30s TTC: The BESH Palace - where the bar never closes, booze is free, the humour is black and babydust is strictly for snorting through a rolled up 20.

[PollyPoo]

Welcome BESHies to the new palais. Plz to come fill it up plz.

For your delight and delectation I have dragged across the bar and the pit. Along with Mitchell (of course) to grant your every wish (but you will probably have to fight Scorps for him first... good luck with that).

I have even brought the Kylie infused absinthe. Now, who will join me in a Blackhole?

gag me with a spoon gag me with a spoon.... oh HI SCORPS!!! What a nice SURPRISE!!!

Forgive me ginhag, never meant to offend . Sorry if I've said anything insensitive.

My old friend was lovely. I wish I'd been better friends with her all the way through.

Perhaps I gave the impression when I was talking about my mum that I was referring to all mums. I wasn't. My relationship with my own mother has never been easy, but obviously I love her a lot. But sorry again.

No hard feelings, Cunty, have this giant gin cocktail I've made specially for you

Nah it wasn't that,Aries. think it was just a couple of posts which I kind of misinterpreted due to being ridiculously sensitive. So I'm going to shut up about it now,sorry I even brought it up really

Morning BESHtinas.

Scrofula you've set my rehab back a good ten days owing to having shaken me from head to toe with raucous laughter and bitter, bitter shame. I think it's high time MNHQ commissioned a BESH guide drawn solely from the menkul wisdom on this thread.

welcome to Stewie. You're all right, you are .

So sorry about those with Alzheimer's/dementia in the family. 'Tis my greatest fear in many ways. I've been dead lucky thus far: my family is absurdly long-lived (my great-grandparents were the UK's longest married couple. Give it up for ... um .... yep, just remembered I have no idea what their first names were. I'm all sentiment, me), and if my Granny is anything to go by I can expect to be running my own house, with lodgers, and a small artisan business, at the age of 91...the OM's family on the other hand suffers from pretty much anything going, including Alzheimer's and early-onset dementia,and sometimes I have these appalling dreadful flash-forwards to my beautiful funny clever boy not being himself anymore However all that is just self-indulgent misery-making and quite, quite pointless.

Er - yeah, so been beaten up treated by the osteopath. Am having immense muscle spasms owing to some damage to the vertebrae or some such biz. He can't prescribe painkillers/injections and it would be days until I get a GP appt so I'm just doped to the gills on over-the-counter shit topped up with sherry. No jest. Did manage a night's sleep last night.

However, this is royally screwing the SWI for this month. The OM came back from shopping yesterday to find me abed, propped up on ninety-six pillows. He got undressed. "Get off the sodding bed you tit, you're hurting me" came the loving cry. He managed to sort of stroke my shoulder for a bit but I sent him packing. It wasn't until a little later he fessed up that he'd seen a baby that looked 'just like ours' (So we talk about it OK?! Sod off!) in 'a big jumper' (Yeah, wanna make something of it?!), so he'd obviously been inspired to get me diffed sharpish. Poor sod. First time he's really shown how much he wants a child and I did nothing but scream at him to leave me alone

anyway. Haddock-slaps all round. Two of them for Gin for being a double-hard bastard

Drug update: I've a dealer pal cycling over the a box of diclofenac. Happy times! Happy times!

MaxHEADRoom, am loving the idea that your fella is so well trained that the sight of you in bed makes him get undressed for TTC, in true Pavlovian fashion. Am not loving the idea that you are too brokened for SWI

Both sides of my family live to absurdly long ages, and there's no dementia or owt (not rubbing it in to those less fortunate) but my Gran is totally deaf with fucked-up knees and my hearing has declined and I've developed a bit of arthritis in me knees over the last few years, so I can see my future ahead of me already! On the other hand, she looks about 20 years younger and is cheeky and bright as a button, so it's swings and roundabouts!

Talking of the appearance of future children, every time I see that young actress Saoirse Ronan on tv/film, I say 'I'm so proud of our daughter' to TYF because pictures of his Mum in her teens look like she's Saoirse's twin, and TYF is the spitting image of his Mum (to the extent where I don't like him shaving when his hair's longer, as it's then like snogging his Mama). Make the eyes green and it's my MIL 40+ years ago! Wouldn't say no to future child being that gifted and rich either

I HEART Saoirse. Perfect daughter material.

The OM wants a cocky tomboyish daughter who listens to The Who and wears cool stripy tights at 8, and then goes on to be a mechanic of vintage motorcycles (or something) in later years. With her own gleaming shed of gleaming bikes and tools and things.

Pain update: fucking hell. When's it going to stop. Where are my painkillers!!!?!?!?!?!?!? Cannot believe SWIing is going to be delayed by a month because of fucking BACKACHE.**Disclaimer: I have the constitution of an ox, so do not take to any of this illness nonsense very well. My Mum would say I am learning some much-needed empathy and compassion!

Hello BESHlets.

head ouch!! As a fellow back sufferer you have my upmost sympaffy. Only thing that helped me move was Deep Freeze. Just numbs everything for a nanno second. Used to go through about a can an hour. Clucking expensive, but meh.

I thought I'd posted earlier - fuck knows where that went. Knowing my luck I've prolly sumbitted my end of finance year report with an update on my dildocam shenanigans. Great.

So...had dildocam again. Consultant actually took me by surprise, still chatting away about my job when, hello, up she went. Anyhoo, I have 2 reasonably sized follicles ready for eggs. There are other follicles too but quite small & prolly won't develop. WTF??? Apparently its good. We're to have, ahem "intercourse" every other day from the weekend onwards. Anyone else hate that word? Such an adult, I couldn't stop myself from sniggering.

So, I have follicles............

Hi Laurie,

that all sounds about right...one normally has leading follies that suddenly take off, leaving the little ones in their wake.

May I ask what your diagnosis is (if you have one) and what dose Clomid you are on. Sorry to have forgotten, but that is what happens when we have a palace ban on 'lists' , and that is what I secretly love about babyfust-central website fertilityfriends!

Now intercourse your fella like he's never been intercoursed before!!! You might win twinz!!!1!!1!LOL!!

Fanks cho I am truly clueless. So I do not know dose of Clomid, will check tonight. Does 50mg sound right? Or maybe that's my lemsip..........

I don't really have a diagnosis. The boyf's sperm count was high, but he had a slightly on the lower side of average number of "normal" sperm. But nothing to cause concern.

My blood tests show I ovulate, HSG showed no blockage & previous dildocam showed all OK. Its just not been happening. So consultant gave me Clomid to make me "super fertile" (his medical phrase). This is my fist month of taking it, & this morning's dildocam was just to check what ovaries had thought about it.

Am quite scared about twinz. Specially since my sherried-up Nana's announced at Christmas there are twinz on both sides of my family.

The boyf is quite looking forward to being intercoursed, haha. I have been enjoying the spare bed to myself (fanks to cold + asthma = snoring liking a donkey).

Good news about the fruity follicles, LorryDriver! And good luck with the twintastic intercoursing!

How's the pain, HB?

In a foul mood, have a headache and just off to be weighed (slimming world). Happy Days!!

Will be online revising later so if you could all cheer up the newbie and be extra entertaining for the rest of the night I'd be very grateful. Cheers muchly

Better thanks Stewie, owing to having been supplied DRUGS by a pal. I now have to change the current situation (pained weary reeking pallid unwashed bristle-legged yellow-toothed dressing-gown-clad crone in mucky house) into optimum SWI conditions owing to being about as obviously fertile as I have ever been. I am going to begin by having a bath. And then making a cheese souffle. And steeping strawberries in balsamic syrup. And chilling some real ale. Oh yes, my lovers - I know the way to MY man's heart: through booze and cholesterol-rich foods.

Now then Stewpot. Pliz to not mention S W. Fat Fighters will do nicely. (I speak as someone who recently gained one pound in 10 weeks of fighting fat. Hurrah!).

Hurrah also for Laurie's follicular splendiferousness! I say let's all wish for TWINZ!!!!111!!1!!!1 OMG!!1!! If motherhood's imposserously difficult in the first few months anyway, I can't see as you'd notice twins being any harder (presses hands to ears refusing to listen to sense and reciting all the matching pairs of twins' names recently agreed upon).

Ed. Do you know for sure that he won't prefer the old stinking crone look? Some guys go fer that, so they do...

Lardy update: Pound and a half down. Only a gazillion to go then.

Yay for follicles Laurie, hope the intercoursing's fun.

Oh, and don't think I've said hi to you yet Casserole, welcome.

Sore back sounds nasty Head, hope the drugs are working wonders and you're all ready to seduce your fella.

I've been crampy and generally premenstrual all day, was expecting droid to arrive somewhere up the M74 but it hasn't yet. Sure it's only a matter of time, but as I'm only 5DPO I'm not impressed.

And then I arrived home to the house being a tip - TH is away for work and has created chaos for me to sort out. Not impressed. Spot a theme here?

So I'm baking Easter lemon cake - anyone want some?

GOD yes please to the lemon cake (and hi )

Can I have some wine with it too please?

Sending droid-banishing vibes up the M74 to you. Where does the M74 go, anyway?? I don't think I've ever had the pleasure.

There is a very similar housework related fight going on here tonight. I am looking after the tiny tyrant during the day and revising like a bloody machine all evening. DH is moaning like fuck about being expected to do more housework than usual for the next couple of weeks. I am Not Impressed And Waiting For An Apology.

I have made chocolate brownies.

M74 links England to Glasgow.

Medee I like your style. Just the important headlines, none of the nonsense

Oh don't worry, I can do plenty of nonsense too!

I am knitting a baby blanket for my sister-in-law. So far I managed 1 row before screwing it up, then screwed it up again, and then had to unpick it all. What the fuck am I doing this for?

Am hoping if I do one for each s-i-l I will be so freaking amazing at the pattern that I can make one for myself when I win a baybee that will be a thing of everlasting beauty.

LOL. I don't know why we do these things.

I took a package of crackers, ginger, acupressure wrist bands etc round to a friend suffering with morning sickness the other day. And I'm having another heavily pregnant friend's dog for a month when her baby comes. And I'm off to someone else's baby shower (evil tradition! eeeeeeeeeeeeevil!) this weekend.

Supportive or stupid, it's hard to tell sometimes.

But yes, your blanket will freaking rock when your winning entry arrives. It will cause all other baybees to shriek in envy and disappointment at their inferior mothers.

Heh. It is a bit of a guilt blanket. I am pissed off at myself for not being as all excited about the baby news as I should be. So I am trying to demonstrate that while I may come across as a selfish bitch, I am actually genuinely delighted for them both. Through the medium of pistachio green cashmillion wool. Machine washable too, I think of everything.

I'm impressed that you can knit baby blankets at all. Guilt blanket or not it sounds like a lovely present.

Cake is now cooked and iced and yummy. Casserole you're welcome to wine with it, Medee I'll swap you some for a chocolate brownie.

Casserole what are you revising for?