To TTC or not to TTC, that is one of the many questions...

[YorkshireTeaDrinker]

Ok fellow ditherers, as we have filled up one thread (and still not made too many firm decisions) here's another one for us to continue to procrastinate and worry on.

Here's to more monitoring of relative green and redness, mutual support and occassional chivving, discussion of everything baby or not baby related, and perhaps even our first BFP...?

Hi all,
Have been really busy recently (more Fimo wedding couples) and also my laptop has been horribly slow - although that seems a bit better now - hence no postings.

I am in a rush now but may try and sneak a post in at work - will cut and paste this page so I can remember what everyone has been talking about!

Hope you're not feeling too bad LST and no, no house news but crazy neurotic woman doesn't want to 'take things further' as our not overlooked house on a cul de sac is too noisy apparently - this may be a blessing in disguise!

Interesting blog post (I thought) about women in science for the benefit of Suerock and hp if she's still reading [waves madly if so]:

sites.google.com/site/speechskscott/SpeakingOut

Back with normal post soon! x

All quiet on the western front.. all well??

Hello all,

I'm still here, and still definitely worrying about whether to go for it or not. It seems like I have a choice of going for a job I want to do, and it not being compatible with having kids (unless I turn out to have super-youthful ovaries), or deciding to go all out for having kids and pick a job I don't like so much and which pays rubbish (and then risking losing a career I've wanted since forever if kids don't happen). And LST's link brought it home to me how much I care about proving that women can be both successful scientists and successful mothers.

And the last week or two have been full of other peoples' (mostly delightful) children at an age where they're cute and interactive, so tipping me over into green. Also a number of bumps of varying sizes which I was less enthusiastic about. And I also got asked by my mother about my child-bearing plans for the first time ever, and had to admit that we weren't preventing pregnancy but we weren't exactly being proactive, and I could sense her disappointment

Hope you're all doing OK with houses and pregnancy and jobs and IVF and thinking and worrying and wondering and stuff...... And that none of you are stranded by volcanic ash nor trying to get away anywhere by air.

S xx

Still dead busy but wanted to ask if YTD and LQ have had their scans yet? Seem to recall it was around now...?

x

Hello?

Hiya HP SP!! Good to see you!

On my front nothing much to report except: (a) narrowly escaped being stranded due to the ash (b) had pg scare due to odd period like bleeding (sory if TMI!) - it was all mostly in my own overanalysing and terrified head- but (so far) it's a negative so the Lord be praised!

it's funny how half one's life is spent running away from it then the other half chasing it.

Ladies- anything? throw us a scrap!

Hey all

Sorry for the radio silence - it has been pretty quiet on here hasn't it?

Hope you are all doing well?

All is ok this end except for the fact that I have been ridiculously sick and tired for the last few weeks. Am back at work as of a couple of weeks ago - things going ok and I have been able to work out of another, closer office when feeling particularly bad, but have thrown in the towel today and taken the day off after being really sick last night at ikea (of all places) then sick this morning. Day before last lots of running into the loo at work so had an early finish. Work have been supportive, goodness knows what people in the office who do not know think.

Currently 11 weeks and really thought the sickness was meant to be slowing down now- meep.

Met Midwife on Mon, really relieved that she is nice, enthusiastic and has a great sense of humour. We go for the scan next week. Looking fwd to it but trying not to think about anything to hard - suddenly brings on a sickly feeling!

Hello!

I am typing this on the sly at work. If I wait till I get home and can do it openly it'll never happen (as demonstrated last week.)

It has indeed been very quiet here over the last week or two, but I suppose we can't carry on with the same speed and momentum all the time. And, lets face it, all we do is go round in circles anyway!

I have been helping some friends with their wedding, which was last weekend, and then me and DH went away for the night on Monday as it was our two year anniversary. I can also finally show you a link here for the cake toppers we've been making out of fimo. My friend is putting the site together as I don't have a clue about these things. She has been making bags and stuff which is why the site started in the first place and then offered to put my toppers on there too, hence here they are. The site does need work (am not keen on the slide show bit and also think layouts could be improved) so if any of you have any ideas on what would work better please feel free to share!

Also, please bear in mind, that as well as getting half the pics being very hard work indeed (what is it with the complications I have with people and photos? you'd think I'd have learned by now wouldn't you) that some are 'just for now' one's and I will hopefully get some better one's eventually. (I am hoping this link will be buried forever in this thread and I hopefully won't be rumbled at large!)

LQ sorry to hear you are still feeling sick - it sounds like it has got worse more than anything? Hopefully it will stop very soon - apparently some people have it really bad and then it can just instantly stop, just like that. Hope that proves to be the case with you too and then you can crack on with the 'blooming' phase of the whole proceedings.

YTD are you around? I ask as I am guessing that your scan is coming up too? Do pop in and give us an update if you can.

SeaGreen beware of everything that can go on in your head - it's amazing how smallest thing can conjure up all kinds of symptoms and so on (trust me, I speak from knowledge!)

And HP SP - you're back! Hurrah! I would like to say that you have missed LOADS and it will take you ages to catch up with all our news and developments but, alas, I can do nothing of the sort.

I know others, Suerock for example, have posted too and I haven't responded but please let me off at the moment as I can't keep logging onto MN at work (am currently typing this in Word and will cut and paste.)

So, am I green or am I red? Well, situation normal here I'm afraid, which means I am red to green and every colour in between! (Dear me, Confused, that sounds uber cheesy!)

At the wedding there were quite a few little 'uns and they were, largely, lovely. They were also hard work - still cute etc, but bloody hard work all the same. I cannot imagine having to look after something, sorry someone, that intensely and I suppose this is one of the things it is hard to imagine until you are doing it for real.

The best man (has a 4 year old and a 1 year old) was telling me how 7am is now considered a lie in and various other horrors which sounded bloody awful, but (but!) he was also so clearly smitten and enjoying them (although perhaps this is slightly different at 6am) that it did nothing to swing me one way or the other. I also, when more pissed, was talking to someone else at the wedding who has two (aged 5 and 7) and she was saying that she never really wanted any but then had an 'accident' and says it's 'absolutely amazing.' To the point where she is now wanting another as her's are 'getting on a bit' (at 7 and 5?!)

In short, I am, as ever, Confused!

I see that it has been quiet in here but we always did post in peaks and troughs of frequency. I too am doing a sneaky work posting, as my break from MN has resulted in much less iPod/laptop action on an evening, which I am trying to keep up.

First things first to SueRock, its so difficult to know what on earth to do for the best. Wasn?t it all meant to be simpler than this? And I hope that the IVF prep is progressing ok, LST, still have everything crossed for you. Has anyone heard from Angel-wings-YTD? Looking forward to hearing how the first scans go for both YTD and LQ. And Confused, lovely Confused, what would I do without our multi-coloured baby thoughts? Finally (I think), Seagreen, I was convinced more than a few times that I was pregnant, on the pill. Turned out it was an excess of stomach acid

So what have I been up to? Well, firstly I took a few days and a deeeep breath. And then three weeks whizzed by. That?s it really. I tried to give myself a bit of space to see what happened, and it did work up to a point.

I paid a visit to the gynae doctor about two weeks ago. She was really nice, and it was good to be taken seriously, but I have mixed feelings. Despite having many, many of the endometriosis symptoms, she suggested that the pain could be from passing blood clots . She did admit it could still be something else ie the endo, but due to the need for a laparoscopy to diagnose that, instead prescribed me some heavy duty NSAIDs (anti-inflams) that, erm, reduce the flow. And I have to say, that they flipping worked. No horrific fainty pain for me last month! So either she was right, or the NSAIDs had a positive effect on whatever is causing the problem. She was also very supportive of me coming off the pill, and said it was a great idea to see what the effect of that would be. However, she also said this?..

?Are you using any other protection now, or are you TTC? Oh, condoms? Well, come back and see me in 6 weeks and we will have a review and maybe book you in if you are pregnant?.

WTF????

The only other ?cycle? news is that since stopping the pill, I have been bleeding almost every day between my period and ovulation, which I will mention to the doc when I go back.

Hopefully that wasn?t all TMI.

On an emotional level, I have to say Ive been feeling more green since stopping the pill. Not green enough to go for it, but still, more green. And OMG, what is all the extra horniness around ovulation???? Ive had two ovulation events now, and I feel like my head is going to pop with hormonal lust. Sexy dreams anyone? How about my supervisor, David Cameron and my best (male) friend??? And DH, of course .

Also, I didn?t get an interview for the non-bench job, which I was sad about but mainly because it was a permanent contract and an easy commute. Its also made me worry about only having a year left on my contract and not having the faintest clue what I am going to do. Maybe SueRock and I could establish a recruitment agency for scientists, we could call it ?Lost Hope? and target frantic, desperate post-docs!

Well, I hope you?ll all forgive the long post. Im going to try hanging around again, but keep the stress levels below, hmmm, Level 5, if at all possible.

Evening all,

Lovely to see everyone clustering back on the thread again. Particularly grand to see that HP-SP is back and still enjoying the benefits of a pill free cycle. LST sorry to hear you are feeling grim (but hey, its good preperation for if the IVF is successful!!) and I really really hope that its all worth it and you get a little bean to worry about in the end.

Confused, sounds like you are maintaining the party line on dithering! I think the withdrawal of interest from the bonkers woman is probably no bad thing. Here's hoping you get a serious (and sane) buyer soon.

Suerock sounds like a really challenging dilema to have. I don't know a great deal about working in science, but it makes me so angry that women feel they have to choose between success in the workplace and having a family. I expect to have to make adjustments and concessions, but to be faced with such a stark either or situation seems so wrong.

Hope everyone else is ok , wasn't around last week, so missed welcoming Oddy to the group - don't worry about combining dithering with TTC - lots of us do, and some of us even combine dithering with being pregnant!! LQ hope the sickness isn't getting you too down. It will pass (I hope!)

I've been absent owing to illness - has sinusitus last week which floored me a bit. Also puking has moved onto a whole new level, which is a bit irksome, especially as the books reckon it should be easing off by now.

Still, progress continues to be made, both on the baby building and the house decorating fronts. The bathroom floor was laid last weekend, we now have one row of tiles and the bathroom door to fix, then it is finished!!! Also, this weekend we will be ripping out the kitchen as the builders start knocking through on Monday. I'm bracing myself for about 4 weeks of filth and chaos, but i will have a shiny new kitchen at the end of it.

Baby is continuing to grow (I hope). My daily puking reassures me that I am still pregnant. I am now 11+5 and coming towards the end of teh 1st trimester (yikes). I still haven't officially told work (although my boss knows) but plan to go public this time next week. We have our scan next Thursday afternoon. It will be such a relief to finally see the bairn and know that things are going as planned.

Am at home now so can post openly (well, almost openly depending on where DH is in the house!)

Oddy, I think I didn't respond directly to your post where you told us, to make it sound rather serious, 'your situation.' However, I can say now what you probably know already, you have found your ideal MN home!

LST hope you're feeling okay and it's going well so far.

YTD that's great news on the house front! Amazing how the prospect of a baby to be can jump start the DIYing! Yes, there will be at least 4 weeks of filth and chaos but, trust me, as soon as it's over it is SO worth it!

I think I'd be beside myself with excitement if my scan was a mere week away! That's one of the good things about being diabetic (well, kind of good) - you get scanned asap and then every 4 and then two weeks till the hopefully not-so-bitter end.

Hi all,

HP - great to hear from you! Really glad you've found a remedy for the pain, if not perhaps a lasting resolution yet. Must make it easier to know you can control it though. Don't know whether to be amused or alarmed at what the doc said about pregnancy! I always thought condoms were pretty reliable and was always surprised at the idea there were 'accidents' - but turns out they were probably superfluous all those years for me anyway, so who knows if they were reliable or not! Hope the bleeding clears up - probably nothing much, and I think most people get these patches of irregular activity from time to time (and you've got a reason for it post-pill) - but it's always a bit unsettling.

Oh, Suerock, how difficult. I really feel for you. As I think I?ve said, I know quite a few female scientists and it?s a really tough one. Is it really a job that couldn?t be interrupted for a stint of maternity leave? If so is that legal? Mind you, I know that there is legal and then there is what we can realistically enforce, so much for so-called rights? Very best of luck making the decision.

Good to hear from you, YTD - though sorry you're having such a horrilbe time with the sickness. My sister is pregnant again (slightly scarily, for her and her DH, as their son will only be 16 months or so when bub2 is born!) and is also having quite a tough time, though similarly reassured by it on some level. Good luck with the DIY! Will be fab when it's finished. And yes, amazing how motivating a REAL deadline like yours must be, as confused says.

Hope you're ok too, lq, and the sickness switches off like a lightbulb as confused says. Glad that work sounds like it?s going ok, at least.

Love the FIMO people, BTW, confused - want to find an excuse to commission some from you (or would that be too RL to be permitted!). Nice to hear about a man (the one at the wedding) who is enthusiastic about their kids - not that they're that few and far between, but they don't always give voice to it (being men...).

Well, things have been ok with me, in part because I?ve been so stupid busy with work and dashing about the country for work (probably not the most recommended thing at this point!) that I haven?t had time to worry about anything deep. Had my first scan on Tuesday after starting the ovulation stimulation (?stimming? in this weird parlance I?ve started to speak!), and it wasn?t great news in that although I had follicles, they were very small and my womb lining wasn?t as thick as it should have been (you think you know TMI on here ? you just wait!). But not disastrous by any means ? they?ve upped my dose of the stimulating drug (so ovaries like beach balls (well, almost!) by the weekend, probably) so hopefully that will help. Scan tomorrow morning so keep your fingers crossed that I?ve become a bit more, umm, dynamic.

DH has been quite good, in general ? although won?t come with me to the scans etc., so I always feel slightly self-conscious in the waiting room, and as though people are probably thinking I?m going it alone ? which would be perfectly ok, of course, and nothing to be ashamed of, but just feels slightly more conspicuous. (Don?t know if anyone is as sad as I am and listens to the Archers on R4 but there?s a story line along those lines at the moment!) But he is being relatively sympathetic re. the symptoms (which are much better now, BTW) and even spontaneously started a baby name conversation the other night, which was most encouraging (and suggests that ? thankfully ? he may be aware that a baby might, just might be in the offing at some stage!).

Anyway, quite enough from me. I?ll try to restrain myself from giving you too much detail about the progress of my recalcitrant follicles next time!

LST sorry if this is a bit out of turn but I would find it hard not to say that I'm a bit upset on your behalf that your DH won't come to the scans with you. I hope that his 'relative sensitivity' with the symptoms in general more than make up for it!

I hope the scan went well today and please, talk about your recalcitrant follicles (whatever they are) all you like!

Delighted you like the Fimo people and of course you can have one - I am actually trying to build up a portfolio so, while I need to cover my costs, I am happy to make a few for much less than is on the site (half the rate at most, depending on what it was and the time it will take.) And no, it's not too RL! (Am a bit crap at the keeping things anonyomous really anyway, I forget that other people may read this thread and go off on one to you guys.)

Is your sister the one who you were telling us about with the baby that doesn't, or at least didn't, sleep? My friends who had the baby 5 weeks ago have had one that doesn't sleep - neither of them sound as if they have slept for more than 3 hours at a time (and that is very rare) since the baby was born. I think that kind of depravation would turn me into a frothing at the mouth lunatic!

HP SP I too am shocked at what the doc implied when you said you were using condoms! Very much so. While I know they are not the most reliable, they are reliable enough not to warrant that kind of a response, surely? I am reading your developments with the mysterious pain with a lot of interest as I have not had it since, or booked to see the doc about it. Bit lax I suppose, but your pain does seem a lot more dramatic and regular than mine.

I was a bit taken aback, but don't forget my usual doc said 'I've lost count of the number of condom babies Ive looked after' so I was not entirely surprised. What scares me is that kids/people are constantly told to use condoms to protect against nasties. Do the doctors hand them over and say 'use these, but come back in three months for your nasties check, which I predict will be positive'? I suspect they think that a settled couple may perhaps throw caution to the wind and secretly expect an accident rather than use them properly.

(actually, they aren't great, TBH. It will take us a while to, erm, adapt)

Its possible the greenest person on the thread at the moment is Mr HP-SP. He has fully decided to embrace fate and as apparently it will all be ok

LST, you can tell us everything about your follicles if you want. It's a leetle bit sad that you are going to your appointments alone, is there no persuading him? I do know what you mean about the Archers as Radio 4 is one of the two radio stations we can get in the kitchen . I think you are a total star for going through all this, everyone who does IVF deserves an instant baby, no question.

Confused, I am looking forward to seeing your website, I have to put the lap top on though to view stuff with Adobe so will check it out over the weekend. Also, regards the mystery pain, my doc was very focused on if I was passing clots rather than blood (forgive me), so it might be worth thinking back to your pain incidences and what type of month you were having. I'm really glad not to have had the pain this month, I'm just a bit concerned firstly that something may be missed and that i'm taking tablets for the rest of my reproductive years.

Oo, missed YTDs post - exciting news about the house alterations and the imminent scan! I hope the sickness stops for you soon, poor sausage. Where is the time going, the end of the first trimester already!

LST, I second what HP SP said about people going through IVF deserving an instant baby!

HP SP I will take your advice and make a note of anything er, noteworthy the next time I have one of my middle of the night searing pain sessions.

Finally, and ON MY GOODNESSLY, the greenest person on here at the moment is Mr HP SP?

Fuck me!

He'll be trying to persuade you soon!

And that's not a joke.

Yours in two minds as always,

Confused x

Oooh, by the way, re the website - while I am very grateful to my friend for adding them to her site, it's not brilliant (she's not a web designer, I think she's learning as she goes along which is more than I can say for my web skills.)

Hi folks,

Feeling pretty down today. I had a scan yesterday and only have four follicles (ok, that resolution lasted a long time!) in any decent state (the others have just decided to stop growing). This is pretty borderline for continuing with the cycle, although they have decided to. But looks like the chances of it working are not great. (They like to have 8-15 mature follicles, to put it in perspective.)

I've suddenly come up against the real possibility of not being able to have kids at all. I know this was always a possibility, but it feels quite real now. So of course feeling very green indeed. And everywhere there are pregnant women and babies looking happy in the sunshine. I know some of this lowness is almost certainly hormonal, but it scares me a little that it might not be and I've unleashed some sort of green demon by embarking on this business.

I know I should probably toddle off to the Assisted Conception thread at some stage, and I will when I've got the energy to read all the old posts, and get up to speed with everyone on there and where they're up to. But felt the lure of old friends today!

Hope everyone else is having a better weekend. Tell me some happy things!

LST, I've just got in from a night out and am meant to be brushing my teeth, but couldnt read and run.

I can't think of anything to say that might be in any way appropriate or useful, but please don't go, we are all here to listen. Maybe others who have been through this all can give more helpful support and advice, but we are still here too.

Will post more tomorrow - big Internet hugs x

Can't really post as have family here but I too couldn't read and run - big hugs from me too xxx

LST we might not have the right answers, but we do care. Four folicles sounds like a slender chance, but its still a chance, right? I'll be praying for a positive outcome very fiercely. I know we don't get children because we somehow earn the right, but Confused and HP are right, and people who put themselves through the mill of IVF really do deserve a baby. I really really hope that you get yours, despite the odds.

Happy news from me is that I am now in my 2nd trimester, so most risk of miscarriage is now passed. Today was the first morning for a fortnight where i haven't been sick , and my lovely DH has spent all yesterday and today clearing the two small rooms that are going to be knocked through to form our new kitchen.

Am still somewhat agog at HPs earlier remark that "the greenest person on here at the moment is Mr HP SP"! Am now chuckling to myself imagining the next few months worth of posts from HP worrying that her DH is really green and she's not sure that she can be green enough to match him!

Thanks, folks. It's so nice to have support on here. DH is being very nice but he can't pretend he's upset about the prospect of it not working, though he's concerned about me, so it's a bit hard to really talk to him. (I have no intention of leaving this thread, whatever happens!)

Am feeling better after getting out (to an AGM of an organization I'm involved with) today and getting my mind off things (though there were a couple of gorgeous babies there, of course!). I am also starting to feel that I'm probably being a tad irrational - a friend said that the first cycle is always a bit 'exploratory', so it may go better next time. I hadn't been flagged up as having sluggish/ unproductive ovaries, but if I am next time they can do a bit more to get things going from the word go. Would of course rather things worked this time, but it's not as though I'm at the end of the road. And perhaps when I'm off the drugs I'll reconsider the whole endeavour. (Though that is feeling a bit more unlikely now, I have to say.)

I am a bit annoyed about DH not coming with me to scans, but I don't think I'd anticipated bad news at this stage so I didn't push it at all. He might come on Tuesday, we'll see. It is quite hard for him to get out of work, though not impossible. And he's having to keep both Thursday and Friday clear of meetings (and it may not even be then), which is quite tricky, so I can see that he needs to be around before then.

Anyway, enough about me. Hope everyone is doing well - any decisions about the job, Suerock? Was just about to ask how things were, YTD - great news - hope that's the end of the sickness for good. And good luck with the DIY - you've got a good excuse to take a managerial role! Am also quite tickled (and surprised) by Mr HP's greenness - good for him.

OK, 101 things to do before tomorrow so better go - bless you all (in a fairly secular sense), I'm feeling much cheerier this evening. xx

LST - sorry i haven't logged on in a bit- so here are some happy vibes headed your way here!
i am not an expert at this so i don't know what precisely the medical prognosis is. but i do believe in the power of positive thought.
you take care now.
and chin up, girl!

Hi All,
Sneaky posting at work so won't be too long.

So, LST, it doesn't sound too negative then as this is the 'first go?' Not familiar with the process of IVF at all so not sure what a lot of it means. Does it mean that they could try some different drugs the next time which could boost things more positively?

What your friend said about the first cycle being exploratory sounds promising too.

Glad you're feeling a bit more chipper.

Right, better go before I get the sack. Back later this evening x