To TTC or not to TTC, that is one of the many questions...

[YorkshireTeaDrinker]

Ok fellow ditherers, as we have filled up one thread (and still not made too many firm decisions) here's another one for us to continue to procrastinate and worry on.

Here's to more monitoring of relative green and redness, mutual support and occassional chivving, discussion of everything baby or not baby related, and perhaps even our first BFP...?

Oh, on the transfer thing - it's not much different from a smear in terms of the experience. It happens in an operating theatre, but you're awake with no pain relief. They (if you want the details!) use a speculum, one of those mediaeval-looking metal things they still use (I think) for smear tests, to sort of crank you open, which is quite painful (I guess they have to, ahem, create a wider aperture...) but after that it doesn't hurt at all. Then an embryologist comes in from another room with a big thin syringe-like thing containing the embryos in fluid, and that's put into you. You're supposed to be able to watch it on a screen but I couldn't really see it very clearly - the whole thing was a bit of a blur, to be honest. The worst thing was being left up in the stirrup things for what felt like a while with my, er, business end hoisted up and exposed for all to see - it's under a sheet but still hoisted up and visible from one side of the room to everyone... All very easy though, basically - whole thing took about 10 mins and was mostly painless. And relatively low tech, though they are obviously watching what they're doing on a screen (it did seem rather a small screen for the purpose, but I suppose they know what they're doing!). The doc who did it was a rather silent bloke, but probably better than a chatty one... (Sorry, you didn't need that level of detail - but you did ask!)

Glad the news perked you up a bit - hope you're feeling a bit better now. Big internet hug.

Bless you, LST. Your friend sounds as amazing as mine. Perhaps in some ways it is easier for the people who have the cancer to deal with than the people who love the person who has it. In some ways anyway. This might sound a ridiculous comparison but it's the closest I can relate to it. I have been on injections etc since I was 4 as I am diabetic. I have had lots of people say 'poor you' or go on about how they 'couldn't cope' with doing injections etc. But, you know what, I could have either got upset about it and seen it as a disability or I could have done what I did - get on with my life and not let it get in the way. This seems to be what S and your friend are doing, making the most of what they've got left instead of moping about it. Also, lastly, I have to say that the majority of the time S seems to be taking it all in his stride. (I think it was harder before he was on the chemo in some ways as he felt ill then, whereas now as it's doing it's thing he's not in pain or anything.)

Your IVFing does sound quite low tech, I agree! I guess all the high tech stuff goes on before they are, ahem, implanted. What happens now? I am guessing it's just a wait to see if they develop, no? Would it be two or three weeks time when you take a pregnancy test?

You take it uber easy young lady, and make sure that Mr LST is at your beck and call!

ps not surprised you were awake at 2am in a panic about twins! It would be one extreme to the other!

I don't think it's ridiculous at all - many people would have let the diabetes get to them in a big way, and you've done fantastic things without it hindering you. It is about state of mind as much as anything. (Easy for me to say, mind you, as never had anything much to deal with myself.) It really helped my friend's husband, and all of us, to think about it as that she'd sort of led her life speeded up - done far more in her 34 years than most people do in their entire lifetime. It would have felt a lot harder, somehow, if she hadn't had such a rich life, and made the most of every moment. Not that it made it any better (and I have to confess to a few uncharitable (and unethical) thoughts about why did it have to be her rather than someone who never shifts from their living room and seems determined to be grumpy and make other people's lives a misery...). But it helped those around her, I think, that she'd had the chance to do so much.

Fantastic that S isn't feeling ill now - that must help enormously (though be a bit weird for him in some ways, I imagine). But so good he can enjoy this time. You take care of yourself, too - these situations really take it out of you.

Yep, will test in two weeks - eek!

Flying through, standard illicit work post!!

LST amazing news on the two chucky eggs!! Even taking it one step at a time, after the initial concern it all seems to have gone really well, yay!! And now you are on the 2WW (tee hee, some MN code for us all there...). Keeping it all crossed for you and the twins baby-eggs.

Confused - that you were feeling . Its in times like this that you see the lovely golden core of the people who are around us and that we love. The party sounds like its going to be a blast, Im all for anything that needs a four page pdf to describe it!

Back later this evening.

PS: No YTD?

Thanks both - also on illicit work post so can't loiter!

Evening lovely ladies. Brief post to say all is well - I've just been away for the weekend,then a bit preoccupied with the various trademen who have been trooping through the house all week, hence radio silence for a week.

Scan was last Thursday, all absolutely fine. There is definately a baby in there and it's got all the things a baby ought to have at this stage of development.

I will upload scan picture and give you a proper account of our scan experience after I've been to exercise my democratic rights.

Thanks for being worried about me. You are all fab. LST am thrilled about the 5 eggs. I've been staying with my cousin this weekend who has 5 month old twins (via IUI). Thy are fab and gorgeous and I hope you get a similarly perfect pair (I'm getting greedy now, but the positive news so far is making me hugely optimistic).

Will catch up properly later. xx

Glad to hear all is well YTD! Any news from lq? She nust have had her 12 week scan too, right?

LST - excellent news from you as well! It must be almost impossible for you to think about anything other than those two little bundles of cells right now - it would drive me crazy I know it's a bit glib of me to say, and far too early to worry, but I think twins would be a great result! But maybe I've just always had twins and positive twin experiences all around for all of my life!? (Am not a twin but have lots in family and friends, including someone pregnant with her second pair!)

So glad to hear that it sounds like S is living life to the very fullest - and then some, confused. Long may this continue

Phew! Good to hear all is well, YTD, can't wait to hear about the scan!

I'm going to go to bed, have a horrible headache. Urgh.

Right, as promised, a proper update from me. As HP deduced, my scan was last Thursday. I was instructed to turn up at 2.00pm with a full bladder. That is something of a tall order currently, as I am emptying my bladder roughly every 30 minutes, so I timed my pre scan water consumption to have me at capacity at around 2.00pm. I hadn't, however, factored in the inevitable queue in the waiting room, so by the time we were called into the scan room, I was almost at popping point!

The sonographer was pretty nice, given that she was obviously having a busy day, and made an effort to explain things to us. But she did have a touch of the school ma'm about her, which made me feel like I was being ticked off. Baby was asleep and quite difficult to measure, so she made me get up and wiggle and jump arond, in an effort to get teh baby moving. All very difficult with gel on your tummy, paper towels stuffed into your knickers and a full bladder! After much prodding, Baby did eventually wake up and smile for the camera. I've put a picture of the resultant smudge on my profile. My due date has been brought forward by a couple of days, so I am now due on 4th November (making me 14 weeks today).

I found teh whole experience strangly unmoving. I was a bit preoccupied, as I'd taken a call from my builder about 10 minutes before going into the hospital, so I was thinking about plastering costs, rather than babies! Also, it really was just confirmation of what I sort of already knew - I'm pregnant and the baby is still really small! Mr YTD was a bit blown away by the whole thing. It was more fun watching his jaw dropping as he watched the screen, rather than trying to catch a glimpse of the screen past the sonographers arm.

We have now gone public with our news, so all our families know and I've told everyone at work and on facebook! It's good to be officially pregnant. Although it still doesn't feel that real, maybe it will once i get a bump.

Sounds like everyone's been busy whilst I've been away. LST please keep going on about your IVF - we are all routing for you. It's sound like you are going to have a reasonale shot at success. Here's hoping the scientists have done their magic stuff and your two blastocysts go on to implant (and become twins - yay!).

Confused sounds like S is squeezing the most from life - the party plans sound great. Also, your pissed posts did make me chuckle.

Well done on finishing the report, HP and top marks for the exemplary cycle! Any news on the job front Suerock? And LQ are you abbout at all? You are probably feeling grim and knackered still, but it woud be great to hear from you and get a progress update.

Hope everyone's keeping well. I am aiming to stay up and watch a bit of election coverage, but I'm already knackered, so I don't think I'll manage more than a couple of swings on the swingometer!

Great to hear from all. Esp YTD!

Tricky now as DH here. Maybe tomorrow?

Very pleased to see YTD back with us and good to hear that you have, as expected, an incredibly small child floating around inside your abdomen. I have to admit I was starting to worry where you had got to. Baby YTD looks very relaxed lounging about in there!

Do you think this has made it all seem real to Mr YTD? A lot of people say that their partners just don't really get that there's actually going to be a baby, until the scan.

LST thanks for the detailed account of the egg transfer. I've got everything crossed for those two little embryos.

popping in to say haven't read the thread above but will do that tomorrow! anyone else online readng up on election results as they unfold??

ok- have been scanning through very quickly so sorry if i miss out anything- will be re-reading it tomrrow when am more awake!
LST that's marvellous- i am wishing and hoping for those two blastocysts to burrow in and start the work of living!!
YTD - that's great news! i just saw the picture and that is a bonafide baby inside you! brilliant! well done!

i was thinking about it today and i realise i am fairly green most of the time. yet the reason i hang around this board rather than one of the boards that might be more suited in terms of subject matter is that there's so much comfort in familiarity!
not to mention that the thread keeps my green balloon moored firmly to earth before it carries me away with it!

hello all

What a lot to catch up on!

LST good news about your eggs! Sending you lots of positive vibes it all goes well and good luck with your testing, keeping everything crossed for you.

confused & seagreen how are you doing ma' dears? confused your friend sounds like he could teach us all some lessons about enjoying & making the most of life.

HP hope your doing well and feeling better now?

YTD good to hear that all is well with you and the wee one but a bit sad for you that the whole thing wasn't as moving as one might hope. A bit difficult like you say with so much else going on at home.

Actually I must confess that I did know that you had your scan the day after mine, I had mine last Wed but I didn't want to post on here what had happened as DH and I had a pretty rough time. Will post the story but just so you know its a happy ending so far.

So we went to kings hospital to have the scan last wed, saw 2 very nice doctors (one who was a lot like Dr Nick from the Simpsons if you watch it, but thank goodnesss had much better medical knowlege than dr nick)

The scan was fantastic and I was really overwhelmed, not least but the fact that the small monkey did not stop moving around (the doctors were challenged in doing their measurements) and said that we would have our hands full with this one. At Kings they offer you combined screening so the scan plus a blood test. The scan showed that everything was fine - all of the "markers" that they use to detect possible Down's were fine. however my blood test wasnt so good, one hormone being really high and the other low. Long and short, despite being 28 my chance of having a baby with Downs or another chromosomal abnormality was reduced to 1:29. So we decided to have the CVS test where they take fluid from the placenta by inserting a needle into your tummy. Luckily we got the prelim results back the next day, which was amazing considering we thought it was going to take 5 days, particularly given the long weekend. The prelim results have ruled out Downs, Edwards and cystic fybrosis. They still continue developing the tests for another two weeks but that would be for something rare. So we are hugely relieved that after a pretty rough time things seem to be ok. However I did have concerns that YTD might be going through something similar or that if she did have to have the test, me saying how painful it was wouldnt really help her. Phew!

Sorry I know I've probably not caught up with everyones news, I've tried to keep up to date, but hope that you are all doing well.

LQ x

LQ good to hear from you! The blood test results sound as if they would have been really scary and I'm so glad the end result was a good one. Phew!

HP SP this is for you. Enjoy!

LST how are you doing? Taking things reeeaaallly easy I hope. I'm thinking of you a lot and still, as ever, have everything crossed!

Thanks to all for being a sounding board for everything that's happening with S. It helps enormously that I can do this. My DH, while both sympathetic and helpful, doesn't get it. He said it was reading S's blog on Facebook which made him realise it was 'such a massive thing' - so S dying of cancer on it's own isn't massive? DH seems to think it's a bigger deal as so many people are reading his blog and supporting him, but, to me, it would be just as awful regardless of blogs and other people. But! As YTD wisely said (and I remind myself of this a lot) it's my grief and not his so I can't expect him to feel even a fraction of what I am feeling.

DH's brother is with us this weekend. He's ever so nice, possibly my favourite member of DH's family (he and his wife) and we have been spending the weekend, so far, mostly walking the dog and browsing round the shops (getting lovely stuff from our deli - great for the tastebuds but bad for the hips!)

Last night we got pissed tipsy and got onto the subject of children and, more to the point, whether me and DH would or not. I was trying to explain how I could not decide, and DH was too, and DH's brother kept going on and ON about how we'd be brilliant parents and how amazing it is (his daughters are 24, 22 and 17.) When I went upstairs to the loo DH was saying he thought I was incredibly natural with children and it does make him want to have them with me etc etc. Then he also said that the diabetes side of things scares him to death and, and this is what I was saying too, we are not feeling as if we are neccessarily missing out on anything by not having children either.

So, we are no nearer to a decision! Situation normal here, I'm afraid!

Also, and I know I have said this before, there is NO WAY I'd be able to cope with S's party sober so it certainly wouldn't be until after September! If, of course, we do at all.

Am 36 in September too...

Hi all,

Really really nice to hear about your scans, YTD and lq and brilliant that it all went well in the end with you both - though really sorry you had to go through that anxiety, lq. Can't imagine how that might feel (though if I have got twins a'brewing, I imagine there will be quite a lot of potential health stresses involved).

Soooo lovely to see the scan, YTD - I did get a bit of a lump in the throat (mind you, I have got megatron pregnancy hormones racing around, whether or not i'm actually pregnant!). S/he may be small but it's a very endearing pic (especially as scan pics go), very clearly a baby!

Hello ac and seagreen - nice to see you back.

Moan alert.... I'm struggling a bit, to be honest - my MSc exams start on Tuesday and there is an overwhelming amount to learn, and I seem to be stuck in a hideous pattern of about 4 hours sleep a night, usually in two bursts, for the last few nights. Feeling utterly drained, and can't get my sluggish brain into gear, or retain any facts, which is making me panic a bit. And as soon as I lie down to rest, even in the daytime, it feels like my heart is racing and I can't sleep. Urggh.

Wow, that was quite a whinge, sorry. I know it's all worth it if I am preggers, it's just horrendous timing with the exams (I thought this would be an ok time, having stopped most of the drugs and the pregnancy symptoms - if there are to be any - not arriving yet - but not so much).

Anyway, no call to be going on about this with real problems/ worries around like lq's scare and things with S, confused. Really glad you're having a nice weekend with your in-laws. On the one hand it's quite sweet that your b-in-law is so keen for you to have kids - he obviously had a great experience (at least in hindsight!) and thinks you'll be great (as you no doubt would); on the other hand, seems a little intrusive to me. I guess these sort of things do get talked about with a drink or two taken, though. Both parents and non-parents miss out, just on different things - I'm definitely with you on that one (despite my apparent possible desertion of the dithering state!).

Right, must go to bed - sort of dreading it these days, but putting it off isn't going to help.

Am going to reply properly now but just in case you're still on-line LST please whinge away! It is important (why you feel whingey) and comparing it to other people's problems doesn't make yours any less. Goddit?!

Right, will reply in depth now x

LST I would be more surprised if you weren't feeling drained at the moment!

You have two major, and not terribly compatible, things going on and they are both quite uncertain at this stage. Also, all the drugs etc in your system is probably making things far worse, even if it's all in your head.

For what it's worth, you may actually know far more than you feel like you do, and when it comes to crunch time can come up with the goods. After all, you couldn't get this far with your MSc without knowing what you were doing.

BIL was quite drunk (well, we all were) when he was urging us to go for it and it seems more intrusive in the cold light of day but didn't at the time.

He and his wife have a brilliant relationships with all their daughters but the fact that they, allegedly, 'tell them everything' and have also never rebelled implies to me that they might not have quite the open relationship they think they have. I know my mother, for starters, wouldn't want me to tell her everything! And I doubt their daughters are as open and clean living as they perhaps make themselves out to be. (I may have implied this in a roundabout way last night too, I sheepishly remember...)

LST if you're reading this in the morning, I hope you managed to get some proper sleep. Please remember that everything will settle down soon. You've currently got so much going on that it must be impossible to switch off. Keep super healthy and look after yourself. Okay?! (adopts stern face)

I'm here too, although not for long as bed is calling.

LST, you have a lot on your plate, it would be strange if you weren't thinking a lot and needing to download. Trying to juggle IVF and masters exams....you deserve a medal. In fact, here is one Now, try to get some sleep, and it's no help to say it, but try not to worry, you are doing great and will be fine in your exams.

So lovely to see BabyYTD, you have a cutie there, I can tell. And I'm sorry about all the stress, LQ, hopefully the final cytogenetics will come back asap and you can put it all behind you.

I've made a decision. Thanks to the WhackAKitten video I want another kitten. Really, really badly. Cuuuuute!!! Maybe this is what broodiness is like....

LST Rescue Remedy appears to be safe if you are pregnant and they also do a night version. It may help..?

I had the same re the kittens too!

Maybe you and me should get together and open a cattery instead?

Fancy moving to Hebden Bridge?!

Yes. Absolutely!

I flipping love kittens.

You forget how cute but mental they are as it's so quick but that WhackTheKitty thing did it for me!

Not sure how keen our dog will be though!

Am drinking wine and reading this Now not sure if I want to sup up or stop and put the kettle on.

Confused by name and confused by nature...

On the other hand...

getting out the smirnoff ice now!!