To TTC or not to TTC, that is one of the many questions...

[YorkshireTeaDrinker]

Ok fellow ditherers, as we have filled up one thread (and still not made too many firm decisions) here's another one for us to continue to procrastinate and worry on.

Here's to more monitoring of relative green and redness, mutual support and occassional chivving, discussion of everything baby or not baby related, and perhaps even our first BFP...?

Sorry for radio silence all week. I've had a pretty busy week with work, then family visits at the weekend, so today is my first time online for a week. News from me is that our appointment at the GPs last week has been rescheduled to tomorrow (owning to my work schedule changing on Monday). Other news of note is that I am on CD31, which is the longest cycle length I've had since starting to chart. I had some bleeding at 5 days past ovulation and have had cramps and a very sore bosom all weekend. All of which has been enough to inspire mild optimism.

I tested yesterday - got a BFN. As I'm now on my longest cycle since detailed records began (in September ), I though I'd have another POAS with an cheap ebay test before going to bed. Fully expected another BFN, but instead got a very very faint second line.

Too early to tell. It might be a false positive, it is a cheap test after all.

But I might be a contender for that cardigan afterall...

OMG!! How exciting!! Your symptoms sound exactly like the Real Thing. The early bleeding and the sore boobs - certainly sounds like it. I don't want to tempt fate, but the cardigan (the Yellow Jersey of TTC...) seems like it's yours! I won't say congratulations yet but keeping absolutely everything crossed for you - would be lovely news for the first day of spring. Do do do keep us posted. LST xxx

Ladies, the cardigan is mine!!

I now have two pregnancy tests lined up on top of the loo, both with double lines. Looks like I didn't dream it after all.

Spent most of the night worrying about the rickety state of our finances, the level of work that has to be done in the house (now to a very tight deadline!), and the mechanics of getting the baby out at the end (had just watched the replay of One Born Every Minute on 4OD).

Plenty of things could go wrong yet, so I don't want to get too giddy. I am only 2 weeks pregnant, 40% of pregnancies don't get to full term, so there is a distinct possibility that this one might not stick. However, there is a higher probability that it could go on to produce a fully functioning child, so I'll try not to over worry.

My main dilema now is should I keep my appointment at the doctors this evening? We were supposed to be getting our refferal to the fertility clinic today. Should I turn up any way and let them know it won't be required?

Oh my gooooooodddddnesssss!!!

That's INCREDIBLE news.

Oh, I've gone all wobbly!!!!

Massive Internet hugs.....congratulations, petal, I'm so pleased for you. A BFP!! And just before your appointment (I knew it!!).

I will be back later, but in the meantime, try not to worry about anything, enjoy the moment and have a lovely day.

xxx HP-SP

PS. I would still go to the appointment, it's worth going to speak to someone in person, as it were.

I was going to read up and post properly when not at work but I can't read and run this time, of all times! YTD CONGRATULATIONS!! Blimey, I am DELIGHTED for you! Yikes! How are you feeling (physically; we can probably guess how you are faring mentally!)? What did the doc's say? And lastly, before I need to go and do some work, will you be asking for rabbits, rainbow stripes or something else for your cardigan?

Back later this afternoon as lots to report but nothing as momentous as YTD's news...

Thanks ladies,

Sat at my desk at work, stupid grin on my face, getting hardly any work done. Still can't believe its really happened.

Will be keeping my appointment at the doctors. I may as well turn my fertility referral appointment into a pregnancy confirmation appointment!

Phyisically I still feel abit like my period is goign to turn up any moment. Got lots of PMT type aches. The only sign I have that hints at pregnancy is an incredibly tender bosom. DH has confirmed my suspicion that they are slightly larger than usual. I am starting to feel quite anxious about the possible boob growth growth. If they are getting bigger at only 2 weeks gone, I fear I could be very buxom by the time I'm ready to expel the bean.

Apart from that I feel no different. No enhanced sense of smell, sickness or funny cravings. Pregancy head might be setting in early though - I made myself a packed lunch this morning and then left it on the kitchen table!

Right, really must try and do some work. I have a meeting in 5 minutes, so I can pretend to be competent and efficient for an hour or so. I think the chances of me getting any real work done are somewhat slender today...

Managed to do any work yet?! I am SO chuffed for you, I really am!

As for previous catch up posts, I wanted to add that I have had acupuncture and think it's amazing. I have a recurring problem with my knee and hip and had tried all manner of things, but 4 acupuncture sessions sorted it out. I also know a surgeon who's a convert too, for the more scientific of you, which I think must be a pretty good sign of it being something worth bothering with.

We (hopefully - god, I'll be gutted if we don't) have decided on a house! It's the first one we looked at which needs loads of work. We had a look at some others in the area and, Christ, they were grim. Varying degree's of pokey, badly laid out and dark or damp (or both!) The one we have decided to go for needs gutting and starting over but has massive potential and, after seeing the others, is a bloody bargain! Also, I can't wait to move now - I really can't! We had a wander about Hebden on Sunday night and the place has a real buzz about it - all the restaurants are busy, which is fab for a Sunday night at the end of Feb, and the place is thriving. We walked along the canal with the dog (she loves it too!) and had a mini pub crawl and a big explore. Our house is hopefully going on the market this weekend and I don't think it'll be on for too long. We went back and spoke to the man who's house it is we want to buy (the estate agent was a tosser so would rather deal with the man who's living there.) We told him we wanted to make an offer there and then but told him our house will be on this week etc etc. He didn't want to discuss money but did say he'd put any offers to one side for us (and also admitted we were the only one of two couples who had come for a second viewing) and he seemed to like us, and we liked him which was nice. It's his mothers house (well, was his mothers house) and we ended up having a cup of tea and talking about all manner of things, rather than just house buying which seemed to help things along. (We both think he's a nice bloke too so didn't just sit there for the sake of being polite.) So, we are now trying to reign in the decorating ideas for now but it's going to be a struggle!

Another thing, I was a bit pissed (ok, a lot) and ended up talking about my baby quandries with my mum (who was also thankfully a bit pissed.) I told her I couldn't decide etc etc and time was running out blah blah blah and she seemed to think I'd be better off not going for it if I had doubts. Hmmm. Not sure if she said this as it would have the opposite effect - only just considered this now as I wrote it down.

YTD and confused - brilliant for both of you!

Sorry to be the skellington at the party, but I've just lost my job so am facing a baby vs. career dilemma

But The Cardigan will get finished - never fear!

Suerock I am SO sorry! Are you okay? (If that's not too stupid a question) Sending you one of those internet hugs x

Oh Suerock, that's such a rotten thing to happen. What are your job options at the moment? I'm sorry, but I've forgotten just what you do, I thought it was an academic type job, but I might be getting mixed up with LST and HP. I really hope you can find something suitable to move on to.

Confused, sounds like you've hit the housing jackpot. Hopefully your house will sell really quickly and you can be off to the sunny North and building your nest asap.

Re your Mum's advice about not going for it whilst you have doubts, I'm not sure if i concur. I think you do need to be in a position of some security (so well on your way to hebden bridge, for example) but not absolute security and certainty - I don't think we ever achieve that.

We do worry a lot about being in the right place financially, or in our careers, but I think all that matters is what your emotional status is. Are you secure in your relationship with your DH and does you think you have the emotional resources to cope with the unexpected. Then, regardless of the state of your house (we currently have an incomplete bathroom, a kitchen that is falling to bits, a load of rubble in the dining room, three bedrooms that require decorating and carpets of such antiquity that they have holes in), your finaces (still £8k of debt and more to come to fund all the required rennovations - see above ), or your career (just spent 6 months getting to grips with my job, will spend the next 6 months preparing to handover - work are going to love me ), you will be ready to deal with whatever motherhood can throw at you.

I may be in the BFP vanguard on this thread, but I expect you all to follow me eventually! Fingers crossed is you next month LST. In the meantime, hopefully I can provide you with an interesting case study to help inform your TTC decision-making.

I've just come back from a celebratory trip to the pub (pie, but no pint for me) with DH. Our appointment at the doctors was brief, but successful. Instead of getting a referal to the fertility unit, I've got one to the community midwife. First appointment is 22nd April. DH has decreed that we can't tell anyone till then. I think it might be a challenge keeping it from my mum, but I'll try. Spent most of the time talking about how we are going to fund and complete all the work still required in our house. I'm hoping this is the catalyst DH needed in order to leap into DIY action!

Oh, nearly forgot, due date is 6th November. I am currently 4+3 (which translates to about 2 1/2 weeks pregnant).

A bonfire baby - whoopeee!

I think I explained it badly, or at least too scantily, re my mum. She too was saying there is never a time when everything is in the right place to have a baby as you'll always come up with something that's to be done / sorted out etc, but was I was then saying that I wasn't sure if I even wanted to in the first place, which prompted her to say, rather more eloquently, 'don't do it then.' I would explain the conversation in more detail if I could but the, er, wine consumption has made my memories a bit more sketchy than they should have been.

I agree, it should be LST next month but then it's a free for all - how many cardigans can you rustle up Suerock?! Am happy to do fimo figurines too but they aren't really appropriate.

Suerock as for your baby vs career quandry, any further thoughts or developments? I hope you don't answer this till at least tomorrow (or late tonight) as you're too busy having a large glass of wine at the end of this shitty day x

So, this BFP business - please talk me through every bloody second! I have always found it quite interesting but have never quizzed pregnant friends too much on account of it not being compatible with my 'I don't want babies' persona It does sound as if you're going to have your work cut out re the house, but it's amazing what you can get done when you really really have to! (Trust me, I know these things!) I hope you have plenty of people you can rope into helping you too - perhaps there will be more volunteers once you've 'come out' about the looming inflexible deadline - I hope so!

My DH is upstairs drawing out plans for our bathroom in the 'new house' (getting ahead of ourselves - surely not?!) with renewed DIY enthusiasm! The bathroom in the house is currently in the attic for some weird reason so we are moving it downstairs to the spare bedroom (which has a sink and a decrepid shower in at the moment) so it will be a big and luxurious one! We too have several volunteers to help us do things but whether this will actually come to fruition remains to be seen (I think it's more likely to in your case though.)

I hope you are right about the offers of help coming flooding in once the deadline is known Confused. In the interim, I'm hoping that DH starts getting on with jobs a bit quicker!

Was going to post detailed response about what a BFP feels like, but OBEM is starting and I think I'd best pay attention this time! So far its a combination of scarey, eciting and odd. And I have the most painful boobs ever...

Right time to watch the scenes of painful labour - too late to pull back now!

You watching? That Kelly made it look as easy as having a poo. Unfortunately, Joy's experiences seem to be somewhat different. Not sure if this programme makes me broody or want to book myself in to be sterilised!

What a day of highs and lows - Suerock, I'm so sorry about the job, that's a crappy thing to happen. I hope they are going to support you finding another position, is there a plan in place? You poor thing, how rubbish. On top of all the thinking about babies and whatnot, it can all seem a bit much. I hope you can sleep on it tonight and then see what happens in the coming weeks.

And movement on the house/big move front as well, Confused! How exciting! Fingers crossed you get the place and can swing into action with DIY and setting yourselves up in a new town. Did you go for the one next to the river in the end? Poor DHs mam will be beside herself.

Oh YTD, I'm still so pleased for you. I guess it hasn't even begun to sink in yet. Yes, tell us all about the BFP moment. You must have so many plans, especially with the house to work on. May I advise that you have a Project Manager role, and DH does all the graft! Enjoy OBEM.

Right, who's next?

Not much going on with me. No letter from the hospital yet, I've kind of put it out of my mind as there is bugger all I can do until I see the consultant, if indeed they decide to do anything. In the meantime I'm having a spring revamp as I feel like crap - new haircut, new glasses and some new clothes. Saving for the house for so long means I honestly look like a scruffbag. My life may be at a standstill for now, but at least I'll look presentable!!

I think the bits of OMEM you focus on gives an accurate indication of where you are the baby spectrum. In the greenest of green corners over here, I managed to gloss over the painful bits (although had to look away at the epidural - urgh!) and just get all blubbery and emotional when teh babies appear. I'm hoping that's what will happen when I get there...

HP am liking the sound of your plan for a spring revamp. Money spent on stopping yourself feel crap is always a wise investment. The lack of communication from the hospital is sort of a good thing - a slow response should indicate that this is a being treated as a routine investigation, rather than anything more threatening. Difficult to pretend its not happening, but I don't think there's a better approach at the moment.

I am going to try and ignore the fact that I've got a BFP until the appointment with the midwife. It's so early yet, and the risks are still so high, that I think I'd best just try not to think about it too much. It's not like I feel pregnant, it just feels like PMT. I am mildly concerned by the poking cramps I'm getting at the moment. I hope its just the bean making itself comfortable and nothing suspicious.

Spring revamps are the way forward, just a shame that doesn't include an instant inch loss from around my waist (and everywhere else) too! Ebay is fab for cheap but effective revamps as long as you can tell what will suit you without trying it on. Most of my clothes are from Ebay and are makes like Toast (LOVE Toast) and Jigsaw, which I wouldn't normally be able to afford - not by the drawer full anyway. Also, if you know what glasses shapes suit there are some top deals for glasses here I have used them a few times and have been really pleased.

YTD I guess you are right being cautious at the moment as it is very early days, although it must be very hard trying to think of anything else at the moment! I guess the downsides to tests which tell you very early on if you are pregant are not can be a double edged sword if it all goes tits up - but lets not dwell on that side of things! Can I ask what you mean by 'sore' boobs? (I would never ask someone this in RL!) Dumb sounding question I suppose, but what I mean is do they feel heavy / sensitive / achey or, er, what? I think the poking style cramps are quite common as a few of my friends have said the same thing - maybe it is that bean getting comfortable! Blimey, I still can't quite believe and am all giddy despite not actually even knowing you properly but, conversely, knowing you've been trying for ages

I was blubbing at the end of OBEM when Joy had her baby. She got on my nerves at first but I really liked both of them by the end. She was actually hilarious! When they gave her the baby and she started to cry I was welling up like nobody's business - and then DH came in and started talking about bloody toilets (he's working out bathroom suites) ] Have come to the conclusion that OBEM is best viewed alone (in the absence of any female friends that is.)

Yup, HP, it's the house by the river. I shall be sending her a mask and snorkel for her birthday We have worked out our budget and can do the bulk of the work - ie the bathroom and kitchen almost immediately but may need to take one month instead of two months off to get cracking if we have to pay the full asking price. Obviously we don't want to, but if we have to then we will - seeing the other houses made us realise how nice this one can actually be.

YTD - a Project Manager role, as suggested by HP SP sounds like the perfect plan! Do you know what you need to do, or is it a case of planning it and then doing it all? My DH is thankfully very good at DIY although the down side is, as you may have already gathered, he does tend to take forever as he is very much a perfectionist but can do lots of unneccessary work as a result (like when he wanted to replace that broken tile UNDER THE BATH before we had the house valued - thank god I managed to talk him out of that one!)

REALLY can't write anything as have to be up at the crack of dawn tomorrow to drive to the Midlands but it's just all too eventful on here!

That includes lows as well as highs though, as HP points out - so so sorry, Suerock. I'm deliberating over my future at the moment, but I know that I'd be gutted if I lost my job (and because of various consequences of taking this year off to do the course, it's not actually too remote a possibility...) - it's so horrible to have choices taken away from you, and things taken out of your hands, even if it works out for the best, or at least in a positive way in the end. I'm sure you have masses of skills, personal resources and will find an alternative (or even an improvement) but I'm really sorry you are forced into it, and it complicates the whole baby thing.

Fantastic about the house, confused!! That is so exciting. And glad you like Hebden - sounds like a fab place to be, and I know I loved it when I visited. Anywhere with that many lesbians has got to have a lot going for it!

So much to ask/ say that I can't even begin, YTD - you may regret offering yourself as a case study! Hope the soreness (and cramps) subside - but (up to a point, at least) at least they are probably reminders so are reassuring? Take it very easy the next few months, whatever needs doing on the house/ at work etc. and enjoy the new experiences - they only ramp up from here!!

(Darn it, missed OBEM again!)

Enjoy the revamp, HP - I had a bit of a clothes-buying spree recently, and most uncharacteristically for me was v. slightly adventurous, and it felt great. That was it for the year, though. Am now going to try Ebay, sounds great, confused - Toast... [sigh]... [looks wistful].

Oh and hello, Amanda. It's not usually this crazy around here!

OK enough - bed!!!!

Afternoon ladies,

I'm following up yesterday's massively unproductive day by working from home today and being even more unproductive! Fortunately I have no pressing deadlines this week, so can get away with it a bit. I will have to pull my socks up next week though.

Obviously it is very difficult for me to think about anything other than pregnancy at the moment. I still can't believe its actually happened. I popped out to Boots at lunchtime today and bought a ClearBlue digital test. POAS and got the message "Pregnant 2-3 weeks". I have now done 4 tests, of varying cost and accuracy - they all tell me I am pregnant.

I have also changed my initial appointment with the midwife. Af yesterday's appointment with the GPs (at which the doctor was disappointingly unexcited by our news) he referred me to the midwife and said I'd need an appointment for a few weeks hence. The receptionist (who seemed much more impressed with our news and said congratulations as soon as I handed her the referal form) said she thought it needed to be at 8 - 10 weeks and made me an appointment for 22nd April. Today i started worrying that that would be too late. I am 4+4 currently, and if I stick with the appointment I'd been given, I'd be 11+5. Given that you are supposed to go between 8 and 10 weeks, I was bit concerned that that is quite late for a first appointment. So I fretted for a bit and then checked the guidance on NHS Choices, and then rang the surgery. The lovely receptionist agreed that it was too late and rebooked the appointment for April 1st.

Apart from increased levels of anxiety, the main symptoms of pregnancy appear to be just overwhelming tiredness and increibly sore boobs. In answer to your earlier question, Confused they are heavy and very tender and hurt when touched. They are also bigger. I might need a trip to Bravissimo soon. I'm a bit concerned by how tired I feel. I'm ok in the mornings, but by about 3.00pm I am ready to go to bed. I may have to start doing and earlier start and finish at work in order to accomodate this.

As regards the DIY, DH is is very capable, albeit a bit of a perfectionist, and can do everything that needs doing, but does it very slowly. We now have an immoveable deadline and i am perpetually exhausted. DH really is going to have to start taking some initiative (rather than waiting for me to issue instructions and then nag continually for about a year until the job is done!). And I think we will have to rope in some external help.

I think I will have to renegotiate with my DH about when we can tell people. He wants us to wait until after the scan, I really don't think I can leave it that long. It is very very early yet, so I am going to try and pretend nothing happened for a couple of weeks (ha! as if, I can think of nothing else!) Once we get to 6 weeks, I think I will tell my Mum and best mate. I will try and keep it quiet generally until the scan, but I really want to tell my Mum. It's not just the expecting a baby bit that I want to tell her about - my body is suddenly starting to do wierd things - I want to talk to her about it! I am much closer to my Mum than DH is to his parents, so I don't think he really gets why its important to me to share the news. The plan is to compromise and have a couple of weeks where only us (and all my internet chums, of course!) know, and then let my mum and best mate know.

Even that is going to be difficult. My mum is coming over to mine on Friday and I'm sure she'll guess. I think I'll end up telling her anyway. At the end of the day, its my body and if I want to tell my mum about it I jolly well will!!

Sorry this has all been a bit me me me. I'm tired and and a bit emotional. Would it come as a surprise to anyone if I mentioned that I have been wondering today whether this was such a good idea after all?

I doubt I'd be doing much either! So, I take it you actually feel different now then? Would you have suspected if you felt like this even if it was too early to test? What weird things is your body doing? Am most intriguied!

I doubt I'd be able to not say anything to my mum either. It's too big a thing to keep from someone like your mum, I think. While I'd ideally like to wait a bit I'm not sure if I could manage it - especially if, like you, I was tired etc.

What's going to happen at the first appt on April 1st (of all days!)? I presume that's too soon for the scan? Or will they do one then and then another at 12 weeks...? I only know for sure what they do with diabetics (scan almost immediately, then scan every month till the last trimester and then scan every two weeks - might as well move into the bloody scanning suite if the time comes!)

I can't imagine having boobs that hurt when you touch them either - euw! Bravissimo here you come! Hot Milk are lovely too (not that I retain this information of course... )

Your DH sounds like my DH in his approach to DIY. It's amazing how you can get used to a room that badly needs doing too, isn't it? The things that are horribly obvious at first seem to almost fade into the background when you've got used to them. Sounds like you're going to be close to useless for the next few months too (they are the hardest usually in terms of tiredness aren't they?) so he better rope in some mates!

Bonfire night would be such a cool birthday!

Sore boobs and tiredness already? I had no idea it all kicked in so soon, who would have thought a ball of cells could cause so much trouble already!

I bet even non-ditherers get a leetle bit freaked when they see the BFP. It's b-i-g stuff. And exciting. I'm hugely excited for you! This is what all the thinking was about, and the colour analysing. Good to hear you are still supergreen though. Even after OBEM. I haven't watched it yet, but I'm looking forward to seeing Joy have the baby, she is utterly hilarious, especially the bit when 9.2 months pregnant, being induced and walking around a maternity unit, she declares 'Maybe this is a bad idea, maybe I'm not sure'. I'm claiming her as a fellow ditherer. Awesome.

I wouldn't tell my mam. She is evil incarnate. I would tell my sister though.

Oooh, as you brought it up yourself I really want to ask why she's quite so evil (you have mentioned it before, when you said her behaviour went south of the acceptable'.) Surely she's not on a par with my dad?!

Yes, Joy is hilarous by the way. I think she gets some getting used to at first and then she's just funny.

Well, she hasn't subjected us to financial strife! I don't have any dealings with her, haven't done for over five years. Sometimes people bring so much negativity with them that it is harder to have them in your life than not, I think. But I manage fine without her. I miss the idea of her, rather than the horrible truth of her.

Once again I will watch OBEM without DH. Although he would appreciate Joy!

Am quite green, in a vague way. I blame YTD!

Ah, okay. I think I know where your coming from. I don't really have any bond as such with my dad's mother although I did with my dad until he turned out to be, or I found out he was, a tosser. His mother has always been a very negative and rude woman in a way that's hard to describe. I didn't meet either of them until I was 14 (my dad) and 16 (his parents) so don't the history I have with my 'proper' grandparents (my mum's mum and dad who I love to death.) When people tut and say things like 'families' I don't think of them as I think your family are the people you grew up with not the one's you may be related to. Hope that makes sense!

I blame YTD too for my greeness! Shit, did I just admit something, a colour in fact...? By jove, I think I did!

It is hard when you find out that one or both of your parents is an arse who you are better off without! Bugger them, it's their loss.

Did you say.....green????