30s TTC - Butterdish Smashing World Record Attempt

[PollyPoo]

Line up, line up for the world record attempt for most dropped butterdishes per fred.

The bar is here, along with squishy sofas, some fluffy beanbags, low lighting, and most important of all, free booze.

I have installed some naked waiters (Morgan from being human, together with Russell Howard) - they have trays of champagne cocktails that can never run out, so dig in laydeez and lets make this a fred to remember.

Top of the fucking morning BESHes. Pollyanna Hmmmmm, I cannot precvent myself from feeling optimistic on your behalf. But headbutts to you, just in case.

I'm feeling ignorant (my natural state) viz. all this supplementation shiznit. I'm taking Folic Acid but hadn't thought much further, other than wondering whether to feed the OM brazil nuts.

Laurie I'd dare hope if I were thou. 'Cos of the funny taste mostly. Last month my mouth felt like I'd been licking batteries and I wondered if I was diffed - when I Googled it (and we all know how trustworthy Google is) it's one of those weird diffage symptoms loads get and none can explain...(you see, you an always rely on me to turn your menkul up to eleven).

CamelLights I'll fight you for Stringer. Put 'em up. Reckon I could spontaneously conceive if I passed him in a corridor

I've been taking my temp. It appears to be raised but since this is the oldest shittest digiometer in the world it means nada. Sigh.

lorry that sounds promising but I am probably not the best person to ask - I had no symptoms when up the duff with Boo. Well not until I was late anyway.

pmsl at your acting skills - well done!

I'll take a headbutt thank you kindly.

Christ on a bike, ya think so?

Whass your normal cycle lengf Laurie? Would you normally have sore tits/backache/rage and hatred by now?

No no no Headcase - NO optimism. The best I can hope for the this month is a longer LP - that will be a huge improvement and will show the herbs are doing their stuff. I refuse to have any hope other than that. I just cannot stand another few days of hopes building, only to be dashed within moments of me believing that I might actually be duffed.

Right, must go, we're off to visit my lovely mummy today for some TLC and RL hairstrokage.

Furry muff poo. A stretched LP is no mean achievement, anyway...

Fanks Ed

I WAN' SNUGGLES!

Don't talk to me about insomnia - suffered all last year and constantly this year - am quite snarly this morning. Grrrrrrrr.

Lorry I had no symptoms either - in fact I was adamant I wasn't winning. Even after the line. (And a bit now still).

VAG! Let us snuggle until we drift off into perfect sleep together!

Have been an insomniac all my life and it never gets easier But, as I always say, at least it's prepared me for motherhood. So gimme my baybeeeeeee!

I've given up all pretence of dignity and maturity and will just be wailing for my win until that time comes. Clothilda the used sanitary towel child is a treasure, but there's just not the interaction you get with a real, human baby.

redlorryyellowlorry Is it time to POAS? I reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeely want someone to win a baby, am staring glumly at this and this which were delivered this morning. The husband is currently at Barts, having more blood taken, this time for scary genetic tests to see if his low sperm count is related to cystic fibrosis.

Gloom, gloom, gloom. Which means, EdieSedgwick that I totally get first dibs on Stringer Bell.

Canz I join in the snuggles too, pliz?

Humpy I've oiled him for you pal.

Right. I'm going to go an edit the remainnig 200 pages. No really I am. Bitchslaps all round.

Ackersherly, is it out of order that I keep banging on about my ishooes here? Will someone please tell me to stop if I get so attention-seeking that none of you can bear me? Obviously am not in the running for a bfp until treatment starts, but would like to stay around and alternately whine about myself and cheerlead for others, but realise that I may be bringing the mood down all the fucking time.

Um well, I speak only for myself of course, but nope, not at all, you daft ha'porth, as my old ma used to say...

Camel - I'm not in the running for a bayyyybeee either, at least not for a good few months yet. 'Tis good for the soul to just moan about stuff without any hope of actually being diffed - trust me on that one! I feel me and you have something to offer this room, what with all the optimism that's going round at the moment.

Now, where's my depressing Joni Mitchell CDs?

Oooh no its not time for me to POAS yet. Cycle length usually about 32 days (although have ranged from 28 - 44 days), am currently on day 24. To be fair, I don't usually have PMT. So no tantrums etc. Maybe sore boobs........ Am v lucky. Usually wake up, greet the droid & just carry on.

Just stoopidly went on the "first pregnancy signs" fred - lots say about funny taste & before droid was due. Blimey.

Anyhoo, perfect you bang on m'love. Tis what we're all here for.

Now, who mentioned Stringer Bell? mmmmmmm

Watched final 6, yes 6 episodes of Prison Break yesterday. Am still wiping up drool after 5 lovely hours of Wentworth Miller. The end made me so sad..........

Ta, all of you.

CockDodger What happened with your treatmenty things? Did you get v cross with the consultant? My clinic says specifically that they treat single people & same-sex couples exactly the same as the heterosexuals.

Camel - the prob with us is that we wanted drugs since baby making is not working, but didn't want IVF (at least not at this stage). Giving us fertility drugs when we have a donor would be 'condoning' what we are doing apparently, so the consultant refused. I asked him whether he would treat us if our donor was the partner of one of us and the consultant replied that he would "of course".

Complaints don't seem to get us anywhere. 18 months ago, we went to the clinic and were turned away by the receptionists because "we don't treat same-sex couples".

After a year, we came back and said that actually they are discriminating, so they agreed to see us, did some tests, then changed their minds again. I just don't have the energy to fight them again.

For now, we're taking a break and deciding what to do next.....

CockDodger That is fucking unspeakably appalling. Did he really use the word "condoning"? I can see why you don't want to bring on the fight, but not treating same-sex couples makes me want to vom.

You're not in ThatLondon, I assume?

Its a bit of a 'postcode lottery' - to use a Daily Heil term that I hate.

Unfortunately, we can't afford to go private, so rely on the NHS for this stuff, who don't seem to know arses from elbows cos they are all rushed off their feet and don't have the time or inclination to check the rules.

Oh well...

Yes, he did actually say 'condoning'!!

We moved from Londontown to deepest darkest countryside to live the good life, you see. That may be one of the flaws in our plan!!

Maybe we'll have to move back to the city, win our baby at a local open-minded NHS hospital, then pop back to our country idyll, stopping on the way to pick up some chickens.

I have a spare donor for the next few months, if you want to borrow him. He's getting a bit thin, though because we haven't got him out of the cupboard for a while......

cocky I can't believe what I'm reading. Can't you get the Grauniad to write a scathing column or something? CONDONING?! FFS!

Now you've given me an idea Headgiver .... An opinion piece written by Charlie Brooker!

Now that would make good reading. D'ya think he'd go for it?

Anyone got his number?

If not the meeja, could you maybe go to Stonewall for help? They might be able to get all scary legal on their asses.