To TTC or not to TTC, that is one of the many questions...

[YorkshireTeaDrinker]

Ok fellow ditherers, as we have filled up one thread (and still not made too many firm decisions) here's another one for us to continue to procrastinate and worry on.

Here's to more monitoring of relative green and redness, mutual support and occassional chivving, discussion of everything baby or not baby related, and perhaps even our first BFP...?

Thanks for the link - looks better than the links I have found so far. Just been looking at some other one's which was a bit depressing (for basic level, which I presume is 'don't let toddlers play with knives' basic) you need to be working in an environment with children; catch 22 as you surely need some child related qualifications to work in a nursery or similar...?

Montessori is brilliant and I would certainly recommend sending a child to one. I worked in my friends one on and off for a while and LOVED it. However, I don't want to try and fit in a 3 year intensive degree course with everything else we have going on, hence I'm not opting for something that full on.

Off to browse your link proper LQ

I know - shall we jump the gun and start another? Or shall we eke this one out for a bit more yet...? (I vote for the latter)

eek!

Love how you have adopted another name!

Confused - I prob couldnt afford to not work and study FT which is why I am on a mission to find a new job/ career before I go back from maternity leave. I figure i have until about September 2011, i really hope I can make a decision by then.

I really love the idea of working with children, the day I actually got my BFP i went to a open day at the science museum all about becoming a teacher. I like the idea of working with younger rather than older ones.

Younger definately - I worked with 2.5 to 4 year olds and they were fab! Bloody hard work, but incredibly rewarding. Every single magazine feature I have ever written put together couldn't surpass the pride I felt when Finn Whittaker finally managed to write the number 5!

Mini rant here as it may be unlikely that I am able to post much this evening as PIL's are coming.

PIL's, especially MIL, drive me round the bend with their constant fretting over ridiculous things. Also, MIL cannot hear well so mishears about 50% of what is said and always then translates whatever she has misheard as something negative. For example, when we sit down for dinner and I say 'this looks lovely' MIL assumes I have just announced that I don't like something and starts fussing and being anxious. It's very draining.

Incidently, nobody has ever pointed out that she needs a hearing test on the basis that she has been like that for years and they also don't want to offend. Clearly, having her mis-hear 50% of every conversation and naturally assume something is always wrong is preferable to suggesting she has a hearing test. Weirdo's.

She also worries continually about what the neighbours think, offending people, doing something wrong and so on and ON and the thing that really REALLY pisses me off about this is that DH is a bit that way inclined too! He is aware of how ridiculous it is, and has said numerous times he tries and tries to not be like that but 'it's very ingrained.'

Lastly, it's always hard work when they come as not only does his mother exude nerves (she's always saying the dog looks like she is about to bite, which is stupid and also the dog picks up on the nerves and it makes her jumpy) but his dad, who is not as nervy simply sits there wanting to talk about nothing but roads. Oh yes, we shall undoubtably have to discuss the pro's and con's of various routes (motorways, A Roads, B roads, coastal roads - the list is as long as it is dull).

I can't bloody wait!

Had to get that off my chest as obviously I can't say similar to DH as it's not fair.

If anyone takes the plunge and sets up another thread please don't forget me!

LST how's things on the Western Front? And the exam front? Both okay I hope.

YTD how was the EPU scan?

HP SP has your DH checked his balls yet...?!

Everyone else - hello! Enjoy your PIL-free evenings!

Cripes Confused, you have my sympathies. Christmas with my in-laws was like Christmas with the grinch so I really sympathise. Have some G&T's to get you through! xx

Oh gawd, they sound like a nightmare! Just normal enough to be beyond criticism but ever so grating, it seems. At least my MIL is out-and-out weird. On my wedding day (yes, just a few weeks ago) my MIL told me "If you ever hurt my baby I'll **ing smack you in the mouth". Urgh.

Found out today I've been offered a permanent contract with a substantial pay rise. YAY! Now of course that throws a whole new set of considerations into play.

And my stomach has been all crampy and painful all day. Boo.

Very quick post.

Evening ok. That's it - ok.

Fancy - whaddya mean re your stomach?! Is this good or bad?

That's great news Fancy - how does that affect your deliberations? Surely you're not going to start dithering properly? lol

Confused, glad to hear it didn't go too badly and you all (presumably) got through the evening without any bloodshed! My own MIL can be a bit like that - she's not deaf but she takes everything absolutely literally.

I can't decide whether I'm a ditherer or not. I was doing really well progressing steadily towards my TTC date of December, saving my pennies as per the plan - but then recently I've started thinking "ooh but x, y and z about my career..." which, even if I think it's justified, is actually dithering isn't it? Oh dear.

What is the definition of dithering?

Dithering

Evening okay - no major frustrations. Went to pub and all sat there sipping drinks and politely eating crisps. Due for another evening the same tonight. I, as usual, seemed to drink far more than everyone else but thankfully wasn't too drunk - always a risk when sat with polite sippers making dull small talk, it can drive you to quaffing large amounts very quickly!

Back later as at work now

Dither: vb. def. The act of procrastination and delaying of coming to a decision regarding reproduction due to an attachment to lie-ins, working bowels and cheap holidays in term time.

Ditherer: n. def. One who is in a permanent state of flux regarding whether to procreate or not (see def. of babyometer). On the flick of a coin, may ultimately not reproduce, or bear triplets. Whatever. pl. A confusion of ditherers.

Can you do us a HP SP definition of a Babyometer too....?

Babyometer: def. Semi-quantitative scale upon which an individuals current extent of dithering (i.e. desire to conceive) is measured, commonly red, amber or green, although reddy-amber, greeny-amber and reddy-ambery-green have been described (see def. Dithering). Caution is required during interpretation as measurement may change hourly.

I love it!

I think we need to use them in the OP for the new thread. What do you reckon?

Might be a good idea - anyone who isn't scared off can be welcomed with open arms

Taking folic acid and having a can of cider. That seems like definite dithering behaviour to me - oh dear, I'm becoming a full blown ditherer now aren't I?

I have to say that would give anything to know what to do, to have a strong desire either way, even if that strong desire was to not have a family. This has been, and continues to be, a wholly miserable experience and the only good thing in the whole mess has been meeting you lot. I never in a million years imagined I would resist having a baby so much, and if I could inject broodiness, I would.

I wouldn't wish being a ditherer on anyone!

Those definitions are fabulous, I'm so glad I asked! totally agree re new thread intro!

I used to think that dithering was what you did when your relationship, career, money, house, etc was all sorted and there was no question of whether you were ready for a baby in practical terms, you just weren't really sure if you fancied it.

Now I'm starting to think that not being sure if you fancy it and your subjective view of your state of practical readiness are not easily distinguishable from one another. It's all a lot more complicated than it first seems.

I want to time my baby just right so that I can maximise my potential career wise - but that's a catch 22 because how on earth can you ever judge the optimal time?

I love the dithering behaviour, AmandaCooper! You have truly joined The Dark Side now

Personally, I suspect there is never a wholly right time in terms of practicalities and jobs, but I did hope there would be one in terms of emotions. Apparently not though. Bugger.

Like HP, I find myself massively wanting one or feeling appalled at the very suggestion on an almost hourly daily basis.

I am sat at home on my own feeling really really bad. I have cried off the meal with DH's parents on account of banging my head when out with the dog. I did, in fact, bang head but not hard enough to stay in, upstairs, on my own. I also underestimated the concern - from DH and PIL's. We were meant to be going to a local pub for some dinner but they, on my account, have now decided to get a takeaway instead. They have gone out for a pint and then to order it, and they were all hesitant about doing that due to not wanting to leave me on my own - as I said, I feel reeeallllly guilty!

I got cross with DH earlier as he said, semi jokingly, 'you don't have to drink so much tonight' which was because I, out of the 4 of us, did drink half the bottle of white wine (his parents had bought it, they were sharing the bottle of red they had also bought) while on the phone to a friend who was in a bad way as her dog had a stroke. All very upsetting and I had tears running down my face and also, over the conversation, poured two big-ish glasses.

Then his mum went to get the bottle out the fridge and looked a bit shocked it was half empty. DH, who drinks as much as me if not more, acts totally differently when he is with his parents and they seem to think he's squeaky clean. He also seems to want me to follow this squeaky clean pseudo personality and I, frankly, won't. If I was drunk and obnoxious then he has a point, but I wasn't. I was tipsy though which, perhaps, in their eyes that's the same as being twatted out of one's face.

Anyway, after that comment I really couldn't be arsed with tonight and the minor head bump gave me a good excuse. However, I still feel bloody guilty

I would suggest that there is psychologically a big difference between knowing you will try for a baby at some point but you are yet to decide when, and in contrast, getting to the age where the pressure is on biologically but you are not sure you even want one.

Regards all the practical stuff, for me, having a baby would put all that at risk, mainly due to the cost of childcare, and it would definitely limit my career and possibly strain my relationship with a less than keen DH.

If I knew for sure I wouldn't regret it when it was too late, I wouldn't have any, no question. Then C and I could set up that cattery and I could devote myself to buying Prada bags and playing with kittens. But as there is a chance I would regret it, I am here.

Cross post, C

I think it's the possible regret of not having one that makes me think I really ought to get cracking. However, it's not that simple really is it!
Also, the prospect of everything it would then either compromise or complicate is daunting, to put it mildly.

However, so many have said to me how incredible it is blah blah blah and maybe it is.

Then again, maybe it isn't. And there is, unfortunately, only one way to find out.