30s TTC - Butterdish Smashing World Record Attempt

[PollyPoo]

Line up, line up for the world record attempt for most dropped butterdishes per fred.

The bar is here, along with squishy sofas, some fluffy beanbags, low lighting, and most important of all, free booze.

I have installed some naked waiters (Morgan from being human, together with Russell Howard) - they have trays of champagne cocktails that can never run out, so dig in laydeez and lets make this a fred to remember.

I think you may get a lot of sympathetic hands on arms, sweet smiles and cups of tea. People won't ask unless it's clear you're ok to talk and if you do well up I'm sure they'll be lovely. Good luck and get some sleep.

I hope I don't get sympathetic hands on arms. I really don't like people touching me when I'm upset. Yes, I am a weirdo.

It will be fine. It will be fine. Going to try and sleep now.

That's not weird at all. Lots of people don't like it. If they're coming at you, cross you arms.

Muser, am wishing you good luck for tomorrow. I think that whatever you feel like doing/saying or not doing/saying will be okay. There's no guidelines as to how to act or how others will act because it's such a godawful shitbag of a thing. If you need to cry, don't be embarrassed or ashamed; showing your emotions is strength, not weakness. People probably won't say anything, as people are notoriously shit at knowing what to say about such matters (because nothing anyone can say can make things better). They will probably be looking to you to gauge what they think what will be the most appropriate response. And not everyone will know, surely. Be wary that someone might say something crass or unhelpful whilst thinking they're being sympathetic (this happened to a friend of mine re: a mc). If you don't want to be touched, you can get rid of people nicely by saying being touched will just make you cry, which will make them back off without feeling offended.

Anyway, stop worrying about other people and concentrate on getting through the day and giving yourself a break. And like the others say, if you don't feel up to it, don't go in. And you can always leave if it feels too much. You have a v understanding boss, so don't be afraid to ask for what you need.

We'll be sending you BESH vibes of gin and violence to get you through the day

And HeadTheBall, hope you're feeling better, my lovely. Would a quick grope make you feel better?

Oh, and for those of you gripped by Nork Watch, nuffink happening so far, apart from the old mild twinge. As the BESH saying goes 'everything crossed except my legs'

muse I hope you're feeling as OK as you can this morning. If you do cry, its OK. On the plus side if you cry no-one will ask you again . If its too much just leave early / go to a RL pub. Thinking of you, x

Welcome newbies - if you're still around! Our quiz seems to have scared people away.

Must confess I've only skimmed through the weekend shenanigans on this fred. Am I too late to offer my "when I wanted a baby" moment?

Muse, will be rooting for you all day. Be sure to pop your head inside the gin palace if things get really shit-like.

Much better ta Scorps, speshlly after that grope . Is hard to explain. I like my job but it does involve occasional glimpses into lives of unimaginable ease and privilege and glamour and success, and then I go back to my shabby old life and my shitty little job and my stupid studies and my poky flat and my general crapness and it's all a bit sucky. Have given myself a stern talking to though. And did lots of work yesterday (the OM persists in believing that my genius will one day land us in a vast house with Hampstead Heath as its back garden. And room for a pony).

Laurie, although I DID have that big punch-to-stomach biz much of what you say rings totally totally true. When I had that moment last cycle when I POAS and the stupid light in my bathroom made it look like I was diffed, part of the 'feeling faint' thing was panic I think.

That's also why I got miserable at the weekend. 'Cos I realised that having a baby basically means the end of your youth. And that I'd have to buck up and be A Good Woman and not, well, do any of the things that good women don't do, if that makes sense (that makes me sound far more exciting than I actually am).

Your quote from SATC is probably the best thing I ever heard ever. And I am quite relieved that you fessed up to all this. Makes me feel less mental for not always being all gooey and Nigella-ish.

Just a quickie to wish you luck and strength for today muser. Hope none of your fears are realised.

will catch up later

Oh Laurie and Headb I completely know where you're coming from. If and when I ever have a baby then I won't by my mummy and daddy's little girl any more. I won't be able to grunt and shrug at them like an ancient teenager, which I'm ashamed to relate I tend to do after more than 24 hours in their company. I'll be the one concerned with Calpol and chickenpox and reading and packed lunches and bullying and colic. And it's bloody bloody scary and surely I'm too young and irresponsible. That's why I was hyperventilating on Friday when was ONE DAY late (what a twat!) On the other hand for some reason I know it's what I want now.

I hope work's going ok Muse

Just catching up on the weekends stuff. Muse I hope today goes better than you expect, I'm thinking of you.

Thinking of you today Muser , I hope that everything goes okay.

Re. When you wanted a baybee...

I have never had baby-broodiness, and did not want children in my twenties, but knew I wanted children. in a way, I wish I had been broody for babies, rather than pragmatically knowing I want children - I think broodiness inspires a more urgent response, and I was far too laid back...though no one expects to have such bad luck, I suppose!

The Boyf loves children, works with kids and has god childre etc.. For me, there was no rush, but when I was about 33 I was talking to one of the Boyfs friends who had just had a baby...she asked if we were going to, and I said we would one day, but not sure when me or Boyf would be ready...she said "Are you fucking joking...it's all he's ever wanted, and he'd want YOUR kids tomorrow, if he could!...He probably never talks about it because he doesn't want to pressurise you" (I'm a stroppy feminist ball breaker ).

While, I was quite surprised at that, and after musing sometime on our excellent communication skills I asked him if it was true, and he said yes. At the time I was working full time, plus doing a post grad course, so held off for a few months, and then started trying when I was 34.

Laurie I fink you deservz hugz an' shiz for your experience over the last 3 years, but we're on the wrong website, so have a quick grope instead...

Hey BESHies. Work is going fine. No awkward questions and mostly being left alone. Phew

muse so no Cagney & Lacey style crying in the toilets? Seriously, I'm glad. Walking through the door this morning was the hardest bit (work wise that is) & its over now. Well done you.

Fanks cho My post did sound a bit like an episode of Eastenders, didn't it? Ho hum.

Muse you are a tower of strength. Hope your day goes fast.

Scorps - I have been thinking about your buzwams all morning - update please!

Re: when to have etc - I'm still hoping maternal instincts will kick in, have been assured they do at the crucial moment but am a Doubter on that front and will simply concentrate on keeping it alive.

I can't keep up these days (damn you, paid employment) I think the sun must be under the yardarm somewhere right about now though

ps can I borrow Mitchell from Being Human to help me....er....lift something heavy...or something?

Update from the ChochoTrain: Rant/Whinge Alert : HIGH If you are of a sensitive disposition, please look away from the vortex now

USEless hospital still hasn't done anything about their FAILURE to order my hysteroscopy in a timely fashion vis-a-vis starting my IVF, as a result of which I will not be winning a test tube baybee this month .

So, I have convinced them to make up one of my earlier abandoned IUIs instead...it probably won't work, and they will probably soon start diagnosing me with Munchausens Syndrome soon ("we think she only does it for the dildocam")

The problem* is, that I want to book a fucking holiday (to get away from this unrelenting misery, disappoinment, despair, and the fact that unless I am constantly distracted from the fact that I am hopelessly fucking barren, and teflon wombed to boot, I can't stop tears from pricking my eyes...great fun on the bus!) but I can't because not sure when my treatment will start/finish GGGGGRRRRRAAAAGH!!! I'm fucking sick of this twattingcuntery....Paaah!

(BTW, I am confident that I can rely on other BESHies to NOT remind me that I should think myself lucky I am getting IVF at all

By the way...should any newbies out there peruse past freds, they will probably find a similar sort of rant, at a similar time each month, all ending with the term "I'm fucking sick of this game", or something similar...and that usually means someone is popping off to the Pit of Despair, usually accompanied by at least one or two people who play vampires on screen

The Times reports that Diffed Wimminz may be booze-tested at ante-natal visits, but I think that does not go far enough. What they should do is cut off our limbs, (a la Boxing Helena), and connect us to feeding and oxygen tubes (like in the Matrix) and let us gestate in a DM sanctioned pod. The ideal thing being that they can just change the drip when the next study shows what bad women are doing to hurt the licklebaybeez. I might start a Facebook group...

VAG - when are you not thinking about my Buzwams? I made it clear to my solicitor that the restraining order against you should include internet stalking

Nah, they're still normal-ish, but getting a few mild twinges. Ta for your concern; you've earned your go on Mitchell. Just leave some for me later

Cho, you pathetic Loony Lefty, you don't go far enough. Whilst women are still allowed to have babies, there is no hope for this world. As soon as science cracks male pregnancy and/or growing babies in artificial wombs, there will be no need for feeble, weak, yucky women at all!

Muser - so glad it went well. Today was always going to be hard, so it's good it's over.

As for me, tomorrow is DPO8. Have never got beyond DPO8 without spotting when I've OVed on CD14, like I have done this cycle, so tomorrow will be a day of supreme menkulism/panic/gusset-checking/genital trauma by bunched up loo roll/hysterical self-delusion/weeping over funky baby jumpers in TopShop, etc.

Ooooh Scorps we will bring popcorn and try not to rustle our sweet packets too loudly as we settle in for your well justified woofl-arama...but who will look after Clothilda?

Cho

Neither of you have gone far enough. Women allowed in these pods should on NO account be over the age of 25, no 24, and they should definitely not have ever had a career, let alone a job. They should also have been married by the age of 21 and no ethnic minorities, religions, benefits claimants, immigrants nor anyone of a lightly liberal persuasion need go in.

Well done Muser by the way.
And all the best with Gusset-Watch, Scorps. Is it like Springwatch? Will Kate Humble and Cwis be there?

I'd definitely allow Cwis into my pants by the way

Aries, make that age 22, as she should have gone to university to prove she has a certain level of intelligence but yet has never had a job.

Gusset Watch is presented by Bill Oddie. "Despite not needing the loo, Scorpette has nipped into John Lewis to check her gusset. Nothing untoward on the fabric of the underwear, so now she turns to the ancient spotting-sussing technique so favoured by this majestic BESH - screwing up some loo roll and shoving it up her hoohaa to see if there's any discoloured discharge hiding up there. See how she peers at the paper from every potential angle to see if she can see even the tiniest bit of colour. It is a privilege to observe an Alpha BESH in the full glory of her TWOOFL".

Listen, you bunch of piss-taking gits, you try only having a luteal phase of 9 days maximum (12 being the minimum required to sustain diff) and not being absolutely batshit-crazy around this time! Oh that I should even experience the 'T' in TWOOFL...

Didn't mean to take piss Scorpette. Sorry. Must be shit.

I still dig Packham though.

I am hoping for the non-appearance of droidage. Just like on Spring Watch when they don't get any ickle birdies.

I officially survived my first day. Go me. And it seems that only one of my projects has gone tits up. Unfortunately it's the one I was really hoping would be finished as the thought of it makes me want to hide under the bed.