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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

To TTC or not to TTC, that is one of the many questions...

964 replies

YorkshireTeaDrinker · 16/02/2010 10:56

Ok fellow ditherers, as we have filled up one thread (and still not made too many firm decisions) here's another one for us to continue to procrastinate and worry on.

Here's to more monitoring of relative green and redness, mutual support and occassional chivving, discussion of everything baby or not baby related, and perhaps even our first BFP...?

OP posts:
confuseddoiordonti · 29/03/2010 22:15

Seagreen you are starting to freak me out! Either we have very similar outlooks on things or everyone has these outlooks but we've not actually noticed yet!

I am with you on the books too - very much so (am a writer after all!)

Blimey.

LeviStubbsTears · 29/03/2010 23:08

I'm with you both (confused and Seagreen) on all of those things. Had never thought about animals, I guess, as they don't feature much in my life, but have always thought going to pet lambs, feed ducks and horses etc were among the nicer ways of entertaining children so that far at least I'm with you on that one! Was thinking about what SG said about nature, which I completely endorse - what worries me slightly (one of the million things) is that I'd like my kid(s) to be into nature and have an appreciation of, e.g., how food grows, and be used to playing outside rather than indoors. But I have to confess to being in front of the computer screen (though not the tv) far too much - and not just on MN! - and to being almost phobic about gardening (I know this is rubbish). So what sort of example am I going to set? I really don't want them to get into tv, computers and so on too early. But my DH is a computer scientist, and I'm addicted to my laptop and IPhone, so things are going to have to change rapidly to avoid this. I get all Victorian about the level of sexualization of childhood and children too - horrible dolls and clothes and underwear for kids, and making babies wear bikini tops for goodness sake etc.

I would really like my children to be independent too, but worry about this as I was the wettest child in the world in some ways (hopefully not so bad now!) and I don't think my parents were particularly smothering. Wasn't frightened of things so much as just quite thin-skinned at school and over-empathized with others. Would probably have picked my toys up, up to a point at least, though! I've gone on about this before but I think I'm going to find it quite hard to strike a balance between being considerate towards others and sticking up for oneself and being assertive. Haven't worked this out in my own life, let alone any child's!

And definitely books. I don't think any kid of mine would stand a chance with this one, as that's my number one favourite thing to do with anyone else's child (read them a story) and we have piles of books all over the place as we don't have enough bookshelves, and at least one grandmother will also shower them with books. They'll probably rebel and refuse to read a word, thinking about it!

Would love to hear more about our mums-to-be on this one. And what would your back-seat parenting entail, hp? Do tell! Volcanos out of baking soda and worm farms? I've always wanted to indulge my inner scientist (kept inner by being a bit rubbish at science in reality, sadly!) through a child.

God I sound like the worst kind of over-ambitious over-intellectual (ha!) pushy parent. AS IF. I'll be lucky to get them into the back garden fully clothed and fed, I suspect!

Anyway, this is all a bit weird as it feels as though it may be just one step closer to reality (though of course maybe not).
[Hurriedly stops writing and thinks about other things!]

lizardqueenie · 30/03/2010 11:16

Hey all

This thread never fails to make me laugh!

LST good luck with your injecting!

Confused & SeaGreen like your parenting views

Now the ranting starts....

Wasn't really on over the weekend as I felt overwhelmingly moapy. It is all the work stuff and the prospect of going back when absolutely nothing appeared to have changed and i just thought how then hell am I gonna do this. So contacted the union (yes its a bit strange at our place, they would rather that you speak to the union than HR . That has filled me with a bit more confidence (as my mum said yesterday on the phone I sound like I have some fight left in me). I've requested that I no longer work on the project I was working on that made me incredibly stressed, or the managements handling of it did and despite the fact that its a subject I feel massively passionate about I feel more passionate about keeping myself well and sane. The last few weeks i realised i have been through some pretty dark times. Sometimes its only the knowledge that its not just my health that I need to look after but the bean too has pulled me through.

Its taken me a while to also come to terms with the fact that its not my fault if I am no longer working on that project and its not because I am crap or incapable. But I just realised that I would be forever trying to make things happen and push things forward and I wouldnt be allowed to do so. So what can you do?

Hopefully they will go for it. also need to tell them about the pregnancy sooner than I had originally planned - bearing in mind we still haven't told our folks yet.

Right off to squeeze the girls into a non- maternity swimsuit, have a good day x

YorkshireTeaDrinker · 30/03/2010 13:58

I'm with you all on tthe reading front. I origionally trained as a librarian (and am seriously considering a return to libraries post baby, much more interesting than NHS IT!) and spend loads of my childhood curled uo in my room with a book. The idea that I might get an illiterate child is a bit worrying.

I am also quite Victorian about children being allowed to be children. I hate the early sexualisation of little girls, although there is so much of it about it is going to be tough to counteract. I also dislike the gender sterotyping that goes on, right from the moment baby first appears. If we do get a girl (and I suspect we won't find out until he/she arrives) then I will not allow her to be dressed in pink. One of my pet hates is people wanting to find out the baby's sex at 20 weeks so they know what to buy. Babies have pretty standard requirements, regardless of gender. And little girls can wear blue sleep suits without exploding!

I think I concur with alot of what LST says really, including the bit about science. I am no scientist, but I am really looking forward to learning with my child. I can see myself getting very excited about school projects and ethusiastically researching whatever subject the DC was particularly into at the time, e.g. rocks, dinasoars, Thomas the Tank Engine...

Also, whilst computer access will be allowed (every child needs to know how to weild a mouse and there's a lot of knowledge on that there t'interweb) it will be locked down and monitored. I'm hoping that a child might make me more interested in gardening, but I'm not hoping for miracles, and the DC will learn enough from its grandparents. My mum and step dad live 8 miles away and have an acre of land and 300 chickens, so the child is going to have to learn to like animals!

I'm getting all excited now. So far, this pregnancy has comprised nothing but worry about what can go wrong and sickness, tiredness and all round feebleness. This is the first time in ages that I've actually thought about the long term consequences of what we've done. And I have to say I'm finding it all rather appealing.

OP posts:
lizardqueenie · 30/03/2010 16:30

YTD couldnt agree with you more re all of the pink stuff - yuck! I hate all that pink plastic crap that you can buy and all that "spoilt princess" crap too.

confuseddoiordonti · 30/03/2010 17:11

Hurrah for you feeling all excited, YTD!

While I don't have any aversion to pink stuff generally, I am more of a stripes and / or spots kind of girl (well, would dress my LO in.) While I realise this is a MN cliche, I do like Mini Boden and similar.

Oooh! Oooh! Flash of green! Argh!

Oh yes, what I forgot to mention before was TV. In an ideal world I would not want my child watching much TV. Some very dear friends of mine have it on all the time with their kids and it's horrendous - we went on holiday with them and C Beebies was on from the minute they got up when we were in the house. While this is quite extreme, I would like to think that TV would play a very MINIMUM part in our lives, rather like it does now with me and DH. I know it must be very tempting to shove them in front of it once in a while and it is unrealistic to expect us to soley have an existance of non-stop constructive activites (baking, junk modelling, painting, stories blah blah blah) I would try and keep it very minimum indeed.

Also, computer games. UGH! Cannot bear them! Also, the friend who's coming this weekend hates them too but her son doesn't, and hi9s dad bought him a playstation and a Wii. Friend therefore lets him and his friends play for an hour (bear in mind about half of this hour would be spent arguing over which game, loading it up etc) and then makes them all play outside. I think this is a good approach as banning them would make them all the more exciting so this is a happy medium. She said that ten mins after the playstation was put away they were building a den in the garden and pretending to make an Indian campfire - FAR nicer than playing fecking Tomb Raider!

LQ, sorry to hear you've been feeling low. It sounds a shitty situation at work, and it's now even more tricky due to the pregnancy. It sounds like you have done the right thing by turning your back on the project that was making you so stressed and ill. I think you should be focussing on keeping yourself and that bean as well as possible and sod the rest of it. I realise that may not be brilliant career wise long term, but neither is all the bollocks that's going on now good for either you or t'bean short term.

SeaGreen · 30/03/2010 17:35

YTD I?m totally with you!
Check out the Pink Stinks campaign !! the level of gender stereotyping often descends to the insidious.
Also, pink was supposed to be the colour for boys not so long ago! My kid, boy or girl, will have a healthy mixture of all the colours. Pink might be a bit harder as far as a boy is concerned, but a girl will always have a lot of blues..

SeaGreen · 30/03/2010 17:39

Confused - ?fess up- you?re reading my thoughts!-me too! Love that catalogue (people who we bought our place from had a subscription and it still comes and I confess I go through that catalogue top to bottom! Esp mini boden. Have never bought anything from boden though)! I am totally stripes and spots.
Have of late started trawling all these fabric sites. Not an ounce of sewing ability but lots of wishful thinking. will post some of my favourite patterns.

confuseddoiordonti · 30/03/2010 17:54

SeaGreen I have tapped into your brain. It's taken you a while to notice but that's because I tapped into the delayed realisation section at the same time. Hope you don't mind.

Have wasted spent the rest of the afternoon browsing various twee French sites and then Ebay for the likes of Mini Boden, Pampolina and Catimini and getting a bit carried away (I do confess!)

Stripes and spots rule! As children grow so quickly there is LOADS of stuff on Ebay for next to nothing too which looks practically new. I guess they won't fit in it long enough to wear it out. Madness to spend £45ish on a baby's cardigan from Catimini for example when you can get the same but barely worn for about £3 inc postage.

My fantasty baby is going to be beautifully dressed for about a fiver! Shame I can't do the same for me...

HoneyPetal · 30/03/2010 18:13

Just a quick post and run, as am still working, but back later.

Goodness me you lot have given the raising issue a lot of thought! To be totally honest my considerations haven't extended much past lots of fresh air and no TV in bedrooms. I guess Im still very far away from entertaining the idea of being a parent, so haven't formed any firm ideas. I dont mind pink too much, as I'm still quite red (tee hee).

And on that note, are you still around YTD? I have had a huge temp dip (1degF) on DPO9 (aka today!). There is no sign of any blood yet, but FF has freaked me out saying this may be a possible sign of pregnancy, combined with the sexy action during ovulation. Have you ever seen this? Please reassure me its a data collection blip or suchlike! Also, I know a 'healthy' luteal phase is >10 days, so Id rather not start bleeding just yet!

Right, back later!

Suerock · 30/03/2010 18:27

Glad to hear everything?s started well with the jabs, LST, - I think you?re very mad brave to go for injections when inhaling was an option! But maybe that?s just me not liking needles. Anyway, I?m sending you positive thoughts and wishing you all the very best of luck that it works out and we get another BFP on here

Yeah, I have an aversion to just pink for girls and just blue or khaki for boys too (hence the infamous rainbow coloured cardigans) ? but even my friends who swore they would never conform now say that once you get beyond the newborn stage, there?s really very little stuff available which isn?t blue or pink. Though maybe they?ve not been looking on the internet ? I?ve never asked. I guess it depends what you can get your hands on, and if your kid is going to grow out of it in a few months and your mate?s given you a big bag of pink stuff, you just go with it.

Yay to back seat parenting! I hope I?ve never given anyone in RL the impression that I have opinions about how they bring their kids up (I would be mortified if so ? it?s none of my business to stick my nose in) but I often do?. (have opinions that is) And while a lot of the kids I know do have a great upbringing, there are just a few where I can?t help thinking the parents have set themselves up for a whole load of trouble later on. I?ve never forgotten having to leave an event early because the bloke who was giving me a lift afterwards was summoned home urgently by his wife - their 3 year old daughter wanted pizza and she wanted it NOW. So he had to drop me off, race to the takeaway and get home to stop the tantrum?.. Oh, and yes, my kids are going to love books and growing things and science and being outdoors, definitely. I shall write it into their contracts

lq - it sounds like you?re having a rubbish time at work, but it sounds like you?ve kind of worked out where the difficulties are. I hope your bosses are nice and supportive about you going back. Keep hold of that ?fight? that your mum says you have!

HP - I?ve had random bleeding at funny times in my first cycle when I came off the pill ? try not to worry.

Have to scramble?.

confuseddoiordonti · 30/03/2010 18:40

I can't believe that about the pizza - shocking!

HoneyPetal · 30/03/2010 19:48

There is no blood . Its just that a temperature dip of that magnitude normally precedes your period. But apparently at 8-10 days post ovulation (I am 9DPO) it can also signify implantation. Ive had a good read of what FF says now, and its definitely not a definitive sign of implantation, sometimes it is, sometimes it isnt, so all may be well.

Ive had a lovely weekend surrounded by family and people who speak with the same accent as myself! Hurrah! Spent a lot of time with my gorgeous neices and nephews, which was fun. Feel a bit blue at leaving them all.

Ive thought a bit more about the bringing up of kids. I don't like potties. They make me heave. I wouldn't want to use one of them.

Other than that, am not thinking too much about it, as am still grappling with the TTC or not TTC issue! Eggs and sperm are demanding enough for now, for me!

(am also shocked by the pizza tale)

confuseddoiordonti · 30/03/2010 20:07

HP, you wouldn't have to use the potty, the child would.

Also, am I right in coming to the conclusion that since you stopped your pill you've spent more time peering at your knickers than you've ever spent in your life? Just wondered...

Am going madly and badly green. I think this has been promted by the fantasy upbringing of fantasty child which in turn was prompted by the pending visit of friend with 9 year old I am not keen on. Weird.

SeaGreen · 30/03/2010 20:18

LQ - i agree that your first and foremost loyalty is to yourself and maintaining your sanity! i hope the situation gets sorted.
i'm laughing at the lovely way you put it "despite the fact that its a subject I feel massively passionate about I feel more passionate about keeping myself well and sane."
{crawling off to finish pesky work now}

HoneyPetal · 30/03/2010 20:20

To clarify - I dont want to use a potty and I wouldnt want my child to use one

Yes. It is true. I have never taken so much interest in my pants/juices/anything as I have this month. Please forgive me, I promise that as of next cycle I will not be anywhere near as interested or communicative!

Badly green??? Cripes! is that the faint breeze of a changing wind direction wafting across the thread? I have never known such greenness abound.

Do you think there is a fantasy league for fantasy children? You get points for good SATs and musical ability.

PS. Im amber. Like the thought of a baby, cant be arsed with the rest ATM.

SeaGreen · 30/03/2010 20:37

ATM, i'm lusting after this gorgeous thing.
not sure if it's because i would have loved this as a child..suspect that to be the case.
this with red or teal stripey sheets.
heaven.

confuseddoiordonti · 30/03/2010 21:16

Love it too! (well, I would wouldn't I!)

Did write long reply but then the site crashed and now watching OBEM. It's making this greeness fade!

HoneyPetal · 30/03/2010 21:39

Phew, it may be a mid-luteal oestrogen surge

Guess everyones watching OBEM.

I just had a bath, and may do my nails.

SeaGreen · 30/03/2010 22:06

am working
think will watch later on 4oD

confuseddoiordonti · 30/03/2010 22:07

Makes a change from checking your underwear!

I have watched OBEM and, as well as being close to blubbery at the end, have also realised I have shagged know one of the directors!

lizardqueenie · 30/03/2010 22:11

Hi ladies anyone around?

Just been to the loo and have got spotting. I really dont know what to say except for F**K

SeaGreen · 30/03/2010 22:15

is it a lot??
there's a number you can call now, right?

lizardqueenie · 30/03/2010 22:20

Thanks SeaGreen, no its was hardly much at all, it seems to have stopped now, I keep checking - without being too graphic - just to make sure what else is happening, if anything and at the moment it doesnt seem like there is anything else to come out - sorry sorry too graphic.

Other than that I feel ok, lower tummy a very faint achey but prob wouldnt even notice it if i wasnt thinking about it.

I dont think that there is anyone i can call this evening - still havent seen the midwife but have a tel no for them so I guess best to call them in the morning? Looked it up in the book talks about early spotting being "normal" doesnt mean its all going bad but it was a massive massive shock.

I just keep thinking that it is around my normal time of the month though.

confuseddoiordonti · 30/03/2010 22:22

LQ, don't panic! Call whoever it is to call (sorry I can't help with the number but guessing you'll have it) but do bear in mind that it is quite common, from what I know. I know a friend of mine had some spotting, and it wasn't super light, and she thought the worst but she was okay.

Am sending hand holding vibes over the airways (or whatever they are) xxxxx

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