30s TTC - Butterdish Smashing World Record Attempt

[PollyPoo]

Line up, line up for the world record attempt for most dropped butterdishes per fred.

The bar is here, along with squishy sofas, some fluffy beanbags, low lighting, and most important of all, free booze.

I have installed some naked waiters (Morgan from being human, together with Russell Howard) - they have trays of champagne cocktails that can never run out, so dig in laydeez and lets make this a fred to remember.

Colleague has brought me a glass of water to help with my coughing fit. I may have to pour it on the floor to disguise the fact I pissed myself stifling the laugh. Came out like a snort actually.

Stalker. I usually use Facebook for stalking, but find MN gives quicker results.

The entertainment is qual-i-tee.

Oh, yeah, checked the definition of BESH - sounds familiar, I think my mate called me that the other day in fact, ha.

She was joking of course.

so you have no interest in making baybees but like Gin-soaked 30-somethings talking about jizz and bizwams? ...

Right laydeeez, I have much to catch up on again. scorps I'm glad you got answers and hope you can find the right solution. Wish it was something more common we could advise you on.

Did we get John Barrowman back? I wanna shag that raging homo. That's quite something given I don't event want to have sex with my own husband at the mo.

In response to a request for violece,I have an anvil poised at the edge of the palais gallery if polly would like to walk this way. No, an inch or two to your left, lovely. That's it.

Buzwams, Gasper, bUzwams! Let me show you what they are and then you'll be gasping fo sho

Pah. Have you seen? Jules Oliver is up duff again about two seconds after the last one. Pah.

Obviously I am delighted for her.

Isn't this the fourth? What type of saccharine, hyper-gay name will they come up with for this one?

Can you get anymore twee than Petal? Maybe they'll keep with the flower parts names and call it Stamen.

It is the fourth. The third is only nine months old. What are the odds on a floral-themed name? Celandine? Primrose? Bluebell? Or even Blubell?

I bet it's Primrose. But hope it's Rhodedendron-Unicorn.

(I quite like Bluebell, as have wonderful childhood memories of growing up by a bluebell wood. But obviously I wouldn't)

sorry Scorptastic. Thank you for the opportunity to redress my ignorance in the comfort of your ample lady pillows. I feel privileged but somewhat overwhelmed.

JoBarro sandwich????

laurence I forgot to say well done of securing the hard stuff. Here's hoping for some good news from a SuperBesh.

Reckon the Olivers might have a boy and call it Leaf, Parsley, or even Oregano. Guess she's desperate for a boy...

My own daughter will be called Deadly Nightshade. Catchy when she's a moody teen and handy when she reveals her secret superhero powers...

I fancy taking the George Foreman route and calling all my children after me.

If I have a daughter I'm going to call her Dandelion Vetch Red Campion. And if it's a boy (this phantom baby I don't have yet) I'll call him Cabbage.

Feel like Mary Tudor at the moment. She had phantom pregnancies and turned into a psycho before dying a sad, lonely, barren death. I can feel the approaching red menace I know I can, but it hasn't appeared apart from some extremely slight, well, trickling. Harumph. Anyway, back to Crapbenders.

OMfuckingG, I totally forgot to tell you all the thing I witnessed earlier! Was at bus stop in city, v tarty, chavvy teen mum was there also, smoking. She leant over and presumably saw her bus at the bottom of the road because she said, 'ere, 'old this, Des'ree' and passed the little girl the fag! She then said, 'no, hold it 'ow I showed you' and made the little girl hold it in proper smoker stylee, as she rifled through her pockets for her ticket, I presume. Whilst I was still picking my jaw off the ground, an oldish woman started to say something angrily to her, but the sur-laaaaaaaaaaaaag just grabbed the fag off her child, chucked it down and said 'take a fucking chill pill, Grandma'. and then got on the bus. The child was no more than 2.

I must be properly old, because the only response I could (can) think of is, 'what is the world coming to'?

And SHE can have a child and I can't (yet)? Truly, there is no God.

She was also wearing faux-leopard print stripper shoes and rubber-look leggings. I, meanwhile, was comfy as fuck in my voluminous judgeypants

I actually know someone whose daughter is called Dandelion. FOR SHAME!

I saw a card in Smith's the other day with some posh Edwardians firing rifles and the caption was "Shooting chavs was so much more rewarding than shooting pheasants". Or something. Sounds like your smoking slaaaaaaaaaaaaag should have been on it.

Dear God scorps is that fo reel?

And I thought I witnessed something off today - at IVF clinic there was a young married couple.....& another fella. OK, maybe he's a donor or sommat. Then as they went through woman said "I've brought my brother too". Why oh fucking why would you take your brother to an IVF clinic with you?

I am still boggling at that story Scorps. Poor little kid.

I am meeting my sister-in-law for lunch tomorrow, this is the non-pregnant one. She is apparently TTC. I am a bit worried she might turn out to be pregnant and I will completely break down. I am a selfish cow.

It's not a race. It's not a race.

marvellous judgeypants tale there JudgeScorpy.

Sadly, Loz*, it is all too real. Stripper shoes? In the day? In this weather? Oh yeah, and that thing with the fag was pretty shit too

Muser, that's crap and none of judge you for thinking what you are obviously secretly thinking (well, I would be): 'Don't you fucking DARE get there before me, you selfish bitch! Stealing MY baybeee!'.

I've said it once and I'll say it again: am sooooo glad I just have one younger brother*, who's a feckless gonk with a 22-yr old Career Hag girlfriend (she's lovely). Still - 22, eh? Bet the caaaaaaaaaaaah is super-bladdy-fertile. Think she would give me some of her eggs? She's ridiculously pretty, clever, sweet and sick-humoured (and thin). I reckon my brother has also stolen my fertility from me, in the way that I blame him for stealing the genes for high cheekbones and perfect, straight, white teeth (I look like a film extra playing a medieval peasant. Or just a medieval peasant, full stop), and being superfit and healthy, everyone thinking he's the greatest dude that ever lived and being able to actually apply himself to a task.

Not that I'm bitter.

Sorry, where was I? Nurse, my tablets!

*A statement my parents have been waiting nearly 34 years to hear

PS He would not be accompanying me to the Fertility Clinic, neever.

That is what I am thinking Scorps. Bad me. Although actually, if she did get there before me that would be even more potential cool hand-me-downs to steal.

Conversely, I don't want it to take her ages either, because I know how crappy that is. Conflicted!

I am going to watch the C4 programme about trashy magazines to distract myself. I love Take A Break.

excellent silver-lining-finding there Muse.

I was quite proud of myself. I also have "less interference from in-laws" as a good one. And, actually, if we all have kids around the same time then they can play together and have proper cousins. I never had proper cousins to play with.

Mind you we might have to move Ooop North for that to really work.

See, silver linings everywhere!

Now, whose POAS? Whose SWI? Someone save this thread from my self-pitying ME ME ME posts!

I need to POAS but lack the moral fibre and necessary backbone. One result would have me hyperventilating with reality-induced terror and the other will have me plunging into an orgy of self pity with no real, proper basis. I'm about to be one day overdue.