30s TTC - Butterdish Smashing World Record Attempt

[PollyPoo]

Line up, line up for the world record attempt for most dropped butterdishes per fred.

The bar is here, along with squishy sofas, some fluffy beanbags, low lighting, and most important of all, free booze.

I have installed some naked waiters (Morgan from being human, together with Russell Howard) - they have trays of champagne cocktails that can never run out, so dig in laydeez and lets make this a fred to remember.

POA DAMN S Horoscopey One. That's an order.

Tomorrow Muser, tomorrow .

By the way, the horoscopy username - now I realise it's a shit name. But every other name I wanted was taken by someone else! Cows.

Is anyone else watching the news about the children with birth defects in Falujah. Words can't describe...so terribly sad. Kind of puts everything into perspective

Nothing wrong with your username, we just like to find new takes on names here.

Looking forward to hearing your POAS result tomorrow.

I know

Nowt wrong with a horoscorpy name Right? RIGHT?

Good luck POAS tomorry.

I heart trashy mags; my Gran gets loads, which then get passed onto my Mum and then onto me. Although reading them have made me slightly superstitious that the second I'm really happy with my life, something freakish and terrible will happen

Horoscope names are fine. Cept for those around November time of course .

My American gran used to save up the Weekly World News for me and my sis. I love Weekly World News. Elvis in my hamburger! JFK is an alien!

How dare you? My birthday is at the end of October!

My GPs used to get every issue of the Reader's Digest. Loved reading it from cover to cover. I am John's small intestine!

No need for P-ingOAS. Woke this morning with stomachpunching cramps and lo and behold.....

I look forward to a solo evening of deflating boobs, eating rare steak, unpasteurised dairy produce, shellfish (closed) and unwashed veg (GM) with lashings of homemade mayonnaise, a box of red and a few expressos (anything I've missed?). I'll probably then fall asleep on the sofa during Woss and wake in a pool of dried tears and snot clutching a photo of my sister's 20 week scan she thoughtfully sent me last week.

It would have felt wrong to slink away diffed after only less than a month on the BESH board. I felt like an impostor. Bloody hell, even Will and Grace TTC at the moment.

Aries, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! That metal bastard! And be sure that we'd rather you 'slink away' after a month with a baybee win that get the droid (although there's no escaping, bwahaha!).

Am I allowed to witter about my temping? Am DPO4, but the last 2 morns, I've taken my temp and straightaway - much, much quicker than it usually takes to give me an answer - it's announced a v low temp. So I've done it again and it was high, as is fitting for being post-Ov. But which bastard reading do I trust? What if I've not Oved? The POK said yes, but the 2nd line was only @85% strength and apparently, it only tests that the Oving hormone is present, not that the chucky egg is free and racing to meet the spermz. All other symptoms and esp. FFJ are consistent with Oving abd post-Ov (although have not got mental breast pain yet, which would be usual). Aaargh, the menkul, teh menkul!

Just have some sex Scorps. And why not?

Bastarding news about the droid Aries. Here, have a cupcake.

Oh aries here, have a punch to the kidney's in time honoured BESH support.

scorp I have no fucking idea with temps. Gave up pretty rapid after mine were everywhere & only proved that I'm a rubbish sleeper, rarely spending a whole night uninterrupted. It just gave me something else to stress about.

Am going to try ov sticks again this month. Since I last used them I think I've paid a bit more attention to my cycle & decided I ov later in the month than I originally thought. So last time I started using them at about day 12, just getting overly excited. How sad, excited about peeing on my hand stick first thing in the morning. Is this what we've become ladies?

My RL friend admitted that she danced around the office when I told her all was well after yesterday's appointment & I'm stocked up with magic pills. Can you imagine her reaction if when I'm updiffed?

Am feeling very impatient now, just want that lovely FFJ & start to get jiggy wiv it. Then pop pills.

Strangely, the more tests I have the more confident I feel that I'll actually be able to do the whole giving birth thing (previously convinced it would break by back if not kill me entirely). The more people who root around my fanjolina telling me everything is as it should be, the more I think hell yeah, I can do this. How ironic could that turn out to be?

Just get shagging fellow horoscopy one

Thanks for the confectionary and random violence by the way. I know I'll feel really at home once I've had a film crew up my jacksie.

Good luck with peeing on your hand stick laurie.

yay for the drugs Laurie, and am impressed at the giving birth confidence. I'm going for not thinking about that bit, and only being updated on OBEM by mad midwife sister who seems to like watching it.

Scorps I feel your cycle menkulness. Sounds like everything's pointing to ov though - I'd go for blaming the thermometer for being rubbish and giving weird results and just get on with the fun bit.

My temps seem to produce a beautiful scatter plot that makes little sense (although fertility friend likes to tell me it understands so maybe there's hope). I'm actually remembering to pee on the OPKs this month, but that's leading to much debate about whether they're positive enough to be positive - aaaaargh. Persuaded TH that SWI was a good idea last night despite him being knackered, but that probably means he now won't come near me for days and in the meantime an egg will escape unfertilised. Gah.

scorps

NON SEQUITUR ALERT

I'll burst if I don't ask if you have considered childminding or fostering as an alternative career choice. There, I've said it.

Unless you have a secret criminal history that you've not disclosed....

Are you suggesting that I am obsessed with being a mother, Cunty? I certainly haven't given any hint of that on here, to be sure

Am CRB-checked and a-okay. Seems like the fact that I was Ronnie Biggs before my sex change isn't a problem

I have thought about those very things, BUT: we live in a tiny flat, so childminding out of the question AND I would probably die in a horrific judgeypants explosion over the things I disapproved of in a 'how come she gets to have kids when I'm struggling to win mine?' kinda way. Or end up kidnapping a particularly adorable little poppet. As for fostering, again, there'd be no room and TYF is cripplingly shy (I have to make all his phone calls for him) and wouldn't be able to participate in SS interviews, etc., never mind interact with an unknown child.

Nope, having a child of my own will have to be the answer. That's all I want; my own flesh and blood.

Oh, and thanks, laydeez with your replies to my temp worries, but am DPO4, so no need for SWIing now. Just the long 2WOOFL ahead. Or 1WOOFL in my rubbish-luteal-phase case...

Graaah! Set international judgeypants to DefCon One for THIS

Oh my God! Have we entered an alternative reality?

Can I ask a question? Did you laydeees always want baybeees and have just not got round to it until your thirties because of factors (like being selfish career driven hags)? Or did you think you weren't bothered about procreating given that there's enough people in the world already and it's a pretty fucked up place to bring innocent life into, until you hit your thirties and your body started suddenly screaming at you? The latter has just happened to me and I'm alternately elated and terrified by it. And I'm not just being nosy, but when we say "thirties", how old actually are you lot and your OHs? I feel like my life and my self are spinning out of control and I'm not me anymore. All contributions and punches and hearty shakes are welcome.

I have wanted baybees since my 20s, the desire has got a lot stronger over time. I didn't meet MrM until my mid-20s so it's taken us a while to get to this point. We got married 2 years ago, but it's only recently that we've felt it's the right time to start trying, and I'm 30.

My s-i-l is not pregnant. She has been trying for us as long as us and nada. She is BESH eligible next month, although having never POAS I don't think she's menkul enough. I hope she wins her baybee soon.

I've aaaaaalways wanted a baby. I mean, like when I was a small child myself; being a mother is all I've ever dreamed of and fantasized about. I remember doing the last PE lesson of the fourth year at school - was 15 - and feeling an overwhelming physical sense of abject broodiness, almost like someone had stolen my child from me, it was that bad, and I've felt that ever since. But I became seriously ill at 21 and at 26, got into a relationship with a twatty bastard who was really emotionally abusive and kept promising me we'd try for a baby 'next year'. Was with the slapheaded cunt for 7 pointless years. Met TYF, who is the man of my dreams, when I was 34 and he was 25

Talking of essays, sorry about the length (as the Vicar said to the actress, etc., etc.)

Oh Scorps, you will get your baby. I'm sure of it. Now c'mere and let me slap you with a nice big wet Friday fish.

Wow Scorps. Thanks for sharing that you two. I wish you every luck and best wishes in the world. I just don't know what's happening to me. Compared to you girls on this thread I don't even really have a "right" to be on it, but I started reading a few weeks ago and thought this lot sound like my sort of people. Stupid thing to think about people you've never met especially seeing as you're all clearly violent lesbian psychopaths . I've been a residential youth leader and teacher in turn and was never really bothered. But in the last few months I feel like I've turned into someone else. Husband wants to make me happy but he's not really concerned either way. I'm finding it SO hard that my younger sis is pregnant after three months of marriage and I don't know how I'll be if it's born and I'm not yet pregnant. Another thing that spurs me on is the fact that we went through such hell with my brother (too long and depressing a tale) and even the thought of being able to tell my dad he's going to be a granddad makes me well up!

Anyway, I'm thinking of borrowing your username muser for the evening if that's ok? Dunno what prompted this unless it was someone asking me what I wanted for my birthday next month which is my 35th. Oh my God, the third age bracket on surveys .

Thanks Guys! I depressed myself after reading my self-indulgent waffle! Aries, I do lots of surveys on-line and moving into the middle-age bracket at 35 is indeed a fucker. It must be weird when one's sister/sisters get pg and are mothers; again, glad I have a feckless younger bro.

We'll all win our baybees! Hopefully.

I am dreaming of holidays. Think me and MrM are going to spend a week lazing by a pool in Greece for a week in May. I haven't had a lazing by a pool holiday in ages. We have walking holidays, or go places out of season, or see sights. I want to do nothing but drink cocktails and SWI.