The BESH 30s TTC thread in the world EVER - 2010

[CUNextTuesday]

C'mon girls, this is the year. We will form a circle and concentrate hard on diffment.

Meanwhile, David and Jenson have popped the corks and are pouring out the Bellinis. Truckle of stilton anyone?

I am crying with laughter at the thought of Scorps and TYF's dirty talk.... I'm amazed you two ever manage to have sex at all. Although I suppose laughter is an aphrodisiac.

I may have to disappear for some time... I have dropped laptop on floor and now the bastard won't charge. Fink I have done broke it. Cuntflaps.

Sorry to hear that it isn't all sorted out yet Gin . Fancy a cuddle?

Don't worry at all about keeping up, it's like Home and Away.

Thanks for the link Scorpie, pretty good cover and my new favourite website.

Hmmm. My get fit campaign seems to have at the first hurdle. I mostly seem to have just eaten an entire party pack of mini indian snacks.

You lot have got me laughing to much today I can't write. So I'm going to sit back and stalk lurk

Course, am not laughing at poor gin. What would you like m'dear, hugs or violence?

Polly glad to hear your fella's 'seed' made it to the hossie in time - did he keep them nice and warm under his armpit? Or with the sample jar squashed in to a warm pot noodle (Japanese mens' sex-aid of choice..FACT!)

Russell Howard is okay until he laughs...he has got a real 'wurzel' type mouth when he smiles, and I just imagine him chewing an ear of corn, whilst wearing a smock, and wellies. Lasagne...HOW could he ignore an offer like that...next time offer to get the rat out (second that for next thread title.)

Laurie...that's a tragic thought...wandering the earth for eternity, although I am partial to the idea of ninja style -beshies roaming the globe and sleeping on mountainsides, to be visited by just turned thirty, potential BESHies on a quest to find the Tao of the OPK or somesuch!

Scorps ...I too say 'hilarious' things up to and during sex, but strangely the Boyf finds it off putting. It's been about 2 years since I finaaly stopped exclaiming LuuHvlie!!!!, in a gruff manly style, taken from the Hitchcock film Frenzy, where it is said by the Necktie Murderer repeatedly as he assaults his victims...hmmm, when I see it written down in black and white, I can see boyf has a point!

BTW...Recommend a hot toddy with lashings of honey for the throat. and no worries about the dildo cam...I see that ginhag thinks she deserves a medal for being administered to with the magic stick 6 times - what a lightweight...I'm well into double figures

Sorry Gin,

I missed a couple of your posts (writing v.long post inbetween making soup). Do you know when you get to see the consultant...it's sometimes good to take time off the menkulness of ttc, but then you do have that occasional worry that you might miss an opportunity - can't win really

gin sending cocktail of your choice, hope this helps, also some violence of your choice

scorps i am also currently afflicted wiv vile flu like virus and have to tell you all i nearly sprayed boogers all over the laptop keys at your comedy sex chat. oh my god so funny. agree that whisky/hot water/honey combo excellent for the lurg, also being a bit pished in the afternoon is allllways fun

ead glad that while fings far from fine, there has been sum kinda breakfroo - hope you guys can move on from there

cho we will be here to support you through defcon menkulness. everything crossed.
i am such a lightweight, i await only my second dildocam next week. the joys.

May i for a moment also be purely self pitying - my inlaws are coming tomorrow for 5 whole days and while being charming they are utterly fucking tactless to quite gobsmaking proportions, alsmost to the extent of 'well you're not getting any younger, about time you cracked on with the gradkids, what?'

.

Gin, you know I heart you. I have put out your snacks, booze and music of choice in the Pit and a few scatter cushions for you to lounge about on or punch. Things will get better. They will. Or by God, people will have ME to deal with

Cho, am wetting myself at you saying 'luuHvlie' - but am now going to find it hard to stop myself saying it too; I have the same things as my Dad - a sort of Tourette's need to say inappropriate things at exactly the wrong time and anything new gets lodged in our minds! Also pmsl at Iggy the other day saying she whispered 'you're my wife now, Dave' to her husband as they were pronounced H&W! Must admit, I'd thought of doing that too, if and when me and Russell Howard TYF get our matrimonial act together.

Oh, and as for you taking the dildocam crown off Gin - it doesn't count if you've bought one for personal use

Of course, it's not all comedy chitchat whilst me and him are attempting to procreate. Okay, so it's mainly comedy chitchat, but there is also mucho passion and tenderness. Or tears, begging, resignation and simmering resentment when it's D5 of enforced TTC Ov-time mega-rudeness. And that's just him, hoho. It was each other's sense of humour that made us first fall for each other, so we're always laughing together (we write comedy and comedy songs just for own amusement).

Sorry, am really waffling about myself today. Must force myself to go to Tesco and infect the local populace (if you could see them, you'd know it was the least they deserve).

PS Salander - my commiserations on your upcoming IL-mare. My own IL woes are far too well-documented on here. Mine don't mention children (although there is the general sense given that our age gap is distasteful and I'm not quite good enough for him), but it's open season with the wider family - "Why've you left it too late to have kids?", etc. Like I'm fucking 60! Why not try saying 'please can we change the subject? My specialist tells me that tactlessness is the leading cause of infertility?'

PPS the Swedish film of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo* comes out in March: huzzah!
Presume they'll change the name to the English one (cos as all fans knows, real title is Men Who Hate Women).

Scorps excellent news re the film, cannae wait. although - sometimes when you totally love a book when you see it on the big screen it just aint the same - although obv this is irrelevant as will for sure be going to see it the minute it appears.

BTW i am an ex dancer with fecked knees also, now choreographer and sometime teacher - what kinda dancin did you do?

and THANKS for the top top line for the ILs, even if i can't say it out loud i will repeat it in my head ad nauseam

i would usually use alcohol to get me through it but being restrained in case by some miracle am diffed.

Cheerz birdz. Consultant on 19th so that'll help.

We have all decided to jack work in n go to the pub

Salavator,

Please keep me posted regularly with you IL 's hilarious 'gaffes'...I fucken thrivre on MIL threads...don't know why - mebbe because I dion't watch soap operas...I get me kicks from real peoples miseries.

Just off to chop some firewood ...

Please ignore sloppy typos...my household dutieds keep distracting me!

By the way,I have now met 4 beshes and one ickle beshlet. [proudface] Surely I win a prize for that?

I am all about the prizes today.

Mmm red wine,that'll kill the slug flu.

gin your prize is one of those reeeely mahoosive bottles of champagne, yknow, the ones with the odd biblical names and an extra long straw. to drink it wiv, obv.

cho don't worry, this thread may be my sole salvation for the next week so be assured you will be hearing all about it!

4 BESHies, Gin? Come on then, what's the gossip? Are you in London...do you 'get about' a lot?

I also live for MIL stories. Dunno how I lived before I discovered AIBU!

Well, am Just nipped to Tesco, was buying those Headache-relieving cool pad things (on offer and they really work for me), when the checkout bitch asked me if I was pregnant I valiantly stopped myself giving the first answer which came to mind - 'No, I'm fucking NOT, but thanks for reminding me! As if I'm not miserable enough, now bastard strangers are rubbing it in my face!' - and went for 'Why? do I look it?'. 'NO!', exclaimed the bint, 'you look slim' (although I don't, this probably wasn't a lie, as she was obese, so it's possible I do, to her), 'it's just that my widwife told me these mustn't be used in pregnancy and I get a bit paranoid now when I see young women buying them'.

So there we go, laydeez - you mustn't use cool pads or those cooling forehead roll-ons either, when diffed (she told me those were no-go too).

I hope I gave her my cold.

Ah - if a Tescos checkout girl says it, it must be true.

I love you lot, you're always making me snort at inappropriate moments.

Bonne weekends all.

on a plus point scorps you are both young and slim.

Thanks Cass you liar

Love youse lot too

You laydeez have had me in hysterics.

Was supposed to be bedroom bouncing last night, but I fell asleep and MrSS got very upset and very grumpy. He does enjoy this new project. He is like Teacher's Pet. I expect an apple on my desk anyday now. TBH a sperm in the right place at the right time would suffice.

The house looks likeaSHITHOLE lived in and its depressing. Guess will have to try and tidy up at some point.

I have also had scoffed a load of crap quality confectionery throughout the day. Do Jaffa cakes count as one of my five a day?

Okay, am properly confused now - are you saying that I'm supposed to be awake whilst SWI? Jesus Christ, is there no end to the demands that procreation places upon me?!

Apparently so. I mean, like, life is not hard enough without having to be actively awake when SWI.