To TTC or not to TTC, that is one of the many questions...

[YorkshireTeaDrinker]

Ok fellow ditherers, as we have filled up one thread (and still not made too many firm decisions) here's another one for us to continue to procrastinate and worry on.

Here's to more monitoring of relative green and redness, mutual support and occassional chivving, discussion of everything baby or not baby related, and perhaps even our first BFP...?

Just realised OBEM is on 4oD! weekend here i come! have consistently managed to miss all but one episode so far.

HP, I hope you're getting the message loud and clear!

YTD, I didn't realise you could have bladder problems before you've hatched, I thought it was just after! Did your friend who was telling you that she is no longer wetting herself know you are currently pregnant? (Is she the one who had the little boy?)

So glad its the Easter weekend! I think it'll be a busy one but hopefully not too much. I have lots of activites for my friends little boy planned for the day and I'll then use this as a reason for him to go to bed when he is told without getting up every five minutes and pretending he us upset (usually about his dad - personally, I think this is bollocks, he just knows this is a sure fire way to get mummy to let him stay up). If we do things to entertain him then we have done our bit and can have 'adult time' (if that doesn't sound rude!) at night.

At least, that's the plan...

Aww, HP, please don't feel you have to go. With an open forum like this, there's always the possibility of cross posting, or missing a nuance in a disjointed conversation, or simply not being able to read body language or voice tone, and we really don't know each other at all! And I think all of us on here understand that. I certainly don't/wouldn't get upset at any posts.

But if you feel you need a break from MN and discussing TTC and continually analysing everything - then I'll completely understand, and I'm sure you'll find all or some of us still here dithering along when you feel like coming back.

confused - great news about S

Confused, I hadn't really realised you can get a dodgy bladder prior to giving birth, but apparently the bladder get squeezed a bit when teh uterus starts getting really big, and that's when the weakness starts. My friend (and it is the one who's just had the little boy) knows i am pregnant. She has become much more frank about all the pregnancy ailments you can get since I told her!!

Hope your weekend goes according to plan. You know where to come and debrief if it doesn't!!

I've just come back from my first appointment with the midwife, which was great. I had most of the appointment with the student midwife, which I don't mind at all, as students tend to be keen and enthusiastic. It was very nice to meet a clinician who thought my news was exciting! I have come away laden with literature, my maternity notes (A4 paper - all tests results done on carbon paper and stuck in the back. As someone who works for the NHS trying to implement an electronic patient record, I can't help feeling slightly disheartened by this system!) and lots of sample bottles. I have to go back next week to have blood tests taken and give a urine sample. I am now in the system and officially pregnant!

Whoopeee for being officially pregnant! It also must be nice to have someone all excited about it - I think I'd be demanding the world stopped turning if it was me!

So, do you have lots of basic tests first and then go back a few weeks later for the exciting bit scan?

I hope the weekend goes well too. It's hard when you love your friend so much so want to be as accommodating as possible but at the same time get irritated to buggery by her son! He is also at an age where whatever the adults are doing it very interesting to him indeed so tends to loiter about. Also, if mummy is busy quaffing wine she can't be arsed arguing with him to go up to bed so he is about for longer. Oh well! Hopefully it won't actually be that bad and both me and DH have actually got it all out of proportion.

Thanks to all who've said it's great news re S - I delighted myself and, while you don't know him (or me properly in many ways) it's great to hear you acknowledge it too.

LQ and YTD get squeezing those pelvic floors!

Everyone - am not likely to post from Friday as people here so will be back with you on Monday / Tuesday. Happy easter!

Hi there,

I have to confess to being a little bit with hp in feeling uncomfortable about posting re. very red thoughts and the general horrors of childbirth, child rearing etc. (a theme I'd hitherto warmed to!) with pregnant ladies among us, while being delighted for them of course. But it was the feeling of being at odds with those having children around me (not in terms of personality, just in terms of immediate experience/ situation) that got me on here in the first place. Of course now I'm also part of the issue, of course, in taking the thread in an 'active TC intervention' direction rather than a 'dithering, still deciding whether we'll ever do it' direction, so I perhaps don't fall into the initial constituency any more either. But don't (ever) want to leave!

I have a partial solution - but is it too divisive and would it ruin everything?? Don't know. I was wondering about a splinter To TTC or not thread ('To TTC or not to TTC: Beta'? 'To TTC or not: the Red Days'?), where we can go to express red thoughts, weigh up the decision to conceive, talk about the very real reasons not to do it etc., while still (speaking for myself at least) staying here on this one - if I'm allowed - and participating with joy in the ongoing news of YTD, lq and anyone else who might join them. Or would that just ruin the lovely warm vibe of this thread? YTD, lq just as welcome on the other one, obviously, especially if they are feeling red or ambivalent about their situation. I'm talking partly to hp of course here, as well as everyone else, and she may already have gone... hp, are you out there? [echoes down empty corridors]

I don't know, maybe that's a non-starter.

I really want to emphasize that I mean absolutely no criticism or disrespect to those who are preggers, nor any lack of interest in your pregnancies (it's of special interest to me at the moment, believe me!). We were waiting with bated breath to see who would be the first. It's just more whether the thread is now doing two jobs that aren't entirely at ease with each other. I wonder if we can have our cake and eat it with two threads in our name?

Thoughts please - but understand if people think this is a bad idea.

Oh as an aside - so pleased to hear about S, confused! That's really great news.

SeaGreen - the links you posted took ages to load on my laptop so got confused as to which was which. My fave is the stripey bedroom - the first one - and the eclectic one!

Anyway, am off (from work) now - later!

Thanks LST!

Will respond to your mail later as off now - but hold that thought!

I'm a bit of an interloper so sorry to but in, but this may be the place for me??

Vital statistics are - age 38 have 2 DS's DS1 was 4 in March and DS2 is 2.6. Live in London.

Situation is as follows: I have always wanted 3 DC's as has DP. I feel that time is of the essence.. I want to have another one while the boys are still young and I'm still in the zone.

Problem is that while boys were young - 2007/2008 and I wasn't working, we were poor as church mice which was a bit depressing. Since I've been back, albeit part time, we have money in the bank and can afford holidays/treats/to get the washing machine replaced etc. Just nice not to be struggling

DP is worried about his job to the extent that he was downstairs watching films at 2am this morning as he can't sleep due to the stress and he called in sick today for the first time in 10 years because he just can't face it. I have never known him like this.

So basically the idea of another baby, me not working and possibly (God forbid) him not working and being skint again is so no what he wants and yet I can't get past the idea that I really REALLY want another baby.

DS says not yet but when??? How long should/can I wait? I fear that if we put it off, it will get put off forever and I'll have a huge baby shaped hole in my life.

Am I being unreasonable? Should I just stick it out and see what unfolds?

Sorry for lengthy post

Twosofar I think you might want our thread: "waiting to TTC part 2" rather than this one if you're desperate for another baby but have to wait. There's a few people in that position on there. I always read this thread but don't really post in it (that could all change when we reach the point where we can TTC, at which point I shall probably lose my nerve lol).

I'm posting really to say HP I suppose with the benefit of hindsight, this was always going to happen. It happens all the time on MN - you get friendship groups that are drawn together by being at the same stage in the parenthood journey and then gradually some of them progress to the next stage while others are left behind.

I think maybe the answer is a new thread for ditherers (I still hate that term!) and you could still post in here as well but you'd have another thread to post in as well - imagine that lol! I do see myself as being on the first step on the parenthood journey that will ultimately lead to motherhood, even if I'm not very green yet and DH is uber red! I'd like to have another thread to dip into as well, I'm sure a lot of people would.

Hi all,
Quick post before bed.

LST, while I can see the thinking being two threads I am not sure if it would work. I guess I am talking for myself, well of course I am, but I love our thread and the fact that we talk about many many other things on it.

Ridiculous as this may sound, I feel as if I have got to know all of you in various ways and while we may never meet, and don't even know our first names, it's like we are friends as such and I wonder if that would come to an end with two threads. I suppose I am worried that two threads would make it harder to follow a constant and it could develop an us and them feeling, albeit a mild mannered one.

On the minus side, I have not picked up on what LST and HP SP may have picked up on and perhaps if I had things would be different.

Answers on a postcard please!

I'm with confused on this one, on all the points.
i love this thread, it's a very comforting haven. not to say someone else could not have felt it going in two directions, but for me this thread has become more a gathering of people who talk about a lot of things, and less a thread where we only talk about dithering.

ooh must try out new emoticons!!

welcome, twosofar , and hello, amandacooper !

Hi Seagreen I think you've hit the nail on the head - it's such a lovely thread and it's obvious to anyone reading it what a close, supportive group of friends you've all become. I wouldn't suggest for one minute that you split the group or that anyone should stop posting in here - but the fact is, the thread has moved on from being about hovering around near the starting block, entirely unsure about even taking a little step nearer.
It's about being a wonderful group of friends, helping each other to get up and onto, and even to dive off, the starting block.
Hi confused, sorry cross posted again.

It was light red - like I could have cut my finger. No not going to work tomorrow, still trying to sort out the big fat mess that is work but will put that on hold until i have been reassured about this.

A new ditherers thread (which I am not joining by the way cause I am absolutely definitely not dithering, I am "saving up" and "waiting for the right time" don't you know - ha ha) might be a good thing, not just for HP but also for new ditherers who've just joined MN. There's plenty of time in the working day for people to drop into more than one thread.

That's weird - whose is that "Hi confused sorry cross posted... It was light red..." paragraph? I didn't type that!

Sorry girls maybe I've accidentally cut (last night when I was reading the last couple of days' posts) and pasted (just now) it from earlier in the thread - I'm typing this on my phone. I'm really sorry - it's far from the best extract I could have accidentally done that with.

Hi amandacooper, funny thing is, i'm not REALLY dithering either- i've been about 90% green all through- but have to wait perforce to TTC for god knows how long- and the 'waiting to TTC' thread was proposed to me when i first starting posting here! but somehow i was drawn to this thread and just didn't end up movig away from here!

Morning,
I was confused with the cut finger bit too - I thought that AmandaCooper was actually LizardQueenie by a different name!

SeaGreen, that you are with me on the previous post I posted does not suprise me in the least!

I am waiting to hear from the others about this as I was fine how things were so will just go with whatever flow. Not much else I can do really. Fingers crossed I don't end up sat here typing to myself like some mad old woman in the corner

I think I am one of the most red around out of the lot of you - most of you appear to be waiting to conceive more than anything else, and I'm not unless waiting to make a decision whether to TTC counts! Which is probably doesn't...

Am loving these Easter smilies!

Hey amandacooper no problems I know how these things can happen - especially when you are trying to read on the phone.

I just wanted to say that I don't know if me discussing the spotting on here the other night is what was the final thing that may have been think woha - where has our dithering thread gone. I know I could have posted in the main pregnancy section and I am sure that I could have got a nice and supportive response from any of the MNs that were online but I guess the reason I decided to post in here is because even though we don't know each other we are all going through our different struggles and I just trusted the people on here to help and reassure me. So its my long way of saying I agree with SeaGreen & confused that to me its become more about friendship.

confused apologies for not mentioning this before but good news about your friend S.

YTD really pleased to hear about your 1st MW appointment so nice to have something that is enthusiastic!

Updates with me are my parents now know and are thrilled, mum was literally like Tigger and just didnt stop jumping around.

Also good news on the work front: management have agreed that I can move away from that project, hurrah! So all being well I will be going to back to work on tuesday to hopefully being a lot less stressed but probably more tired!

Not sure if I will be on here over the weekend (busy eating chocolate) so if I am not then Happy Easter everyone.

Just to chuck my thoughts in, one of the reasons I like this thread is that we don't always stay on topic, but tend to meander a bit. And whilst we don't really know each other, I think there is quite a strong virtual relationship here. I really want to hear about HP's cycle status and share the excitement about making graphs. I want to know how LST's IVF goes and be here to celebrate when it works. I want to know when Confused finally makes it to her dream house in hebden bridge (and then starts sprogging!!). I'm hoping that Suerock finds a new job soon that will solve her career / child dilema and am looking forward to hearing that Seagreen will eventually be able to stop window shopping for a virtual child and start doing the real thing! And of course, it's great to be progressing through pregnancy at the same time as LQ.

Amadacooper, your point about us moving on from having most of us hovering around the starting block is right. Some of us have quite literally taken the plunge, others will remain in a state of indecision of much longer and there is every possibility that after lots more dithering, some of us might decide that dogs are preferable to children and might never join the race at all. All outcomes are allowed. Whilst I might extol the benefits of having kids alot (and I don't have any, what do I know - yet!), I do not think that everyone ought to have kids just because I'm going to. I started off as a ditherer because I could see lots of benefits to not having children and I still worry slightly about what we've done.

But really, one of the best things about posting on here is that I think we do feel a small degree of engagement with one another's lives. I also loved the fact that when LQ was worried about possible miscarriage she posted here and Confused reponded with a link to a dog training site. You don't get that level of support on an antenatal thread!!

I would like to think we can continue to be a relatively broad church and encompass all opinions and states of dither.

And on a slightly tangental topic, have been meaning to ask confused - how's the book coming along?

Seagreen with no disrespect to my fellow waiters on the "waiting to TTC" thread, waiting doesn't give you that much to talk about, except how frustrating the whole situation is - which does save you from terrifying boring to death your poor DH who has said quite emphatically many times that he'd much rather have a Porsche 911 rolls eyes.

I really have no idea how I'm going to feel when I've saved up the requisite amount of money and I'm ready to go - but self determining as a ditherer seems like a bad idea - positive thinking and all that! Certainly if someone walked in here now and gave me a cheque for the full amount I'd probably shit myself ha ha.

For a very long time I was a member of another very tightly knit web forum - a couple of my friends from there got me into MN in fact. But on that forum, people met up and were friends in RL as well - don't you guys do that?

interesting idea, that!

oh and confused, when you see this message next week- that's great news about your friend!! sorry in the hulabaloo about analysingour thread i completely missed mentioning it.
oh and love the term 'hatching' almost as much i love 'sproglet' (which is my word of choice and makes me feel less..well icky about the whole thing). it seems more icky the moment you call it 'motherhood' and 'have a baby' and all that. hatch a sproglet, i can deal with that
and here i go throwing the lovely easter smileys hither and thither!

Well where is everybody based just generally? I'm in West Yorkshire.