To TTC or not to TTC, that is one of the many questions...

[YorkshireTeaDrinker]

Ok fellow ditherers, as we have filled up one thread (and still not made too many firm decisions) here's another one for us to continue to procrastinate and worry on.

Here's to more monitoring of relative green and redness, mutual support and occassional chivving, discussion of everything baby or not baby related, and perhaps even our first BFP...?

SeaGreen we based the majority of our training on this lady. A lot of people have mentioned the Dog Listener man to me as well, but, just watching one episode, I found him far too Americanized and cheesy - or at least the programme was.

GET ON WITH IT HP AND THEN YOUR TIME IS YOUR OWN.

Oooh, get me being so stern!

Is that a technique from the website

Alright, alright, Im doing it, mutter mutter....

No. If it was from that website I would be ignoring you. However, as you are human and hence writing a report, I don't think the scenario's from the website can apply to you.

was in the front room watching the tv with DH and that JL ad came on. DH then said, semi sarcastically, 'oh look, it's you and S's favourite ad'.

What the did I say or do on Friday night when pissed? I have a horrid feeling I showed DH the text from S, which, now sober, isn't great. At all. I know DH finds mine and S's relationship a bit weird as he cannot relate to it - he has never remained friends, very good friends, with an 'ex' (I hate that term, by the way) - but I have never acted any differently about S in front of S as there isn't really anything to hide. It would seem more underhand, in my opinion, if I did behave differently. It's his problem not mine surely? But, I don't want it to be an issue either.

Feel a bit weird.

Bugger. You must have either shown him the text or at least told him what it said. Two options:

1. Ignore the issue, dont respond if DH mentions it again.

1. Be really open and talk to DH about it, with usual reassurances and being light hearted etc etc.

After all, nothing has happened, you havent done anything, it was S that sent the text, and (bless you) you actually showed it to DH. Hardly the actions of someone on the verge of an affair, I would have thought?

Exactly. However, I don't think DH thinks I would cop off with S, but I do think he finds our relationship a bit weird.

To explain, me and S split a few years later than really we should have done. We got on famously blah blah blah but NEVER had sex or did anything other than things with all our mates. We were also each others' mates. Best mates.

However, when we did split, S went into a bit of a decline but I don't think that was really due to me, just the fact that he was on his own and also, to paraphrase, everyone ended up chucking him in the end. He drank far too much and took too many drugs and so on and then ended up in a weird almost sex free relationship with someone 22 years younger. The weekend I met DH he was there, it was a 'party that wasn't a party, it was just drinks' which lasted two days.
The Monday after this 'party' I met S in the pub where DH was picking me up (in his Porsche as it happened, but I didn't know this at the time) and S made some silly comment about how he could now see why I was meeting DH (although, obviously, he wasn't DH at the time!) However, DH is still going on about this as if it was the epitome of rudeness.

I love S a lot. I don't fancy him at all but I love him, his friendship, and he is a MASSIVE part of my life. And always will be - my mum has said the same.

Not sure why I gave you an edited autobiography but thought I will. Think it's helping me.

There is loads more I ought to add to paint a full pic but will leave it as not sure if it's either needed or appropriate.

Cripes. The thing is, people come with a history, baggage, a past - whatever you want to call it. Sometimes its just a couple of dodgy relationships and a bad weekend in Brighton, sometimes its a bit more than that. Clearly you and S have a connection, and although the relationship ran its course long ago, that connection remains. In fact, its probably why you stayed together long after the end of the romantic relationship, is that fair?

S, and you, are going through a hell of a time, its no wonder perhaps that the past is getting an airing. Trying to juggle three peoples feelings about all this is tough. I have no experience at all, other than to suggest that you cant control how DH feels about you/S/the past, beyond reassuring him that its all done and dusted, and only friendship remains. He may always feel uncomfortable, but what can you do?

(also, Cosmo bride, Porsches, two day parties - are you secretly a celeb??)

I am with you re the relationships and everyone has some form of 'past.' DH's previous relationships seemed to have teemed with jealously and I have always said to him that I think this is ridiculous - as he would if he met me at 28 and I had never had another relationship before him.

And, yes, what you said is fair, about us having a connection. However, if you saw us in the same room you'd never think it.

I cannot control how DH feels and also refuse to not see S or even hide things to do with S as there is no need to. There is a need to if we are up to no good, or even have the potential to, but we don't.

As for Porches, Cosmo and two day parties? No! I'm not a celeb! At All!

The only way forward then is to carry on doing as you are going - be a bit firm and be open about your contact with S, whilst at the same time being mindful if DH has experienced jealousy in past relationships. Openness is always the best option, then things dont get misunderstood or blown up out of proportion.

(although I do actually believe that even in a couple, you are allowed a part of yourself that is private, and not to be shared. Hence why I am on MN!!!)

Thank you. I think we share the same viewpoints. I have nothing to hide, and therefore will hide nothing. Being furtive is far worse as DH may 'dicscover' something he wasn't aware of and then things could escalate.

I believe you need to keep some of yourself private too, although there aren't many things that I do keep secret from DH. He knows also that I go on MN but I have not offered much further info as I don't want him to become curious.

Same as me, DH now knows I lurk here, but I dont ever really want him poking around and figuring out the extent of my interaction. This place, and you lot, have helped me so much in the last 10 months, and being able to write openly is a big part of that.

Yup! I'm with you on those points!
DH knows I am on here but not to what extent. And I'd like to keep it that way as this is such a wonderful place to be self obsessed brain dump.

Didn't realise you were out the closet with your DH though! How did that come about?

YTD...?
Where are you?
Come in, YTD!

I just casually dropped into the conversation odd snippets of info, and referenced MN as my source. He is gently teasing me about the broody thing, so its a way of keeping the discussion open and relaxed (as relaxed as I can be, anyway).

Ooo, have you sighted her at all??

Not exactly, but think she may have been away for the weekend so will hopefully post soon.

I did similar with my DH re MN. I want to mention things about it to him but not to the extent where he'd be curious enough to see.

I agree! He knows Im reading, but not so much posting!

Ahhh, that might explain the quietness.

I'd better scarper, its getting on and DH is making 'lets start feeding the cats before going to bed' noises.

Yay, another day off tomorrow!

Night. x

Night. And thanks x

drum roll....

da da da da da da daaaaaaaaaa!

I have finished my report!! Whippee. Stupid 'Personal Development' courses and their excessive levels of homework. But, tis done. Ahhhhh.

Still no sign of YTD I see

Also, have been willing on the development of LST chucky eggs, in the style of mad evil scientist...imagine lab coat, crazy hair, arms aloft, lightning arcing and smoke billowing...grow, grow!!!

Had some good news today...coming off the pill may have helped my other ishoo (not bottom pain), so am quite chuffed!

Also, I haven't mentioned HP boring cycle news for a good while, but just completed Cycle 2, and....ovulated on Day 14, 14 day luteal phase and 28 day length. Which I think is pretty darn good (and swotty?) after 16 years on the pill Only worry is the extra bleeding but will discuss with doc when go back. So, am very pleased, all things considered.

Well done.

Hmmm, YTD, where are you?!

So, today is blastothingy day for LST isn't it? Will run around woods naked with the dog hugging trees and things to encourage growing (how this will encourage growing I am not entirely sure, but bear with me.)

Just a quick update, peeps. TWO (count 'em) embryos "transferred" today. (If the scientists - or anyone else - want to know, they were three and four grade blastocysts, i.e. have differentiated cells for placenta and foetus - apologies to anyone that didn't want to know that, and finds the whole thing yucky beyond belief.)

I was extremely thrown by the fact that there were two, and now am panicking about twins almost as much as worrying about it not working at all. They weren't as advanced as they could have been (stage 5) so that was perhaps why they did two, but I'm hoping it's no reflection on their quality (as the clinic said they were very good quality) but just my ancient age. I am also feeling a bit stupid as I must have signed something at some point saying 'one OR two - at the discretion of the embryologist', (and do vaguely remember this) but obviously didn't register that it might actually be two as they'd shoved the Single Embryo Transfer policy down my throat so much. (That will teach me to read the small print... gulp.)

Anyway, we'll cross that bridge if we come to it, and DH seems amazingly sanguine about the prospect of twins (probably on the grounds that it's not his body being utterly wrecked, and he can go to work/ on business trips to get away from them...) - but better than the alternative.

Right am going to attempt to talk about other things, tra la la la la, nothing at all happening (or failing to happen) in the next two weeks, no sirree. Etc.

Really really hope things are ok for YTD (and lq for that matter). You have gone awfully quiet. We're all behind you, whatever's going on, and would love to hear from you if and when that feels appropriate/helpful. Hope I haven't been tactless in any way going on about all this stuff.

Hope everyone else is ok - well done on the report, hp and the exemplary cycle! Hope things are back to normal on the house front, confused and with DH (if they ever weren't). I've had a few ups and downs with my dear H over the last few days, perhaps unsurprisingly, but he's creeping back into the good books (or at least out of the doghouse!).

(Bet you're glad it wasn't a LONG update!

Great news LST - am keeping it all crossed as always!

Am wary of what I say next yet as it's all so early and uncertain - rambling on about the prospect of twins doesn't seem quite right yet. Hence, this may be a short response but it's only as I don't know what to say further at this early stage.

However, am very pleased to hear your DH is out the dog house!

How do they transfer them, if that's not a stupid question? And are you wide awake? Am pretty clueless about the whole IVF process (as you can probably tell) and would rather ask you, if you don't mind, than logging onto a very detailed website on the matter.

LST you have perked me up. I got an invite today for S's 50th birthday party. He doesn't do things by halves! The invite is a 4 page PDF detailing what's planned - sit down dinners, Brixton's Got Talent, Chuckhead Cider tent, child minders, hog roasts, Brixton Olympics and so ON - along with a strict instruction for NO presents. Instead he's going to have a bucket for donations for cancer charities instead.

Fuck, I'm in tears again.

He is being so effing amazing.

Going for stiff drink and then will re-read your post for a happy anti-dote!

(Sorry if I put the gloom out)

Oh, confused, you poor thing - can just imagine you're in pieces over that. But it is amazing, and lovely. When my best friend (silly concept but it was so true in this case) was in a similar position she was similarly amazing, and dealt with it all in such an extraordinary way - it's so comforting that they don't give up (though being down and dealing with things quietly is obviously a perfectly valid and natural reaction too). But somehow that my friend J stayed herself (trying to achieve the impossible and see her legion friends and make ludicrous road trips and TRAVEL - go skiing and on a holiday in Dubai in her last year) was of great comfort. Good for him.

Now welling up myself - am definitely in a hormonal maelstrom this week, and have to confess to waking up in a panic about twins (WAY too early in the process!!) at 2am... I think you may see some first-rate dithering from me (very inappropriately) from now on. But yes, much too early and will try to put that out of my mind. It IS good news - just going from quality and real ditherer to this prospect in one go is a bit of a shock!