To TTC or not to TTC, that is one of the many questions...

[YorkshireTeaDrinker]

Ok fellow ditherers, as we have filled up one thread (and still not made too many firm decisions) here's another one for us to continue to procrastinate and worry on.

Here's to more monitoring of relative green and redness, mutual support and occassional chivving, discussion of everything baby or not baby related, and perhaps even our first BFP...?

He said he felt a bit surplus to requirements at the actual birth. His wife said to the surgeon that she wanted 'dad' to be the one who said if it was a boy or girl and he was that overcome by it all - they'd been in for two days with virtually no sleep - that he forgot! The baby was whisked off and cleaned up and he just stood there looking at it all but not actually seeing and then the nurse asked him if he wanted to hold the baby; he said no as she, the baby, looked so delicate and then the baby started to cry LOUDLY so was put on mum's chest and then stopped as soon as she was talked to. It must be weird for the dad's in many ways as they are surplus to requirements in many ways (not that I would not want mine there though) especially when it's in a very manic theatre. He said the staff were so fantastic (some of the same team who helped with the womb scrape when she had a miscarriage about 18 months ago) that he said he wants to write a letter saying so and why. He said he thanked the staff and they seemed quite taken aback, as if it doesn't happen very often. Beautiful baby too, from what I can gather from the pics he send to my phone.

Ah confused this is a lovely story. brought a lump to my throat too.

I wonder if anyone can advise -I am going to be going back to my GP tomorrow as I have decided to ask to be signed off for another week. Although I am clearly over the moon/ cloud nine with the pregnancy news it doesn't mask the shi*iness of work so I need to get my head around how to deal with stuff there. Must say work haven't been very proactive in finding out how I am or if they can do anything to help so after much soul searching I am going to take this week off too.

Anyway the question I wanted to ask was obviously when i go to see the GP i will say that I have a BFP (i probably wont go into the circumstances of how I found out!) but does anyone know what the GP is likely to ask? What info I will need to be prepared with? Grateful for your ideas ladies

Not really sure what you mean, LQ? Are you asking what the GP may ask when you tell him about the BFP or wanting another week off?

Holy crap. DH just sat and watched OBEM with me. Voluntarily. And he laughed at Joy and Fabio bickering but listened closely when Fabio was talking about how much he wanted a family.

(How cute was it when they held the baby up to her and she was smiling and crying at the same time?)

LQ, if you meant telling your doc you have a BFP, you might be asking for advice in the wrong place!!! I guess he will want to known the date of your last period, but that's where I run out of ideas! YTD may help more as she spoke to her doc the day after the positive, if memory serves.

Confused, your friend sounds like a complete star. Well done to both of them.

confused sorry i've confused you now! I meant about the BFP. He has been totally supportive about the work stress thing. I posted a Q about this under the pregnancy section on talk - some people kind of said that i didnt need to see the doc just book in with a midwife - but reckon that in our area you need to see the gp first.

lol!I did wonder - I realise that all you guys are pretty much in the same boat as me - just wondered if there was anything obvious - yes like date of last period - i've remembered now thankfully!

Evening all,

Cor, greenness washing all over this thread at the moment. Confused love the account of your friend's wife bonding with new baby in theatre. I think women do have some primeval hard wiring that kicks in with the birth that ensures that you know how to react to your baby once it arrives.

LQ, you do need an appointment with you GP as s/he will need to refer you to the community midwife team. GP will ask when your last period was, work out your due date and tell you to make an appointment with the midwife. First appointment with teh midwife (your "booking appointment") should last about an hour and take place from 8 - 10 weeks. I don't know exactly what they do, cos I haven't done it yet! But I think they take lots of baseline measurements (weight etc) and start filling in your maternity notes.

Confused my Mum was cautiously excited when I told her. Well, I didn't tell her as such, just showed her the positive pregnancy test whilst she was expecting progress in the bathroom (i.e. the state of decoration in the bathroom that DH has been doing up since last year!).

Today I have been catnapping on the sofa, ably assisted by the cat. I am still very tired - I hope that will ease off soon. I have also been looking at baby name threads. I know its far too early, but I couldn't resist. I tend to err on the side of poncey and pretentious when it comes to names, DH definately favours the plain and servicable. I think we are going to have some interesting debates when the time comes...

HP - just re-read and noticed you and DH were watching OBEM together?! I think you need to be measuring your DH's greenness as well as your own.

In fact, maybe that's what you should do. Guage your relative greenness on a scale of 1 - 10 (or relative colur spectrum) and record it daily. You could then plot trends and see whether greenness or redness is the predominent trend over a fixed period of time.

Whichever is the predominent mood is the one you base you TTC decision on.

YTD thanks for that. I have been knackered too - and bloody freezing too.

Also I couldnt sleep a while ago so came back down and logged on but now I am really quite sleepy again so I shall return to bed.

Night all xx

Someone looked at my stomach today and asked me if I 'was expecting.'

Not fucking happy.

OMG confused - I am really pissed off for you.

Tell me about it. Gits.

Hmm. Still pissed off with the pregnant comment but I guess it proves my worries about having put on weight are not unfounded

Watching OBEM tonight and rather looking forward to it. Weirdly, DH is in the front room watching Supernanny and tutting. I am a very proud parent today though as I have, after MONTHS of effort, taught my dog to walk off-lead on the streets. Still taking it slow but we're really getting there

Confused! What a moronic thing to say. Am indignent for you!

Currently weeping my way through OBEM. Had a bot of a hectic day today. My best mate's waters broke early last night and she's currently in hospital trying not to leak anymore. They are hoping that she can get through to the weekend before starting labour, as baby is only 33 weeks and they'd like it to get a bit bigger.

I had to skive out of a meeting early and go to M&S to buy emergancy pants and nighties. She hadn't got as far as packing the hospital bag yet!

confused well done for your dog training. Must take patience. I would like to train my cats - particularly not to drop their food in a trail all over the kitchen floor that I've just washed. Grr.

Talking about weight gain - when I saw the GP and told him what I weigh - I explained I was concerned about my weight - although I am quite tall it appears I am in the obese category and and therefore he reckons the midwives will badger me into not gaining anymore my trying to loose fat & replace it with baby so either weighing the same or loosing some. Its the biggest kick up the (lardy) bum I've needed in ages. I've lost 12lbs since the new year so thats a start. A, looking into doing Slimming World whilst I am pg.

YTD bless your mate, I hope she's ok?
When have you got your midwife appointment? Also what is your due date again? We might be quite close?

Sat at my parents last night watching OBEM, how I kept stuum I'll never know. Really felt so much for both of those girls.

Thought it was about time I peeked in here again.....

YTD - proper congratulations this time on your BFP! I'm so delighted and excited for you, and your good news was a little bright spark in a dark day last week. I'm sure you're going to want to hang out with some due-in-November mums-to-be, but please keep posting here too!

lq - congratulations to you too - can't believe we managed two BFPs in one week on this thread! I hope you manage to get your stress and work problems sorted - it sounds like you have lots of people supporting you.

confused - just a thought, but was the person who asked you if you were expecting specifically referring to a bit of extra tummy, or could it have just been a general question? I'm so paranoid about offending someone that I wouldn't ask even if they looked 9 months pregnant, but other people aren't so reticent and I've been asked the same question when I've done things as innocent as refused a glass of wine, not chosen soft cheese, mentioned wanting a bigger house etc! Thinking of houses, it all sounds very exciting on the house front for you. What's next - wait for an offer on your current place or push the guy who's selling the one you want to accept your offer?

HP - I can't believe you've bought a thermometer! I thought about it, but then decided I would be so erratic about using it that the error bars would be too big.....

LST - you've been quieter than me recently - how are you doing and is there any news on the appointment yet?

As for me, I've stopped bursting into noisy sobs at the slightest provocation, but hell, when you've seen senior male managers in tears you kind of feel like you're in good company. DH and I have decided not to change any baby plans because it would get impossibly complicated to try and time potential stages of pregnancy/maternity leave round a new job, especially when we haven't exactly had a good track record in getting up the duff. It's a complete burger though, because what I do next does depend on whether I think I'm going to have a family. If I'm definitely not, then there are more options. I can't believe what rubbish timing it is, though BTW if you're curious, the scale of the cull made the front page of the BBC website

So, not feeling specially green at the moment. No change there then

Suerock, its just rubbish, you have my every sympathy. I saw the story (and heard bits and pieces from friends in industry) and wondered if that was the boat you were in. News like that must have pulled the rug out from under everyone's feet and you have every right to be upset and shocked. How much notice have they given you (and not to pry, but I hope you are getting some sort of package to tide you over until you find a new, fantastic job)?

Im in the same boat regards feeling like I have substantially more career options open to me if we dont have a family. You become the invisible scientist around here if you get pregnant! Dont worry about how green you feel at the moment, you have so much on your mind. Maybe you are slightly greener in your heart than you think if you are continuing in the same vein as before?

I know its no comfort at all, but in my darkest times I ring my Nanna, and she always says that you never know what is around the corner and things always have a way of working out, eventually. She is a very lovely, wise lady.

(Yes, I have the thermometer. I have three temperatures on my graph . And its three days until Decision Day Mark II)

Hi Suerock, I am really sorry to hear about your job. Like HP said, hopefully something great will be around the corner. My fingers are crossed for you and sending you a hug x

As for the career vs baby situation, I'd go for the baby every time, although I am possibly not a very good example as I am not very career orientated! However, I do have a friend who is VERY successful and she lived for her job - relationships suffered due to this, she missed family weddings etc etc - and then she got to 39 and a half and got pregant within six weeks of meeting the biggest twat I think she could find. (Think of Mark Croft who was / is married to Kerry Katona.) A year later she was pregnant again, and on the phone to work as they wheeled her in for her c-sec (and back on the phone the day after.) She is now back at work full time and the twat and the nanny (they have got through several nanny's due to the twat) look after the kids. The elder one, a girl, gets very pissed off about mummy being away a lot with work and I know that would make break my heart. My mum took on her husbands two daughters as their mum had to choose between her job / boyfriend or her kids. She chose the former and I think it has caused lots of damage to the kids - also, my mum once said, why have children and pay someone else to bring them up. I realise that people do have to work but what I am saying is that, personally, I'd want my job to take a back seat while my children were little as you can't get that time back and also, and sorry to sound like Kevin the Teenager, they didn't ask to be born.

Re our house - we have had two viewings so far but no offers and no feedback. DH is now in a flap about this (albeit a mild one) but I'm not. Que sera sera and all that. It's only been on 6 days so it's not long. We'll be able to make an offer for the house we want once we have had one on ours. Hopefully it won't be long.

I guess what I find so frustrating about the whole baby vs career thing is that I grew up thinking I could have both. I remember telling my mum I was going to be a SAHM like her so my kids got the good upbringing she gave me - but then I decided to be a scientist and no-one told me that scientists can't have career breaks, or at least no more than a year off to have a baby. If I knew I could go back into my current field after five years off to get my children as fas as infant school, I'd be a whole load less stressed out than I am. What's more frustrating though, is that DH and I sort of had a plan sussed, which was going to involve both of us going part time for a bit to look after the baby, which would keep both of us in the job market but still give us time to enjoy bringing up a baby. But a new employer is hardly going to love that idea

Anyway. Rant over. I can go on for hours about how much women do not have equal rights and opportunities, whatever anyone else says.

Meant to ask - YTD how is your friend? Is the baby cooperating and staying put for a bit?

Ooh yes, YTD, I hope your friend is okay. I was writing my post this morning when DH came in and was talking to be (or trying to) at the same time, hence I forgot to ask.

When I wrote the semi rant this morning I forgot to add that I didn't think it was the mother's responsibility to stay at home rather than the fathers, I think I think it should be one or the other as much as poss in the early years (not always possible financially I realise.) That is due to the reasons and examples I gave above. I wouldn't want to do it anyway.

(Again DH keeps interjecting - I am responding rather than saying shut up as, apart from that also being rude, I don't want to start wondering what on earth I'm doing on this site all the time! This also means I might be a bit disjointed or will forget things!)

Oh, and the person who asked if I was 'expecting' did so with a glance at my stomach. This makes the self esteem sink even lower... (I am now thinking the midriff of Hannah Waterman in the 'before' pictures.)

So, HP SP - Decision Day in three day's, eh? We await your decision with baited breath...

Evening all,

Well its been all action for the past couple of days as my friend unexpected went into labour yesterday. All talk of inducing at the weekend was abandoned yesterday as Nipper decided his time had come and my firend gave birth to a small, but reasonably robust little boy yesterday morning. The medical staff were convinced that the pain she was feeling in her back (from about 6.00am onwards) was a symptom of the infection she had. They gave her antibiotics and paracetamol and told her not to worry about it. At 11.00am the registrar did an examination and decided that it probably was labour after all, as he could see a head! She was whizzed into the delivery suite and gave birth 50 minutes later. All with nothing more than paracetamol and a few puffs of gas and air!

Baby was a good size for 6 weeks early - 5lb 15oz, but they are a little bit concerned about his lungs, so he was taken straight to SCBU. Last night he was transfered to the other hospital in the city, where the neonatel ICU facilities are more extensive and ventilated, as he was struggling to breathe efficiently. Mum is still at the other hospital, but doing ok now and they hope to move her today. Latest update today is that he is breathing unaided now, which is a great relief. I spent last night washing all the small newborn clothes that Dad and I bought on Monday and Tuesday (best load of washing I've ever done! ) and doing a spot of clearing up in their house. Feeling hugely excited and worried at the same time. I'm sure baby will be fine, but it is a bit of an anxious time for everyone and I am trying to be useful and supportive and yet hopefully not interfer too much.

Suerock I really sympathise with your career vs baby dilema. Fact is, it is so very difficult to have both and do both well. I am no longer doing the job I trained for, and the job I'm in is ok, pays well and is reasonably responsible and interesting, but it is not what I'd be doing if I hadn't been planning a family. I really want to go part time, and the job I'm in now will allow it, but I have had to shelve my work ambition for a while. I am also feeling mild guilt about the fact that I will have only been in post a year by the time I go on mat leave, but really, you have to put your life plans before an employers convinience.

Confused I don't think its time to fret after only 6 days on the market! Things do move much more slowly now. But hopefully you'll get a buyer soon so you can start some hard negotiating in Hebden Bridge!

HP the countdown to decision day has been noted. Harrassment Encouragement will commence on Sunday...

LST hope alls well and you are gearing up for the IVF. Really hoping for success.

LQ good luck with slimming world. i've done it in the past and, once I got into the habit, found it to be pretty good. It's a bit of an eat yourself slim diet, and focuses on eating plenty of the good stuff rather than going without, which is what you need at the moment.

My initial midwife appointment is 1st April and due date is probably 8th Novemeber (origional calculation of 6th November was based on a 28 day cycle, mine is 30). When's yours?

I am planning a quiet evening tonight. Am getting tired often and have had a hectic week so far. Am hoping to meet the new baby tomorrow, provided he's robust enough for visitors, so need to save up my energy.

I was 5lbs 4 when I hatched so your friends baby isn't too small (realise he is still premature though.) Things appear to be going reasonably well by what you said, I'm very glad!

I agree, 6 days is a bit too soon! He gets this from his mother - I think that's why his mother winds me up so much, TBH. Anyway, we now have feedback and apparently both sets of people liked it but in both cases it's the first house they've seen so it's very early days. We are away this weekend so am stocking up on fresh flowers etc and will leave the house 'viewer friendly' for over the weekend.

Hello all

suerock sorry to hear about your job, really hope that things improve for you soon. Thank you for your congratulations.

YTD glad that you have your initial MW appointment. I am still waiting to her when mine is but only saw the GP on Monday so guess Im being impatient but I wanna know how things are damn it! And your not going to believe this but my due date is 8th Nov too! It will be a photo finish! This s if I worked it out on a 28 cycle but to ber perfectly honest I dont know how long mine is. Not really sure how I would go back at work it out. The GP said to me are you sure its 28 days, I said I pretty much think so. maybe I'll have to try and back track & see.

Also have you been getting any symptoms? I have become a bit obsessed to be honest - do I feel sick/ dont i feel sick. Just got back in from seeing my parents at the pub and felt sick all the way there and then sick and cold for about an hour- weird) - I think Im a bit overzealous because I am still not at work at the moment. I had a meeting with my boss today though (my suggestion) who told me that she could see the stress coming (!) but other than that was fairly supportive.

confused good plan with the flowers etc and some good feedback from viewers so far who are probably always told to never jump straight into the first house you see but once they've had a butchers around they might come back for a second viewing.
Got the info through about doing SW so will show my enthusiasm to the midwife when I see her and hopefully she won't treat me like the fat kid from the Bash Street kids!

Hi all. Just a brief one from me this evening, but good to read all your posts.

I'm glad your friend is ok and the baby is being looked after well, YTD. I was going to ask the name, but if course we can't do details like that!

Suerock, don't get me started! Did you see all the flack that headmistress took in the press because she dared to suggest that telling girls they can 'have it all' is unrealistic and potentially damaging? My experience is that while obviously progress has been made, old attitudes linger and systems are just not in place for true equality or choice.

Confused, a week is definitely no time at all! The housing market is a totally different beast than it was three years ago. Poor DH, I hope he isn't worrying too much. As for your tummy, I'm in the same boat. I'm so sick of people glancing down when they see me, looking for a bump.

On that note, a visitor at work made a really horrible comment to me at work today, along the lines of 'when did you decide you didn't want children then?'. Thanks a fucking bunch. I'm only 32, and hopefully look a bit younger. What a cow.

To everyone else, hello! LST, come back! Tell us how you are getting on. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, or you can bend our ears with megaposts.

(First pill of the packet would be 11pm on Saturday night. But don't worry, DH has told me that he has made the decision for me, and I'm coming off it. I'm not saying anything after the debarcle of PillGate, but I love making my graph)

HP - at someone saying that to you!
Tosser.

Just re read your last post - YOUR DH HAS MADE THE DECISION FOR YOU? Do elaborate!

I second that, LST, come back if you can and rant - or not rant - whatever suits x

Yup. He said 'Right, HoneyPetal, enough is enough. You are lovely but can't make a decision for shit. So I've decided, you will stop the pill, as we discussed and agreed last month, and whatever happens we will cope and deal with it'.

I know, I couldn't believe she said it. In front of loads of other people as well. Clearly I give off a non-maternal energy. I nearly cried.