The BESH 30s TTC thread in the world EVER - 2010

[CUNextTuesday]

C'mon girls, this is the year. We will form a circle and concentrate hard on diffment.

Meanwhile, David and Jenson have popped the corks and are pouring out the Bellinis. Truckle of stilton anyone?

And Ski wins the prize for being the most schizophrenic commentator on the thread.

Given we're all mentalists, I think she should see this as a positive life-step.

Every time I see photos of Hollywood stars out and about in their pjs, boots and coats, I think oooh, that's cool and what urban living should be about. Then I try it, and look like a homeless and insane person. Note to self, pjs only works if you're skinny and beautiful.

rEadytorumble Sounds tough, lovely. Hope all becomes more functional this year. If is any consolation, the beginning months of SWI can be v v troubling, but it has become easier in my house.

What stage are we all at on the medical fumbling-in-the-fanjo? Laurie - IVF or Assisted Conception? Diagnosis at all? February is the month where I will be told if/what my diagnosis & prognosis is - still have dildocam to look forward to. Polyp You has survived the HSG - what's next?

Camelina TG has finally jizzed in a pot this morning and then made it to the hospital with minutes to spare before the swimmers were deemed too old to test! Next up is appt on 9th Feb where we will be told prognosis and whether or not we have won the Clomid (hopefully hormone levels are down enough now).

I may be mad but I am actually considering postponing the taking of drugs til Easter-ish, so's I can get these 'ere chinese herbs/acupuncture working. In addition, Boo is about to start pre-school at the end of Feb so i will have the luxury of 2 mornings a week to get myself fit (I am ridiculously lazy and couch-bound most days). I figure if I'm only going to be given 6 months of Clomid then I may as well make sure I is fit and healthy to make the most of it. Can't work out what is crazy or sane any more - but I am pretty sure that is my decision. For now.

Ooh Camel - a dildo cam for you, how lovely for you.

I never thought I'd be so pleased to hear that someone has jizzed in a pot. Yay! Go TG.

Am on similar acupuncture/health kick (from next Wednesday onwards, when I finally stop having to go out for massive drinking sessions) (it's a hard life). We can be all supportive of one another. I've signed up for a 10k in July, so I have to be able to run that (or duffed so that I can get out of it).

Dildocam is As Nothing compared to the HSG horror. I shall just lie back and...enjoy?

Ooh, I'm getting back into exercise too, can I join BESHfit? I've been to the gym three mornings a week for last 3 weeks - before work and everything . I have a 10k scheduled in for 21 March and a half mara on 11 April - if my knees hold up that long. Which they probably won't.

I drank a droid-related bottle of wine at the start of the week but am over that now.

BESHfit = brilliant. Check out us with our NY healthy resolutions. Quite literally, RunLyraRun.

I have to start from scratch with the running, I think. Was ok this time last year, but have been deeply lax ever since. Couch-to-5k is my friend again.

Re: going to shops in your nightclothes - it just reminds me of 9am lectures at Uni. The tutors used to complain but so many of us did it that they just passed a rule saying that we had to at least wear proper shoes and not slippers/barefoot (look, it was the 90s). Ah, them were the days (when I was young and slim and it looked cool).

Sorry, that was an entirely self-preoccupied post. But I have a cold, be gentle with me.

Laurie I feel your pain/shame about having to discuss your ladygarden with all and sundry. As discussed on here before, to speak to my Drs, you have to go through a Gestapo-style grilling from the receptionists. I think the medical profession make us do it so we won't be too embarrassed at letting trained professional stare up our foofs (or worse) during labour. Hopefully none of us will get to the stage where we walk up to complete strangers and say, 'Hi! Would you like to see my flange?'.

Or as they might say round here 'shall I get me rat out?'.

Eadbanger, sounds like your fella has had a mini-breakthrough with his ishoos, which can only be good. And sounds like you are really caring and understanding, which also can only be good. Do think sometimes, we TTC-menkuls forget how hard things can be for menz, especially often demanding sex in a not-very-enticing manner and so on. Just because they don't like to show or talk about their feelings can make it hard to see that they can suffer with troubles as much or even worse than we do.

TYF can do no wrong at the mo, cos last night when I was really suffering with my cold and a severe headache, he said 'I don't care about getting your cold, you need loving', and he took me in his arms and gently stroked my head and kissed it and made me feel loads better. [vom emoticon]

I have a confession to make - I can't remember what the correct name for a dildocam is and what, exactly, it does and what it's looking at, and for. Can someone enlighten me (with a minimum of Joey Deacon face, ta)? Cheers.

Now, where is Dr Chase? I am clearly ill and need very special attention. Very special indeed. (BTW, TYF looks a bit like Dr Chase - or Little Billy Kennedy, as I still think of him. Smugtime for lucky me!)

Dildocam is acksherly a Trans-Vaginal Ultrasound. Basically, a sonographer snaps a condom (yes, really) over a probe which looks a lot like the cheaper end of the vibrator market, lubes it up, inserts into the vajayjay. It's quite intimate, really, for someone you hardly know.

It's to scan one's womb for fibroids etc, also checks womb lining thickness and position of womb.

Am sorry you're feeling so ill, petal. Maybe your immune system is being really clever and less efficient around ov/implantation so that it's more friendly to the icklebabyeggs?

Scorpetta, I think TYF looks like Russell Howard, non? Yum/fnar/cradlesnatch etc.

It's quite a thin vibrator type thing for the dildocam tho innit camelina - I haz had it twice now... Am over it.

ead yay for slightly less menkulism.

Poo a massive woop of joy re: jizz pot.

I might just go and have lie down with chochi

I've had...erm... 5 dildocams. Maybe 6.

Do I win a prize?

HE'S MILES BETTER-LOOKING THAN RUSSELL HOWARD, GODDAMIT!

Actually, I think Russell Howard is quite tasty. TYF most looks like Shaggy (the ScoobyDoo one, not Mr Boombastic). The cruel comparisons I make are never-ending, as I am a cow. Especially as he was so reassuring when I was upset recently because someone told me I looked like 'a pretty Catherine Tate without a squashed face' He also looks like Ronan Keating, which I refuse to acknowledge (until now), on the grounds that Keating is A Massive Cunt.

Fanks, Camelina, for the explanation of dildocam. That's what I thought it would be doing. I feel like I'm being sexually assaulted when getting a smear, so I rilly hope I never have to have these things done (totally prepared for the indignities of labour, me. Totally). Thanks for your point about my cold/immune system/egg-friendliness. It could well be trying to stop itself fighting off the invading sperm foreign bodies? Of course, me being the consummate pessimist, I keep worrying that illness is making me produce non-viable post-war powdered eggs. I live to fret.

Well done Poo for TG Doing His Spunky Duty. It will surely be a while before they dole out the Clomid, so it can't help to see if the Chinese herbs help. If I could get my arse into gear, I would've booked meself an acupuncture sesh for next week, but I'm useless so I haven't. Am I unconsciously preferring to stay in the misery instead of risking the fear of change inherent in trying new stuff and being more proactive? Or just a lazy fucker? Probably a little from Column A, a little from Column B.

And can I join BeshFit too? Went to the gym this week for the first time in 5 weeks, fat, lazy bugger that I am. Except I can't do running, cos of rubbish ex-dancer's knees and the fact that I get v asthmatic doing any cardio unless it's on one of the 'weightless' types of gym machine. Also, I can't afford trainers and wear Converse. Oh, stop looking at me like that. I'm going to buy some proper trainers next week. At least I wear a sports bra that could see me through the Apocalypse.

Oh and fuck off with yer healthy resolutions

If I can't ttc then I am not going to be fucking healthy

by the way,I have caught scorps' plague over tinternet. I have a very sore throat,ears,eyes etc and a lot of snot.

I am at work,sharing the joy

I just realised my comments about not wanting a dildocam could be misconstrued as insensitive to everyone who's had it done - I was just trying to point out my own ridiculous wimpy squeamishness. I am rubbish in so many ways.

And sorry to Gin for giving her NetFlu. So thoughtless of me.

"shall I get me rat out?". Oh fucking hell, I've been sitting on the bus pissing myself laugh at that for the last 5 minutes...our sex life will never be the same!

(by that, I mean that our sex life will be not existent as I won't be able to restrain myself from saying it, and putting the boyf right off his stroke!

Ruselel Howard was a compliment. I got overexcited about him a few years ago and sent him an email inviting him round for lasagne He didn't respond .

You OK Gin? How's the mini Moomin man?

Ruselel? How exotic

Is it wrong to pass entirely over the Russell Howard comment and fantasise about lasagne instead?

Russell Howard makes me go a bit funny, too - tho not to the extent of inviting him round for "lasagne". Ahem.

Scorps Breathe. You are allowed to express the horror of dildocam. Is fine. And igs Yes, it isn't totally vibrator-ish - but it is similar.

I think "Shall I get me rat out" should be our next fred title. Cho what madness level are you at today?

Gin Is ok, we'll all be healthy for you

and scorp stop hitting yourself with that shitty stick love. You're ace, shuddup.

lyra he's great. I got to introduce him to a couple of lovely beshes the other day, which was rather marvellous and has possibly knocked the planet off it's axis. He may now possibly be engaged to poo's sweetie of a daughter.

As for me, I'm alright. got myself a big ol' pile of ishoos at the mo, droid doesn't seem to be working properly and now I'm poorly so I have defintely been more fun...

am doing the 'keep on keepin' on thing'

which is sort of why i'm not here so much, as am not ttc until i've seen the consultant this place makes my head go funny....

so lots of apologies for not keeping up with what the fuck is going on with everyone...

also i can't type.

Oh well, if we're all admitting that we do fancy Russell Howard, then, okay, I do too. But TYF is still better-looking than him. PMSL at thought of Lyra asking R H round for lasagne (hem hem). Just hope that doesn't form one of his future comedy anecdotes

Blokes in cars regularly shout 'Get yer rat out!' at attractive wimminz in the city centre here. Thankfully, I live in the suburbs and am too old and minging to attract such attention. Dunno if that's a or a !

Cho, I once put an ex off by saying 'Up the Gary!' in a gruff, Brian Clough-style voice, when he accidentally tried the wrong hole (well, I presume he'd got it wrong ). Am all class, me I also like to make TYF laugh with Asperger's-esque dirty talk: 'I find the movement of your penis within my vagina adequately pleasurable. You may continue until ejaculation has completed. Now palpate my mammary glands'. That kinda thing. And I wonder why I get babyfail!

PS He gets his own back too: 'I have concluded that your ministrations are tolerable, do not desist', etc., etc.

I may possibly have gone hysterical with illness...

Scorps I'm at WORK - have just wet myself laughing and everyone wants to know why. Quick quick an excuse??

Erm, tell them your Schizophrenia medication isn't working? Lyra, are you allowed to admit you're on the net at work? Could you tell them you just saw this?

Sorry btw; illness has the weird side-effect of making me crack jokes incessantly...

My dream job is being a female Charlie Brooker-esque social commentator, but am too lazy and nervous to put the effort in and give it a go Nearly 4 weeks after me and TYf set up our blog and we've not done owt since the first entry!