To TTC or not to TTC, that is one of the many questions...

[YorkshireTeaDrinker]

Ok fellow ditherers, as we have filled up one thread (and still not made too many firm decisions) here's another one for us to continue to procrastinate and worry on.

Here's to more monitoring of relative green and redness, mutual support and occassional chivving, discussion of everything baby or not baby related, and perhaps even our first BFP...?

HP SP - on point 4 above- check this out- zoggs the cat swaddled!

Evening ladies

Wow your jobs sound so interesting! HP good luck with your job application

My news for the day....I gave in and bought some maternity bras. Nipple pain was driving me nuts so I headed off to mothercare. There is a hell of a lot you can buy wrong there. I ended up with 2 non wired bras. The fitter lady told me right off for a wearing a wired bra. What can I say about them - they look like trainer bras! None of them with sparkles either to match the hotpants! There were a few maternity swimsuits on sale too but I am trying to restrict myself (and my bosoms!)

Back to watching question time....

the free evening standard this evening had column by laura craik that you would find interesting LQ - she had the same experience at m&s!!
have i just outed my location?

LQ the no wire rule is not a hard and fast one. As long as your bra fits, it doesn't matter. I will be hanging onto my underwire for as long as possible.

There's been bags happening since I last looked, so I can't possibly catch up with everything, but was rather taken by HP's observation that: "there really isn't anything like planning and executing a beautiful, challenging experiment". I'm no scientist but I sort of feel like I'm doing that right now.

It's a bit of a bugger that TTC doesn't yeild results on demand. But I think moving from not TTC to TTC does involve a shhift in priorities. And I can confirm that career options become significantly less important from the moment you get the double line on the stick. It doesn't matter so much that work isnt always that interesting - I am starting work on a way more exciting project right now!!

Long but hope worthwhile post.....

SeaGreen will have to see if I can find that column online - I usually get the standard on the way home but with not currently travelling into London I do kinda miss it.

Ah thanks for that YTD, makes me feel a lot better and like boobs won't fondly be called flopsy and mopsy in the future.

Well I did something almost a bit naughty today but am totally thrilled and couldn't wait to share with my MN buddies. After much deliberation between DH and I we did decide to go for a private scan and the appointment was this morning. I was concerned that I wouldn't see anyone until mid-end April and even though I could prob have bumped my midwife appointment fwd the hosptial do not have the equipment to do the early ultrasound so I have to go to Kings and they will really only do it if you've had a major prob (luckily i haven't) but was concerned about implantation etc due to endometriosis and being told for years that it was so bad I would probably not be able to conceive naturally.

Anyway, all this blurb is leading up to the fact we went for Private scan today- and we saw our lovely little bean and its heart beat pumping away!!! It was amazing. Its really put my mind at rest in someways and I know there is still a way to go until we are in the clear but it was nice to hear everything is in the place it should be and measurements, heartbeat etc etc are all 'normal". The biggest grin ever!

We came away with 4 pics, and the lady that saw us was ever so nice and understanding. Ah.....one very happy Lizard

BRILLANT!!
the first Ditherer Baby has been sighted!

..and congratulations

Thanks SeaGreen

All is quiet on the Western front..is everyone ok?

Ooooh, how exciting LQ. Must be such a relief to know that everything is progressing as it ought.

I moved to a new and exciting stage of pregnancy this morning with my first bout of morning sickness. The bean clearly objected to frosties this morning! It's a close run thing, but I think that chucking up in teh morning and then having a few hours of feeling relatively well again in the afternoon is preferable to the constant nausea that I had for the past fortnight or so.

There was much about pregnancy that used to put me off the idea of procreating - mainly childbirth and looking like a beached whale, but teh weeks of feeling crap in the earliest stages of pregnancy were not something I'd really considered. Ditherers, I think this is a new weapon to add to the anti baby armoury: being pregnant makes you feel like poo!

Thanks YTD, glad to hear your MS is a bit more restrained!

I have another weapon to add- its probably part of the feeling poo, I feel awfully down today. Just can't seem to shake it. I reckon its to do with the work things, I really thought I would be going back next week but things are just not organised at all and having heard back from my boss it appears that they aren't even 100% sure what my role will include anymore. How's that meant to make me feel, stress or no stress.

I feel like I want to go back, I want to move on with this but the last communication with work has pretty much thrown me back to square one. I am so pleased I havent told them about my pregnancy yet as I would hate for their fumbling around decision making to involve my pregnancy - not sure if I can quite believe it but am sure that would make me feel worse.

Sorry to go on, I know you are all coping with a lot at the moment.

Hi all,

Hope you're feeling better, YTD (I guess you might be as it's afternoon) and that the intensive sickness (or any sickness, come to that) doesn't go on too long. I guess you have to see it as reassuring in the sense that it shows that everything is 'normal' (small comfort, perhaps, and easy for me to say, I know). One thing that scares me about pregnancy, childbirth and perhaps the whole parenting thing is that it seems one has to drastically redefine what 'normal' is, of course. But it's worth it. Just read some of your recent happy posts and those of lq!

Ditto, lq, although I know it must be hard to battle against something that is presumably hormonal to some extent. Work situation doesn't sound like it's helping though - sorry you're going through that. Just think about your scan and try to forget the other stuff.

Well, today's the day I start my 'down-regging' injections! At long last. I'm waiting to do them in the evening as that's more likely to be a time I can do them regularly. Am itching to get at those needles, strangely enough. Sure that will change when the injecting actually starts. Not to mention the side effects. Just finishing a course of antibiotics today (probably said this above?) for my tooth abscess so hoping the two don't interact badly in any way. Hopefully reasonably good timing as at least I'm stopping the antibiotics. Of course [sorry, TMI!] have a nice dose of thrush (hoping antibiotic-related and so short-lived) to put me in tip-top form for the start of treatment!

Actually am not too bad at all, don't listen to me - still feeling calm (by my standards, at least) and happy after doing my 10km run yesterday. And DH being quite a model husband at the moment, cooking me dinner last night and doing selective house jobs today (very selective, natch - updating the playlist on our ipod/kitchen stereo rather than, say, cleaning the loo - but one takes what one can get!).

Sorry to hear about your career worries, hp and Suerock ? I know quite a few people in your position (most of our friends seem to be science academics at one stage or another) and it really sucks. It?s one of those things that sometimes make you want to run the country (science funding should be increased massively ? we?re not exactly going to be able to rely on our heavy manufacturing industry in Britain any more, are we?). Obviously running the country would mostly be a crock of sh*t but just occasionally I fantasize about it!

OK, really should be doing some work. Waves to confused and Seagreen and anyone else I haven?t mentioned.

Evening all,

Quick post as am staying with family and would rather no-one caught me on here...not that Im ashamed of you all, you understand, Id just rather meet up with you all in a cafe on a railway station dressed in a 1940s suit a la secret love affair.

But just a quickie to LST to say all the best for the start of the procedure, you know we are all rooting for you, your chucky eggs and DHs best, strongest swimmers. And no matter what, we are all here for you.

Better go, just nearly had interested parties asking what i was up to on the lap top!!

Take care all. PS. Am quite green at the mo. And firmly in elevated temp luteal phase.

HP-SP

Hello all,
Been quiet this weekend as had a friend of DH's staying. Am also now MNing on the sly as have another friend here and we are doing the Order of Service for his wedding (may get to that shortly.)

LQ sorry to hear you are feeling low. I would guess that the pregnancy hormones can exacerbate things that are stressful etc and make you feel even more low than you would otherwise. It also sounds as if you do have quite a bit to contend with work-wise (I can't recall how much detail you've gone into already re this, and also understand if you don't want to.)

YTD so, the intial feeling ropey was nothing compared to this?! Yikes! Fingers crossed it is not too long lasting.

So, we have the first scan of a Ditherer Baby - I am really excited on your behalf! Wow! How much could you actually make out? I am guessing it was a head with miniscule (oooh, am having flashes of green as I type!) arms and legs and a big pumpy heart! And do the print outs look like Hayley's comet? I can't imagine how it must be to have the first scan, but would guess it is very emotional. A friend of mine said the same, she's not that soppy generally either, but blimey she was when she was scanned for the first time (from what she said.) Also, now the baby has hatched (in Jan) she say's it's wonderful. Hard work but wonderful.

HP SP I hope you got your application in and good luck wishes are coming your way.

So, plans for the Easter weekend, as HP asked about a few days back. I have a friend coming, a friend I love dearly, and her 9 year old son. The son, I have to say, gets on my nerves a lot bit. This is one of those rants posts that I may read back on in years to come and cringe at my ideology and stupid ideas but bear with me... I feel as if one of the roles of a parent is to teach your child to be able to cope without you. I think they need to learn to be independet and to think for themselves, and while being in full knowledge of how much they are loved, also be able to stand on their own two feet. I also know that children are capable of a lot more at a very early age than parents often think (I realised this from working at my friends nursery - with a bit of help, two and three year old's are more than capable of putting their coats and shoes on, clearing up mess etc.) My friends child, who is nine remember, does NOTHING for himself. If he is cold he says 'mummy, I'm cold' and my friend jumps up and gets him a jumper. If he is thirsty, he tells her and she gets him a drink - etc etc. He isn't bratty, but he does seem to take for granted that other people do the running around. When he stays he leaves a trail of debris where he has been and I asked him several times to put his wrappers in the bin and so on, and he looked at me with shock and horror. And then said 'mummy can do it.'

Bugger - friend coming downstairs. Will be back in a bit

Back now...

So, they are both coming Easter weekend. Last time they came he was okay once my dog was also around (dog was on a long walk with DH and man we're doing the Order of Service things for the first day) but the first day he was here he spent half his time sulking - sulking as we walked rather than went in the car, sulked as we wanted to look in shops etc. Realise this is a bit dull for a child, but we had spent the morning doing things he liked and now it was our time. That was my argument, and also I think he needs to realise that not everybody revolves around him. So there, humph! My friend has a lot of guilt over him being 'an only child' which I really don't think is a big deal. I wasn't an only child and, actually, my sister and brother drove me mad and we didn't play together much. Also, he has heard he is 'an only child' so much he plays on it and also seems to think this means he has to be entertained constantly (and he is.)

Anyway, feel disloyal for writing this even though it's anon so will stop.

Hi all,

Well, first injection successfully accomplished!! Little bit scary that it has now started, and there's no backing out now... (Well there is, obviously, but it would be a bit crazy too.) Luckily the injecting itself takes about 2 seconds and is painless so isn't something I have to psych myself up for (and so hopefully I can forget about the potential momentousness of what I'm doing!). Thanks for the support, hp - feel like I might need it for some of the subsequent steps...

confused - don't think you should feel bad at all, or I suspect I'd feel exactly the same at least. It doesn't seem good for him (the son) or her (your friend) or her friends (i.e. you) to be allowing that kind of dynamic. I always think - never mind that it's a bit rude to her friends to let her child completely set the agenda when she's with them too, surely it makes life so tedious for her. She can't be everything to her son, though I'm sure she's a great mum - she can't be a companion to make up for/ stand in for siblings (and she certainly shouldn't be a slave).

Anyway, it's easily said. I will have a list of resolutions as long as my arm if I ever get pregnant about what I will and won't do - who knows what I'll turn into. But if it kills me, I want my kids to be at least a bit considerate to other people and their needs/wishes (and that includes me!). I think it's bad when kids don't even see their parents as separate people - this is inevitable when they're young but when they're a bit older it's different.

Anyway, yada yada, what on earth do I know?! Hope you have a good time with them anyway - perhaps he's changed a bit (if it wasn't very recently). And I guess he'll go to bed eventually...

OK, time to go to bed and wait for the hot flushes, headaches and irritability. Oh yes, 'cos they're all going to hit immediately, tonight, I'm convinced of it...

Hey, LST, so sorry I didn't mention your imminent injection starting in my other posts! I was catching up with a few so overlooked it, but really, it's such a big deal that it's no excuse. Sorry again! Glad to hear the jabbing isn't a big deal, it's not painful or anything really, and trust me I know! I think the bigger deal is psychological and it seems like that is not a big deal. Do keep us posted with how it's going and, as always, we're here to hear any venting or ranting! x

ps Don't think friend's son is inconsiderate as such, it's just that it doesn't occur to him that there is anyone else in the world other than him. He also, when the mood takes him, talks in a baby voice, but, as I am trying not to be catty, I'll leave things there...

One last thing! (Had a drink, sorry.) It is SO easy for me / us to criticise as we don't have any LO's (yet!) and perhaps all we'll be just as bad in our own little ways when or if we do have kids of our own. Only time will tell.

And on that note, good night! x

God, no problem, confused - it is no big deal really at this stage. It's always hard to catch up with this thread, it's such a lively one - I never quite do. And MUCH bigger things happening to others on here!

I'm sure we'll all be great mums if/when we get there - but there's no doubt it's harder than it looks (and it looks pretty damn hard).

Anyway, essay for tomorrow's deadline still not finished so better actually do some work today! Have a good week all. xx

Morning all,

Im working on that report now (even though I am technically on holiday ), and like LST should be typing away but I have a bit of apathy writers block so thought I would pop back on.

Big cheers for LST injecting so confidently. Both you and YTD are setting an example to us long term ditherers with your persistence and positivity in the face of natural doubts and worries.

I love back seat parenting! What is left to us in life if the childless cant judge and criticise parents??

I submitted that application and then had a big 'bugger, what did I just do?' moment. But then I rethought about the permanent contract and felt a bit better. Hope it doesnt get out that Im applying for jobs though, especially away from the bench. Dead Scientist Walking.

Id better go and get this report done.

Just whizzing past and wanted to say good luck to LST, I echo HP's call for bristling eggs and strong swimmers. Really hope that it works. You sound like you are as relaxed as you possibly can be in the circumstances.

I think back seat parenting is a good thing. You need the spectre of children who irritate the hell out of you looming over you, so that you don't make the same mistakes when you get your own. Either that, or you have the memory of your childless former self to laugh at when you find out that the reality of raising kids is a whole more difficult than you imagined!

I like the phrase Back Seat Parenting! And, as we've 'come out' about it, am prone to doing it all the time. I would like to follow's YTD's thinking that it show's us how NOT to do it, but I think it may more likely show us how naive we were when we thought we could do better.

Hmmm.

Have come over all red now.

Evening all,
I have been browsing through some pics of Facebook of the hen do of the friends who are getting hitched soon, the husband to be was at ours last night as we're doing the Order of Service. From looking at the pics, I have an urge to say, shout even, THANK GOD I WASN'T THERE! I am not keen on hen do's anyway, but especially when they involve matching t-shirts, fancy dress for the bride and, in this case I have to confess, lots of excitment over a wedding I personally don't think is a good idea. (Ooops, I have said it - oh well.) Lucky escape or what!

Right, following on from last night, I am now wondering if any of us do already have ideas over what we'd be like, or try and be like, if we were parents (or when they are parents in the case of LQ and YTD.) I realise (hope!) that things like good manners etc are a given, but I am on about other more particular aspects which you think would work well - whether it's following the footsteps of parents you know or doing the opposite of parents you know!

As you know from my previous rant, I am very much in favour of children becoming independent. This is something I would want to encourage as much as possible as I have seen how this can improve the confidence of little one's from working at a friends nursery. I would also like to think I'd be quite firm but, while I manage this with other people's children, I am not so sure I'd be quite as firm as I'd like to be with my own (if my dog rearing has anything to go by!) Still, I can always try! Some friends of DH are wonderful parents (and as the wife is quite poisonous generally this is extra remarkable) and I think I would try and emulate some of the things they do. When their daughter goes up for her bath, for example, she stays upstairs and then is put to bed. And she seems to realise that once it's bathtime you then wind down as it'll be then bedtime. I know so many kids who are up and down the stairs till 9pm that I am guessing bedtime can be an issue and the friends with the poisonous wife have never had this (realise this is no guarantee however!) Also, the same people's daughter bit another kid at nursery. It was near Christmas so they made her (aged 5) put the Christmas presents in a bin bag while they thought about whether she really ought to have them after biting someone etc. I know people who make empty threats and not follow through, but this approach really worked. (And the little girl got most of the presents back, although they did keep a few 'just in case' and gave them to her a few days later. Needless to say, she's never bitten again! I would also, while I am on a roll, say to my child that they can make a mess etc but make sure they are the one's that clean it up (they have to obviously be a bit older.) Even if I have to stand over and show them what to do so it takes forever, I would NOT just do it myself even if that meant it took 5 minutes rather than 30.

I wonder if I'll read back on the above one day and laugh like a drain....!

LST - internet hugs and lots of luck for strong swimmers and welcoming eggs!

Confused - it's scary how alike we think sometimes!
Totally- independence is one of the really important things I would want to inculcate in my child- starting from picking up after oneself, to being able to think for oneself. To some extent my sibling (big gap) has been my social experiment in that!
Also, tolerance and open mindedness, a love for nature and animals (non-negotiable!) I LIKE to think that I would not be one of those over fussy mums but suspect it will take some time (read: years) for me to get chilled out! Not much else. Oh and yes, I would like to keep their childhood innocent. i.e. no growing up extra quick/ cool gadgets/ brand consciousness too early.
Oh, and last but definitely not the least, I would like to inculcate a love of books.

I bet I?ll read this someday and laugh! That day will be the day I?m bone tired, sleep deprived, frazzled and covered in dog hair and baby sick, when I?ll say ?GAH let the sproglet grow up any way it likes, upside down if it wants to!?
and i'll be laughing at my idealistic self and say "am i BOVVERED!"