To TTC or not to TTC, that is one of the many questions...

[YorkshireTeaDrinker]

Ok fellow ditherers, as we have filled up one thread (and still not made too many firm decisions) here's another one for us to continue to procrastinate and worry on.

Here's to more monitoring of relative green and redness, mutual support and occassional chivving, discussion of everything baby or not baby related, and perhaps even our first BFP...?

i am in a dilemma at the moment as would like to TTC but am having probs with gastritis and need to have blood tests etc.

Sorry HP, I didn't mean do it now. I know you have other stuff to sort out, I just meant that some people have this overwhelming broodiness and some don't. I didn't. I was pretty sure I didn't want to NEVER have children but had no real urges to have one there and then. I didn't want one but I didn't not want one, DYSWIM?
I was of an age and in a financial position for it to be ok so we decided to give it a go and see what happened and once I'd made that decision to let nature take its course I really did get excited, but first I had to jump out of the plane at 10,000ft IYSWIM (and it felt a little like that at first).
By all means, take your time, get your health checked, enjoy being free for now, but if you think it's something you might want to do, it may always feel like a bit of a jump into the unknown, you may never feel really broody, but that doesn't mean it's something you shouldn't give a go.

Hmm, I'm not sure I'm making any sense....I'll slope off again now and stop following you lot round MN.

Hurrah! A shiny new thread! I cant believe we have filled a whole thread up. Thanks to YTD for setting up our new home .

Yes, I confess, twas I who took down the MN server ? the ?hardware problem? was all me, me I tells ya !!! I actually think that it was on its way down as I pressed go on that last post, it took ages to actually post the message then it wouldn?t let me log out, it just sat doing nothing for ages.

So, where was I. Oh yes, being told off and having a good think about what I had done. I just wanted to say that I really value what you ladies have to say, and I am grateful that you take the time to either comfort me or yell at me as required. I don?t take it in any other way than the spirit in which (I hope!) it is intended. The very fact that you take the time to give me a ticking off is much appreciated, as I said. So, thank you. I know it must be frustrating to see someone worrying about using barrier contraception and getting pregnant when it clearly isn?t anywhere near as easy as that for many couples. I thought Pipocas comment about seeing where life takes us was very interesting, it is something I find very difficult to do. But I have to confess I am getting more green as time goes by, its just those moments where you wake up at 3am to go to the loo and think, I physically cant contemplate being up at this time every night and still function as a human being.

So. There is a new plan. I will finish this pack of pills and see if I get a letter from the hospital regarding my appointment in the meantime. I will then decide what to do when I know the timescales involved. But, after my wobble I am feeling more confident about going cold turkey and also?.

Confession alert ? last night I wandered into Amazon (see what happens when MN is down?) and bought ?Taking Control of Your Fertility?. I figured that if I am going to launch into the hormonal unknown, I should go armed with Facts.

Right, enough about me.

LST, don?t feel like you cant talk about anything on here, this is warts and all I?m afraid (see above!). My fingers are totally crossed for you and no matter what happens, we are here and can type stuff to support you.

Suerock and SeaGreen, where are you? Hope all is well.

YTD thank goodness the job was eventually done! If you think there may be a problem of some sort then cracking on with the investigations can only help move things along. Its great that you are so proactive, it would be easy to keep plodding on, I think its very brave to go and demand ask for help.

With that, Id better go and do some work. Sigh.

(Just saw Pipocas last post, I was just kidding last night, I know what you were saying, and thank you loads for posting for me, it was very kind! Feel free to hang around, we are a very broad church here!)

I have to say I find this a fascinating thread actually as a lot of what you all talk about is the kind of thing I was turning over in my head before taking the plunge and now I'm beginning to think some of the same things thru about trying for number 2. How on earth will I cope with a toddler and the broken sleep of a newborn? Will I be a good parent to 2? Do I really want to or is it just that everyone else is having a second? Will I always regret it if I don't? Is now a good time?
I think the sleep thing will work itself out ok and they don't wake all thru the night forever. The other things I'm still turning over and over.

This time at least I DO have that urge so we'll probably go for it this summer, but I think it's natural to have all these thoughts swirling around...I think it means you'll be a thoughtful parent. that's what I tell myself...I'm probably just dithering

Oooh, I didn't realize we (or most of us) were already here! Hello all. I'm quite proud of us for being so prolific (verbose? ditherers extraordinaire?) as to have filled a whole thread. And before anything has actually happened in a sense (though of course lots has happened for all of us). The old thread stays around though, right? It would be a shame (perhaps?!) for all our previous conversations to disappear into the ether.

Anyway, here's to pastures new (but hopefully also a bit the same). x

I've made a couple of posts on the first time frolickers, but I'm thinking that this might be the thread for me instead.

No dithering for me, but enough from DP for the both of us. As honeypetal said about her DP, mine also wants to spend time just the two of us before we TTC. (Which makes little sense to me - he seems to think that once you start TTC a baby appears immediately ).

DP's also worried about finances. At the moment we both have jobs, but mine isn't that high a wage. My job is very strange in that I wouldn't get maternity leave as such, but I would continue to get paid at the same level. I also work pretty sporadic hours (between 5 and 35 a week). He's probably right in saying that I need to get another job alongside my current one. It's just difficult to find a job that will let me work only Tuesdays and Fridays!

DP's grand plan is to get BFP in March/April next year. (I have tried to explain to him that things don't work like this, but it seems to be taking a while to get through). However, if I get another job before this then we'll hopefully be looking at TTC a fair bit sooner.

In the meantime I am going to continue to take the pill. Folic acid is sitting next to my bed, looking at me accusingly every night.

I believe the old thread is archived indefinately (as is HP's origional dithering thread). And if it does disappear there is always the WayBackMachine.

Welcome aboard delirious. You sound like a prime candidate for these indecisive parts.

OMG, my old thread!!

Bamboostalks' advice was awesome, bless her:

"You sound ready. Don't delay and go for it."

I think perhaps we need to set a realistic tartget for TTC - I think a slow weaning off the pill / trying alternative contraception may not work. Perhaps you should just go straight to TTC on the first anniversary of you first muting the possibility on these boards?

And you have bought ?Taking Control of Your Fertility??! . Honestly HP you are greener than a blarney of leprechauns. So much of what you say and do demonstrates that you are sooo ready to get cracking at baby making, but much of what you think indicates the opposite.

You'll have to do a book review for us. I haven't read it (was put off by the reference to "reproductive wealth" in the subtitle) so would be interested to hear your opinion.

I thought The Book might educate me in what to look out for on a normal cycle, as I have no clue. I know it involves something to do with having a fever and an egg white omelette . Mainly I thought it would help knowing when to avoid the lovin', rather than time it to then! I chose to ignore the 'reproductive wealth' bit and just read 'wealth', so I'm excited to see how she can make me more fertility-knowledgeable AND rich rich rich.

Review will follow.

At the mo it doesn't matter if I was as green as an unripe banana dressed in a leprechaun outfit placed on a carpet of green shagpile (which I'm not!!), the job situation rules anything out for the next 18 months while I finish this project and get settled in a new job .

Delirious - welcome! We don't have a fully-green person on here as yet! Also, my DHs viewpoint of us spending more time together as a couple is a new one that he has come up with recently, and doesn't really hold up to much scrutiny given we have been together 15 years! But his other arguments are more compelling, so I let that one go.

HP - 15 years and he's still wanting more time with just the two of you? I hope my DP changes his mind long before then as we've only been together 3 years!

Posting in here seems to have brought me an abundance of luck. Had a phone call half an hour ago offering me a job and asking if I can start on Friday. Not sure I quite believe it yet. Financial stability here we come!

I'm so green it's unbelievable. Much like Tabby from the last incarnation of this thread, mad hormones have hit me much earlier than seems to happen to some people. (I'm 23). I have always said that I don't really mind what career I end up in, provided I get to be a mum. People that I've spoken to in the past have mistaken this for a lack of ambition. This is not the case. I'm sure being a half decent mum and not making too many mistakes along the way will be more difficult than managing a successful career.

I now have the perfect OH, we have a house with plenty of space for lots of DCs, I'm just waiting for him to be ready.

Hellooooo!
Blimey, a brand new thread!
I can't type much as I am going out for a run - I can't cope with this wobbly body anymore! - so will post later on when I've got back and got myself sorted.

I was going to post last night but HP?s destruction of the MN server foiled me?.

Anyway, thanks for setting up a new thread YTD - I wonder where we?ll all be after another 1000 posts?

Anyway, HP - it sounds like you need to deal with stuff one thing at a time, so don?t beat yourself up about not coming off the Pill this month (LOL at PillGate though!), and when you get the all-clear from the hospital you just need to remember all that lovely green-ness you were thinking about after talking to your DH the other day! Though, just to put your mind at rest as much as anything, could you go back to your GP and tell him/her you?re TTC, and ask whether being pregnant might have an impact on any treatment you might need? It was interesting that you said your DH wanted a few more years of coupledom ? my thoughts on TTC exactly. I?d love to stay at my current age for, oh, maybe five more years, travel to some way out places I couldn?t take a kid, get a bit more financially secure, do the house up etc. But biology doesn?t work like that and I haven?t got five more years to wait. And I suspect your DH realizes this too, so maybe you need to capitalize on his current positive vibes!

Job-wise, I won?t hear anything for at least a couple of weeks, giving me plenty of time to mull over the options (some more ridiculous than others). But I can recommend potential redundancy as a sound method of contraception

Illicit post from work so won?t write more, but just wanted to say hi to all the regulars from the old thread and welcome to all the newcomers.

Just watched One Born Every Minute. Didn't enjoy it as much as last week (found both women infuriating but in different ways, at least at first) but it did make me wonder what i would be like in labour. 'Fucking nightmare' DH has just said.
Hmm...

Too tired to write now so signing off an back tomorrow. Night!

I also didn't enjoy it as much as last week. Sam was winding me up a bit (although I was less irked once whe'd had the epidural and had calmed down abit). Didn't take to Joy much either.

I thought the prim midwife was quite sweet.

I like to think I'd be calm and stoical in labour, but I'd probably be a shrieking hysterical wreak!

any advice on how to broach the subject of TTC again? i want to nut have some issues that i need to talk about and DH sometimes takes concerns as not wanting to have a baby

Rimmer (odd choice of name if you don't mind me saying!) I'm not sure I get what you're on about when you typed 'I want to nut have some issues that I want to talk about and DH sometimes takes concerns as not wanting to have a baby' - I presume you meant 'not' rather than 'nut' but still not sure what you mean (sorry, it may well be me being thick!) As for advice re TTC, what's always worked for me is getting drunk and blurting it out, however this is not really a recommended grown up approach! Quite the opposite in fact!

One Born Every Minute is fascinating to me. All of it, but especially the more background stuff - like the dad's and how they deal / cope with it all. It must actually be quite tricky for them as they can't do much and seeing someone you love both in pain and highly irritable with it would make you want to do something surely? I was very interested to watch Joy last night as she is diabetic, albeit a Type 2 rather than my Type 1, as I heard that you are more likely to be closely monitored. Not that she was really, but I did wonder if she was once the induction had worked. With the other girl, Sam wasn't it, and the staff sudddenly leaping into action with fixed grins and talking in semi-code (ie 'Category 1 c-sec' rather than 'argh, get the bugger out NOW!!') I got quite nervous. My sister works in a hosptial - assists in theatre - and she said that when maternity goes wrong it goes really wrong (or has the potential to) and I can well imagine it. It must be so bloody scary seeing staff appear from all directons and you get whisked off asap. And, despite trying to seem calm you must be able to pick up on the panic, surely?

I have no idea why, it could be numerous things (imminent house move, appt with consultant, whithering ovaries or reading about them or even the One Born Every Minute programme) but I feel almost (ALMOST!) green at the moment. Call it a green tinged shade of amber...

Will be interested in your opinion of Taking Charge of you fertility because I've read some mixed. You've got to save money somewhere in this darned process so if it's no good I could save sixteen quid

The Book has arrived. Blardy hell, it's huuuuuuge. And graphic. Photo of twangy mucus, anyone? Have read a bit. She seems very.....passionate about the technique. And is dissing my lovely pill, so will reserve judgement. Full review will follow, in due course.

(it was only £13 on Amazon, and is a lot of book for the money. Heck, I just spent £14.50 on a mascara)

Green twinges, Confused? Tell me more! And if I go down, I'm taking you with me, my lovely . Any word on the move, did you get that house you wanted?

Haven't seen any of 1BEM yet, they are recorded, but will wait until DH is out to watch them. Bit too much for him, I think.

Oooh, yes do keep us informed on the book, HP as I am somewhat curious! (And would rather hear about twangy mucus through you rather than find it myself!)

Sat at home with a roaring fire and a sleepy dog and getting excited about moving. Keep looking at bathrooms and things (see what we can get on Ebay and places) to do up 'our' new place. Not that we have this place, or even know if we will ever have the one we're on about, but I am getting carried away with the ideas about what we can do with it. As I have probably said, it needs gutting and starting over but has lovely things in it like stained glass window's and things that we could make the most of (house was last touched in the early 70's.) Booked the estate agents to come over on Tuesday so am going to clean like mad over the weekend, and DH has been given a deadline so is (hopefully) less likely to carry on doing jobs that don't actually need doing. Our house is over 120 years old so people aren't expecting it to be like a Baratt one are they? That's my argument anyway.

Coming down with you, eh? Have to say, it's weird having this sudden green flash after so long of being totally against the idea. I think I have also been spending far too much time reading about fetility rates over 35 etc etc. It does make for scary stuff, although I don't need to tell you that do I?! Thing is, once we move it wouldn't be so much of a potential fuck up (cash wise) but there are also other things going on that I don't want to be unable to do. This is going to sound ridiculous but hear me out - I want to be able to go to London as and when I feel like it, esp due to the situation with S (well, really mainly due to the situation with S) and would hate to either be unable to due to small person or, be able to go but unable to drink / feel tired etc due to being pregnant. He is also planning a massive party as it may be his last and I can't imagine having to be sober for that (it'll be a whole weekend of a party) - it would be torturous. This would be in September, by the way, which is kind of ages. I know it's ridiculous to potentially forfiet the chance of being a parent, blah blah blah, for the sake of a party but that's how I feel. A child would hinder some very important things (ie being able to go off on a whim) and I don't think I want that. In fact, I know I don't want that. However, that is a small aspect of stuff coming up or going on, and there are 101 other things going on instead. Does one weigh out the other? No idea!

As for 1BEM - good idea to wait till your DH is out as you've got so far it would be madness to put him off now!

I'm back, on the iPod so forgive the brevity!

Exciting news that the move is still on, fingers crossed that you get the house you want. I'm sure your house is lovely, and people are going to know what to expect from an older property, I know I did in those brief weeks we were looking! Just keep that fire going in this weather and that will be enough to tempt people alone. There is such a scarcity of nice properties at the moment that you may find it goes quite quickly.

It's not daft to think about how pregnancy/babies would influence what you could do in the coming months and years, and you are allowed to feel whatever it is you feel. While it's true that the complete flexibility would be lost, for big dos I'm sure where there is a will there is a way. I'm sure S just wants to see you happy, whether that happens to be dancing on the table with a pint in your hand or rubbing a bump and getting him to feel the baby move.

The Book has occupied me for a bit of this evening, and even in that there are reminders of our advanced (!) decrepitude, as for example 20something women produce 5 days of fertile eggy juice, we on the other hand get one or two days. Great. Thanks, biology. Anyway, was thinking it might be an interesting book for you to read if you are still 'withdrawing' as the Signs of Fertility could guide your choices. On the other hand, some bits look like a faff on.

DH has appeared, better go. x

confused- sorry am very bad at typing . i will try that approach. name choice is a reference to red dwarf not odd sexual practices!!

Rimmer (nice, closet Dwarf fan in my youth!) - if you are worried about bringing up the subject of TTC with a hostile DH, here are my top tips that I have learned through bitter experience:

1. Think about what you want to say beforehand.
2. Don't mention it in the middle of a row, or in the days following a row, when tensions may be high.
3. If you sense the mood is mellow, gently broach the subject perhaps opening it up gradually, like 'Oh, I hear so-and-so is pregnant' and get chatting that way. If you meet a brick wall, then you can decide how to proceed.
4. Keep it light and see how the land lies, make it a bit jokey and not too serious at first, and then take it around to a more serious discussion if it feels ok.

You may have to accept that he doesn't want to deal with it right now, but he should at least listen to what you have to say. You have every right to be heard in a relationship, but so does he. It has taken me and my DH four years to be able to even have a positive discussion about the subject (see earlier post), and thats with neither of us having strong feelings either way. If you are usually good at communication it may go much better than how my life has been recently, but if you are not good at communication, use this as an opportunity to improve. After all, if you do have a baby you are going to need to be a strong team. Recent chats have made me feel a bit closer to DH even though we haven't come to a conclusion.

Well, that's my twopenneth, feel free to ignore me or take the tips if you want to. Alcohol does sometimes help Good luck!

Rimmer - phew! As I am not a Red Dwarf fan I was a trifle confused! HP's advice sounds good, far better than mine anyway. Good luck with it and keep us posted (if you want to, of course!)

HP I am obsessed with houses now - I have decorated all but the kitchen of our new house, not that it is even our house yet and maybe will never be. The owner said he's prepared to be 'flexible' re price but not sure how flexible. As it needs so much doing - bathrooms moving from the attic to the first floor for example, all the carpets replacing, the kitchen totally replacing, possible new and better boiler etc - we can't pay as much as he's after as we then couldn't afford to do it up. Also, there is a house opposite which would just need cosmetic work which is on for £2k more. The house we like has been on the market for more than 6 months but I am not sure if not enough people are buying, viewers have been put off by the amount of work or that it is by a river or that he won't accept more than, say, £5k under the asking. I guess time will tell but I do hope we get it!

Thanks for what you said re the forthcoming parties and the potential to not be as footloose and fancy free, I wasn't sure if it made me sound like a twat or not. However, what you said re rubbing bumps made me shudder a bit! Am a bit weird, on and off, re the whole pregnancy thing (when you can see them move - eek) but also as S was really into the idea of LO's when we met and carried on being for quite a while until I, er, managed to drum it out of him (kind of anyway, he also possibly went off the idea a bit on his own too.) And, while he has no aversion to the whole bump business, it would feel really bloody weird getting him to rub mine, all things considered! Hmmm...

I am getting more and more curious about this book. I can't be arsed with any faffy stuff but find the fertility stuff (like the eggy juice business you mentioned) quite worryingly interesting. Frigging biology, eh!

I sent my mum the link I found about diabetic births - [http://www.aims.org.uk/Journal/Vol12No4/diabetes.htm here] - as I was chatting to her about 'things' after I saw the consultant on Friday. As others have mentioned it, yes it does make it more 'real' as such but I have also stressed that we are not actually doing anything about it (yet...?) My mum said that if we wait for everything to be 'perfect' we'll never do it, and so many others have said so too, but am now also - and only have myself to blame as been reading up on it - worried about timescales and things. I think I feel rushed as I have never wanted to do this before, and still not as keen as perhaps I should, but can't leave it for much longer (esp with increased likelihood of things like miscarriages etc first due to diabetic aspect, not to mention the bloody age one too. )

Humph.

Anyone around? Home alone and, lovely as she is, my dog isn't much of a conversationalist!