All new 30-something BESH buzwamcam action

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Subscribe now for 24 hour buzwamcam footage! Sit back, relax, and admire these 30 something women go menkul during the 2WOOFL. Hot men and cold cocktails on tap.

can someone give me a fierce chinese burn please?
i really need to take my mind off the fact that i have neither a visit from droid or a positive pregnancy test. i did another one today even though i promised myself i would wait until after the weekend (it was negative of course). I have no feelings of pg or imminent russet gusset either. I'm overthinking things now too........on Friday i got crampy feelings and thought 'here comes droid early'....and actually ended up in bed with a hot wheat bag because i was doubled over with abdomen pain. Now i'm beginning to think my girly giblets have gone into revolt.....

Yay! Noo Fred! Am so honoured that by buzwams have inspired the title

Pol, I hope your sister is okay and that they sort her out ASAP. I was born at 36 weeks and it didn't do me any harm. Okay, bad example, but that's nothing to worry about. Just think - you might become Auntie Rachel in the next few days! Will be leaving extra offerings at Lyra's altar for her later.

Gasper, I nearly had an accident laughing at your rendition of Buzwam Cam (original is by The Sweet, fact fans)! So I better update my keen followers:

Gusset Watch: still normal.

Buzwam Cam: 12%.

Can I just say that I find your sacrifices and offerings very disturbing touching. I really hope I don't let you all down, but... am having weird grumblings down below that are ever-so-slightly pre-menstrual and left-side lymph nodes are really painful and tender, which is my usual sign that spotting is due. God, I hope it isn't though. I don't know how much more disappointment I can take. And I think everyone's neighbours are going to notice all their pets have gone missing very soon...

It would be soooo nice to actually have a normal-ish luteal phase.

scorps not wanting to tempt fate at all, but when are you planning to POAS? Just so I know how long I should lurk around leaving these burnt cake offerings for lyra. Are you officially late now?

my buzwams, not by

No, am only DPO 10. But I have LPD, so this is exciting unchartered territory for me! I daren't POAS - I mught just wait until a small human being attempts to leave my body

Bah, am feeling proper pre-menstrual now. Will no doubt start spotting soon, with Day of Agony then scheduled for Monday, which is panned to be the busiest day of the year so far. Happy times.

Don't you mean 'Auntie Poo' Scorps?!! Bit of a faux pas there, non? I will now have to become all paranoid and do name changes and stuff. Except I can't actually be arsed.

Oh Scorpy I really do hope the pink panther stays away. When is your acupuncture appt? I've found some pretty feathers, lots of dog hair Boo's glittery paintings and some sequins when I cleaned the kitchen (like you do) - maybe GoddessLyra will appreciate gift of sparkly things in return for your baybee?

My sis is not too bad ta, on painkillers and tired (no sleep last night) but scan has now been delayed until tomorrow morning. Gar. Everyfink crossed....

SHIT, so sorry Poo. Erm, at least you don't have a more easily-recognisable name like me; being called Clytemnestra has been the bane of my life (Please don't say my real name!) Do you want me to ask MN to delete it? As we have found out today, we have a legion of lurkers (well, at least one)...

Acupuncture not until blardy 13th April. That's theoretically 2 droids away

Sorry again about the name. Is it too early to blame it on 'baby brain?'

Have been feeling more pre-menstrual and daren't go to loo. Have asked TYF if I can just piss myself on the sofa instead of confronting my gusset but he reckons that's unreasonable, the heartless swine

Glad your sis is tired but okay. And I love the sound of your offering. Maybe I should leave her a pair of shoes on the altar.

Oh, great Lyra, telleth thine humble handmaidens what gifts wouldst pleaseth thou? Apart from the usual libations of ye gin, naturally NOW GIMME MY BAYBEE!

Keep your eyes shut Scorps.

Don't worry Scorps I'll live! I fort it was quite funny. Now hang on a cotton picking minute - if there are any shoes on offer, I want them to add to my collection!

Gusset still clean! Mind still mental!

Find me a picture of some you like, Poosmell and I'll see what I can do

Yay for clean gussets! And for shoes!

scorps please, for me, resist the temptation to poke around with a cigar of toilet paper. You know that just makes me vexed

Wh-wh-who says I'm doing that? Shit, is the camera STILL on?

It's just an invasive wipe, thank you very much. How dare you 'incinerate' that I'm a menkul. Harumph!

Phew, thought I was only one in world that did the cigar.

We've all done the cigar. It's a quicker way of channelling the druid even than c*mping.

I limit myself to 3 internal cigars a day after DPO7.

Am also taunting droid by wearing pale, expensive 'best' knickers. Does/has everyone else done that?

Seriously, as I always say, we need to write a book; an instruction manual for fellow or inspiring BESHes. The section on 2woofl should let them know that nothing is too menkul or humiliating.

YESSS! (just been to loo) - gusset still fine! Even a cigar produced nowt! Although am having a tiny bit of FFJ, which is weird

I can't be doing with the cigar - it doesn't go up far enough. Or perhaps my rolling technique leaves a bit to be desired? I just shove me finger up and have a good ole poke around. Classy? Moi?

Scorps I got loads of pant snot when up the duff - rivers of the bloody stuff, had slippery pants for months but as soon as she was born it tailed off.

Stop getting my hopes up!!!

Did you get FFJ just before you got a BFP though, PollyPocket? I need answers!

er I can't remember Scorps - I think so, but it was fucking ages ago.

I am feeling mucho excitement for you. More sacrifices needed at the altar of the almighty Lyra

Feel it is also prudent to point out I also get FFJ before droidage. But still feel sure you are duffed.

Am really menkulling it as have been reviewing Fertility Friend charts and realised I had 10 days before the spotting started at Xmas and the spotting was preceded by 2-3 of v watery FFJ. But is defo not watery at the mo - either a tiny bit of FFJ or some thicker, stickier stuff (prittstick). So I still have tomorrow to get through before I can even start getting excited. I have been obsessing enough today; tomorrow will be a nightmare

Wow, I must go to bed as have bored myself into a coma now! Whatever happens, I've made it to DPO10, which is a good sign, esp. that my supplement and lifestyle changes are working

Thanks for the offerings and support Pollyanna (and the rest of yers!)

THE CIGAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Relieved it's not just me.

ExScoriating (hmmmmm, unsucessful joke) PLease to provide hourly gusset-watch updates. Me = fiendish busy but will be lurking.

And toss off you lot, with your sensitive cat-loving ways; you made me feel guilty. I'm reduced to nice clean Tarot readings and the occasional midnight stroll in the full dimpled splendour of my nakedness