To TTC or not to TTC, that is one of the many questions...

[YorkshireTeaDrinker]

Ok fellow ditherers, as we have filled up one thread (and still not made too many firm decisions) here's another one for us to continue to procrastinate and worry on.

Here's to more monitoring of relative green and redness, mutual support and occassional chivving, discussion of everything baby or not baby related, and perhaps even our first BFP...?

Hello
I am a newbie to Mumsnet but have been checking in on discussion boards for a while. I have been incredibly broody for past year, and have been with partner for two years. Am in my mid twenties and would love to make a family but financially cant right now. Has anyone any experience's of this and advice on how to get through it when all you want to do is the one thing you cant? I have always wanted a family but never knew real broodiness till now! Partner is brilliant and very understanding of how I am feeling but he is not ready to be the Dad that he wants to be right now. Being able to talk to people who have gone through this would really help, none of my friends are in this place and I feel a bit isolated.
Thanks.

Hi BroodyRhi,

Sorry to sound negative, but this may not be the right thread for you to find kindred spirits! This thread largely consists of people who swing madly from wanting a baby to wanting anything but - although a couple of us are a bit more up for it than others, it's not the majority.

However, I am sure there are bucketloads of people who are in the same shoes as you if you have a look on the conception boards, or start a discussion yourself (I think I'd opt for that one.) Alternatively, please feel free to hang around and 'chat' regardless as, while we may not be able to directly relate, we are a freindly bunch (and some may be able to offer far wiser words of advice than me!)

Is anyone else having problems with MN? All the formatting is screwed up on my version. Won't write too much in case it disappears into the ether!

LST, I'm glad you a feeling a little better about it. My, erm, friend had the opposite problem in her first cycle -hyperstimulation, so like you say, you can't predict how it's going to go in this first cycle. But you are a long way from the end yet. Also, I noticed you are in East Anglia, I hope this isn't out of turn but I think we may be close to eachother, maybe, and if you need anything at all I can be there.

BroodyRhi, bless you, but if you've got any broodiness you are going to have to hand it over. Come on, turn out your pockets. I'm confiscating it. Actual gen-u-ine broodiness is like hens teeth around these parts, so is probably worth some cold hard cash . Of course I'm joking if you want to stay, please do, but watch out for the rest of us lazy frantic indecisive sorts lounging around comparing notes.

Evening (ish) everyone!

to LST - here's hoping one of those four follicles is the magic one that will work out for you. And if it isn't - well, it does sound promising that second time round you/they can hit the target a bit more accurately when it comes to how much to tickle them I hope you're feeling a bit better now. It's rubbish to see gorgeous babies and bumps when you're in a green mood and finding yourself very much not pregnant.

Glad to have you back HP! We missed you. Sorry to hear about the job - can I ask if you got as far as an interview? Having been hunting around recently, it does seem as though there are possibly more of that type of job around than I previously thought, specially around your neck o' the woods (and the Other One). So hopefully something else might come up for you to consider. Are you tied by location? I can't remember what your DH does (if I ever knew). As for your experience with the doc, I'm glad to hear the NSAIDs worked. I thought endometriosis had an inflammatory component, so maybe that could still be the cause, but either way it's good to hear you can get one over on the pain. Not sure what to make about the condom comment - I suspect you're just going to prove her wrong!

YTD - yay for no more morning sickness hopefully! Does reaching the second trimester mean you're going to tell everyone now? Second trimester = a third of the way through. That's quite scary, and I'm not the one who's pregnant

lq - here's hoping your sickness has eased off too.

Fab Fimo figures confused - I love them and they're so like the photos of the couples. And so much better as a keepsake than sugar ones - some friends had an arguement over their marzipan figurines from the top of their wedding cake - he wanted to eat them and she wanted to keep them. They compromised by eating everything but the heads....

Oh, and welcome BroodyRhi!

On the job front, I should hastily point out that at no stage has there ever been anything illegal, and I wouldn't expect it. The nearest I've got was a colleague saying "Oh, it's OK for you, you can just leave work and have a baby" when we heard we were losing our jobs. I nearly thumped him (which will come as no surprise to you lot!). The problem is that I have no chance of a job in a big company, and jobs in small companies are very insecure - so getting pregnant and going on maternity leave soon after starting somewhere would mean I was in a very precarious position if we all got fired again. And once you've been out for a year, that's it - door slams shut. I can't help regretting not having had a baby 3-4 years ago - I'd be in a better position now So, no nearer making a decision, though other than getting sprogged up, there isn't a lot I can do right now.

BTW, formatting slightly screwed up for me too, but does have the advantage that I seem to be able to scroll through ~100 messages while typing!

Hi LST - as usual i turned to my trusty google, and here are the conclusions:
many people seem to say that it's the quality that matters and not the quantity.
For instance, this lady here says:
"With my IVF1 - 21 eggs, 17 fertilised - BFN
With my IVF2 - 45 eggs, 38 fertilised - BFN
With GIFT - 6 eggs, inserted 4 eggs - BFP."
another person says about her history:
"1st cycle: 12 eggs, none to freeze, DE IVF= BFN
2nd cycle: 6 eggs, none to freeze, DE ZIFT= BFP
3rd cycle: 5 eggs, none to freeze, DE ZIFT= BFP"
(i have no idea what GIFT and ZIFT are- clearly they're all procedures)

sorry here is the URL

Wayhey, lots of posts!

BroodyRhi, I think HP put it far better than me, and hopefully I didn't come across as dismissive. This is the problem with posting at work, it's too rushed and sometimes I really ought to apply a bit more pondering. As for handing over your broodiness, I think that may be a good idea. I change my mind so much it's getting beyond ridiculous and some consistency would not go amiss. So, go on, hand it over

LST, how are you feeling? I hope not too gloomy. I am getting the impression that the 'first go' with IVF is almost a learning curve if everything doesn't go to textbook plan. However, like it has already been pointed out, it's not like it's a non starter anyway! Far from it in fact (I bet if getting pregnant was the last thing you wanted you'd be now expecting triplets - oh, the irony. Tsk!)

SueRock thank you for the flattery re the figurines. I have been having a 'career crisis' (ie crisis over the lack of career) in the last few days which has been building and building and this has helped a lot (even though the toppers are really a small aside.) I have been writing bits and bats but no way do I get enough work to keep me going so temp too - I have lots of experience in magazines and am, allegedly, very talented but it is SO bloody competitive that it's not easy (by any stetch) and I am now having a crisis confidence over what I can constructively do with The Rest of My Life. Unlike those of you who have the dilemma of what to do and where to do it, mine is just trying to find something lucrative and fulfilling. And so far, I am failing miserably. Sometimes it's almost worth getting pregnant so I can use my recent motherhood as an excuse to high achieving friends - how awful is that though. If I met me I'd want to beat me up.

Bugger.

Suerock I know exactly how you feel about balancing your career aspirations and motherhood, I find it very hard to imagine how I could possibly do the job I do now, which I find completely exhausting and all-consuming at the best of times, with having any other significant priorities. People say you just make it work, but I can?t imagine how. Something would have to give. On the plus side, at least I don?t like my job, but that?s hardly a big plus. And you should have seen the faces of the panel at an interview I went to recently when they found out I had just got married.

I have also had these discussions with my mother, who thinks I should start trying for a baby as soon as possible, the subtext being that I have already left things dangerously late. I explained the financial position, and why it is just not possible to have a baby right now, but she was completely unconcerned.

Really pleased to see HP back, and happy to note that she has brought luggage, which can only mean she intends to stay a while. . Sorry to hear about the scare, I thought for a second you had had your redness reaffirmed by the incident, but I note that one post later you are green again . I?m glad to hear that whatever the doctor did has helped, despite the crazy comments about birth control. FWIW I am quite convinced that condoms are perfectly adequate protection and DH and I used them for five years without incident.

LQ poor you I can?t imagine feeling sick constantly, it is awful being ill. Hope you?re feeling much better now. It really makes me wonder why labour is the thing that everyone fears about this process, when pregnancy, which goes on for nine long months, is clearly no barrel of laughs. For some perverse reason I can?t manage to summon up an ounce of trepidation about the state of being pregnant, even though I have plenty of friends who had terrible experiences, some of them winding up hospitalised for long periods. But the thought of labour terrifies me.

Confused your cake toppers are fantastic, they really look like the people! I am making the effort to post on the thread, but it?s so not easy to find the time. I have the day off work today, luckily, so I can crack on! I think once I get to know everyone better it will be easier. So if everyone could please continue dithering, whilst I get to know everyone, it would be much appreciated lol.

You said you wanted constructive comments about your website. The only thing that occurred to me was that you have opted to communicate a lot of the information through the ?FAQ? questions ? which works well - but it?s not that easy to navigate from question to question, because you have to keep going back to the main ?FAQ? page so that you can click on the next one. Is it possible to change it so that the links open in a frame within the main page, so that the other questions are still displayed?

I know exactly what you mean about other people?s children. I stayed at my best friend?s house and got up at 6.30am with my godson (8 months) so that mum and dad could get some rest. I had the most amazing time playing with him all morning, but when I got home I had to go to bed to recover! Also DH said I stank of pooh and made me put all my clothes in the wash immediately! Not sure that I want to stink of pooh all the time? Also have no idea how people do it fulltime.

Waves back at Yorkshireteadrinker - thank you for the wave, that was nice of you! How are you getting on with the filth and chaos? Actually never mind the filth and chaos, how are you getting on with your pregnancy? I?m glad the sickness seems to have improved and hope all is well!

Do we all have this problem with our DP and MN? I seem to be either at work where I can?t log on (I don?t dare so much as open the MN website at work in case it shows up on my web log and I get written off (even more so) as a non-work-focused wannabe baby machine) and when I get home DP likes to peer over my shoulder and pull a face of exaggerated exasperation at me being on MN yet again.

LeviStubbsTears I don?t know what to say either, except I hope you?re okay and don?t give up hope yet. You obviously have great support in this thread.

BroodyRhi come on over to the "Waiting to TTC" thread. There are several people in the exact same position you describe (i.e. too green for this thread but unable to go for it right now for whatever reason) and although sadly/luckily we can't speed up time, you can vent away to your heart's content.

Right. All those in the midst of a mid-30s crisis of some sort, raise your hands......

Ladies, we need A Plan.

Mine are raised!
Make that RAISED

Any volunteers to sort out my life...?

ps Amanda - taken on board the website comments. I agree with you, and would also like to emphasise it's a work in progress and also, I guess, it's hard for me to see woods for tree's etc. Will pass on feedback to friend... thank you x

(Hi Amanda!)

I can't sort out my own fecking life, do not under any circumstances allow me near yours! Although it is always easier to see other peoples options/issues/avenues more clearly, rather than your own. It was always my plan to hand over control of my life to our coven anyway, so inept am I at being in charge of it!

You are a journalist, right? Newspapers, mags, something else?

Magazines - do a bit of freelance work but not nearly enough so also temp as it's a regular income. Like the lack of pressure etc but now feel as if I ought to be being a bit more proactive but it's so frigging competetive that (and, trust me, I know) you can write 1000's of letters and get NO response. Also meant to be writing this damn book but made the mistake today of reading how many books get written but never published...

lastly, agree - far easier to sort out others than sort yourself. Spend far too much time doing that!

Well, clearly I am an expert on the subject, due to my obsessive under-control reading of six two mags a month . Do you have a particular area of interest? And the industry must be littered with stories of people who got published as well - you could be one of those, I'm sure of it. If the book feels almost too big of a step, perhaps there is a gentler way of pushing you on. I have no clue how you go about it, for example, do you write an article/piece and then send it off to try and sell it?

Hey, surely there is some millage in 30-somethings worrying if they can be arsed to have a baby?

Area of expertise is weddings - plenty of mileage but plenty of people doing same thing. Also, while I do some freelance work it's not nearly enough to keep me in the manner of which I'd like to be accustomed...

As for the Carrie Bradshaw likeness - I'd kill for her ability to look amazing in a pair of knickers and a vest top, but not alas, for her writing ability...!

There is a lot of milage in the 30 something baby dilemma and I can give it a go, but not holding breath (seem to be doomed to write about seating plans and / or bridesmaids forever more!)

Not sure I would want to be a character in said piece, concerned that general public might think me unhinged rather than glamorous.

Hey, that's the appeal. Far more interesting than unattainable glamour.

Unfortunately.

I's definitely read it. I take it our heroine is a slightly unhinged 30 something female bench scientist who spends slightly too much time online?

According to general life-plan dogma, the next step after the wedding is the baby

When I was buying wedding mags I would have been very interested in a comprehensive article on The Next Step, subheading 'when should you have the baby talk?'. In fact, I would pay good money for an entire book on the subject. In fact I did, if you'll recall, my 'Do I Want To Be a Mom' waste of £7.99. And it didn't even tell me what to do!

Is there a career path for you to follow? Eg work up the editor jobs?

I could totally be said character, except I hope Confused would type me as 100% more beautiful and the owner of many pairs of a certain red soled shoe.

You see I am totally unsuited for the glamour role, I have no idea what shoes have red soles and briefly thought HP wanted 100 pairs of the same shoe.

What's "Do I Want to Be a Mom"? Should I read it? DH usually steers me out of the baby section in the bookshop.

No. It's crap. It lists all the good points to being a parent, then all the bad points (which I totally knew) and then says 'ok, good luck with your decision'. I wanted them to simply answer the question they posed in the title.

Also, don't go into bookshops, buy from Amazon. Then DH doesn't need to know. Although I'm pretty sure mine wrote 'no' under the book title.

Manolo's are the SATC shoes, not Louboutins. Dah-lings

Am liking your idea and am going to steal it immediately. Beats writing about the differences between buffets and sit down meals (my brain has melted I think!)

Am currently watchhing the prog on the Blitz so bit distracted.

Out of interest, has anybody read Misconceptions by Naomi Wolf?

Nope but will Google it now. Why do you ask?

looks interesting