wasp nest in the back garden.

8) Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

The ginger one from The Wonder Stuff when I was about ten years old.

9) Lesbian crush?

Tamsin Greig.

10) What are your views on camping?

FUCK no.

11) How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on?
i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it.
ii) Over 100 quid
iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

Zero currently. But I'm really hacked off that Boots don't seem to be selling Pregnacare Conception. I was just about to stock up on seventeen boxes.

Slowshow you are BESH swot of the day

I have always been a bit of a swot

Good answers slowshowquickquickshow

Have you been lurking long? We're all a bit bitter and twisty here on account of having sex by calendar for far too long, so we're not as gleeful and joyful as some of the other 'ception freds (mention of babydust is likely to get you buried in a hail of empty gin bottles and twirl wrappers, with a KFC bucket on your head but if you can cope with the darker side of ttc then you'll never find a nicer bunch of laydeez....

sorry, haven't read back at all.

have started bleeding again, quite heavily.

have to go back to epu tomorrow.

am in a bit of a state.

oh, gin, so sorry to hear that and not surprised you're in a state, are there people around to look after you? Really hoping it's a one of those things bleeds and not a something going wrong bleed, but know you'll be sick with worry. Have a hug in the absence of anything more useful I can do.

1. Do you like gin? (This is compulsory, you must say 'Yes')

ah go on then. Pint of Gin and tonic please

2. Men - are you a gold digger or a cradle snatching cougar?

Gold digger!

3. Baybee-making - to put a baybee in your tumtum, which hole do you use: a) weewee b) poopoo c) foofoo d) none, you just pray to the baby Jebus.

I'm with slowshow on that one - all of the above if it helps!

4. Testing - when someone wonders if they should test for updiff (pg), do you: a) bellow 'POAS!' at them non-stop and punch them repeatedly in the kidneys till they wet themselves anyway. b) Sprinkle them with babydust and send them hugs and kisses on lickle baby angel wings.

Yurgh to b. Not sure about yelling POAS either after having much menkelness from seeing far too many BFN's in my time. How about just random acts of violence in the interim?

5. Is R2D2: a) an adorable robot from Star Wars. b) the source of all evil.

B!! And one mofo that I would rather not see this coming weekend please

6. what colour are your walls?

The same colour they were when we moved in 4 years ago, with the unwelcome addition of numerous grubby hand prints

7. Number of pets?

4 - 2 cats, 1 DS and 1 DH

8. Inappropriate (read: weird) crush of shame?

Not sure about wierd but embarassing - Alan Shearer!!

9. Lesbian crush?

Angelina Jolie

10. What are your views on camping?

After this weekend - NO, never again! We went with some friends and their children. Screaming toddler at 11pm and then again at 6am anyone?

11. How much money have you spent on sticks you then urinate on? i) Oh nothing, I'll probably catch first time and then get the doctor to confirm it. ii) Over 100 quid iii) I opened an account on ebay solely for the purpose of purchasing sticks

Waaaaaaayyyy too much. Those and vitamins, thermometers, reflexology, organic fruit and veg, yoga classes, evening primrose oil, agnus castus and the many many other things I have tried recently. The postman had to knock on the door to the deliver my last lot of wee sticks as they wouldn't fit through the letterbox. I kid you not

well I'm at work Oc which at least means mr gin is here.

This is like fucking torture.

Very glad to hear Mr Gin's around, although work sounds like the last place you'd want to be. Can you steal him away somewhere quiet for more baby sticking beer, or is being distracted by work a good thing?

gingin Gah. Nothing I can do or say. Twisting self up in knots for you, angel, and praying it's a nothing bleed, rather than a something.

I have a massively impaortant project to complete (something I really really want to pull off) and to be honest I don't know what else to do right now anyway.

it's quite a bit of blood. midwife said to hang onto fact scan this am was normal. i'm not sure that is sensible.

(newbs, hello and thanks for questionnaire-filling. All good answers. Didn't want to make you feel excluded.)

newbs, sorry i can't be more welcoming right now, can't take anything in beyond own situation

I dunno what's sensible, sweetness. My mate last night said that constantly thinking the worst is going to happen means that you're happily surprised when it doesn't. But catastrophic thinking is bad for the brain also.

Nooooo GinLover Hope it comes to n'owt and stops very soon. This is so fucking unfair on you. It is just plain WRONG.

Ginster

Is there anything we can do? You know we're all with you in BESHly spirit but anything, ANYTHING else? Jokes? Gin? Handholding? You name it.

I'm so sorry. I was so so pleased for you earlier. Please do hang on to this morning's good news though, if it's not too painful... don't despair till you have to, and hopefully you won't ever have to. Ever ever.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh Gin, so sorry to hear you're bleeding - how frightening. I know you don't want the stories but Skater did have a lot of blood early on. Thinking of you, I really hope all is ok.

I'm not sure whether hoping for the best or preparing for the worst is most sensible - midwife's obviously going for the former. Hope you can get caught up enough in the project to be at least a tiny bit distracted for the rest of the afternoon.