To TTC or not to TTC, that is one of the many questions...

[YorkshireTeaDrinker]

Ok fellow ditherers, as we have filled up one thread (and still not made too many firm decisions) here's another one for us to continue to procrastinate and worry on.

Here's to more monitoring of relative green and redness, mutual support and occassional chivving, discussion of everything baby or not baby related, and perhaps even our first BFP...?

Don't worry, Ive had a good poke at it and its really red and angry now. No human intervention will cure it, I will have to leave it to my immune system. I hope this isn't the start of a spotty future, I'm 32 FGS!

Sure it's fluke - promise! I very rarely get them too but when I have can be really horrid. Get some tea tree on it and it'll go soon enough.

Still not had dinner so back when I have as lots of posts to catch up on.

Hi all

Seagreen - I managed to completely miss your post. I'm so sorry things are so awful at the moment. Presuming as HP did that from what you say it's at least partially job related. Really hope things get very much better soon. Feel free to vent whenever you want to on here. Lots of good vibes over the ether (and a stiff drink).

I think my Dad's ok - I've decided not to smother them with calls at the moment, as things are as normal as they can be until he has his next treatment and as far as I know he's getting on with all his usual pillar-of-the-community business (this sounds sarcastic but isn't - he is doing really worthwhile and unglamorous things for the community, bless him).

Don't worry, lq, I am doing this for me, and also having the usual doubts very much for me. I'm now addicted to OBEM, even watching the old episodes on Iplayer or whatever it is, and completely petrifying myself about the prospect of labour, distant as it still is. Did anyone see it tonight? I feel a bit better after seeing Penny tonight, who while obviously having a bloody awful time, seemed to deal with it very well in the circumstances, and didn't have to be cut or mauled too much. (Obviously they edited out the 12 hours of agony she went through in the middle there so it's not exactly a true picture...) It was scary seeing the first episode though - I may (or may not!) have other good points but I am not the stoical type that they were talking about, and have never really been in pain (of any kind - no appendix, no broken limbs, nothing), so despite being almost 20 years older than Sam (was it? the young red haired one who had her mum and partner Ed in with her, anyway), I suspect I'd be just as panicked and hopeless-right-at-the-beginning as she was. I haven't watched that one all the way through though so don't know how bad it got.

Anyway, I think that on balance, despite being scary, it's more reassuring than not, though as YTD said a while back, you sort of see what you want to, by and large!

Really sorry to hear about the spt, HP*! I really don't think that's a well-known side effect of coming off, or not a long term one, anyway. It's probably the stress of the decision... Think of the dreams as a happy compensation (possibly? supervisor fantasies, even strictly in the unconscious, probably rather a mixed blessing!).

I'm not starting any of the drugs yet, probably around 26th March or so, so I'm in a charmed limbo at the moment. Am getting a 10km run in on the 27th before I start to feel properly weird so hopefully that will keep me a) sober and b) healthy beforehand, at least. (Desperate times call for desperate measures!)

Anyway, have a very early start tomorrow so better get to bed. Thinking of you, Seagreen (and Suerock if you're reading this) - we're all behind you. xx

checking this works as cutting and pasting from a doc at work (and last time I tried to do that it didn't and I had to re-write it)

I am writing this at work so don't have previous postings in front of me - apologies in advance if I forget to mention anything or anyone!

Seagreen so sorry to hear you're so fed up. Like the others, I am guessing it is largely job / cash related. Realise it might not be the first place you want to visit at the moment, but we're all here if you want to let off steam. x

LST glad to hear your mum and dad seem to be coping really well. I think you've got it right not smothering them with calls, especially if you don't call loads and loads anyway. It may magnify things and also, perhaps, make them start worrying about the effect it's having on you too. Desperate times with the running, eh? I think that's a brilliant plan though to enforce sobriety when you need to the most (as I am starting to wonder if we are similar in our penchants for the odd drink!)

As for what LST was saying about pain I'd like to add my two penneth... I have broken my arm, as well as had my appendix out and both were, not surprisingly, horrid. However, I cannot remember the details of how it hurt, just why, so hopefully it would be the same with something such as childbirth. However... I occasionally, about three or four times a year at most, get this pain in the middle of the night. It's like a very acute period pain and wakes me up and I have to go sit on the loo, bunched over. This pain is so horrid that it can actually make me feel slightly sick and also quite breathless but thankfully it doesn't last longer than about 15-20 mins from start to finish (it builds up and then fades out so only about ten mins or less is really bad.) I have mentioned this once to a nurse who said it is probably ovulation as that can hurt, and I have also later mentioned it to a GP who said that it certainly would not be ovulation as I was, at the time, on the pill. She said it was more likely to be bowel related (although, as I said, it felt more period pain-ish than bowl-ish.) The reason I am sharing this with you (and theories to what it may actually be are welcome!) is that when it happens I always think of childbirth (even in my pre-dithering days) and wonder how on earth I'd cope. I would have thought that something that made you do all the things I described, horrid as it is at the time, would pale in comparison to labour and that, frankly, scares the shit out of me!

I watched OBEM last night and found it grimly fascinating as always

I'm under no illusions about my drinking - I'm not an alcoholic, and I have cut down to very little recently, but it's definitely my besetting sin, and I do love it. Doesn't help that our whole social life revolves around dinners (which seem impoverished without wine - however wrong this is) and the pub. Living in a university town, we've perpetuated the student lifestyle in some ways (though thankfully not others) - that lack of distinction between weekends and weeks which means it doesn't feel bad or inappropriate - in fact is totally normal - to go out in the week (which also means we work a lot at weekends, on the other side of the coin, but that's not particularly healthy either...).

Anyway, am being sensible at the moment and the running is helping, though it's rather a painful way to do it as I'm not doing enough training so won't do more than stumble round...

In fact was supposed to be going for a run now but chained to my desk trying to finish an overdue essay - grr. Anyone else bored witless?

Day 9: heavy spotting. Which is a bit grim (apologies). Anyone else have that after coming off the pill?

Confused, I was interested to hear about your mystery pain. I have exactly the same thing, have done for about eight years, but every month, for about four days when I am in my week off the pill. It is shockingly awful pain, think screaming levels of horribleness, I think it's from my bowel (as going to the loo helps) but the pain radiates through my entire lower half. Two months ago the pain was so bad I fainted. I've been to the GP and they think I have a fissure but are not sure if that causes the pain given it's association with my pill-free, bleeding week. That's one of the reasons I was worried about stopping the pill, as I don't know whether it will make the situation better or worse. Anyway, hope that wasn't TMI, I'm blushing as I write this as I haven't told anyone apart from DH and GP. But your pain sounded quite similar to mine. But mine makes me think that maybe I could cope with birth!!

Have two episodes of OBEM to watch, wonder if DH fancies it again!

Evening all

Gosh LST listening to you talk about drinking over dinner actually made me feel so jealous. I miss red wine. There - i've said it!

confused interesting pain - hmmm, I wonder what it could be?
Wondering if any of you would like to offer some words of advice - i've found out today that my 1st appointment with midwife isnt going to be until 19th April (yep that long away) by which time I will be (counting on fingers & toes)12 weeks exactly. Was kinda under the impression I would see someone before that so now I am wondering whether to have a private scan next week (8 weeks). Its to see if everything is ok so far really as I didnt quite expect that I wouldnt be seeing anyone for this amount of time and from what they said on the phone today I dont even think that the 12 week appointment will include a scan. I know that the scan doesn't prevent anything bad happening but it just might stop me from fretting until mid april? Any views?

Thanks

Just emerging from sleepy stupour to catch up with all your news. Not going to be able to do long and involved post, feeling too crap. In fact, I'm feeling so dull and lethargic I haven't even the energy to start hunting through the medical literature for possible solutions to HP and Confused middle pain.

LQ my initial midwife appointment was for 22nd April, which would have been just short of 12 weeks. I rang the surgery and got it changed to 1st April, cos I didn't want to be fretting for that long. You won't get a scan at you first appointment, just get referred for your scan appointment, so prob wouldn't get you scan till 14 weeks. Don't pay for a private scan, get your midwife appointment brought forward instead.

Not sure if I should still be guaging this or not, but tonight I feel like poo, our house is a tip, and I doubt DH and I have the ability to look after ourselves, let alone offspring. I feel slightly red.

BTW HP I think you should be prepared for a slightly bonkers cycle with spotting (of all types ) throughout. Post pill cycles can be a bit erratic.

YTD thanks for that, you come to the rescue just in time! Sorry to hear you are feeling crappy at the mo'. My morning sickness hadnt been bad at all until today - it was there as soon i woke up this morning. Then later on this morning I was horrified by opening up the fridge to make a cup of tea and was almost sick into the fridge after i spied a pack of beef mince (sorry confused I know you're a vege) and that was it, was almost sick into the fridge!

Ok will wait for the actual appointment letter to come through the post so i have it to hand when I call.

No wonder you feel red, poor sleepy YTD. Forget the house, DH can sort that out, get yourself off to bed for some rest and possibly a saucy dream.

I guessed the next few months might be weird, cycle wise. Bit surprised it started so soon. For those on the edge if their seats, The Spot hasn't got any worse today

Hi All,
More sneaky posting at work as I couldn't hang on till I got home to find out how HP's spot is doing.

Sorry to go off on a me-me-me (well, more than usual) but, HP, I think we have something very similar going on! Admittedly, mine isn't regular - so irregular in fact that I have brought it up in passing when seeing a doc or similar, but it doesn't make it any less horrendous. Apart from one time, when we were inconveniently trying to pack our tent and stuff up at the end of a festival, it has only ever happened at night. I am going to be a bit graphic here (which I would never do in RL!) so others may want to look away... Going to the loo certainly does help but I remember when I used to get period pains and going to the loo helped then too. However, the pain is in my bottom half but does feel more like the front bottom half than the back, IYSWIM, although that may be as I am comparing it to period pains as I am not sure what else it can be. As for the screaming levels of horribleness, it's very close to that (I tend to be more of a pant and gasper than a screamer, perhaps?!) Am now going to Google fissures (ugh) and similar and see what it comes up with. Actually, I might wait till I go home... What did your GP say, and is there anything else they can explore for you? Yours sounds far worse than mine in terms of regularity, mine is a mere 20 mins of it every few months which is bad enough so poor you having it a lot more. Will be interested to see if coming of the pill makes any difference at all - hopefully it will but in a good way! I used to associate it with happening about a week before my period, which would make sense this month too, although I am not sure how they can be connected if it is a bowel thing rather than a gynae thing - do you know?

YTD sorry to hear you are feeling slightly red and fed up. I hope you are feeling more chipper this morning after an early night. The first few months are meant to be the toughest aren't they? A friend of mine used to get home from work at 6.30 and be in bed for 7pm every night for her first three months - and then have bags of energy for the subsequent three months. Does your DH have similar tolerance levels for mess as you? Mine doesn't, his is far lower than mine which is one of those bones of contention millions of us seem to have, Still, he is far better than my previous boyfriend (S - the one who is ill) who is absolutely revolting and also oblivious to mess.

LST - cheers! We try not to drink in the week but this doesn't always happen. Like you say, if someone comes for dinner or you meet someone in the pub (and, lets face it, where else are you likely to meet them if it's after 5pm?) it involves booze. It's my besetting sin too. Not that I am a ranging drunk, I hasten to add, but I do drink more than I really should.

LQ - hope you manage to change your appointment! Also, I am not veggie, it's HP who is!

Confused - sh!t sorry, that's it - I've given it away that I find it massively confusing to keep up with threads!

But I do eat a lot of veg if that helps?!

(I get a bit lost when trying to reply to a few at once too)

lol! Thanks confused - always good to feel like your not losing it!

Offload time gals. Not really expecting any answers but just need to, well, offload.

Spoke to S. He has had episodes of hypoglycemia which neither the oncoligist or GP could offer much help with (I find this weird in itself to be honest.) So, I sent him a long email (he is quite familiar with things diabetic and subsequently diabetic from living with me anyway) with general info and also food info (it was also a sneaky way of me to try and get him eating more good high calorie stuff rather than the 'junk' he has been told to eat by two dieticians. He had chemo yesterday - still going relatively well with side effects at a minimum - and mentioned my 'hints and tips'. The oncologist said he might be 'pre-diabetic' which is absolute arse - he would have HYPERglycemia not HYPO. I would have thought a consultant, even if one who didn't deal with diabetes, would know this. S pointed out that surely he had it wrong - he'd be hyper not hypo etc and the oncologist looked suprised and then agreed. He also brought up some of my diet stuff with the dietician and also said that he thought the sweaty spells he has been having at night may be diet related - she agreed with him too, and was (says Confused smugly) impressed with the info he had on the email I sent, remarking he was indeed doing his homework. (To be honest he probably knew a lot of it anyway through picking up stuff from me.) I felt really good as I was able to properly help with something. I have been sending regular parcels, cards, texts and making calls but nothing is as useful as this, not by any stretch. Anyway, there is a more gloomy side. His oncologist has agreed to write to the life assurance people to say he has 12 months or less left. He was originally told 18 months to two years. I asked if this was for the sake of the life assurance rather than RL but he said he thought so too, but the oncologist seemed deadly serious so S doesn't really know. The chemo is working well, and the side effects like I said are relatively minimal which is fab news, he is also not in pain really any more and said himself he does not feel as if he is ill. So, why the shorter prognosis? Can chemo kick ass and then suddenly stop and then the cancer takes over at breakneck speed? Or, is anything possible, good or bad, so nobody knows? I speak to him and he's so incredible about it all it makes it seem close to normal life, and then I hang up and want to crack into pieces.
S'not fair

I have to go and eat dinner (as it's 9pm!) but couldn't not send a big virtual hug to confused - will write properly soon but that is really sad and really tough (though brilliant that you're being so actively useful as well as being an incredible support in general - which is fab too). He sounds like he's doing really well, physically (apart from the diet-related things, which you've probably helped to fix or at least improve now) and mentally, which is great - that will be helping him and everyone else immeasurably. OK have to go but lots of warm wishes over the airwaves (or whatever they in fact are...).

Thanks LST. He has loads of people being far more use than me, I think that's why I am so pleased that the hypo thing is something at least I can specialise in.

Hmm, that sounds borderline competetive, it isn't meant to!

Enjoy your supper dinner and thanks for the hug, I do need appreciate them!

Morning all! Was in bed early last night as up early today.

Also wanted to pass on internet hugs to Confused. No matter what, I think you are being brillient about this whole thing, which is surely one of the hardest things that can be thrown at us by life. It's great you were able to help S out with his medical stuff (although I'm a bit shocked at the consultant).

So many of our little group seem to be having really tough times at the moment. It makes me sad, but hopefully coming on here to 'talk' in an anonomous way helps a little?

(Also, Confused, I'll def talk more about the mystery pain when it's not so early! I have no clue about the bowel-gynae connection, if indeed there is one. I am thinking of going back to GP and asking for more help, as fainting really scared me. But I don't fancy further 'investigations', the fissure examination was bad enough!!!!

Right. CD11. Spot is gross, a no doubt healing but disgusting red scab. And I haven't even poked at it for days! Spotting still here, unfortunately. But my temp has shot up. Can't read anything into it yet as my data is a little erratic.

Have good Friday, see you later.

Confused sleepy hugs from me as well. Sounds like you are being a good support and it does always make you feel slightly better when you know you've done something properly useful.

HP temp rise could indicate ovulation. Spotting might also be a sign of ovulation. It might also be a pre ovulation surge. You could get a dramatic dip again tomorrow followed by another temp rise on Sunday. More practically, its probably an indication that you are approaching the fertile zone and should don stout gum boots prior to any amourous activity!

Hey confused, I am really sorry to hear about your friend S, I think that you probably started discussing this whilst i was away from the thread a few weeks ago but I just wanted to say it sounds like you are being an amazing mate and seeing your friend through a really difficult time plus giving them practical support and advice too, so a big hug to you.

Its not clear what the reasons are for the Dr changing the prognosis but it might be a good idea for your friend to ask him, I think that would worry/ concern anyone, and it might be that its changed for the life assurance reasons but still, your friend has a right to know.

HP agree that everyone does seem to be going through different tough times at the moment, at least we can all be some kind of support to each other on here.

Surely by far however the worse problem going is your spot! I am sure everyone else would agree and you have my absolute sympathies. Have a good Friday ladies, DH is at home today working but with my complaint about my hurty breasts has decided that it is supportive and helpful to try to pet them now and again (uninvited i assure you) and say "poor, poor boobies".

Thanks all - it's good to be able to rant and off load!

YTD, get you and your temping knowledge! I wouldn't know where to start! I feel as if I have enough going on physically without starting to temp etc too, but then I guess I am not TTC. If I was maybe I'd have a different point of view...

LQ - have you thumped your DH yet?!

So, any plans for the weekend? I have none as I am utterly brassic Lots of dog walking but not followed by pub visits I think!

Temping has distracted me a bit from the worry I had coming off the pill, as I have found that nothing is as fun as making a graph from yourself!

My temp stayed up this morning -one more day up and I think Fertility Friend is going to think I've ovulated. Can that be right, so early into my first cycle?? There are other signs as well....

Not having a massive weekend, perhaps a walk at some point and some relaxing. I have some work to start for a course I'm doing and I'm also planning to work on my CV. I've seen a job I fancy (good money, permanent contract, close to home, lovely location) but it means leaving behind my current career. Anyway, am sticking my CV in and seeing what happens, will decide if anything comes of it.

Wow, it's Friday again!

confused yep! Consider DH thumped!

Seems like my data is all up the spout! Booked in for a scan today turns out I am 6 weeks pg not 7 as the stoooopid NHS pregnancy planner told me. Even when I worked it out on the NHS calculator it said that I was 6 and not 7 so why has one NHS website got 2 different calculating systems that don't add up

i mean really, its no biggy, but just thought i was a week further on.

I am watching sport relief, some of the celebs are good, some are annoying but slightly less so than usual as they are doing work for charity.

another mammoth sleep this afternoon- lord knows what I am going to do when i go back to work.